Original subtitles

Why are you interviewing Barbara Jean for your school project?

Because she's the most successful person I know.

But I'm the single mom who cooks and cleans and still has time to love you.

Yeah, but she's on TV.

Hey, Max.

My picture's on the bus bench.

Jakey wants to interview me, huh?

You know, normally I have my press agent go over all the details, but his bike

was stolen today, so he's not here.

So, uh, why don't you just give me the lowdown? Father Jake!

Oh, that's Kelly.

He got me training this rookie weather girl from Oklahoma.

You know, she's probably not even a certified meteorologist.

Neither are you.

But, of course, you are certified.

Oh, are you busy?

Well, that might have been a question to ask yourself before you screamed across

the set.

Don't mind her. I'm Reba. The Reba?

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I feel like I know so much about you just because how much

Barbara Jean talks about you. Well, Barbara Jean can talk.

Oh. So can I. Sometimes people say I talk way too much, but it's weird. I

know when I'm doing it.

This just in. You're doing it now.

Oh, my goodness.

I hear you're from Oklahoma. I'm an Okie, too, up around McAllister.

Oh, no way.

Holdenville. No, Holdenville was just a mile away from us until the big tornado.

Now it's two miles away from us.

Oh, gee, girls, I hate to break up the Dust Bowl reunion, but Kelly here's got

some work to do. So are your folks cattle rangers?

Preachers. My brother.

My daddy and my granddaddy. You want to hear something funny? When I was a kid,

my church choir, we went up and sang at the Holdenville Baptist Church.

Oh, my gosh, that's so weird.

No way. That's not your family's church. No, but that was close.

Oh, my, oh, my, oh, my. Hey, how about before you two realize that you're

actually mother and daughter, we get back to work, all right? We're back.

Okay, keep careful.

Wow, that was so wild. We should get together sometime.

Okay, yeah, sure. Right on. I'll get your number from Barbara Jean. Okay, all

right. Thanks.

Bye. Bye.

Oh, she's so cute.

I'll tell you what, if she does get on TV, America's really going to love her.

Well, if it's up to me, she's never going to get on TV.

She's evil.

Evil? What are you talking about?

I hate her. She's trying to steal my job, Reba.

Don't let that aw shucks act fool you. She is a cold, dead -eyed shark.

And she's just looking to take a bite out of stormy clear weather.

You're not stormy clear weather. Oh, yeah?

116 viewers say I am.

Other than you being a screwball, that Kelly is trying to take your job.

I think that the muckety -mucks brought her here to replace me because I'm

getting bigger than the station.

Barbara Jean, no offense, I'm not even on the show and I'm bigger than the

station.

And I think Kelly is very nice.

Oh, you think everybody's nice.

That's why showbiz would crush you.

Actually, you know what? You know what? Her liking you...

Could work for me. All right, new plan, Reba.

I want you to spend some time with her, okay?

Because if she is planning to steal my job, she'll confide in you.

Why would she do that?

Well, you just bring that out in people, you know? They want to open up around

you. When I was having my affair with Brock, I was dying to tell you about it.

What makes you think, if she did confide in me, that I would break that

confidence and tell you?

Because you and I, we go way back, Reba. You just met her.

You and I, we have a history.

Yes, I do recall, but it's not a good history.

Reba, come on. I think we're all over that by now. Barbara Jean. Reba, please.

This is my life we're talking about, and if I can't count on you, I got nobody.

Plus, if I'm wrong, you get to tell me how stupid I was being.

Okay, I would like that.

Okay, fine.

Okay. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. But I'm not going to spy on

her. Okay? I'm just going to have a nice conversation with her. Jake, let's go!

Enneagrams have gotten amazing, so they can tell the sex at nine weeks now, huh?

Yeah, well, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that this was a boy. I think

pretty obvious.

The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.

Bam. Van, once again, that is the spine.

You know, if babies stayed that size, they'd be a lot easier to babysit. And

give birth to.

Yeah, really. You're probably looking at a 12 -pounder here.

Well, it's pretty cool, you guys, but all this talk of birth has put me in the

mood to write some death metal.

This kid is gonna be such a stud.

He'll probably play in the NBA one day. Hey, Mr. H, if you're still alive, I'll

take you to a game.

