Original subtitles

Hey, Mom, hide.

Barbara Jean's on her way over here.

I'm not hiding in my own house. She just got a job selling insurance.

Hide, lock the door, dig a hole.

Yellow!

Okay, your car's here. I know you're home.

Reba's garage, Reba's house. Here we go.

Yoo -hoo!

Barbara Jean, you can't just let yourself in any time you want.

I think I can.

So why were you guys hiding?

Because we knew it was you and I'm tired of running.

Running is good for your health, but it is very bad on your knees.

It's all right here in my brochure, insurance and your aging body.

Look at that. We're talking insurance already.

Barbara Jean. Ah, ah, ah. Call me Agent Heart. I ensure you won't be sorry.

Barbara Jean, you're here, I'm here. I can ensure you I'm already sorry.

Okay,

now in this scenario, you've fallen down a well, gotten hypothermia, broken six

bones, and now you've got to chew your arm off.

Find that well to jump into.

Well, then you better sign this first because your old policy doesn't cover

that. Wait a minute.

How do you know so much about my policy?

I read your file. I work for your insurance company.

My insurance company hired you? Yeah.

Now I've got access to all kinds of embarrassing information on you.

That is awesome.

No, it's not. There's no telling what else you'll be blabbing.

That's why it's awesome.

I didn't even know you were looking for a job. Oh, yeah.

I mean, ever since Brock and I are having all this trouble with the IRS,

also selling timeshares and intestinal cleansers.

But that's another day.

I'm looking forward to it. Oh, good.

Well, back to today's business.

Now, Reba, you really, really need to update your policy.

I mean, when you got the insurance, it was fine to have such a high deductible.

You were young.

So young.

But that was a long... time ago.

I was young when you started talking.

But, Reba, this is a better policy, and you could save some money, you know,

almost $300 a year.

Mom, $300 a year is a nice pair of shoes.

Or ten pairs of the kind you buy.

I don't care. I'd pay $400 just to get this last hour back.

Goodbye, Barbara Jean.

But, Reba, you have to take it. My job depends on it. Why?

Well, I have this probationary period, and I have to make a sale before it's

over. I'm going to lose my job.

Please, Reba, I'm begging you. Oh, come on, Mom. Help her out. Help her out?

That's all I ever do.

It's like having a giant blonde six -year -old.

Come on, Mom. You know you're going to do it. You can't help yourself. You were

just born good.

Cram.

Hi. Hi, Mr. H.

Yes, that's correct.

He's been there for six months.

Why are you watching that women's channel?

I only stopped on this channel because it was an ad for bras. What's up, man?

I'm just trying to think of an anniversary gift for Cheyenne. Ah.

What is it?

I haven't been really watching, but I think it's some kind of special about

married couples renewing their vows. Yeah, this one guy, he's in Iraq, and

wife is in Ohio with a newborn.

Born on the day he was deployed.

It's dumb.

Pull it together, Nancy boy.

I need your brain. What are you getting, Barbara Jean, for your fifth?

Well, since we don't have any money, we decided not to give each other anything.

No, we're just going to spend the evening together reminiscing. Should be

romantic.

I'm hoping she goes to bed early.

It's your anniversary. They trained for weeks for that night.

I just feel like every time I turn around, I got to do something to prove

love. Yeah, showing you care can be a real pain in the butt.

Yeah, I don't know why women make such a big deal out of this stuff. It's like

they got a love virus.

Yeah, Coach used to warn us about those when we were on the road.

Whoa, hang on, buddy.

They're about to tie the knot again.

Oh, man.

Yeah. Guys in the Army have it made.

Helmets, boots, they're just naturally romantic.

Listen, I think renewing your vows would be romantic even without the boots.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I should enlist!

No! No! You and Cheyenne should renew your vows.

That's perfect.

She'll love that. It'll show how enlightened I've become. How sensitive.

boy.

Good workout, Ma? Oh, I haven't started working out yet.

