Original subtitles

Hey, Cheyenne, I'm making chili.

It's got melted cheese, sour cream, and two sticks of butter in it. I call it

stroking a bowl.

No chili for me.

Finn and I are dieting.

Cheyenne, the last time you were on a diet, you were sucking the cookie dough

right out of a tube.

I'm serious.

We are committed to the... Why are you on a diet anyway? You look fantastic.

Oh, I know.

But Van is all worried that he's going to get fat now that he's not playing

football, so he's dieting it. I'm being forced to join.

Well, they say those are the keys to a good marriage.

Vanity and hunger.

Oh, my gosh, it's almost 1 o 'clock. Barbara Jean will be here any minute to

her dog. Would you go call it in from the backyard?

Oh, sure.

I think it's weird that Barbara Jean named her dog after Dad.

Yeah. It's so mean.

To the dog.

Come on, Brock!

Come on, good dog!

Brock!

Hey, Mom, I thought Barbara Jean didn't want her dog to go outside.

She didn't. That's why I have to get it back to room temperature.

I don't see her out here.

Yoo -hoo!

I'm back!

Oh, where is my precious little...

Go find that dang dog, and when you find her, hold her over the chili pot to

warm her up.

Come on, little Brock.

Time for kissing.

Well, at least buy her a glass of wine first.

Hi, Reba.

Thanks so much for watching Brock.

Was she any trouble?

Oh, hardly knew she was here.

Still don't.

Where is she?

Well, I really don't know right now. Last time I saw her, she was upstairs

watching television.

Reba, on the Brock watching instructions I left with you, it explicitly states

no TV.

Relax, it was PBS.

It was a dog show.

And she was fascinated to see that some dogs don't have to wear turtlenecks.

Well, I certainly hope you didn't play fast and loose with the rest of this

stuff. Did she do her doggy Pilates?

Yes. Yes, she did.

Mom,

you know that thing that you wanted me to heat up? Well, I can't find it.

Are you sure you looked everywhere?

Because sometimes that thingy likes to dig in my azaleas.

What is going on? Oh, nothing.

We're just looking for Jake. Yep.

Little booger won't stay out of the flowers. Yep.

Where's my dog?

We really don't know for sure.

say that a while back I was a lot calmer.

Somebody found the doll. No, they have a six and a half in the black pump.

I'm going to be at the mall.

You're not going anywhere until we find that dang doll.

Hey, I picked up Mr. H and I put up all these flyers.

Hope to heaven that doll can read.

What happened to your ear? What?

Oh, this? I cut myself shaving.

You shave your ear?

Hey, your body goes through lots of changes after you turn 40.

Yeah, I'm shaving in a lot of places I never thought I'd have to.

You know, Mr. H,

did you try waxing? Huh? You don't have to do it as often.

Yeah, I did it once for fun. Yeah? Now I am hooked.

Kara, where have you been?

Oh, Barb G wanted me to get a tape of the dogs to give to the police. Why

you just give them a picture?

Because it doesn't capture her spirit.

Charlie had the dog awake. How many types can she have?

These are just from yesterday.

Check this out.

I feel sorry for the poor sap who had to videotape all

that. Eighty bucks is eighty bucks.

I just don't understand it. How did the dog get out?

Are you sure one of you guys didn't leave the gate open? No, I... Hey, maybe

found a hole underneath the fence. Or a hawk swooped down and took her away.

Oh, man, that would be awesome to see.

Well, I mean, terrible for Barbara Jean, but awesome to see.

You know, I feel bad for Barbara Jean and all, but to be honest, I kind of

that little dog.

Barbara Jean, are you okay?

Yeah, where were you?

Well, while you guys were all running around with your heads cut off, I did

something productive.

I went to see a psychic.

Well, did she know what happened to the dog? Oh, she knew.

So, tell us what she said.

Well, one person in this room already knows what she said.

Wait a minute. Who's a psychic, her or us?

She told me that someone in my family, somebody that I trust killed my dog.

in this family would hurt your dog, no matter what Madam Whackjob said.

Her name is Jackie the Olcene.

Well, with a last name like that, you practically have to become a psychic.

You know what I think?

I think you did it, Reba.

I think you're the one Jackie the Olcene saw.

I didn't do anything. I love that dog.

What?

Mom, you... You always complained about four -legged Brock.

When she brought her over here, you hid and pretended like you weren't home.

Why, Reba?

Were you jealous of my relationship with that dog?

Is that why you didn't take good care of her?

If anybody didn't take good care of her, it was you, dressing her up like a

canine Elton John.

She was a dog, Barbara Jean. She wanted to go outside.

Outside, Reba?

Oh, good Lord, she's not an animal.

Here's what happened.

And over at your house, they have different rules, but over here at my

little doggies go on the floor. There you go.

You hardly have any legs. How'd you do that?

Okay, time off.

There you go.

All righty then. Come on.

Come on, dog.

See you, dog.

Yeah, I read the list. What are you going to do, tell on me?

She did tell on you. Through Jackie the all -fiend.

Margie, I'm not the first person to put a dog out in the yard.

Oh, good Lord, Reba.

There are killer hawks everywhere.

That's what I said.

That'd be awesome to see.

