Original subtitles

Ben,

what are you doing? Trying to make my hair grow faster.

Mom, is it hard to make a volcano?

I need to make one for my science fair.

Start with something a little easier, like making your bed.

Hey, Mr. Dage, can I help Jake build his volcano?

Really? Yeah!

I've always wanted to do that. My father hated doing stuff with me. He would

always have my projects professionally made. One year for science fair, my

project was a dialysis machine.

Thanks, man.

Can we make the volcano spit real fire?

Real fire.

Well, let's not get carried away.

Huge fire.

Hey, Reba.

Just so you know, the situation is under control.

What situation?

Is Kira allergic to any medicine?

Is Kira sick? Sorry, yeah, yeah. I need to borrow a heating pad and a blowtorch.

A blowtorch? Well, I'm making creme brulee, but that's not the point.

Oh, honey, what's wrong?

I'll tell you what's wrong.

She's sick.

Put your tongue out.

Put your tongue in.

Put your tongue out.

Now shake it all about.

Reba, you do not hokey pokey with the ill.

She's faking!

Trust me, I can spot a sick kid from 50 yards in a dense fog, and she's not

sick. All right, Kira, what's going on with you?

Nothing. Okay,

you can tell me why you're faking it, or you can go to school right now.

But if I told you why I was faking, then you'd know I was faking, and then you'd

make me go to school anyway.

Though, there's really no upside.

Well,

I suggest you go upstairs and change or you're going to go to school in your

jammies.

Fine. I hope I get sick for real. Oh, that'll teach us.

Man, I am so easily fooled.

I wonder if all those people I read to are really blind.

I think some of them are just lazy.

Did that... seem odd to you yet why because kira's never faked being sick

she faked being well because she wants to go to school i'm gonna call down to

the school see if something's going on or we could disguise ourselves as

girls and infiltrate her circle of friends

You know, sweetheart, since golf is going to be my new job, we really should

consider the course as my office.

So, I'm going to the office.

Sit down, Brock. We need to talk.

Well, isn't this great?

Maybe I should get a third wife. Then I'd never have to play golf.

What's up? Well, after Kira's little illness this morning, I made a call down

the school.

Apparently, she's been absent four times this month.

Whoops, my mistake.

I walked into the room marked lynch mob.

Mark it.

Kira, is it true you missed four days of school?

Barbara Jean, you signed the notes.

You tricked me.

You didn't want my autograph.

And on the days when she did attend school, she was cutting classes.

Cutting? You don't cut classes. Exactly.

And I, for one, would like to know what's going on. No, little missy.

Nothing's going on.

Kara, we're going to get to the bottom of this, even if it means we have to

here till 3 .15 to do it.

Fine.

A couple of kids at school have been giving me a hard time, and some days I

don't feel like dealing with it.

It's always the bully.

Or the jock.

has this been going on? My whole life.

Kira? I don't know. A while.

Well, sweetheart, why didn't you say anything?

Yeah. Why? So you could call a parent -teacher conference and embarrass me in

front of everyone?

No. So we could discuss the situation and find a rational solution.

I think we should call a parent -teacher conference.

Oh, no.

You do not go crying to the teacher.

only get you shoved in a locker with chalk up your nose and duct tape in your

hair.

Honey, I wish I'd been there to protect you. Except you were 34.

It would be easier if I could just switch schools.

Kira, honey, in my experience, there are only two ways to deal with bullying.

You can hide in the bushes until they forget about you, or you can buy them

presents.

Which reminds me, Reba, I picked you up a little something at the mall

yesterday.

Oh, hey, Mrs. H. If you need us, we're going to be in the garage building our

mountain of death.

This puppy's going to have molten lava, miniature trees, and tiny little

villagers running for their lives.

Say hello to Pedro.

Hello,

Pedro.

He's a blacksmith, and he's about to die.

Can I play with him? No!

Well, I mean, just be careful, buddy. They're fragile.

Reba, we have a situation.

And this time, it's real.

Yeah. We were called down to pick up Kira from school.

Apparently, she got into an argument with some girl.

And punched her in the mouth.

What?

Kira hit someone? Kira, is this true?

