Original subtitles

Howdy ho, Reba.

I made you a bun cake for your party tonight.

The Germans call it bunt.

Oh, that's funny, Germans.

So, what time should I be here tonight?

The cake can stay, but you gotta go.

This party is business, as in, none of yours.

Yes, but like so many things, I've made it my business and prepared a speech to

give to your clients.

Reba is not just the best real estate agent in town.

She's also my best friend.

I do not know what I would do without her.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and I thank God that her husband made a pass

me.

I bet God really loves to hear from you.

Hey!

Oh!

Cheyenne, how was your 12 -step meeting?

Uh, Reba, those meetings are anonymous.

She's not supposed to talk about them.

Oh, no, no, no. I can talk about my meetings, and they're going really well.

mean, like, really, really, really well.

I don't know why, but I don't feel the need to drink at all.

So how was your day?

Give me that thing.

What do you think you're doing? I'm smoking. Look, it's no big deal. I'll

before it affects my looks.

I'm a little more worried about your health and the health of everybody

you.

Well, almost everyone.

I do not think smoking is that bad for you. I think tobacco's a vegetable.

Cheyenne, take it from me.

It is not worth it. I mean, sure, you look cool and sophisticated.

You know, especially if you got a sterling silver case and a holder like I

Wait, you used to smoke?

Pack a day.

And I'm telling you, smoking makes you a social pariah.

Nobody wants anything to do with you.

Are you sure they knew you smoked?

Uh -huh, Fraulein.

Okay, look, I know it's bad for me, but it helps me not want to drink.

Honey, if you're having a hard time with this, maybe I shouldn't have this party

for my clients. I mean, there'll be a lot of drink in there. No, Mom, look, I

told you, I cannot live in some fake world and pretend that alcohol doesn't

exist.

I just need to smoke right now to help me get through this.

Look, let's work something out.

Cheyenne, I'm sure if you quit smoking, Reba will let you have a snort now and

then.

No! She will not smoke and she will not drink.

As for you, you can smoke and drink. Go skydiving for all I care.

I bet she's the life of Oktoberfest.

We'll be right

back.

Oh, Van Good, I'm just finishing you up a grocery list. Sorry, don't have time.

I've got our party later on, and I still have to work on my conversational

pieces.

Conversational pieces?

Hey, it's hard work being witty.

And I don't want to step in my tongue like the last party. I don't know why

pregnant women get so touchy when you ask them when they're due.

That's because she wasn't pregnant.

And she wasn't a she.

Well, I'm pretty sure he was wearing maternity pants.

Hey, look, Cheyenne's going through some stuff. Yeah, I know, I know. Watch her

like a hawk.

I was going to say. Be supportive. I know. I got it. Man, you take stuff so

seriously. Stop it.

It's just that I'm worried that she's having a harder time with all this than

thought she would.

Now, we need to be aware and pay attention to what she's going through.

Man, Mrs. H, life does not have to be a constant.

Look at me. I'm Reba.

What obstacle do I have to overcome today?

Just go with it, man.

Man,

Cheyenne, your

mom's got a bug up her nose.

She's all over me, how I should be watching you like a hawk and what a

time you're going through.

I'm Reba. You know how she is.

Wait, why?

Why are you supposed to be watching me? Was she asking about my drinking again?

Yeah, like I don't pay attention.

I should have been, look, red.

I'm her husband.

I got this.

I know what she's up to, but I didn't. You know why? Because I'm afraid of her.

You know, this is really starting to get on my nerves.

I mean, you admit that you have a problem, you take the steps to deal with

and then all of a sudden everybody treats you like you're a completely

person. You know?

Why?

Can't everyone realize that I'm just the same old Cheyenne as I always was?

Exactly. I realize it because I'm aware.

Hey, can I have one of those vitamins?

Give me a Wilma and a Dino. You know what? I had a Dino yesterday. Make it a

Barney. No, Dan, those vitamins are not for you.

Are those chick vitamins?

Will I grow boobs? No.

Okay, I'm going to tell you something, but you cannot repeat it.

It's called disulfiram.

You're right. I can't repeat that.

Prescription medicine for alcoholics. Makes you violently ill if you drink

alcohol. A pill that makes you sick if you drink?

Well, doesn't that ruin drinking?

What's the point?

It's called booze away.

Oh, cool.

Yeah. I know that if I have one of these, I can't have a drink.

So why are you hiding them from your mom?

Because I don't want her to find out.

She's been on my case about everything. She's always snooping around, looking

for signs of trouble. So promise me, man, if she asks you as far as you're

concerned, those are just vitamins.

Got it.

Thank you, honey.

Have you always smoked?

