Original subtitles

Sorry we're late, Reba, but I went to pick up Ms.

Booker, and as usual, she wasn't ready.

Ms. Booker? Well, I just want to hear how my maiden name sounds.

You know, because with the divorce pending, I haven't decided whether or

going to keep my married name. Do me a favor, okay?

Don't.

I'm just saying I already have one ex -wife named Mrs. Hart.

I'm not giving out these names as a parting gift.

Oh, would you two knock it off? You were hard enough to take when you were

happily married.

So, where are Van and Cheyenne?

Oh, I cannot wait to see the look on their faces when we tell them that we

getting them furniture for their new house. We are not getting them furniture

for their new house. I am. Me. By myself.

Because, if you remember, you guys didn't want to spend the money and be

the gift.

Yeah, but we can still be a part of the look on their faces.

furniture for your new house!

Oh, you got us furniture!

Oh, tears of joy, stress relieved!

Wait a minute, it was for me.

I put it on. Oh, Mom, it doesn't matter who did what.

I did it all!

Okay, Mrs. H.

Yeah.

Of course you did.

It's okay.

You're a winner too thank you thank you so much and you know what

mean the world to me what's that if you came with us to help pick out the

furniture oh i'd love to cheyenne i have excellent taste besides my third cousin

is friends with crazy larry the insane couch king uh -huh Okay, look, call

me. Van, get a tape measure. We are going to go measure for furniture.

We don't need a tape measure. My feet are exactly a foot long. How weird is

that?

Seriously, if you find a couch at a lower price, Larry has to give you a

his elephant.

So wait a minute. If you like the couch, you don't get to ride the elephant?

What a rip!

So much for horning in on my gift, huh?

I'm horning in.

I think somebody owes somebody else a buck seventy -five for the card.

See you guys later.

This is a wonderful time for our family, Brock.

Our oldest daughter is buying her first house, and this little hot shot is

getting ready to go to college.

Oh, well, I guess this would be the time then to tell you that I decided I'm not

going to college.

Come again?

Not.

Going to college?

I just feel like it would be a waste of time. I'd rather focus on my music.

I'll see you guys later. I have band practice.

Don't do anything dumb, Reba.

Don't do anything dumb.

Crazy Larry didn't go to college, and he is filthy rich.

Oh, my life is changing fast.

Who I am is who I want to be.

A single mom who works too hard, who loves her kids and never stops.

With gentle hands and a heart of...

chair. Dan, we are not buying a vibrating chair.

Why not, Cheyenne?

Oh, it's cozy.

There you go.

That's a spot chair.

Dan, be serious.

Come on, honey, look at this couch.

It's really beautiful and it goes with our house. All right, you get the couch

that doesn't plug in.

I'll just get this chair.

Van, it doesn't work that way, okay? They have to be in the same room. They

to actually match.

All right, fine.

We'll compromise.

We'll get a vibrating couch.

There is no such thing as a vibrating couch.

Really? Are you sure?

New idea.

Vibrating couches.

Come on, Van. I think this furniture is for us.

uncomfortable couch I've ever sat in. Plus, it's not my teeth.

Come on, Van. You cannot be suggesting that you actually care about the

furniture. All right, you know what, Cheyenne? I don't want to fight. This is

big decision, so let's just flip for it. Okay, no!

All right, rock, paper, scissors.

No, no, no. We are not going to flip a coin to pick our furniture or do rock,

paper, scissors.

Rochambeau? Van?

Okay, I'm thinking of a number. You know what?

Forget it.

Forget about this whole thing. Forget about the furniture.

We'll just live in an empty house and we'll eat off the floor.

Cheyenne!

Excuse me, sir.

Do you have any vibrating couches?

Sorry, sir. I'm afraid not.

This conversation never happened.

I

just

cannot believe Kira. Okay, Reba, before you go all Rambo on Kira about this band

stuff, just remember that a lot of musicians didn't go to college.

And there's Elton John, Paul McCartney, Cher, Bruce Springsteen. I mean, the

list just goes on and on.

And do you know what those people have in common?

They're not my kid, that's what.

