Original subtitles

Here's your breakfast, Van.

Enjoy.

Cold, dry cereal. Thanks for going the extra mile.

Halloween is in three days, and I still don't know what Elizabeth's going to be.

What about her idea?

She is not going to be Winnie the Poop.

I'm trying to get to the prize. If I use my hands, it'll be unsanitary.

Is the prize five cavities and a gut?

That's why I married you, that sense of humor. Oh, wait, no.

It was the baby.

Hey, look at this.

A mouse. How terrifying.

What's that, like four years in a row?

Four terrifying years in a row.

Here, Cheyenne, take this from me, would you please? Hurry, quick.

Quick.

How

unfortunate.

You seem to have pulled your mom's arms out of her sockets.

Hey, my Halloween pranks are funny. What, like putting eyeballs in the ice

tray? Or answering the door and saying, welcome.

Or putting dry ice in the toilet. That's not funny. That just burns.

Just getting warmed up.

I'm saving all my funny stuff for this Halloween.

Yeah,

well, I'm sorry I'm going to miss that.

But my support group is throwing us a sober party.

Sober Halloween?

What are you going to go dress as, a nap?

Shut up, Van. I'm a goblin. Oh.

And it's important that I go. Yeah, but why can I go? Because you're not an

alcoholic yet.

You know, I just think you're spending an awful lot of time with your group,

especially that Frank guy. I don't like the way he looks at you. Okay, Van,

Frank is my sponsor, and he is really important to me.

Well, thank God we have Frank to get you through it.

Yeah, I know I do. Yeah, I know you know you do. I know I know I do. I know I

know you know I do, because I just told you.

All right, all right, you two, knock it off.

Ben, if you don't have anything to do on Halloween, you can spend it here with

me.

Arr!

Yeah, right, dressed as what, a yawn?

Nice yarmulke.

Or... You can wear what you have on and go as a jackass.

You do not want Van at your party. He's been acting really weird lately.

He's always bugging me about spending time with Frank. I mean, it's like he

doesn't trust me or something.

Oh, Cheyenne, you know Van. He's just jealous.

I know, but I can't help it if Frank is young and hot.

Well, it would help a lot if you quit saying stuff like that.

Aha!

Here's someone who'll come to my super -duper scary party. You're gonna be

for me, right, Jake?

Yeah, right.

Just as what? A coma?

No, I was thinking Eddie Munster.

Mom,

I'm not a kid anymore.

Me and my friends want to go over to Nick's and make omelets.

Omelet? Yeah. Oh, and you need to buy me three dozen eggs.

Carrying each other is a family tradition.

You're staying here with me.

It's not fair.

I never get to do anything fun.

Thanks for ruining my life.

You're welcome.

Why do we have to defrost Reba's dinner? I haven't even had my dinner. Because

she called and said she was working late and needed our help.

Besides, since she's not here, I can snoop through her junk drawer.

That's how our rubber band ball got so big.

Did she say what she's having for dinner?

Chicken.

Oh,

my

gosh. Brock, are you blind?

Mint chocolate chip. Get me a spoon.

how much nail polish I wasted on that neck.

You want to know what's scary?

These popsicles were in here when we got divorced.

Just bring me the severed head, or as I like to call him, Brock Jr.

Face it, Reva.

Halloween is a thing of the past.

I can't give up. Every year the kids get older, they get harder to scare.

I've got to try something new.

Well, you could try not scaring them.

Brock, this is a family tradition.

My mama scared me. Her mama scared her. My great -grandmama scared the whole

village.

Until they burned her at the stake.

Oh, just let it go, Reba. Come on, the kids are older now.

I can't let this end with me. If I don't get Jake into it this year, the family

tradition could die.

Come on, guys. Help me out. You're the scariest people I know.

I want nothing to do with it.

Halloween is evil.

Now, I know you're going to make fun of me, but I know what I know. And there is

no trick -or -treating in the Bible.

Halloween isn't about evil. It's about fun.

Oh, no. She hands out religious pamphlets instead of Halloween candy.