Hey, guys. Look, it's about Cheyenne. You know, I think we should all be

impressed that she hasn't had a drink in two weeks.

Hey, I haven't peed in six hours.

But when somebody gives up something like Cheyenne has done, well, sometimes

they do other things, things that we might wish they weren't doing.

Like what?

Well, like, for instance, smoking.

Smoking what?

Cigarettes.

I just wanted to make sure that you guys weren't going to look at Cheyenne

smoking and think, oh, wow, she looks so cool. Maybe I should try that.

Oh, man, that last sip taught me off.

Did you honestly think I'd start smoking just because Cheyenne is?

You know, I just didn't want for you to be curious about cigarettes and for that

to lead to you trying.

Here, you want to take a look?

I've seen them before, Dad.

These are nasty little buggers.

I know how seductively things can be, Kira.

I used to smoke.

I didn't know that. Oh, yeah, yeah. I quit before Cheyenne was born. I haven't

smoked since.

Good for you.

You know, you might find yourself in a situation where somebody offers you one

of these things.

I have.

That's when I use that powerful just -say -no technique.

Just smell that tobacco, they might say.

Thanks for the advice. You can throw those away now.

You're darn straight I'm throwing them away.

Because smoking is bad and evil, Kira.

Bad and evil, I tell you.

Geez, Mrs. A, you sure did get a lot of booze. Well, Van, a lot of people feel

uncomfortable at these business -type get -togethers.

So a few drinks kind of help break down the barriers.

That way they can relax and get right to their conversational pieces.

It is hard work being witty.

Oh, look, there's Cheyenne's purse.

You know, I'm halfway tempted just to go through it to make sure she got rid of

those stupid cigarettes.

Oh, who am I kidding?

You know, I'm just doing this because I'm trying to protect her.

Well, I care. She goes through your purse.

Nope, no cigarettes, just a bottle of vitamins.

Vitamins? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

And what are you doing?

These vitamins are for women.

Then I'm a woman.

Don't you have special vitamins for people your age? You know, for bone

Seriously, Mrs. H, you don't need these vitamins. You look terrific.

I'm serious. You're hot.

If I wasn't married to your daughter, I would totally... Ah, stop it!

Look, Van, we're fixing to have a party. And I don't have time for these silly

games. Come on.

All right, I'll tell you what.

If you can snatch this out of my hand before I close...

Probably won't be needing my conversational pieces.

In our real estate dealing, Van and I focus on being positive. Like I always

say, if life gives you lemons, make yourself a screwdriver.

Whoa!

Hey. Van, what are you doing?

I think this bottle of vodka is bad.

Yep, it's flat. Let me get you a fizzy one.

Dan, where have you been? I need your help.

What are you doing?

Trying to keep your mom from drinking this vodka.

You could just pour it down the drain.

Yeah, I could.

Wait, why are you trying to keep mom from drinking?

Because before the party, your mother snooped through your purse, found your

bottle of booze -away pills, thought they were vitamins, and took one.

Now, if she takes a drink, she's going to blow like Mount Rushmore.

You have to tell her. Now?

In the middle of her big party? I can't pound this whole bottle of vodka. I

barely got down the scotch.

Look, man, if I tell her, I'm just going to get some big old lecture.

We'll just keep her from drinking, okay? Keep your mom from drinking?

Have you even seen her at parties? It's like she's sponsored by Smirnoff.

Wait, she's got wine.

As I was saying, Van is my son -in -law.

And I thought, well, I'll just bring him in to work with me. And he's been doing

a really good job. Ah, shoot!

Van!

Oh, my gosh. Is that my gum?

Here, let me get it out.

Wine's a little corky. You should probably switch to juice.

I'll just have a beer.

I think we're out. No, there's one right over there. Excellent!

Your spot is Mrs. H. Good eye.

Good eye.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Like I said, we're out.

Well, if anybody wants a beer, we can just squeeze Van.

If you'll just pardon us just for a second here.

Van, what's wrong with you?

I'm a little buzzed there, Redster.

Look, Mom, we found out that alcoholism is hereditary, which means you could

easily get it from me.

I appreciate your concern, but I have to give a speech, and I don't have

anything to toast with.

Just say you'd like to make a toast, and then hold up a piece of bread.

You see, booze doesn't make the charming.

Humor does.

Move.

Everyone, pardon me.

I'd like to thank you all for coming out today.

You know, real estate isn't about houses and land. It's about people.

And Van and I feel like our clients are the best darn people in all of Houston.

So, cheers.

Yes, they do.

Real estate's also about

family.

It's family.

togetherness you know and um it looks like someone starting their own family

'am when are you due angie is not pregnant so

everyone cheers cheers

so stick around have a great time

relax enjoy yourself

And when you go home tonight, think about who... Think about who put you

there.

