Original subtitles

Now, previously on Reva... The audit went great. You're gonna love yours.

Turns out that was more of a charity for the people who donated to it than it

was for the poor Caymanians.

So the charity was a scam?

Scam is such an ugly word. No, it was more of an illegal tax shelter.

I'll be working with Mrs. Hart, and Dr. Hart, you'll be down the hall with Agent

Fung. But...

But I thought we were going to do this together. I mean, you didn't separate

Barbara Jean and me.

It's just our policy with divorced couples. They're always so eager to tell

each other.

We owe the government $75 ,000.

How did they find out?

Do you realize what you've done? Now we owe the government $75 ,000.

Why are you blaming her? You're the one that lied in the first place. Yeah.

Cut it out, blabbermouth.

Okay, this is not happening. This can't be happening.

I don't have $37 ,000, Brock.

Uh, actually, your share would be $37 ,500.

I'm splitting hairs. You go ahead.

I'll never be able to pay my half.

I only have $18 in my purse. I don't even know who's on the $20 bill.

You know, they just put Jack Nicklaus on the Scottish five -pound note.

What?

I'm a sucker for all things Scottish.

I gotta do something about this, Brock. Why me?

Because you're the one who lied in the first place. Then you went and married

Kelly McCant. Shut up.

Gee, with the wee little brain. Oh, nice, nice.

You know what?

Brock, we can't talk to her when she's like this. We should just leave. And

quickly. Reba.

Hey, listen, maybe you could take out a second mortgage on the house.

Fourth.

Fourth?

Good God, woman, what do you do with your money?

All right, look, maybe we can work out a payment plan

with the IRS.

Oh, yeah, how about a dollar a year for 37 ,000 years? Because that's all I

can...

Actually, it'd be $37 ,500. You know what? Just get out.

Listening to you gives me a headache.

Fine. Come on, Barbara Jean. Let's leave Reva alone.

Reva, if it makes you feel any better, I'm disgusted with myself, too.

Okay, all right. Come on.

Let's not leave it like this. Come here.

We'll be

right

back.

I use the force.

Wait a minute, Dan.

When I went to sleep last night, didn't you have hair?

Yeah, I know.

You know how I like to go to bed with gum in my mouth?

Well, I'm not doing that anymore.

Cleaning the oven at 2 in the morning.

Hey, maybe she's sleep cleaning.

I'm not asleep.

I gotta figure a way out of this IRS debt.

And I do my best thinking when I'm drinking. I mean cleaning.

Well, is there anything that makes you want to cook? Because I think the best

when I'm eating.

We've got big financial problems here.

We're making some cutbacks.

You ate yesterday, so technically, today is your day off. Okay?

I'm also thinking about selling the car.

You're not going to get much for your car. Not my car, Van's car. No.

You will not sell Rhonda. I will see you go to prison before I let that happen.

Hey. Barbara Jean, how did you get in

here? I climbed in your bedroom window.

knocking on your door at two in the morning, Reba. That would be rude.

Why are you even here at all?

Because Brock's decided to sell our house.

What? He feels so guilty he wants to pay the whole debt and the only way he can

do that is to sell our house.

I'm losing my home, Reba. My child is going to be without a home.

Does Mr. H have a broker yet? What?

Wait just a minute.

Brock is taking care of the whole debt with the IRS, and I'm not going to have

you as a neighbor?

Yeah.

Isn't it awful?

It's awfully something.

I know. I mean, if I move out of this block, I'm never going to see you

Oh, no. Sure you will, Barbara Jean.

You can sit up like twice a week. Shy hand don't help me.

Barbara Jean, I don't know what you want me to do.

Reba, I want you to get Brock to change his mind. I mean, after all, you're the

one that put that awful thought into Brock's weak, impliable brain.

No, no, no. I just told Brock to fix the problem. His weak, impliable brain came

up with the rest.

Well, I blame you.

Of course you do, Barbara Jean.

And you know a good way to get back at her?

Use me as your realtor.

back at her. I'll drop her. She's dead weight to me anyway, and I've been

thinking about going solo.

No, you haven't. Yes, I have.

And I don't think I can work with Mrs. H after what she's done.

Well, what is it, Reba?

Do I hire your backstabbing partner, or do you help me?

I'm sorry, Barbara Jean.

Come on, Barbara Jean.

I'm going to find you a wonderful new home where you can feel safe. What's

price range?

Not much. Then I can't guarantee you're safe.