No matter what he does or doesn't do, we will love him just the same. Oh, please

don't give the gay speech right now.

You know...

The best part of all this is now you get to keep your promise to me. What

promise? Well, the whole time Cheyenne was growing up, she promised me that if

she ever had a boy, she'd name him Brock.

What?

You know, when you guys had Elizabeth, I was afraid that you'd stop at the one,

but, well, there he is.

Hello, little Brocky.

Suddenly the gay speech doesn't sound so bad.

much for inviting me over to your house and it is so cool that you live right

down the street from brock and barbara jean brock brock it's

ridiculous it sounds like a guy who had too many beers brock i

know a boy named brock his name is actually chester but he works on the

elevator so they call him brock i don't get it why because there was already a

chester working there

Hope you like egg salad.

Oh, my mama used to mix egg salad with potato salad. She called it egg -tata

salad. And then sometimes she'd put potato chips in her tuna and she'd make

salad. It was so good.

She cracked me up.

I guess.

You know, I don't think I've met anybody so nutty and innocent.

Really? Yeah. You mean you don't find her crazy stories kind of annoying?

Of course not.

Quirky people like Kelly are a rare blessing.

Oh, my gosh.

You guys would not believe the day I just had.

Okay, so I'm driving to my Beanie Babies mother's group, and the hop cap on my

car just comes right off. Well, it hops the curb, and it rolls right into a

mobile phone store. Not the Can You Hear Me Now one, but the Catherine Zeta

-Jones one.

Anyway, I go in after to get it, and one thing leads to another, and look at my

new...

smell for tuna salad?

Barbecue, what are you doing here?

Oh, nothing.

Certainly not checking in to see how our covert spy mission is going. I'm not

spying. Oh, hey, Barbecue.

Hey, Kelly.

Okay, watch this.

It's partly cloudy with winds gusting from the northwest.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I already changed the channel.

Barbara Jean, when you are in my house, you will be nice. Now get out!

Fine. But here's a little weather report for you.

Outside, it's partly evil.

With a 50 % chance of betrayal.

This is Stormy Clearweather signing out.

Hey, Mrs. H, why did Barbara Jean think Kelly's going to take her job? Wouldn't

that be redundant?

What are you talking about? I know, it's a big word.

It means the same as. I'll use it in a sentence. Wouldn't that be redundant?

I know what it means. Why would you say that? Well, why would they replace

Barbara Jean with another Barbara Jean?

Kelly is nothing like Barbara Jean. Why would you say that?

She's nothing like Barbara Jean.

Well, she is also sweet and helpful, and she'd give you the shirt right off of

her back. So would Barbara Jean. As a matter of fact, she did that one time.

you remember the worst funeral ever?

Where's Elizabeth?

Oh, she's out on the swings with Barbara Jean. I mean, Kelly.

Kelly is nothing like Barbara Jean.

Oh, my God. I never thought of that before, but they're like twins, aren't

Yes. No.

Mom. Barbara Jean wants to know if she can come back in. Her name is Kelly.

No, her name is Barbara Jean.

She says you yelled at her. Why'd you yell at Barbara Jean?

She always yells at Barbara Jean. No, I don't. You just did.

Yeah, well, she was saying something crazy about her hubcaps. Meanwhile,

out there being pigeon girl.

And she just cracks you up.

I can't believe this.

It's true.

Oh, man, they're like two peas in a pod. Or two nuts in a shell.

So why is Kelly so delightful and Barbara Jean so annoying?

Because Kelly didn't have an affair with your husband?

Yet.

I mean, she just got to town.

That's my dad.

I know. I'm sorry. I'm just still steamed about his stupid name. Hey,

middle name?

Enroll.

Brock, enroll.

You know what? The preacher asked me not too long ago if I'd forgiven Barbara

Jean, and I said yes.

But you know what? I don't think I have.

You know what's weird, Mrs. H?

I wonder if all that stuff with Mr. H had never happened, and you had met

Barbara Jean some other way, I wonder if you two would have been best friends.

I can do a cartwheel with my sandwich in my mouth.

Jamie, Dad?

I'll be right down.

Oh, Leanne, I don't want to do this. Do you really want to name our son Brock?

No.

It's as weird as... Van.

