Original subtitles

What? No, there's no Betty Lou here.

But I wish there was.

I haven't seen you since New

Year's Eve at the American Legion. Right.

Remember the entertainment I laid on that night? Some great stuff, huh?

Ellen didn't think so.

How was that in a... those girls were undercover police.

You're right. They had no place to pin their badges.

Joey, you better not come in. Helen's home. Oh, relax, buddy. It's your old

who asked me over.

Helen asked you? Yeah.

Well, Helen and I may have had our ups and downs, but underneath, she's got a

soft spot for me.

And speaking of angels, here she comes now.

Get your feet off that furniture.

Hello, Mrs. R.

Well, Joey's a guest in our house.

That'll be the day.

I just called him over to do some work for me. Did you bring your truck?

I never go anyplace without it. I'm surprised you get anyplace with it.

I guess it'll have to do.

Do? For what?

For hauling out our furniture.

Hauling out our furniture.

I'll pay you $40.

$40?

Are you serious?

Stanley, the only way I'm going to get new furniture is to get rid of this old

junk. So get moving, Joey.

Yeah, where do you want me to take it?

Any garbage dump that isn't too particular.

Hold it. Hold it.

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

This is great furniture.

It's full of old memories.

Stanley, you want old memories?

Go upstairs and sit on our bed.

This furniture hasn't gone anyplace.

You think my best friend in the world is going to stab me in the back? That's

right, Mr. Tarr. I can't stab him in the back.

You want the 40 bucks?

Sorry, Stanley. Thank you.

What's going on? Are the ropers moving?

What's up to you?

I happen to be their brother -in -law.

Yeah? You're the rich one?

That's right.

With the snooty wife?

Mr. Roper's just buying Mrs. Roper all new furniture. What?

Stanley, don't just stand there. Get busy and help Joey move the furniture.

not moving this furniture anyplace.

Oh, Hubert, what a delightful surprise.

Where's Ethel? It's an even number day. We're not speaking.

Would you like a cup of coffee?

No, thanks. I can't stay.

That's good, because in another minute there won't be any place for you to sit.

Actually, I just dropped by to give you this.

Oh, what is it?

Well, it's a sort of belated housewarming gift from Ethel. Oh, look,

isn't that lovely?

I never saw a dog dish that big.

It isn't a dog dish, it's a salad bowl.

Dear Helen, here's a new bowl.

to replace the one you lost moving.

P .S. I tried to match the old one, but the gas stations aren't giving them away

anymore.

What kind of a crack is that?

You know Ethel. She's probably just joking.

Oh, yeah? Well, you can just take this back to her and tell her that it doesn't

go with our new expensive furniture.

You mean Stanley's really gonna shell out with the new stuff?

Are you kidding?

Nothing's too good for my princess.

You're leaving already?

Yeah. This is going to cost me a fortune when my wife finds out. It's going to

be nothing but nag, nag, nag until she gets me to buy her new furniture, too.

Why don't you just go out and buy her new furniture first? And tell her what?

That I've decided to surprise her because I love her so much?

Yeah, you're right. It's a stupid idea. Stupid.

Wait a minute.

Maybe not so stupid.

That's a great idea.

I'll surprise her with new furniture.

Uh, what are you going to do with the old stuff?

I guess I'll have to find someone to haul it away.

You wouldn't be interested, would you?

Oh, I... I might be, but I don't work cheap.

I'll give you 10 % of anything you get for it. Are you kidding? I wouldn't

that job for less than 50.

10. 50? 10.

It's a deal.

Hello?

Oh, it's you, Joe.

Yeah, what do you mean, what kept me? I was in a bathroom. It's the only

comfortable seat left in the house.

Listen, Stan, I used my best business contact, and I got you a beautiful new

living room set, which I'm gonna let you have for what it cost me, for, uh,

$500.

$500?

I don't know. I gotta see it first.

Well, I don't know when I can make the time.