That's why her house has been egged the last five years.

Two of those years could have been me.

Well, I would rather have an eggy door and a clean soul than the other way

around.

Are you saying I should just let Halloween go?

You know who didn't let it go? No.

The Druids.

And where are they now?

Florida.

the manger on the lawn for Halloween night.

Man, I'm going to be cleaning egg off the baby Jesus till Thanksgiving.

Oh, hey, everybody.

We're just out here.

Hey, Cheyenne, who's this? Frank.

He's, um, he's my... Sponsor.

Yeah? I'm Brock.

Cheyenne's dad.

Hey.

Hi, Frank.

I'm Barbara Jean.

Cheyenne's dad's second wife.

Hi, Frank, I'm Cheyenne's mom. Come on in.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, it's nice to meet you. Cheyenne didn't tell me she had such a young

-looking mom.

We don't usually talk about it around here, but you can if you like.

Fan company!

You got quite a daughter here. She's a delight to have in group.

I really can't get enough of her.

Oh, sorry. So glad I got a drink of problem.

Oh, it's Frank.

Hey, Frank.

What's up, Frank?

What's up, Van?

How you doing, Van? Real good, Frank.

Real good.

what? I'm always nice. Of course I will.

Excuse me, Frank, while I greet my wife.

Van!

Listen,

Van, I hope you don't feel weird about me taking Cheyenne to the party.

Well, I would feel better if you were gay or ugly.

My girlfriend didn't like these parties either. Oh, you have a girlfriend? No,

not anymore. We broke up after I got sober.

We didn't have anything in common.

I guess we just grew apart.

Aw, you're so sensitive.

Are you sure you're not gay?

Nice meeting everyone.

You too.

Bye.

Don't ever do that to me again.

Okay.

Bye.

Ben,

is there something you want to talk to us about? No, no.

Why would I want to talk about my wife having an affair?

Why is it frozen?

Van, you don't really think Cheyenne's having an affair.

Oh, no way.

Van, Cheyenne is not having an affair. Did you see the way she acted with him?

Frank,

he's so sweet.

He's just dancing to him. Makes me sick.

Van, look, I realize that Frank is flirty and good -looking, but I trust

Cheyenne. Oh, well, look what that trust got you, Grandma.

Don't you think I would know if someone was cheating in my house?

Is it possible that you're overreacting?

Chill out, man. It's not like they're spending a ton of time together.

They spend every day this week together.

Yeah, but she comes home right after the meetings, doesn't she? Her meetings end

at 8. She didn't get home till 11 .30.

Ew. Ew, boy.

Van, don't listen to them. I can assure you that Cheyenne would not let anything

jeopardize what she has here at home. Yeah, but Mrs. H, I have a strong

about this.

Well, Van, if it's proof that you want, you should hire a private detective.

That's what I did when Brock and I were separated.

What?

Oh, yeah.

He followed you to work, to the golf course, to that tanning salon you say

don't go to.

Tell you what, though.

If there is something going on between them, I'm gonna kill Frank.

She's totally cheating.

Plain as day. What?

Oh, Reba, this has all the hallmarks of an affair.

Yeah, it happens all the time when someone gets sober. They're hanging

with someone they can trust.

She's vulnerable.

And did you see that guy?

Oh, I don't know. I trust her. She's a good girl.

I was a good girl.

Crap.

I trust Cheyenne.

But it does look a little suspicious.

What do you think?

All right, Mom. Ben's walking me to Nick's house. Yeah, we just have to stop

the store first.

Okay, Ben, I don't want you buying him any eggs.

Don't worry, Mrs. H. Apparently some of the boys sprouted some chin hair and

they need 12 cans of shaving cream.

Just take him to Nick's. Hey, Barbara Jean. Hey, Mr. H. Happy Halloween.

Oh, no, it is not.

Where's Henry? Didn't you bring him to trick -or -treat? Oh, no, we dropped him

off at the church party.

Everyone goes dressed as a figure from the Bible.

Henry went as Charlton Heston.