Here. Let me walk you home.

Hey,

Barbara Jean.

Is this a bad time?

Well, actually, yeah. Henry was just... Great. Smile.

Everything's all sparkly.

This is Jenny. She's going to be taking pictures for the brochure. Hello?

Oh, Ben, wait.

And since Jenny was going to be here, I figured she'd take some pictures of me

working my realtor magic.

Down here by the couch. Ben, Ben.

Oh, that's nice, Ben. I like that. Ben, Ben, Ben.

As much as I'm enjoying the light show, we're not going to need to make your

brochure anymore. Sure we are. Remember, this is how we're going to get back at

Mrs. H.

Yeah.

But, Van, I don't want to get back at Reba anymore.

Mm -hmm. Got it.

Okay, Barbara Jean, don't start yelling at me. I'm just here to help Van with

his brochure. But, Mrs. H, remember we're no longer in business together?

I had an epiphany.

Do you all know what an epiphany is? Is that some sort of booze? No.

I was going over in my mind what happened at Reba's house, and I said to

I said, Babby J, that's my American Idol name if I ever make it, fingers

crossed.

I said, Babby J, Reba is never going to let you move away from her.

All right, now let me explain.

Reba, how many times a day do you call me?

Zero. And how many times a day do you come over here and pop in on me? Never.

Now, how many times a day do I pop in on you?

Fifty. And apparently sometimes not through a window. Exactly.

Now, there's no way you would put up with that if secretly you didn't like

I don't know. I think somebody needs to stop knocking back on the epiphany.

She always does this. I get into trouble and she pretends to be happy and calls

me a moron and a butt, you know. But then at the end of the day, she rides in

and saves me. She's like my guardian angel with a really mean sense of humor.

Barbara Jean, this thing is bigger than the both of us.

We're a mirror pawn in God's great chess game of life.

And it looks like your pawn is going to be way on the other side.

of the chess board.

Oh, okay, that's right. I'm a pawn. All right, I'll play along, Reba.

Okay, Van, let's go get some pictures of the birdbath for that brochure. Okay.

Birds take baths. Okay, let me get my pigeon loofah.

Hey, Mom, is Dad here?

Oh, honey, I don't know. I just got here myself.

Well, would you give this to him?

These have a range of over two miles.

So I can call him when he gets to his new house. Will do, Jake.

And he's still going to be able to coach my basketball team, right?

Oh, yeah, you bet. And on Thursdays, we go to that diner and have waffles.

We can still do that, right?

Absolutely, honey.

It's going to be just like when he was over at his condo. You'll get to see him

all the time.

Cool. Yeah.

And be sure to give him that walkie -talkie, okay? I sure will. You bet.

Hey, did I just hear Jake?

Oh, yeah, he left that for you. He said he wanted to be able to talk to you when

you get into your new house.

Oh.

Well, I don't think it's going to work at my new place.

Oh, yeah, he said it has a range of over two miles.

Yeah, well, Reba, we're not going to be moving around here.

We're moving to Las Vegas.

Hey, Dad, it's me.

Just wanted to tell you I love you.

Copy that, little buddy.

Brock, get back in here. We need to talk about this.

What is it, Reba? You can't move to Las Vegas.

Sure I can. It's one of the fastest growing cities in America, and they need

dentists. Young, ambitious dentists.

You're not even two out of three of those things.

And what about Jake?

Oh, to tell you the truth, I think Jake would be better off without me.

That's not true. Jake still needs a father. Does he?

You know, this whole IRS thing has made me realize it's just one more time that

I've hurt the people I care about. I mean, face it, Reba, I'm like a tornado.

Made a mess of my life and everyone else's life I'm close to. I can't

you're even considering this.

Yeah? Well, I am.

So you're tearing this family apart over money.

Brock, you're making a huge mistake.

You know what?

You may be right.

But fortunately... Making mistakes seems to be the only thing that I've been

good at lately.

Yeah, that and being a butt.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

Uh -oh.

You're muttering. Someone did something dumb.

Only your dad could take a wonderful gesture like moving Barbara Jean away

me and wreck it.

He wants to move to Las Vegas.

What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wants to move far away because he's on this

kickabout. All the bad stuff he's done and how he's ruined everybody else's

lives. Well, Mom, that is so not true.

Did you tell him how great he is? Did you remind him of all the good stuff

he's done?

I don't think I'm the best person for that job.

Mom, Vegas, we have to do something. I don't want Dad moving to Utah.