Ah, you know how it is on the playground. One minute we're standing

drinking, the next we're throwing punches.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Kira.

Man, I hope I can move out one day so I can constantly be here.

Don't mess with Kira.

She punched a girl at school.

Oh, I knew it was only a matter of time before Miss Congeniality snapped.

Bell Congeniality.

Spell no.

Okay, spell knock it off.

All right, girls. We don't have time for this Cheyenne Cura love fest.

Cura, what's going on with you?

Nothing. We're losing her, Reba.

Losing her to the mean streets of Houston.

Why would you punch some girl? It's how she shows affection.

That's right. So why don't you come over here for a little hug? Girls.

Girls. Girls.

Stop it.

Cura, start talking.

She started messing with me, so I took a swing at her. I didn't even think I'd

connect. It's no big deal.

Oh, I think a little girl going home from school with a steak pressed to her

face is a big deal. What on God's green earth made you snap?

Have you considered the fact that she's a total psycho?

Shut up. You shut up. Girls, this is your last warning. I gotta get out of

Kira, what did that girl do to make you lose it?

She called Cheyenne a slut, okay?

She called Cheyenne a slut, so I punched her.

Oh, my gosh. My psycho sister loves me.

Keira, standing up for Cheyenne.

I hear the words, but I can't wrap my head around them.

I cannot believe that girl called me a slut.

I was so far from a slut.

I was a tease.

Cheyenne, if you were a tease, I wouldn't be a grandfather yet.

Even if Kira was standing up for Cheyenne, we still have a huge problem.

decked that girl.

But she was defending a member of our family, which is what our family has

always done.

Reba, if I didn't know better, I'd say you approve of this.

Is that a slam against my face? Oh, well, hey, hey.

Come on, Barbara Jean.

You heard what that girl called me. Yeah. Plus, it takes one to know one.

Except I'm not one. But if I was one, then she would have to be one, you know.

Two.

Kira still has to be punished. Oh, you got that right.

If we don't, she could turn on us.

And I bruised like a peach.

I do not want my baby sister to suffer because of some name -calling girl who I

bet is stupid and ugly.

Just be tough with her, Reba. It's the only thing her kind understands.

Oh, hey there, buttercup.

Kira? Kira, come here.

Look at me.

I want you to hear me when I say this, okay?

I love...

You loving me.

Wow. That almost wasn't about you.

Here, we're all very happy that you stuck up for your sister. Yes, but

that girl was wrong, and there need to be consequences.

So, you're going to have to be punished, right, Reba?

Yes. I'm sorry, but your dad's right.

So, I'm afraid there will be no Jackson Brown concert next month.

Who the heck is Jack?

Don't push it.

I never knew you felt that way about me.

Can we please not make a big deal about this? Anything you want, because as of

now, we are spending every free moment together. I'm taking you to the mall.

Come on. No, please, just one more punch.

Shouldn't you and Van be working on your project?

Van gave me $10 to leave him alone.

Bring me a virgin!

Mrs. Dates, you have to take a look at this.

First, smoke and glowing light signal the eruption.

Then this trigger mixes the vinegar and baking soda to form the lava.

And then finally, a spring -loaded mechanism sends the whole thing straight

the ceiling.

You want to see? You probably should wear goggles.

And did Jake help you build this?

Well, yeah, about that. He's not very good with his hands.

This is Jake's project, not yours.

Plus, that thing weighs more than he does.

But, Mrs.

H, look at it.

It's beautiful.

There's no way he won't get it.

And A is not the point.

Do you even remember school?

Do you remember when I helped Jake build his model of the Alamo last year? Oh,

you're kidding. He had help with that?

He put glitter in the courtyard and a unicorn in the stables.

Two details you won't find in a history book, but it was cute.

I let him do it his way because it was his project.

And after we were finished, he felt good about it.

How is this any different than what your father used to do with you?

You're right.

I've turned into my dad.

Next thing you know, I'll be calling people sport and getting hair plugs.

Hey, listen, sport.

Look, maybe this volcano's a little busy.

How about me and you, we make another one?

Together. What do you say?

Really?

Do I have to?

Yes.

Okay.

But instead of lava, can I shoot out glitter?