And I want my child to have an education.

Oh, education, that's overrated.

All you need is an accent and you sound smart.

Hello, Reba.

I'm quite busy right now. Can you have my secretary call you?

Wonderful, you know.

Do us all a bit of a favor. Why don't you, Mrs. Booker, zip it? There's a good

girl going good.

All right, you two, knock it off.

It is vital that we show a united front. We have got to show her that we are all

of one mind. Got it.

Kira, it's a trap. Follow your dreams. Run, be free.

Oh, no. Is this one of those you -have -to -go -to -college interventions?

No. It's a free and open exchange of ideas.

Plus, you won't be able to leave the room until you agree with us.

And I do need to let you know that we are all of one mind. Well, to be fair, I

think that you should be able to do whatever you want. We are all of one

Kira, we just want to make sure that you know what you're getting into.

Right. The concerts, the parties, the limos, the private jets. I mean, what

of life is that?

Does Barbara Jean remind me to show you that thing about my fist inside of your

head?

Okay, you look weird, but I'm just trying to show her that it's not all

Yes, but only the people that make it to the top get all that stuff. I think

what your mom is trying to say is that there are no guarantees, okay?

Yes, yes. This can be a really hard life. Now, baby, I know what you're

through.

My parents had the same talk with me when I was your age and wanted to join

touring company of a chorus band.

Oh, so this isn't an intervention as much as a coming out party.

Hey, honey, there's a straight man.

I would have cleaned up on that tour, okay?

Okay, all right, I think we're missing the point here.

Kira, this is the time in your life when the decisions you make will impact your

future. I'm just worried if the band doesn't make it, you won't have the

you need.

So you're saying I should think of college as a safety net?

Yes! What a perfect way of saying it, yes! A safety net, yes, yes. The problem

with a safety net is that it's always there if you fall.

Well, yes, dear.

That's why we call it a safety net.

And you think she's college material.

I don't want a safety net. I want the pressure of having to make it or

and burning. Oh, honey, that's just crazy.

It's how a lot of artists feel.

Well, here's how a lot of artists' parents feel.

You're going to college, and that's that.

You can't make me. I'm 18.

Oh, but you still live here. And as long as you live here, you will do exactly

what we think is best.

Sounds like we have a problem. Oh, no, there's no problem.

You just do the right thing and everything will work out.

Hey, Kara. Ready to go to the studio?

Yeah.

Hey, Stitch, do you mind if I crash at your place for a little while?

Yeah, that's cool with me. The dog will like you.

Great.

Problem solved.

I'll be out by Saturday.

I wonder if the dog is a person or the dog.

Well, great job, Reba.

Now, not only is our daughter not going to college, but she's moving in with

some punk with the long hair and the break dancing and the yeah, yeah, yeah

devil music.

She's not going anywhere. First of all, she doesn't know it yet, but she is so

grounded.

You know what? Call her on her cell and tell her that if she doesn't get her

butt home right now, that you are kicking her out. How can I do that? She

already left.

Then tell her you are kicking her in.

What does that even mean?

I don't know. I am obviously panicking.

When I was her age.

I joined this church group in Utah.

Oh, Lord.

Well, they were super friendly, and they had these really big families.

And instead of my parents letting me follow my dreams, one night at a dance,

they showed up in a van and just carried me home in a sack.

Although there's a good chance I'm still married to Father Al.

Okay, that's it.

That's it. That's what happens when kids get to make their own decisions.

I'm going to call the cops.

And tell them what?

That your 18 -year -old has left home? That's not a crime.

Well, it should be a crime. Why isn't it a crime? Because we don't live in

Utopia Riva. We live in suburbia where life is cheap.

Can't call the cops.

Can't make moving out a crime.

Somebody come up with something.

Well?

This is kind of weird, but there may not be anything we can do.

So our daughter makes a terrible decision with lifelong implications, and

just have to sit here and take it?

It kind of looks that way, yeah.

Wow.

This parenting stuff is certainly not for sissies.

That's changing in some states.

Just like that, we lost all of our power over her. Well, I'm not going to sit

by. and lose the power to keep my daughter from doing something stupid.

