Original subtitles

Oh, come on, Dan, please. I really want you to go with me to the soup kitchen.

Cheyenne, I'm going to the park, and I'm playing football with my friends.

They're not homeless, but Clarence does live in his parents' garage.

Do you think you're too good to hang out with homeless people?

Yeah, kind of.

Plus, I'm kind of busy, honey.

That's why we make such a great team. See, you are selfless. Me, selfish.

I don't sell fish.

Wouldn't it be funny if I sold fish?

Fine, Van, go to your stupid football game.

But you're always saying how you want me to include you in this part of my life,

and every time I try to, you don't want anything to do with it.

I only said that so you'd let me finish watching the game.

Have fun with your hobos.

I'm off to St. Louis.

Yeah, take my husband with you and leave him in that stupid arch.

Stupid? She thinks the arch is stupid?

It is one of the seven wonders of the world.

It is not.

It's one of the seven wonders of my world, Reba.

Now, anyway, while I'm off enjoying the Bowling Hall of Fame and the nation's

best live banjo music...

I'm going to need you to do some things for me around the house.

Oly rags in a match? Got it.

Gosh, you are funny.

Why are you still single, huh?

Okay,

here's my

key. And I just need you to bring in the mail and water my plants. And most

importantly, feed and walk my husband three times a day.

What?

Well, I can't just leave food out. He'll eat it all on the first day, and then

he'll go hungry the rest of the week.

Anyway, Brock's on this all -spinach diet, so it's going to be real easy.

I'm not taking care of Brock.

I didn't even like taking care of him when I owned him.

Baby doll, you better get a move on. You're going to miss your flight.

Oh, Phil, wait. I used to date the pilot.

I was a flight attendant for three months.

Now boarding, Barbara Jean.

My roots are planted in the past All my life is changing fast Who I am

is who I wanna be A single mom who works too hard Who loves

her kids and never stops

Without Barb Jean being out of town, I don't have to lock the front door.

Hey, Reba.

Crap.

Trust me, I don't want to be here any more than you want me here. That's

impossible.

Listen, I just need to borrow your hot water bottle. I've told you a million

times, you can't use that thing. It's a whoopee cushion.

Right, yeah. No, it's for my back. It just feels a little off.

Yeah, you look kind of funny. I do?

Yeah, I didn't want to say anything because you always look funny.

Are you laughing? Because that really wasn't one of my better zingers.

No, no, I'm not laughing. Oh, God, it hurts.

Oh, you're serious.

Come on, I'm going to get you to the doctor. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

That's not necessary.

Now, this will pass.

Oh, okay, all right. All right, come on, get in the car.

Bad enough that I ignored her plans for Barbadina to kill me if you croak.

remind me of my first wife. Except she was really ugly.

Oh, thank you.

See,

I'm volunteering here today and I was just wondering who to talk to.

Well, don't talk to Spittin' Sammy.

I think the reason is self -evident.

Hello there. Can I help you? Oh, hi. Yes, I'm Cheyenne Montgomery.

I'm here giving him my time.

I wanted my husband to come, but he's selfish. Yeah, he doesn't sell fish.

Well, that's okay. I wasn't listening.

Anyway.

It's just, uh, it's just real important that I get rid of my anger. You know,

it's important that I look happy.

These people have led miserable, difficult, terrible lives, and my smile

the only positive thing they'll see all day.

Perhaps in their lifetime.

Hi, welcome to the shelter.

Hi, Sammy.

Oh, Kate.

So what can I do? I could serve soup, or I could talk to the men, or I could

just be seen.

Oh, no, dear, that's my job.

You can start washing dishes. When that's done, you can clean the toilets.

What?

See, I was just hoping for something a little more out front.

Well, you can clean up the vomit in the doorway.

Is the kitchen that way? Uh -huh.

Smile.

How long have you been on the street?

Well, actually, I was in the park.

Oh, so young. Such a shame.

Are you hungry?

Yes, I'm starving.

I'm always starving.

Well, I'm going to get you something to eat. You come sit right here.

I'll get you something and I'll be right back.

Oh.

This place is awesome.

I'm surprised more people don't come here.

You remind me of my first wife.

Back off, pal. I'm married.