Sorry, no sale.

I'll be there in three minutes.

Well, you were right, Joey.

This is great stuff.

You sure got an eye for quality, Stanley.

Grab that end, will you?

I don't think so. My back.

Oh, Brooks, you're just in time. Want to help us move this furniture? Help you?

Do I look like a... You mean that's your furniture on that truck? Yeah.

It'll be a pleasure.

Can I make a suggestion?

It would be nice if we were moving in the same direction. I was just going to

say that.

Hold it! Hold it!

Let's switch sides.

Good idea.

Where are you going?

To the truck. Where do you think I'm going?

Why would I want it on the truck?

Well, aren't you moving out? No, I just bought some new furniture.

Well, why didn't you say so?

It's Roper. He's bought new furniture.

No. What will that man think of next?

Anne, you don't understand. I thought we could spend a quiet afternoon together.

Oh, that sounds nice.

What did you have in mind? Well, nothing now. Roper spoiled it all. I'm not in

the mood anymore.

Oh, Jeffrey, maybe if you had a little wine.

Please, Anne, I'm not a machine.

I just can't turn it on and turn it off.

I mean, once the moment has passed, it has passed.

Well, okay.

Oh, Ann.

Hey, Helen, you're gonna be impressed with this.

Yeah. I can't wait till I set your Ethel TV.

Yeah.

What? Hubert called. They're on their way over.

I'll be seeing you, Stanley.

What's the matter?

Joke?

Joke.

Helen.

Helen, I got a surprise for you. A surprise?

Yeah, I'll give you a hint.

It's something you've been begging for.

Oh, Stanley, you got me country English.

I did.

Such good taste.

Yeah, what'd you expect?

Oh,

oh, I just love it. And you know what I love about it the most?

It's just like Ethel's furniture.

Only nicer.

You know, this whole room looks like it could have come out of Ethel's living

room.

That's because it did come out of Ethel's living room.

Maybe she won't notice.

Won't notice?

You mean she doesn't know?

Stanley, how did you get this furniture? What happened was, I got... Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, here she is now. Get outside.

I don't want her to get in the house and see the furniture.

Ethel! Helen.

You had told me that Stanley bought you new furniture, and I just had to see it.

Well, you must stop by someday.

Today would be nice, since we're already here.

Oh, no, no, Ethel, not today. It, uh, well, uh, it isn't ready.

The decorator's still working on it. Yeah, decorator.

That's funny. I don't see a wrecking ball anywhere.

Oh, it just occurred to me.

Maybe Ann would like to see our furniture, too.

What are you doing?

Nice and funny out here, isn't it?

Sometimes we spend hours out here.

Oh, I'd be outside all the time, too, if I had your help.

So you see, Ann, I can't let Ethel in my house. If she sees her furniture, I'll

just die. You gotta help me.

You think we can stall them long enough for Stanley to get the furniture out?

We've got to.

Ethel, I know that you and Mr. Brooks are going to find so much in common.

Oh, snobs.

It's been Hubert. Hello.

Hello.

What are they doing here?

Helen, really, I'm just dying to see your new furniture. Oh, what a good

It's so nice to have you.

Oh, would you like to stay and have a drink? It's free.

Oh, really? I'm getting late.

Oh, my goodness.

A William Graham print. I don't believe it. You mean you're familiar with his

work? Well, I should be. I own five Graham Originals.

No.

Did you hear that, Ann?

Did you hear that, Stanley?

They both have Graham pictures.

Big deal.

I got a whole box of his crackers.

Please, now, I do have some champagne. I always carry a bottle for emergencies.

Sit down.

Well, I guess we could stay for a few minutes. So you're... You're Mrs.

Roper's sister.

Are you the one with the large family in Encino?

No, I'm the one with the large house in Beverly Hills.

Get on the phone and get Joey to come over here and help you move the

Now? Now!

You know, it's so refreshing nowadays to meet someone with a good taste.