Cheyenne, Las Vegas is in Nevada.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you said Los Angeles.

Jean, just take a look at the property.

Dan, it's a waste of time.

Reba is never going to let this happen. She's a stopper, remember?

Dan, stop trying to sell him a house. Why?

Because I'm going to talk Brock into staying.

Call Babby J.

I knew you weren't going to let this happen.

Oh, Reba, I wish I knew the words to reunited by peaches and herb.

I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for Jake.

Right. For Jake.

Yeah, it's best that we leave our bond unspoken. We'll just share a look.

Barbara Jean, she's serious.

Dad wants you guys to move to Vegas.

What? Yeah, the one in Nevada.

Mr. H can't move to Vegas. I'm not licensed to sell houses in Vegas.

Yeah, and I can't live in Vegas.

I'm not allowed within 500 feet of Wayne Newton.

Okay.

All right.

Everybody just calm down.

Why don't we make a list of all the stuff that Brock is good at, then I'll

it over there and use that to talk him into staying.

Okay.

For Jake.

Right. For Jake.

Okay. Yeah.

You're creeping me out.

Okay, yeah. I'm creeping you out. Okay.

Okay, good things about Brock. Go. I've got plenty of good things to say about

Brock. You don't get to talk. He's not moving away from you.

Cheyenne.

Pass.

Pass.

Well, come back to me. I'm not good at doing this under pressure.

You get to pass.

Bam. All right, look, I like Mr. H a lot, so let's quickly review.

Okay. We got affair.

We got a divorce.

We got midlife crisis, separation from the new wife, lying to the IRS,

ruin. Cheats at golf.

He's always in the bathroom when the dinner check comes.

Oddly tan.

Oh, all right, all right.

That's it. I'll just do something on my own.

He's a caring and attentive lover.

meeting's over.

Hey, Brock.

Hey.

What are you doing?

Oh, oh, I was just getting in one last tan on my tan blaster 2000 before I send

it back.

I don't want to stand out in the desert.

Really? Are there a lot of orange people in Las Vegas?

Yes.

Well, look, Brock, I was telling the kids about what you said about the

and ruining people's lives.

Man, you should have heard them singing your praises.

Really? What did they say?

Well, what happened is they were all yelling.

Yelling about all the great stuff you do and talking at the same time. Man, it

was like a love fest.

Looking at the calendar saying, what is this, Brock Day?

Really, what did Cheyenne say? Why do you push?

They couldn't think of anything, could they?

No.

But they tried.

You should have seen how hard they tried.

Didn't that show you how much they care?

Look, I know they do. I know they do. I just don't want to hurt anyone anymore,

and that's why I'm leaving.

That's not called leaving, Brock. That's called running away. And that's what

you do every time things get tough.

What are you talking about?

What am I talking about?

I'm talking about when things got tough between you and me, you ran to Barbara

Jean. And when things got tough between you and Barbara Jean, you ran to the

golf course.

And when things are getting tough around here, you're running off to Las Vegas.

I'm just trying to do what I think is best for everyone.

Breaking up a family is not good for anybody, Brock.

We did that once before. Let's not do that again.

Are we still a family, Reba?

As crazy as it sounds, yes.

With everything we've got going against us, Brock, it shouldn't work.

But it does.

And that's why I'm able to tell you this.

You got a white patch on the back of your neck.

Wow.

Mrs. H, I hope you're H -A -P -P -Y.

Actually, I'm C -R -A -B -B -Y.

Oh!

I just talked to Mr. H, and thanks to Little Miss Susie Do -Right, that's you,

lost two commissions.

The one that I would have gotten from selling their house, and the one that I

would have gotten from selling them a new one.

Three, actually, because when I heard about it, I was with another client. I

lost my temper and took it out on them. Excuse me, Mr. Montgomery, what's a

bonus room? It's a bonus! Be happy!

So they're not moving to Las Vegas? That's right, Miss Susie. Two and two

four.

They're not going anywhere.

Mr. H is going to come up with the money somehow to pay off the IRS. That does

not involve me getting a commission.

You know what? We should put up a billboard of you holding a gun that

Nobody move!

Yet, Barbara Jean is still going to be my neighbor.

So, how does that make you feel, Mrs. H?

Pass.

Well, anyway, I think there's something wrong with Mr. H. I think he's sick.

Because he's got a giant red patch on the back of his neck.

Fresh Twins is next on the WB Friday.