Original subtitles

Simple game, Jake. You just kicked the ball into the net.

I did?

Yeah, right into the other team's net.

Well, I got confused because you were yelling at me. I was yelling, wrong net,

wrong net, wrong net.

Guys, guys, cool it. You didn't even let us have our fruit roll -ups and juice.

You're the worst coach ever.

Yeah, well, you probably would have kicked the snacks into the other team's

mouth. Fan.

Mom just got back from the doctor's office, and her blood pressure is, like,

super high.

She cannot have any stress. Keep her voice down. That kid is an

Ma 'am, do you hear what I'm saying? Stop yelling!

Shine, didn't I just tell you I need peace and quiet?

Yeah, Shine. What's wrong with you?

Sorry, Mom.

I know that you need to relax.

How about you have a nice... Hot bath.

Okay, I'm going to go up and take my bath.

And while I'm in there, I'm going to listen to the relaxation sounds that my

doctor put on my little iPod here. Oh, I listened to one of those once.

That was the sound of a very calming rainstorm.

I fell asleep and then I peed myself.

Life is good.

Life is calm.

And relax.

One, two, three.

Happy, happy three, four, all is good.

My roots are

planted in the past. All my life is changing fast.

Who I am is who I want to be.

A single mom who works too hard, who loves her kids and never stops.

give me a back rub van you know that always leads to something yeah i know

you want to skip the back rub what is an orange manatee doing in my

shower oh yeah i knew there was something i was supposed to tell you

your shower well then call sea world he's going back mr h has been staying

in the garage for the past few days the only way he's staying in the garage is

if a car is running

Sorry about that.

Bet that brought back some memories, though, huh?

Almost brought back my lunch.

Aw, come on. The old fellas age pretty well, don't you think? Yeah, that's what

happens when you soak something in alcohol.

Come on, Cheyenne, let's go.

You know I'm not giving you a back rub. Don't worry.

The urge is past.

So is it true you're living in my garage?

Yeah, I've been sleeping on the pull -out couch.

Barbara Jean and I are taking a little break.

She thinks I'm on a business trip.

Why don't you stay at a hotel?

Well, if I stay at a hotel, that makes it real. This way we can have a little

break without it being such an official separation.

Why don't you just admit that you're cheap?

I am not cheap.

I just don't happen to believe that a room service waiter automatically

12%.

Reba, things are bad with Barbara Jean and me, but I'm trying. Really, I am.

Come on.

Let me stay in the garage just a couple of more days, please.

Brock, I am under strict orders to keep my blood pressure at a minimum. And

you're not helping one...

I got bored and I baked you a cake.

Happy Tuesday, Reba.

It's Wednesday.

Happy Reba.

So, Brock's out of town, huh? Yeah.

Reba, can I confide in you?

Is it something embarrassing and personal about Brock?

Yeah. Then yes.

It's just... He's just...

Such a big baby.

You know, every time we have a little problem, he goes on a business trip.

I mean, the guy's a dentist.

There are plenty of rotten teeth in Houston.

You know, I'd say he's been hanging out at hotels, you know, except he's so

cheap.

So, tell me more about his cheapness.

I mean, I could go on forever.

The guy once tried to buy half.

A box of Girl Scout cookies.

Yeah, he's cheap and vain, too, huh? Yeah, he is. Yeah. One time, I caught

looking at himself in the mirror, and he was saying, Enough about you.

Let's talk about me.

Well, hang in there, Barbara Jean. From my experience, you just never know when

Brock might pop up.

You know what's weird, Weeba?

He's not even in town, and I can still smell him.

It's like this weird mixture of cocoa butter and feet.

Wow, man, that's amazing.

Thanks.

I'm trying to think of a way to fix my team. And being a brilliant coach, I

I have come up with a plan that is going to change their entire attitude and

turn us from losers into winners.

What's the plan? I'm cutting Jake from the team.

What? No, Van, you cannot cut Jake from the team. I have to.

His rotten attitude is infecting the entire team. He is the Terrell Owens of

-teen soccer.

He's also a member of your family. Not by blood.

Cheyenne, when we have our son, that kid will be athletic and have awesome

eyebrows like his dad.

He will be well -embrowed.

I think Mom's going to say it when Jake tells her that you cut him from the

team. Cheyenne, I can't coach constantly worrying about the owner.

Hey, buddy, I think we need to talk.

Yeah, we do. Good.

Cheyenne, this is official team business, so thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Jake, look, I'm just going to come right out with it because we're both adults.

That's all.

You're not an adult, but let's pretend you are and just get on with it, okay?

Okay. Okay. You're fired.

What'd you say? I said you're fired.

Uh, Jake, you can't fire me.

It's not just me. It's the whole team.

What are you, stupid kids crazy?

The parents won't stand for this.

It was the parents' idea.

Oh, it's a coup, huh?

Huh. Some psycho dad took my coaching job. Who is it? It's not a dad. Oh, man.

Is it one of Jimmy's two moms?

It's not a parent. Then who is it?

Hey, man.

Tough break.

Fine.

You can take my team.

You can take my job. But you can never, ever take my dignity.

getting a blanket out of the closet.

Yeah, the garage only gets so warm, even with the dryer open and running.

You know how to make it warmer?

Turn on the car.

Or you could go home to your house.

You know what, Reba?

This is way more complicated than you think.

Okay, then I'll make it simple for you. Go home to your wife.

I can't. She thinks I'm out of town.

Why don't you just tell her the truth?