Hey, I should have brought him over here so he could part your red hair.

So, uh, has Cheyenne left for her party yet? Because I'm thinking maybe we

shouldn't let her go.

I don't know. It seems a little extreme.

I mean, basically, it's a 12 -step meeting in costumes. How much trouble

she get in?

I'm off to my party.

Is that why you want to hire a cleaning lady, Brock?

Cheyenne, don't you think this costume is a little bit, uh, little?

I'm a French maid.

It's historically accurate.

Yeah, but I thought you were going to go as a goblin. Oh, yeah, but then I

realized goblins are ugly. I could never pull that off.

Honey, I'm just saying I don't think it's appropriate for you to go to a

dressed like that without your husband.

Well, it's too late because Frank is going as lord of the manor. Like he's my

boss.

Oh, that's Frank now.

Come in, monsieur.

Oh, I love Halloween.

Don't sweat up for me.

Something tells me the Lord of the Manor's getting his pillows fluffed

Stop it. Told you she's a good girl. I was a good girl.

Crap.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Look.

Cheyenne dropped this.

What is it?

Pruitt Hotel and Suites. Pruitt? Isn't that pretty sleazy? Yeah. Oh, no.

What if they got a room?

I'll call Joe the night manager.

Look at this.

Room 601, can't wait. Frank.

Okay, that's it. I'm going to put a stop to this right now.

Whoa! Mom! What? Something really bad just happened. What happened? What? It's

Van. Van and I died.

What about him? He saw them together.

Van's free.

Oh, Lord.

I've got to go stop him. Oh, my gosh.

Whoa! Van!

You've got to hide me. What in the world? Frank and I got in a fight. It

bad. I didn't mean to hurt him.

Where's Cheyenne? I left her there. She made her choice. Left her where?

I don't remember. All I saw was red. Okay, everybody, just calm down.

I gotta get out of here, Mr. H.

You still know those guys in Mexico?

Who do you know in Mexico?

Ask your private detective.

Cheyenne, you're not going anywhere. Where is my daughter if you did anything

her? Mom? Oh, Cheyenne.

Cheyenne, are you okay?

Oh, Mom, it was awful. I couldn't see anything. There was blood everywhere.

Van, what did you do with Frank? He's in a place where he can't destroy any more

families.

Van, what did you do to him? The cops are on their way. I heard the siren.

Police? Okay, all right, you know what? I know how to buy us some time, all

right? I'm going to tamper with the crime scene, and I'll get rid of Van's

Now, don't worry.

I watched all of the CSIs.

Tell me where you hid him. If you do not tell me where

Frank is, I'm going to tell the cops.

you're hiding. You want to know where he is? Yeah. Fine. I put him in the trunk.

You monster.

Man, he can suffocate in there. I wouldn't worry about that now.

What have you done?

Oh, I've got to go help him. Go ahead.

He got out.

He could have caught me.

Mom?

Reba?

How dare you?

Uh -oh, here comes the real blood.

You made me feel ridiculous for doing all my Halloween pranks so you could

this off?

Reba, just calm down. Come on, it's only a joke. Just a joke?

Are you kidding?

I almost had a heart attack!

And it was awesome!

Yeah!

It was

great. You got me and you got me good. Man, this is the greatest present a mama

could ever get.

And I passed the torch.

to you.

And you!

You were phenomenal!

Shine, where'd you find this guy? Oh, he's an actor. I met him at my meeting.

The place is full of them.

It was an honor sharing my craft with two lovely ladies such as yourselves.

I'm reminded of a sonnet by the part of Ava. Oh, really? Well, I'm reminded of

the door.

Check's in the mail, pretty boy.

That guy's definitely gay.

I can't believe you guys pulled it off. Everybody did such a good job.

Except Barbara Jean. She was a little over the top.

Yeah, well, Barbara Jean.

You didn't tell her. Oh, come on. Everyone knows she can't keep a secret.

You mean to tell me that Barbara Jean is out there somewhere searching for a

fake crime scene?

Yeah. This Halloween just gets better and better.