What?

Honey, Van is a weird name.

Well, it's certainly no Cheyenne.

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't we name our kid Navajo?

Do not make fun of my name. You started, Sacagawea.

Go on.

Tell them, Pocahontas.

Hey, kids. What's going on? Hey, um, Dad.

this um this book where they have all these baby names in it and um you know

meaning of them and stuff and so you know we we just thought that for you

the heck of it that we we would look up the name brock oh yeah yeah it means a

mountain or something right no you know what name means mountain mountain

so uh so

what does brock mean um well it's um it's an old english name from like The

1700s, and, well, it just... Badger!

What? Badger. That's what your name means, Mr. H, that freaky -looking

with long claws.

You're a badger, Mr. H.

No, I don't think that's right. Oh, that's right, right there, right in

Brocco and Brutus.

Brutus.

Okay, fine, so it means badger, so what?

Oh, nothing, well, we just, you know, we were just, you know...

Oh. What, are you saying that you don't want to name the kid after me? No, no,

no, Mr.

H. It's not that we don't want to name him after you. We just don't want to

him your name.

Yeah, well, look, you guys, that's totally up to you. Oh, well, are you not

going to be upset?

No, honey, come on. It's just some silly thing you said when you were a kid.

Are you sure?

He sure should, Ann. One thing about a badger, they never change their minds.

Thanks, Mr. H. Yeah.

It just... It seemed kind of important to you when you brought it up.

No, no, honey, not at all. Not at all, really. In fact, to tell you the truth,

don't even like the name myself.

Why was it important to you?

Forget about it.

Honey, okay, look, it's just... Well, I was hoping that maybe this was a way

that I could know for sure that you really forgave me for what happened.

You know, between me and your mom.

Ed, that was...

Five years ago. How could you still worry about that?

You know what you're going to learn as a parent, Cheyenne?

You worry that every mistake you make, your kids will never forget.

Well, they'll never forget. That's just the way that it is. But do I forgive

you? Yes.

Really? Where to God I do, yes. Oh, honey.

I'll forgive you too, you crazy old badger.

Come here.

I love you guys.

My badger and my Sacagawea.

So then, after my aunt on my mama's side got divorced, she

married my uncle on my daddy's side, who was already divorced, which makes my

cousins stepbrothers.

Isn't that funny?

You know, it should be.

No. No, it's not.

Is something the matter, Reba?

Oh, no.

No, no, Kelly. I'm sorry. It's just that I'm thinking about something else.

Sorry. Dang it. I'm bugging you, aren't I?

Why do I act so goofy?

Hey, look at me. I'm an idiot.

You're not an idiot. You're cute.

Yeah, I used to be hip and sultry, and then I threw my hip out.

Well, it looks like I'm stuck with cute and goofy.

It's a good thing I want to be a weather girl, just like your best friend,

Barbara Jean.

Oh, well, Kelly, there's a lot that's going on between Barbara Jean and me

you don't know about.

Oh, no, I know all about it. And honestly, the fact that you've forgiven

one of the reasons why you're so amazing.

Did the station bring you in to replace Barbara Jean?

What? Did the station send you here to replace her?

Because if they did and you go along with it, you and me, we're going to have

some serious problems there, peaches.

No, of course I'm not.

Okay, then why are you here?

Because I want to learn from the best in the business.

We are still talking about Barb Jean, right?

Replace her? No way, Reva. She's my idol.

I could never do anything to hurt Barbara Jean.

She's just, well, I don't know. I can't explain it.

Neither can the doctors.

Weather girl quiz.

Wind.

Rain.

Lightning.

Oh, Callie, no.

That's snow.

All right, this is Houston. When is it going to snow?

In Houston, you have got to learn your hand gestures. I got a hand gesture for

you, Barbara Jean.

She's trying to break into show business, something you know nothing

Okay, this is like a contest, and you need to bring it up to another level.

Well, I think she's doing great.

What do you guys think?

All right, yo, yo, yo, check it out.

warm and the gestures and you know you just you're human you know you're just

human you know you know all right listen to me that was

atrocious that was like watching a weather report on a cruise ship you have

ruined weather for me simply dreadful no no

at me it's english okay please it just it was so good so good the lightning you

know