You know, Reva, I'm one of those people who actually believes that the truth

imprisons you.

Plus, no matter what I say to Barbara Jean, it causes a fight.

Then just be with her. Don't speak.

Not a bad rule of thumb for you, by the way.

You know, you do smell like cocoa butter and feet.

Gosh, what is it?

She shot me!

Oh, my gosh.

Did you call the doctor? Did you call 911?

No, no, no. She shot me with a paintball gun.

And it hurts like hell. I'm going to have a big boo -boo tomorrow.

That was me.

You? What are you doing here? I thought you were out of town.

I switched my flight from Austin so I could come back and check on you. I

even care about the extra cost. And believe me, it was substantial.

Austin?

You said you were in Dallas.

I got a connecting flight from Austin.

A connecting flight from Dallas.

It's a 45 -minute flight from here to there. Why would you connect?

Why connect?

Why connect? Why not connect?

Okay, what is going on here? What is going on here?

What is going on? What is going on here?

Okay, Reba, do you think you can help me out? Can I help you out? Oh, God bless

America. Somebody start talking. Okay.

Brock, I think it's time you use the T word.

Yes, yes, tea.

Everybody loves a nice hot cup of tea. Okay, who takes honey?

Brock, tell her the truth.

Fine.

I wasn't in Austin.

I've been staying in Reba's garage.

Well,

isn't that cozy?

Every time something goes bad, you go running to your ex -wife.

And you!

I mean, is that why you wouldn't let me stay in your garage?

You had your little gigolo stash there?

Barbara Jean. Every night I dream about waking up in the arms of my manatee

again.

Well, don't I feel like an idiot?

Barbara Jean. No, Brock.

And next time, I got 200 rounds and I'm aiming low.

with me for another couple of days. No. No more.

No. You have to go talk to her from your heart. Tell her what you're feeling.

I'm a guy.

I don't know what I'm feeling.

Then talk to her. Tell her that.

And then you can start mending all the things that are wrong.

Brock, if we'd have done that, maybe we would have had a chance.

I don't know, Reba. I think maybe I should stay here one more night.

Brock, honey.

The gun I own doesn't shoot paint.

Come on.

Make my day.

Kira as the coach?

Kira? I mean, what's her philosophy of sports?

Hey, kids, soccer's important, but life itself is meaningless.

That was the greatest game ever. Oh, my gosh, you guys won?

Nope. We got murdered. 11 to nothing.

I think it was 13, Coach.

13 to nothing in soccer? How many did you score for him? Two. That's how I got

snacks from both teams.

Kira, you can't let him lose like that. Those psycho parents will tear you to

pieces. Thanks for the advice.

Oh, uh, tell Mom I won't be home for dinner because some of those psycho

want to take me out for sushi.

You see that? She's turned them from losers into happy losers.

Dan, they're kids.

And maybe your coaching style is a little too intense. Oh, that's

You know what?

When we have our son, that's when I need to coach.

Well, maybe your coaching style is a little too intense for our son, too. Why

you keep saying I'm too intense?

I want to show you something, okay? I taped the game from last week.

Come on, baby.

Kick it.

I had the camera. It was you.

No, I know it's me, but the way I was acting, that's my father. That's the way

my dad coached me my whole life.

Oh, man, that's so sad.

That's not sad.

That's why I'm so good at sports.

Yeah, and it also is probably why, you know... Probably why what? Well, why you

hate your dad.

I don't hate my dad.

I just, you know, I don't talk to him or call him or think about him. Oh, my

gosh, I hate my dad.

And now I'm turning into him. Cheyenne, I don't want my well -embrowed son to

hate me.

Cheyenne, calm down.

He's not going to hate you.

He's going to love you.

Okay, because no matter whether he's good or bad at anything, we are always

going to be good at loving him.

Okay? Okay.

And you're not going to coach any of his games.

I can't believe I didn't realize that I was turning into my dad.

When did you realize that you were turning into your mom?

Well, no, never, because I'm not turning into my mom.

No, I know. You already did.

Okay,

you know what? I am not turning into my mom, you moron.

Do you realize what you just said?

Crap!

I did. I did a small one.

Oh, hey, Reba Dabadoo.

Well, look at you two.

No new bullet holes or fresh paint?

Well, you know, it wasn't really comfortable being honest with each

it really did work.

We just needed to talk things out?

Yeah, and we did. We did. We stayed up all night and we put all of our problems

on the table. We were completely truthful.

And you were right, Reba.

It did set us free.

Well, I hate to say it, but when I'm right, I'm right.

And even when I'm kind of wrong, I'm still kind of right.

Well, this time you were right right. Good.

We're getting a divorce.

Thanks for making us talk.

That's not what I meant when I said to talk. I meant work it out. Yeah, well,

look, we're not thrilled about this either, but it seemed like it was the

thing we could do to stop the pain.

Yeah, it didn't used to be like this.

We used to have fun.

We were just reminiscing about all that and, you know, all the good times we

had. And, you know, I really think it's for the best.

You know, and I couldn't be happier.

I can't wait for court.

Brock, you can't let this happen.

You know what?

I'm going to go check into a hotel.

I really do think this is for the best.

You're not such a great liar anymore, Brock.

Yeah, I know.

I miss those days.

Now I'm never going to be able to relax.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Come on, baby.

What are you doing?

What do you think it says, eh?

A blind convention?

What are you doing, pal?

Maybe you could give us a whistle a little bit. Do her a... Ah!