We'll call it Volcano, the musical.

Here, I'm just saying that you should kiss as many boys as you can because one

day you wake up and boom, it's senior year and you're married.

Well, is it in the Bobsy Twins? You guys have a good time?

Oh, it was great.

That's the first breath she's taken.

I'd offer you a drink.

Let me make you some tea.

Thanks. Oh, wait. Wait a minute.

Mom, I gotta confess something.

And if you ever tell anyone I said this, I'll deny it. And I'll never tell you

anything ever again.

Ever.

What is it?

I actually had a pretty good time with her.

Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me.

Nobody would have believed it anyway.

Reba, we have a huge problem.

No, we don't.

Diane and Kira are friends.

All's well in the world. Yeah, I just got a call from Kira's principal.

They have a zero -tolerance policy towards violence. They're kicking her

school. What?

They can't do that.

Zero tolerance, Reba.

Do you know how much tolerance they have?

I told him that. Sure, she had a little lapse in judgment, but that's no reason

to ruin her life.

I told him that, too. Well, you need to tell him loud enough.

I'm gonna go down there and talk to those people.

Yeah, I told him that, too.

You know who else has zero tolerance?

Reba.

Mom, do you think we could be doing this?

They're gonna get mad.

They might kick Jake out of school.

You're up.

You sit up for Cheyenne, and we're going to stand up for you.

But I don't... No buts.

That's what family does, okay? Have a seat.

I've been out of high school almost 30 years. It still makes me nervous to go

the principal's office.

Did you treat me, Tommy?

No.

Yes, you are. Are you trying to get us into even more trouble? Now, get rid of

it. Follow it.

I'm good. Okay.

So, what's our plan of attack?

Okay. Well, we open up with Kira's school record.

Straight A student, honor roll, that sort of thing.

And then we point out that there are thousands of students in the school, and

she's only decked one.

Brilliant.

Hey.

My gum came back.

That is a good omen.

Hey, guys.

Shania, oh, it was so sweet of you to come down here to support your sister.

Are you kidding me? After what Kira did for me, there is no way I'm letting them

kick her out of school.

Mom, do we really have to do this?

Look, I know you're nervous, but we've got to go in there and tell them what

happened. I just want to go home.

Sweetheart, it'll be fine.

Hey, I've got a great idea.

We should have Cheyenne tell the story. Can you cry on cue?

Are you kidding?

Guess who has never had a traffic ticket?

Me too.

Okay, Cheyenne and I are going to cry.

Don't worry. If it looks fake, I'll make them stop.

Stop.

do this. Kara, I told you. I wasn't defending Cheyenne. I wanted to get

out.

Are you coming?

We're going to need a minute.

What are you talking about?

Are you saying that girl didn't call me a slut?

No. She called you a slut and a loser and a teenage baby machine.

You could have just said yes.

I also said that I was going to be just like Cheyenne, which is what everybody

says all the time.

I guess I'm just tired of hearing, hey, Kira, how many kids are you going to

have by prom?

Well, did you also say that Cheyenne is going to college now and she has an A

-minus average?

It's not my job to defend her.

I just want to live my own life.

I want to go to some school where nobody's even heard of Cheyenne.

Kira, I'm sorry you're carrying all this weight, but you're going about this all

wrong. What am I supposed to do, stay here and be miserable for the next three

years? Honey.

When things are tough, you stick with it.

Well, at least I didn't hit anybody.

Here, honey.

We've got to go in there and tell them what's been going on.

Because if we decide to go to another school, it needs to be on your terms,

because you were kicked out.

So you'll let me transfer?

We'll cross this bridge and then we'll talk about it.

Ready?

I'll be there in a minute.

Okay.

Well, I'm glad you had a good laugh.

You know, I was an idiot to think you actually liked me.

I did like you.

I do like you. Yeah, right.

You know what? You fooled me once and...

Well, I don't know the rest of the thing, but you are not going to fool me

again.

At the mall, in the car, at home, all the times you weren't hugging me?

I like talking to you.

Oh, God.

All the times you weren't hugging me?

Oh, sorry.

So, what was your favorite part about talking to me?

All the words you mispronounced.