Original subtitles

Oh, dang machine.

Hey, guys. I know you're over there at your new house and your brand new

kitchen, but I know how much Van loves my pancakes.

Anyway, so if you guys are hungry, come over and eat with me because I made a

whole batch and there's not anybody here to eat them.

Wait, Elizabeth, if you hear this, honey, I miss you so much. Grandma loves

and she does. Come see me pretty please.

Mom, they were here for dinner last night.

I know.

Such a nice dinner.

Hey, empty nester.

Gee, she still has two other kids that live here.

Yeah, whatever you need to tell yourself, kid.

So, Barbara Jean, to what do I owe this intrusion?

Reba, I need some help.

Her words were never spoken.

Wait a minute. Is this about the divorce? Barbara Jean, I do not want to

involved with your divorce.

I just want to come to the after party. That's it.

Well, I was involved in your divorce. You kind of owe me.

And listen, all I need is a little information, okay? I need you to give me

name of Brock's best friend.

Best friend?

Why? Well, I need somebody he confides in.

You know, I need to know what he's truly feeling deep inside that unnaturally

tanned skull of his.

Sorry, can't help you on that. Brock doesn't have a best friend.

Yeah, he does.

Who?

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no, Barbara Jean. Face it, Reba, face it. Forget it, Barbara

Jean. He's my ex. He's not my best friend.

Well, obviously, he's not your best friend.

I am.

But you are his best friend, which puts you smack dab in the middle of us, which

makes you the perfect person to talk to him. Ash, I already talked to him about

one divorce. I have the frame certificate to prove it.

You talk to him. I can't.

Things are in a really weird place with us right now.

When we went on that date to discuss the details of the divorce...

things got a little bit heated.

And then, they just got... hot.

Yuck.

And we know we shouldn't have done it. And we certainly shouldn't have done it

three times since.

I can't wait for old age when I go deaf.

Anywho, I think all of the...

confused Brock.

Barbara Jean, are you sure it's Brock that's confused and not you?

Me?

No, I'm fine. Thank you very much. I am strong.

And I have no problems expressing my emotions.

You're forgetting.

I have a blog.

It's bigblondeblog .com. You should check it out.

So, you'll talk to him? No. Maybe. No. Think about it. I will hurt you.

that if you'd come to me when you and Brock were breaking up and you asked me

talk to him, I would have done it. You were sleeping with him.

Well, that's the perfect time.

I had his ear.

when you were standing proudly on the front lawn in your boxers.

It was a bathing suit, Cheyenne. The people next door have a pool, and I want

them to know I have a bathing suit.

Isn't this a wonderful country, Cheyenne, where a man can work hard and

life right, and he can go from sharing a room in his mother -in -law's house to

owning a little piece of land, technically owned by the bank, but who

Come stand with me, woman.

Man, I am so proud of us.

And I love our house.

Man, Cheyenne!

Wow, your mother lives miles away, but her voice carries.

Knock, knock, it's me.

Hey, look, Cheyenne, it's your mom.

Oh, third day in a row with the drop -by.

Awesome!

Well, I have a lot more time on my hands nowadays without you guys there at the

house. There's just less to do.

Apparently you two were the messy ones. Yeah.

Looks like things haven't changed. I'll go get my broom.

Van, I know that she stops by a lot, but she's just here to help us.

I know, I know. Do you want me to tell her to not come by so often?

No, because I will, Van. No, no, it's okay. I'm fine with it. Well, I'm not.

She's driving me crazy.

Thank God. Okay, how do we get rid of her? I know.

We'll talk to her in a mocking tone. People hate that. Okay, Van.

That is not gonna work. Okay, man, knock it off.

Knock it off, Ben. Knock it off.

Sorry I took so long.

Let's just say that your parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme are in order.

Hey, um, so, Mom, I kind of, I wanted to talk to you about something.

What's the matter?

Oh, it's just when you said that...

It reminded me how many talks we've had over at my house, and now here we are

having talks in your new house.

My little girl's not a baby anymore. She's all grown up.

I did good.

Hey, sorry I'm late. I was over at Van and Cheyenne's. I was just going to pop

in for a second, but they would not let me leave.

They are so clingy.

Yeah, I read that on Barbara Jean's blog.

Where are you going? I have to go pick up Dad.

He's at Sam's Sports Bar. I'm his designated driver.

You mean to tell me that he's making you drive all the way back and forth to

pick him up?