I just did not want her up there on my counter, and she wouldn't have been if

you didn't treat her like she could walk on water.

Walk on water? Yeah.

Reba, what is dog spelled backwards?

Look, it doesn't matter how Barbara Jean treated the dog. You shouldn't have put

her out in the backyard.

Yeah, Mom, you went against Barbara Jean's instructions.

Her printed, laminated, color -coded instructions.

I tried to tell her.

It spells God.

Clearly, you didn't like the dog or else you wouldn't have put it out in the

yard. Well, I guess since you're the expert on not liking dogs, Brock, you're

the one who said you hated the dog.

Brock hater.

No, Barbara Jean, I didn't say that.

Yes, you did.

And you're always telling me how much you hate the dog.

Oh, yes, it's when do you listen to what I say. Look, sure, I didn't like

sharing my toothbrush with the dog, but that doesn't mean I did anything to it.

I mean, how could I? I wasn't even in the yard.

Yeah, you were.

I saw you.

See, it's not me.

Brock's at fault.

It's a natural law.

The sun sets in the west and Brock's at fault.

about being in the yard and come to think of it, you had something in your

Something that looked like a sack. A dog napping sack.

It wasn't a dog napping sack. It was a pillowcase.

Oh, Reba.

I'm so scared. Hold me. Now. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Fine.

I was in the yard.

But I wasn't there to hurt the dog.

I was there to make friends with it. By stuffing her in a pillowcase?

This is why we don't have friends.

The vet said that I should get her used to my scent. So I sprayed some of my

cologne on a pillowcase and I brought it over here for her to smell.

It was going fine.

At first.

Good girl.

Hey, listen.

I'm not such a bad guy.

I'm a good guy.

Yeah, smell that.

That's obsession.

For men.

It's a pleasant, manly scent.

Come here.

Come here, you see?

You see, I'm not a bad guy. Give me some sugar.

My ear!

You monster.

self -shaving? Of course not. I'm not old enough to shave in my ears.

Well, it wouldn't kill you to go up the nostrils a little bit.

It made you angry, didn't it? Angry enough to kill?

Look, I'll admit I wasn't happy, but when I left the yard, the dog was fine.

Doesn't look good, Mr. H.

You know what they do to dog killers in jail?

Especially pretty ones like you.

Or pretty ones like you.

Well, when I say it, it's not creepy.

You just admitted you were in the yard, too. Who?

You!

What?

His heart beat faster, but his brain continued to run at the same speed.

I was in the garage.

No, you weren't.

Oh, how do you know?

Because I was in the garage waiting for you to come work out with me, but you

never showed up.

Maybe he didn't need a workout.

Maybe he'd already broken a sweat by digging a teeny tiny little grave.

I didn't go near that dog.

You know, come to think of it, you never did go near that dog.

Whenever we came over, you left the room.

Well, that may have more to do with you.

Admit it.

You hated my little precious. I didn't hate the dog.

I was scared of it.

What?

I was in the yard, whistling, happy.

And then I heard it.

I'm not afraid of big dogs.

I'm afraid of little ones.

When I was a little kid, my parents let me watch Cujo on TV, but it was on a

nine -inch screen.

If they had just bought me a normal -sized

television, I would not be living with this curse.

So if it's not me, it's not Brock, it's not Van, and again I say, not me, then

who can it be?

All I know is when I was enjoying my time in the treehouse, I saw the dog run

into the garage.

Didn't Cheyenne just say she was in the garage?

She did.

Cheyenne just said she was in the garage.

I'm going to ask you one time, Cheyenne.

Did you do something to my dog? No. I'm going to ask you two times.

while you were in the garage? I told you, I was in there to work out with Van

a part of our new healthy lifestyle.

Untrue! After I scampered down the treehouse and ran up to the bedroom and

locked the door, I saw your workout clothes on the bed.

And just last week, I saw you chasing the dog. Because she took my cookies.

always took my cookies.

Your cookies?

But wait a minute, that would mean...

garage to work out.

I was there to do a very bad thing.

Where are my cookies?

You.

I warned you before, you little mutt.

Get your paws off my cookie.

That's it, you filthy little mutt.

What was my cookie? My cookie was a little mutt.

You ate the cookies off the garage floor?

Oh, Cheyenne.

Did the diet make you hungry?

Hungry enough to eat a small dog?

Shut up, Kira. Look, Van, I hate this stupid diet. It's not my fault that you

think you're going to get fat because you're not playing football. Hey, I am

sensitive about this issue.

I finished the cookies, did 600 sit -ups, and came inside.

Well, then there's only one person left.

Kira!

All right.

I admit it.

It was me.

And what happened was this.

Eternal life will be mine.

Very funny, Fura.

Although if you had have done it, I wouldn't have had to cook dinner.

Well, it doesn't look like it was any of us, Barbara Jean. Well, you can all

make excuses till kingdom come.

All I know is that somebody did something to my dog.

You okay?

I think you guys better come outside.

Why? What is it, bud?

It's the dog. Oh, my gosh. What happened?

It's kind of gross.

Oh, God. Well, Jean, calm down.

Jake, come on. Tell us what happened to the dog.

I think he killed the hawk.