But, Reba, there's nothing you can do. Well, let me tell you this. There may be

nothing I can do, but I'm going to go down there and yell at her until one of

is crying.

Oh!

Hey, Cheyenne.

What happened to you in the car?

Took me six hours to get home on the bus.

I've been to parts of this city that you don't want to see.

But being on the bus gave me time to think.

Hold on, hang on a second.

New idea.

Deodorant you can spray on other people.

You can't spray things on other people, Van. They will arrest you.

Research laws regarding spraying things on other people.

Look, I'm sorry what happened in the furniture store, okay?

Doesn't matter. Yes, it does matter, Cheyenne. It does matter, because I was

wrong. All right? I was wrong.

I don't have any taste. I said that because I thought I should. But I was

and you're right. I think.

And I was never mistaken for a gay.

And when it comes to the house, you can make all the decisions, okay?

Does that make you feel better?

No. Why not?

I don't...

What? Ben, we cannot live without her.

I mean, we were at the furniture store and she wasn't there and we couldn't

out a freaking couch. How are we going to live without her? So this is what

is all about? You're afraid of leaving your mom? Yes, I mean, she has always

been there when we needed her help.

Your mom isn't so hot.

You know, a lot of the time, I bet she was just winging it.

Okay, Van, you're not helping me here. Cheyenne, come here. Listen, do you know

why we're going to be okay?

Do you know why? Because your mother has taught us everything she knows.

Even when she's not there, it's like she's there.

She's like a voice in my head, constantly nagging at me.

Okay, enough already.

You hear that too? I thought I was the only one.

That's why we're going to be okay.

Because we got red in our head.

Okay? Everything's gonna work out. Trust me. Really?

I promise.

Thank you.

New idea.

Talkin' Reba doll.

Kara!

What a coincidence.

I was just driving by hoping I could score some wacky tobacco.

Ha ha.

What's that?

Come on in.

Thanks for the offer.

I just wanted to come by and see where you'd run away to.

I'm 18. I'm not running away.

I'm moving out.

And maybe me moving out is the best thing for both of us. Oh, really?

Well, I checked with myself, and it isn't.

Sorry I'm late. You are a crazy driver, Miss Leadfoot.

Barb G, what are you doing here? I didn't want you to come over here and

the dreams out of Kira, so I followed you.

This is between Kira and me.

Well, I will be as quiet as a mouse. You won't even know I'm here.

Hey, drums!

Look, Kira, I know this has been tough, and you and I haven't seen exactly eye

to eye.

But you have to know there's one thing that I want for you more than anything

else in the world, and that... I

want you to be happy.

Every parent wants their kid to be happy.

Well, playing music is what's going to make me happy, but you don't want me to

do that.

Okay, Kira.

I'm going to give you the deep, dark secret of parenting.

We always say that we want our kids to be happy. But do you know what we really

want? Obedient robot children?

We want our kids to be safe.

And I know that makes me a square or a drag or whatever word you kids are

up with nowadays.

Lame. They say lame.

I get it all the time.

You don't need to worry about me. Well, tough crap.

Because I always will. Always. That's what I do. I'm a mom.

Well, then how am I ever supposed to be able to make any mistakes? You're not.

You're never supposed to have any problems. You're supposed to have a

life. And that's why I want you to always listen to me. And yes, I know how

ridiculous this is.

Mom, listen to me.

I'm not scared.

I feel okay in this world.

I feel safe.

And that's because of how you raised me.

I must have done something terribly, terribly wrong.

Please, Mom, just want me to be happy.

You already made me safe.

I am happy for you, Kira, and I want you to be

happy.

Come on.

Let's go home.

I'm really glad you came home with me.

Look, honey, I know it's a little boring around here, but I think it's very

important for you to have a stable family environment.

And five, six, seven, and eight, and step, kick, step, ball, chain, turn,

bucket, hop.

Come on, Jake, concentrate.

There are 600 other eighth graders who want your place on the line, boy.

Maybe I'll go back to Stitches.

Right behind you.

six, seven, and eight, and step, kick, step, ball, chain, turn, fucking.