Threw something out when I was putting on my tank top.

You know, Mom, I think it's great that you're getting healthy and everything,

but your insurance physical isn't less than two hours.

Your body just is what it is.

Thanks, Cheyenne.

Who's that?

Jane Fonda.

Oh, is that that old lady in the Jennifer Lopez movie?

Forget it.

Can't do it anyway without my leg warmer.

Oh, hey, Mrs. Bates. It's good to see you.

Am I going somewhere?

Of course not. Not unless you want to. There you go.

What you doing?

Text message.

William Marketmy.

Did you send that?

Would I have to spell it out for you, Cheyenne?

Yes, please.

Will you marry me?

Yes, and I'll have your baby, too. Oh, wait!

I'm asking you to marry me again for our fifth anniversary. So you're proposing

to me by text message? Yeah.

Pretty futuristic, huh?

Yeah, the future's lame.

I mean, look, man, I think if you propose to someone, you should do it a

bit more romantically.

All right.

Okay, that's not what I meant.

Well, what do you want, woman?

Well, I just, I don't know.

It's supposed to be different, something unique. I want to be surprised.

Proposing was a lot easier when all I had to do was get you pregnant.

Is there a doctor in the house?

There is now.

Reba, this is Dr.

Castleman, and he'll be examining you. And no, he won't be buying you dinner

first.

I'm sorry, Doc. I'm putting her at ease.

Really? Because I'm getting a headache.

Yeah, you have to learn to block her out. I use earplugs and liquor.

Is there someplace I can wash up? Yeah, kitchen's right in there. Thank you.

Liquor's in the cabinet.

Come here.

What? Okay.

Now you're going to have to give a urine sample.

So I got little Henry to give me a specimen.

Pure as the driven snow.

And believe me, it was not easy. I mean, the kid can hit the bathroom ceiling,

but try getting him to aim in a cup, you know.

Take it. It'll keep your rates low. Get that away from me. No, just take it.

Just take it.

Okay,

Mr. Tartt.

You'll just take a seat here.

We'll slip this around you here.

There we go. We'll get your blood pressure.

Well, you know what, Doc? I'm sure that Reba's blood pressure is just terrific.

I mean, the two things everyone who knows Reba talks about, she's got good

pressure and urine as pure as the driven snow.

Mrs. Hart, according to this reading, you have high blood pressure.

Extremely high. Like way high.

Way.

I don't see how that can be right.

Well, are you upset about something? Is there something that's really bothering

you? Something that's making you incredibly tense?

I don't think so.

Okay.

Barbara Jean, for the hundredth time, would you please quit snapping your gum?

Sorry.

a day, woman.

Wait, but that is just silly. You cannot get high blood pressure from just

sitting near someone.

Well, actually, yes, you can.

There's quite a few studies to prove it.

They've also proven that certain people can give other people headaches.

So you're saying...

Well, no, I'm fairly certain it's a temporary condition.

Sometimes blood pressure can be returned to normal by simply removing the

irritant. Or irritating person.

So are you saying I can't be around Barbara Jean because of doctor's orders?

Well, I'm saying the only way to find out is to avoid contact with her for a

couple of days and then we'll check again.

to stay away from my very best friend in the whole wide world?

And when she got up this morning, was her hair up or

down? You know, because if it was up, that means she didn't take a shower,

could be a sign of depression, which she's apt to slip into without me

Don't worry about Mom. I'm sure that this is as hard for her as it is for

I know it is.

That's why I knitted her a scarf and then I rubbed it on myself.

Give it to her to smell, okay?

Okie dokie. I'll put this with the rest of them.

Look, Barbara Jean, don't worry about Mom. She's going to be okay. She's a

trooper. I know she's so sad.

You know, I can feel it.

This is the best day. Hey, she has gone away. Hey, all I did was pray. Hey,

nothing left to say. Hey!

Hey, are you feeling better? Because it's your lookout.