Dan? Hey, honey.

You look like the lunch lady.

What are you doing here?

Well... I thought about what you said, and I felt guilty.

So I came down here to see if there's anything I could do to help.

Here you go.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, do you have any crackers?

Dan!

Don't eat that soup. That soup is for the hobos.

You know each other? That's my husband.

What, the fish seller?

The doctor said your dad has a kidney stone.

Now, it's not dangerous, and it will go away by itself.

But in the meantime, it's incredibly painful.

Did you just giggle?

No, I didn't.

Why would he eat kidney stones? Oh, honey, he didn't eat them. It's just

got them by eating way too much spinach.

I knew it!

Vegetables are evil.

Jake. Spinach is still good for you, you just don't want to eat too much of it.

Because the minerals build up and it turns into glass that you pass through

your... Rock! Weiner!

Wow,

Dad, spinach does that?

Yeah, there's an episode of Popeye you'll never see.

I guess I'll head home.

But there's nobody there.

I'm no doctor.

But I think you need someone around when you shoot glass through your wiener.

I'll be fine, buddy.

Oh, whoa!

I'm going with him. No, you're not.

But he needs help. I know. That's why he's staying here.

Brock, you're sick.

And you're going to stay right here until you get to feeling better. I don't

care how long it takes.

Come on. Wait.

Are you just saying this because you're looking forward to seeing me in pain?

No, although it is a perk.

Thanks, buddy.

Oh, gosh.

Barbara Jean, have you boarded your flight yet?

Yeah, yeah, I know. You can't hurry them up.

Yes, I'm sure if you had a gun, they'd move a lot faster, but you shouldn't say

stuff like that out loud.

Yes, sir, officer.

Yes, sir.

I understand. By all means, question her.

Well, Barbara Jean's gonna be a little late.

Possibly three to five years late.

So it looks like our happy little weekend's gonna be a little bit longer

thought. Oh!

Oh, here it comes again. Oh!

Mother of mercy, nothing feels like this. Oh, Brock, please. I delivered

children. Not through a straw, babe.

It's cold.

You okay?

Yeah, for the time being.

You want something to eat?

Oh, God, I can't even think about food right now.

Not even grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup?

Reba's famous grilled cheese sandwich.

You don't make it with mail?

Of course.

What am I, an animal?

or three cans and i'll raise you one left shoe

what do you got hepatitis c and a full house

again you're like the luckiest guy ever homeless joe

Everyone has a home.

And everyone has a home.

Oh, God, homeless!

Hey, Cheyenne, you got any

cans? If I don't start winning soon, we're going to be homeless.

I'll be back in one minute, but remember, if you need to take a bathroom

use a bathroom, okay?

Look, Van, I am glad that you're having so much fun with the residentially

challenged, but I am not, okay?

For people who are supposedly starving, they sure do leave a lot of food on

their plates.

Honey, what you're doing is important work, although you do have a piece of

on your eyebrow.

Well, I am sorry, Van, but I've been stuck... back in that hellhole for two

straight, cleaning up other people's messes.

I was supposed to be out front, not back in the kitchen where nobody could see

all the good work that I'm doing. Well, is it enough that you know you're doing

a good thing? Well, I thought that it would be, Vivian, but no, it's not.

I want everyone to know.

I want to be showered with praise. I want them to lift me up on their

or at least name a damn soup after me.

Well, I don't think volunteering works that way.

Maybe if it did, more people would do it.

I thought people would, like, at least pat me on the back or something.

Honey, sit down.

I know you feel like what you're doing isn't important and it doesn't matter.

But without you and other people like you who do all the hard, dirty work,

people wouldn't have a decent meal, have a clean place to go, or one moment of

the day to feel safe, where they can forget about all their problems.

What you do matters.

Believe me, I know.

I was once mistaken for a homeless person.

Honey, that's so sweet.

Maybe you could buy me some flowers or something, you know, as like a symbolic

gesture.

You got it.

I'll do even better.

I'll help you clean the dishes.

Really?

I'm next with the blonde.

Don't worry, don't worry. He hit on me too.

you and Cheyenne and Kira, when did we have a big red dog?

That's not a dog, son. That's your mom's hair.