Why didn't you just take a cab? Did you know that a cab costs 75 cents a mile?

Dad does.

Besides, I think he just uses it as an excuse to trap me in the car and talk

about Barbara Jean.

Honey, that is not a father -daughter conversation.

That's something that he should talk about with his best friend.

You're right.

Have a nice chat.

I am not his... Crap.

So, it's finally starting to sink in.

I'm getting divorced again.

You know, you get divorced the first time, you think, hey, These things

Then, when it happens again, you just... You have to ask yourself, what is wrong

with these women?

Oh, I wouldn't sit there, lady.

Two -time loser.

I know. I was number one.

Hello, Brock.

Hey, Reba. What are you doing down here?

Well, I'm your designated driver's designated driver.

And two...

I don't feel good about here driving you home with you singing, all my exes live

in Texas at the top of your lungs.

You know what, Reba?

I really don't need a lecture from you right now. I got a lot going on.

Can I get you something to drink, lady? No, I'm fine, thank you.

Oh, man, it's all so weird. I mean, Barbara Jean and I have been all over

map, you know.

First we're crying, and then we're fighting, and...

Then we can't keep our hands off of each other.

Whiskey.

It's all so confusing.

Well, of course it is. One minute you're okay with it and she's not, and the

next minute she's okay with it and you're not. You guys got to get on the

page with this divorce or it's never going to work.

I'm sorry, what can I do, Reba? I can't change what happened.

In fact, I'm not sure that I'd want to. I mean, Barbara Jean and I were like

wild animals.

Repeatedly. Hit me again.

It was like a National Geographic special.

Leave the bottle.

Hey, you know what? Barber Jean's on right now.

So, um, how does the rest of the weekend weather look like? We're looking at

clear blue skies, possibly through the weekend. That's what I wanted to hear.

Taking the wife up to the cabin to keep those romantic fires burning. Oh, that's

lovely. It's always nice to hear of a couple that's making it work.

Well, we are. Of course. We know Tim.

But you never know when there could be a storm coming. You've got to be careful.

Well, that's okay, Sue.

We can always cuddle by the fire or lay down and listen to the rain outside.

Yeah, but, you know, sometimes the storm's on the inside, you know, and

just kind of, you know, and they're screaming at you, you know, look out,

know.

Your life's falling apart.

Right. I'll be sure to bring a sweater.

Maybe you should just ask your wife if she wants to go to your cabin. You know,

I mean, maybe there's something else she'd rather do, but you don't even ask

because you don't think that her life is as important as yours.

Did my wife talk to you? Shut up, Tim. I'm not talking about your stupid wife.

I'm talking about my stupid husband.

He wants a divorce, and I don't know if I do.

It's so hot in here.

She looks like I need a drink.

Watching my wife unravel in front of all those people has made me realize

something.

I still have a chance.

Brock, do you mean to tell me that you're happy Barbara Jean just had a

on TV?

No, I'm not happy she's suffering, Reba.

I'm happy she's suffering because of me.

You really are a piece of porpoise poop.

No, don't you see? She knows that I watch her weather reports. She was

me a message.

Why didn't she just call you? Well, she had a show to do. She's a professional.

I still have hope, Reba. There is time to save this marriage.

Here you go.

Hey, Brock.

I hope it works out. I really do.

Thanks, Reba.

Hey, do you think I have time to stop and grab a quick tan? No, what am I

saying? There's no time.

Can I get you anything else? No, thanks. I'm fine.

Hey, Kira, can you come get your mama?

Dan, it's

freezing in here.

Is the thermostat even on?

No, don't touch that. Don't touch that.

The inspector said he needs to fix the heater before we use it.

Well, Dan, how am I supposed to keep warm?

Well, we can make our own heat like the pioneers and astronauts did.

I like the way you speak.

Yeah.

Knock, knock!

Oh, oh!

You will not believe what just happened. I was at this bar with your dad, and we

were watching Barbara Jean give her weather report, and she had a meltdown

the air.

Don't worry, she's okay, but...

I just know that she's going to want to come over to the house and tell me all

about it. You know how she gets. She just talks and talks and talks on and on

and on.

Gee, what's that like? Oh, it's horrible. I can tell you that.

Anyway, I just wanted to know if I could come over here and hide out.

Look who I'm talking to.

Of course I could come over here and hide out.