Mom, can you try and not act so thrilled? I mean, this is really hard on

Jean. I know, but it's so easy on me.

She cannot come in. Hey!

All I do is grin. Hey! She cannot commit. Hey! All I do is finally win.

Hey!

Hey,

Cheyenne. I need to talk to you.

It's important. That's why I didn't text message it.

Look, this is not going to be easy for me, so I'm just going to come right out

with it. Okay, Van, if this is the start of another proposal... Stop.

Listen.

This isn't easy for me.

Remember when I took that business trip to Dallas last month?

Yeah? I met a woman.

A wonderful woman. Maybe the hottest woman in North America.

Wait, what? Let me finish. And I didn't want to tell you because I thought it

was a brief flirtation, but it turned into more.

I love her, Cheyenne, and I think we're going to get married.

Psych!

You said you wanted to be surprised.

How's that for a surprise?

Now will you marry me?

You better run.

Is that a yes? Wait, no, you're the hottest woman in North America!

How'd your marriage proposal go? Did your wife say yes? No.

I tried to surprise her like she said.

I told her I fell in love with a hot young girl.

And she actually got mad.

Yeah, Van, I think maybe you should try a more conventional approach.

Well, I don't think that way, Mr. H.

I think outside the box. It's what my generation calls fresh.

Listen, some of the traditional stuff really works. I mean, for instance...

You could rent a bicycle built for two.

Oh, yeah, then we could ride it down to the Pony Express Station.

It's the 21st century. Think, old man.

All right, look, there's tons of stuff. I mean, there's candlelight, there's

soft music, big gestures.

You know, the stuff that they see in all those romantic movies.

King Kong.

I could dress up like a giant ape and we can go ice skating.

No, Van, Van, King Kong is not a romantic movie.

Hello, gentle love story between a misunderstood ape and a hot young

You know what a great movie is? An officer and a gentleman. Okay, when

Gere showed up in those dress whites, right, and all the factory workers

applauded and he swept up the love of his life in his arms and he carried

Deborah Winger away.

It was dumb.

Okay, so, how's your week been without Barbara Jean? Been the best week of my

life. Well, that's good. Yeah.

But it's also bad, because it means that you do have high blood pressure.

Oh, no, really?

Well, not to worry, though.

It's very common, and it's very treatable.

But I suggest that you speak to your family doctor about it.

Okay, Doc. Now, this is very important.

Is there any other reason why I might need to ban Barbara Jean from my life?

Well, there's no medical reason, but as a physician, I would recommend you keep

plenty of booze on hand.

Okay. Thanks, Doc.

Bye. Bye -bye.

So... Barbara Jean, you almost scared me to death.

Sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I just wanted to say that as awful as this has been for me and as much as it

hurts, I've been doing some thinking and if I'm making you tense, if I'm

endangering your life, I will leave you alone forever.

So am I the cause of your high blood pressure?

Yes. Yes, you are.

Oh.

I guess I'll be gone.

Can I have a lock of your hair?

Barbara Jean, it's not you. Well, not entirely you anyway.

Really?

So I'm back in your life?

Yeah. I'm going to go get a drink. Oh, good. I'll join you.

I'm back in your life. Hey, I will never leave.

help me, miss?

Sure. What kind of soup is this? It's tomato.

Oh, I can't have tomato soup. It's bad for my stomach.

Oh. Did you put a little vodka in it?

Oh, cops!

Run! Everybody calm down. I'm not an officer of any kind.

Has anyone seen Cheyenne?

She's in the kitchen, but she's keeping the vodka to herself.

Tell me you did not join the Salvation Army.

No. I'm recreating a very romantic movie. Put that soup down. I'm taking

of this place.

What?

Cheyenne? Yeah?

Will you marry me again?

Yes, my back.

Answer me.

Yes, yes, yes, of course.

Now, I haven't seen this movie, so how long am I supposed to carry?

This is Rosengown.

Catch a fresh episode of Charmed.