Think about... Oh, God, excuse me.

Well,

this has given us a lot to think about.

with canola oil?

What?

No, of course not.

Oh, you mean that?

Yeah.

Yes, yes, I did.

You mind telling me why you just sprayed yourself with canola oil?

They say it's very good for the skin.

And every time I walk into a room today, you are spraying yourself with

something.

Cook and spray.

I find that odd.

And it makes me want to ask you a question.

Oh?

What's her name?

Whose name? The skirt you've been running around with? The one whose

you're trying to cover up? Is it that tramp Kathy Tillman? Oh, God!

Oh, Barbara Jean, look, there's nobody.

Oh, you liar!

Barbara Jean, look.

It's... I've been... Smoking.

Smoking? Yeah.

Who got you hooked on smoking?

That tramp Kathy Tillman? Barbara Jane, think.

What would I need with another woman when I have these?

Honey, this is not okay.

We have two children living in this house. You cannot smoke. This has got to

stop. It will. It will, I swear. You know, I'm just going to finish this pack

and then I'll... Rock.

Fine.

I'll go to the store and get some patches.

And, honey, I'm sorry I got so crazy back there.

And just so you know, Kathy Tillman is one of my nearest and dearest friends.

Oh, I'm so embarrassed.

Don't worry, Mrs. H. I told everybody you've been drinking all day.

Sam, your breath is making me nauseous.

Right back at you. Oh.

Dan, leave Mom alone and quit breathing on her. She's sick.

I don't understand it. I was feeling terrific.

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.

I mean, you eat right, you work out, you take your vitamins.

Knock it off, Dan. Oh, I'm just making a little joke. She has no idea what I'm

talking about.

What are you talking about?

Oh, I'm not telling. Not telling, not telling.

Seriously, he'll be mad.

Jan, what is he talking about? Tell me right now. All right.

All right. Clearly the hens need some time to cluckety -cluck.

This rooster's going to be upstairs.

What's he talking about?

Okay, you're probably not going to think this is funny now, what with all the

vomiting and stuff, but when you feel better, I promise you, you are going to

see the humor.

Step it up, Cheyenne. I'm about to wreck your blouse. Okay, here's the thing.

That vitamin that you took earlier, well, it's not exactly a vitamin. It's

called booze away, and it makes you sick if you drink alcohol.

And I didn't realize how sick, so boy,

that is a warning.

So you take a pill so you don't drink?

What do they think about that down at the meeting?

Oh, okay, about the meetings.

I stopped going.

Cheyenne, why would you stop going to the meetings? Well, because I had to.

They got a bell.

What?

Well, you used to be able to talk about yourself for as long as you wanted, and

everyone had to listen.

But now, when they think you talk too long, they ring a bell on you.

And I'm the only one they do it to.

Oh, honey, I'm sure it just seems that way.

Oh, they call... getting Cheyenne.

Well, what are those people thinking?

The whole point of having the meeting is so you'll talk about your drinking.

Okay, well, that's not exactly what I talk about.

Okay.

What is it you do talk about?

I talk about lots of stuff. You know, like...

Shopping and makeup and shoes. American Idol.

Cheyenne, it's a 12 -step meeting, not a slumber party.

Why don't you talk about the drinking?

Well, because that's embarrassing.

Really? More embarrassing than getting Cheyenne'd?

Look, I just want this to be over.

I know you do, honey.

But it's going to be a struggle and something you're going to have to deal

for the rest of your life.

Well, thanks for the pep talk.

I'm through giving you pep talks.

You're going to have to stop taking the easy way out.

So I'm supposed to go to those meetings and have them ring a bell on me? If

that's what it takes to get you better, then yes, ma 'am, you're going to have

to do it.

Fine.

I'll go. But I'm going to start by telling them how mean my mom is. Okay.

Diane.

I need you.

I need you to come upstairs with me and clean the lamp that I broke.

Why is this bed so high?

Why are there so many pillows?

I'm so excited that I'm going to go back to my meeting tomorrow, and I cannot

wait because I have so much to talk about.

Which reminds me, I've got to take out an outfit.

I was shopping at the mall today at my favorite store, and I saw this really

cute pair of pants.

I mean, they were a little trashy. Not trashy on me, but trashy on other

It turns out they didn't even have my size.

You know what?

It is so cool that I can talk to you about stuff like this since I can't talk

about it at my meeting anymore.

I totally forgot to tell you.

We were walking through the mall and this girl came up to us and she wanted

to take pictures of Elizabeth because she said she was...

It's Fran Drescher.

Don't miss the season premiere of Living with Fran right at the Reba.