Well, actually, Mom, you know, Vanna and I, we were just in the middle of

unpacking. Oh, that's perfect. I can help. And I've got the perfect unpacking

story. It was when your father and I bought our first house. Look, Mrs. H.,

have been so generous to me, and I owe you so, so much, which is why I'm going

to have Cheyenne say this hurtful thing to you. Cheyenne?

What are you talking about?

Well, look, Mom, it's just that you've kind of, you know, been over at the

a lot.

A lot, a lot.

Like, more than me.

Fan, do you agree with that?

Well, I think there is a nicer way of saying it, but yes, I do.

Look, look, look, Mrs. H. I just think that, you know, you didn't realize how

annoying it was getting. I mean, just like Barbara Jean doesn't realize how

annoying it is when she does it to you.

You know, it's funny if you think about it. You're our Barbara Jean.

What did you just call me?

What? Mom, it's not your fault. I mean, maybe you've just hung out with her so

much that she just, like, rubbed off on you.

Well, you could not be more wrong.

And I'm going to prove it to you.

I'm going to do something that Barbara Jean would never do.

I'm going to leave and never come back.

I've done for those two dopey kids, they have the nerve, the downright nerve to

say I am their Barbara Jean.

Well, was I their Barbara Jean when I let them live here? Six years rent free?

Was I?

Was I, Jake?

No. No, you weren't. And the worst part is when they said that my stories go on

and on so long.

I mean, do I go on and on about up, Jake? I mean, do I? I don't think so.

Hey, you know what I just remembered?

I've got to go decide what I want to be when I grow up.

Just remember this, Jake. One of these days, you're going to miss me when I'm

gone.

Who are you yelling at? It doesn't matter who I'm yelling at. I just feel

yelling. And since you're in the room, guess what?

Yeah, I don't have time for that right now. Listen.

About this Barbara Jean thing. Oh, so you've heard about it too, huh?

Well, get this through your thick skull. I am not their Barbara Jean.

What are you talking about?

Apparently something totally different than what you're talking about.

Yeah, well, anyway, I went down to the station, but Barbara Jean had already

left. In tears. And apparently the phones were ringing off the hook. I

may lose her job over this.

Are you smiling?

No. Yes, you are!

What's the matter with you? I can't help thinking that she may need me again. I

mean, this might be the very thing that brings us back together. Do you think

that's possible?

How would I know? I am nothing like her.

Yeah, I know.

You do?

Yeah, of course. You're nothing like Barbara Jean. In fact, you are exactly

opposite of Barbara Jean.

Oh, my gosh. I can't believe I was yelling at you.

When you're my only true freedom.

Reba! Oh.

Hey, Brock.

Barbara Jean, I don't know what to say.

I just want you to know that I am here for you. Forget about those people.

That's their loss.

Whose loss?

What are you talking about?

Barbara Jean, we saw the broadcast.

Yeah, and then I went down to the station. I guess there was quite a

from the viewers.

I know.

Did you hear that half of them think I should be thrown off the air?

I'm sorry.

Any other half loved me?

Come again?

Controversial. And controversial is big right now. My clip has already been

posted on YouTube under Bimbo Bloopers.

So does that mean you're not going to be fired from the station?

Are you kidding?

I'm hot.

I got a call from a real talent agent.

I'm his first two -legged client.

Well, that's great then, right? Oh, it is better than great. Oh, thank you,

Brock. Oh, you're welcome, honey. You know, if you hadn't made my life so

painful and confusing and just tumultuous, this never would have

This divorce is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Oh, well, glad I could help.

Babs here.

Yeah, yeah, how many hits have I gotten?

Well, I don't care if they're all from inmates.

I'm sorry, Brock.

No, no, that's okay.

I guess I finally ended up supporting her career.

But before the weather, how was that weekend with your wife up at the cabin?

Oh, I don't want to talk about it. Oh, come on now. We have a little extra time

you can share.

Nope. How was the weather?

Cold. Very, very cold.

Great. And now the weather.

First of all, I would just like to say hello to all my new viewers.

And for those of you who missed Friday's report but heard about it, I just want

to say that I'm real sorry that you missed it.

I'm doing much better.

You know?

I mean, you know, as good as a person can be doing, you know, when our

life is crumbling.

Tighter shot, please, Dennis, over here.

And I would just like to say that to anyone out there who is dealing with

personal pain, that, you know, even though the storm clouds...

They may gather.

You know, there's always a silver lining.