Yeah. The only ones left are Apple and Charlie Tuna.

Helen tells me you're in real estate. Yeah, if I can let you have one of my

cars.

Don't seem to have my cards on me.

So I think.

Well, I've got to be going. Can we see this new furniture now?

Not now.

Why not?

Oh, why not? Why not?

Why not, Ann?

Why not?

Because, well,

Jeffrey and I had something special planned. That's right.

And we'd like you all to join us.

And that's just you and me.

Oh, Jeffrey, don't be an old stick in the mud.

There's room for everyone.

In the hot tub.

We have two, his and hers.

Which one is yours?

up and see my prince someday.

And be careful she doesn't leave them all over you.

for Pete's sake, where you been?

Taking a nap at a time like this? Listen, get over here fast.

Yes, it's a matter of life and death.

If you're not here five minutes, I'll kill you.

Stanley, what is Ethel's Furniture still doing here?

Joey was taking a nap.

Unexpected.

Well, come again soon.

Bye. Well,

Helen, enough is enough. Are we going to see this wonderful furniture or not?

Well, of course you are.

Good. But not now.

What? Our decorator isn't finished yet.

Well, I'm sure he won't mind if we take just a little tiny peek.

Well, I'm sure... Oh!

Is your decorator a member of the Ku Klux Klan?

This is brand new furniture.

It's got to be protected from the sunlight for 24 hours.

Well, now that you've seen everything, I'm sure you'll want to be on your way.

I'm sure that you don't have new furniture at all. Oh, of course I do.

just covering up your old furniture. Oh, Ethel, that's ridiculous.

Don't do that, Ethel. I am going to see this old couch. No, you're not. Yes, I

am. No, you're not. No, you're not.

Oh, my God, it's my couch.

Oh, it is similar, isn't it?

Similar?

That's my coffee table.

That's my chair.

How did all my furniture get here?

They must have bought it from the guy I hired to haul it away.

You had our furniture hauled away?

As a surprise, dearest.

To show you how much I loved you.

Ethel, when you get home, you're going to find a house full of brand new,

furniture.

Hubert, you did that?

You bought me a brand new set of modern furniture and Helen got my

old living room set?

That's right.

What have you done?

I got rid of all your old furniture. Old furniture? They're antiques. They're

worth four times what we paid for them.

And you sold them?

No, no, he sold them.

Hi.

It's okay, I got your money right here, 400 bucks.

You gave away my antique furniture for $400?

I gave him five.

You told me six.

The look on your faces is thanks enough.

I expect you want it back.

Well, of course I do.

Hubert will make you out a check.

Start writing, Hubert.

Anyway, Helen, I mean, you really don't want this furniture?

Country English doesn't go with townhouse tacky.

What? I mean, it simply overwhelms a deep little room like this.

Here, Helen.

I think I've changed my mind.

You what?

We bought this furniture, and we're going to keep it.

Helen, that furniture...

is mine, and I'm going to get it back.

No.

I will pay you five times what you paid for it.

Five times?

Not a chance.

Just a second, just a second.

I pay for this furniture. I'll decide whether we sell it back to them or not.

Stanley!

That's all?

Mm -hmm.

Not a chance.

Alone

at

last. Now we can pick up where we left off.

I thought you wouldn't be interested.

After what you did in the hot tub. I was merely helping Ethel to look for her

earring. Is that why she was giggling like a schoolgirl? How should I know? I

was too busy feeling my way along the bottom.

Of the tub.

Anyhow, you know, I thought it was you.

Honey, you know I always keep my eyes shut under the water.

Well... Oh, come on.

All forgiven?

Oh, Jeffrey.

What is it?

Oh, that Ethel. How can someone who's supposed to have such good taste paint

toenails green?

The Ropers was videotaped in front of a studio audience.

Jack's efforts to help EZ impress his refined aide backfire when she finds

irresistible. Three's a Crowd, next on Deja View.