It was huge.

Okay,

for pointing out funny hairdos, look at this.

That's what your dad was up to.

Jake, have you ever heard of a mullet?

That is not a mullet. It is too a mullet. And you had a Duran Duran t

That's a double whammy.

You guys are laughing and all these things.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, how you feeling?

Uh, pretty good, actually. Pretty good. You feel like something to eat? Hey,

listen, why don't you sit down? I'll go make us something for a change. Nah, I

got it. And I'll fill up your water bottle while I'm at it. Okay? Thanks.

See, son, here's the deal with a mullet.

Business in the front, party in the back.

Making poker chips. I am deep in the hole.

Mr. H is still here.

That's nice of you.

No, not really.

You know, I thought he was really going to bug me, but actually it's been kind

of fun.

To tell you the truth, I'm going to be a little sad when he passes that stone

and has to leave.

Yeah, that's going to be something when he passes that stone.

Hey, Mr. D, ask me what's so funny.

What's so funny, Van?

He passed the stone yesterday.

What? I figure it's okay to tell you because you're getting along with him so

well. Anyway, I better get to the shelter. It's beef stroganoff night and

to get in line before spitting Sammy.

Hey, Reba, why don't we watch Jeopardy? It's about to start.

Right, it's about to start.

Hey,

Jake, why don't you go upstairs and let your dad rest? He's in a lot of pain.

No, not right now.

Soon, though.

I'll see you later, bud.

You know, I was just in the kitchen talking about you.

Were your ears burning? Oh, oh, oh, Reba, whoa, whoa, that hurts. Ow.

As much as your kidney stone did when you passed it yesterday?

Oh, wait, did I forget to tell you about that?

I made you soup. I made you grilled cheese sandwich. I was nice to you.

Yes. Yes, you were. And that was the problem.

What the heck does that mean?

You know how whenever I'm over here, we're always throwing little digs at

other? Yeah.

Because you're an idiot.

Okay, fine.

I'm an idiot. But when I got sick, those little digs stopped.

It's like you said. You were nice to me.

I was nice to you. We laughed.

Yeah, but when we were laughing and being nice, you were lying.

Yeah, okay, fine. Look, that was wrong. That was wrong. But look, Reba, just

hear me out for a second here, okay?

I realize that we failed as husband and wife, okay? I get that.

I accept it.

But the thing I miss the most is our friendship.

And for the last few days, it's like we had that back again.

I know.

I miss it, too.

You know, it's weird.

What's stopping us from moving on and being friends again?

I'm back.

Yeah, right.

Brock, thank goodness you're alive.

Unlike my plant. Thank you very much, Reba. Well, Barbara Gina had to make a

choice. Save your plants or save Brock.

Sorry I blew it.

That's okay.

And just to show you that there's no hard feelings, I'm going to let you run

projector at my Meet Me in St. Louis slideshow extravaganza.

It's tomorrow night, 7 to midnight.

Good deal. I'll bring you a big old bowl of spinach.

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Are you Reba?

Yes. I just won this house at a poker game.

Welcome to Barbara Jean's slideshow extravaganza.

Here we are pulling into Houston Intercontinental Airport, or as some of

know it, George Bush Intercontinental Airport.

I thought we were supposed to park in this lot, but we were actually supposed

park in this lot.

Three tickets to St. Louis, please.

Silly me, forgot to take off the lens cap.

Lens cap, lens cap, lens cap.

Barbara Jean, that's beautiful.

Isn't it?

It's a picture of the postcard I saw in the airport.

Now, as some of you may know, St. Louis was once the shoe manufacturing center

of the world. So I thought it might be fun to take some pictures of our trip

from the point of view of our feet.

Here we are on the banks of the mighty Mississippi, hooping it to the Gateway

Arch.

Three tickets to the Arch, please.

Reba's trying to leave.

I was going to the bathroom.

There will be plenty of time for bathroom breaks during the first

You are so dead, Brock.

Oh, this is the homeless guy I met.

Lens cap again.

Hello there.

Who's this happy fella?

The St. Louis squirrels were very friendly. I thought this one looked like

young Bobby De Niro.

Fresh Twins is next on the WB Friday.