Original subtitles

Hey, Mom. Hey.

You look great. Can't talk. You haven't seen me.

Hey there, Kira.

You forgot your lunch.

Again?

Oh, look. All pink and sparkly, just like Kira.

Mom, Kira, now you take that lunch box.

And whatever you do, don't you lose it.

And if you do, pick up another one on the way home.

Oh. Okie dokie, Smokey. Oh, my gosh.

You just said okie dokie, Smokey.

That's my favorite catchphrase. Oh, that is needle -rific.

Yes, I did. I spoke like you.

Remember me?

Hey. Hey, you guys want some waffles? Waffles?

Never had waffles three days before a big game, and I'm not about to start

You can't mess with the mojo.

How about you, Cheyenne?

Once again, see, no.

Neither one of us can have waffles until Saturday.

This can never change.

You can't be serious. Oh, he is.

Let me tell you something. Nothing makes you want to have a waffle more than

someone telling you you can't.

It's like the forbidden waffle.

Hey, I know it sounds silly, but as far as I'm concerned, my superstitions are a

big part of my success.

Like it has nothing to do with your ability?

Surprisingly little.

Here we go!

He is so nervous about the football game.

It's his first college third.

I know how he feels.

It's like me on the high school debate team.

A kid told me to shut up, and I froze.

Well, not a kid, a judge.

A kid and a judge.

And some parents.

Well, I'm nervous, too. I mean, there's three huge outlet malls in Dallas, and

it looks like I'm only going to have time to hit two of them.

Good luck to you in this very trying time.

Thank you.

Well, don't worry about anything on this end.

Elizabeth is going to be very happy.

Can't sleep over it.

Barbara Jean's House of... Something Snappy.

I'm still working on the title.

Wait a minute. Camp what? Camp Sleepover at Step -Grandma Barbara... Say what?

You keep working on the name, and I'll keep Elizabeth here.

Mom, before you freak out, we thought it'd be fun for Elizabeth to spend the

weekend with Henry. You're right.

She should spend time with Henry.

Have Barbara Jean drop him off.

Mom, we already told Barbara Jean that she could take care of her. Well, then

tell her you didn't tell her. How hard is it to confuse her?

Look at how small my head is.

Kids love that stuff, okay?

Well, Reva, looks like you got all these extra waffles and just me to eat them.

Perfect. You know what?

I love to have my breakfast out on the patio.

eating outside.

It'll be just like a picnic.

You know, Brock and I used to go on those all the time.

Of course, that was when we were keeping our love secret.

If squirrels could talk.

Apparently, nuts can.

With gentle hands and the heart of a fighter, I'm a

survivor.

Here you go, Van. No, no, no, Mr. H.

You rolled my socks into a ball.

Fold and tuck.

Fold and tuck bring you luck.

Now I have to go have a grape soda so it doesn't rain.

Cheyenne, you have to put the ice in the glass.

Hey, make sure it's not crushed ice. That might make it snow.

What do you think?

It's my picture.

Gee, I was hoping you'd swallowed your head.

I'm wearing mine under my shirt.

Someone might want to steal it.

They're not only cute and 100 % cotton, they're also practical.

This way, if Elizabeth and I get separated at the mall, security will

she belongs to.

Why would you get separated?

Oh, I know it's unlikely it will ever happen, but once bitten, twice shy.

Okay, Barbecue, why don't you go grab Elizabeth? Okay. Wait, what? Wait, wait

minute.

You lost Elizabeth at the mall?

No. Oh, good.

I lost Henry.

It was about a month ago. I just turned around and he was gone.

Poof! Oh, I'll tell you what, that was the longest seven minutes of my life.

Anyway, camp time!

Does Van and Cheyenne know about this? Okay, look, before you overreact, it's

not as bad as it sounds. He wasn't really lost.

He was in the pants rack, two feet away, hiding from her.

I've hidden from her once. I climbed a tree, ran into the mailman.

So you can see the humor in the situation.

It's kind of funny, huh? Oh, yeah.

You're going to make a big deal out of this, aren't you?

Oh, yeah.

Here we go again.

I don't know why I keep coming over here.

Hey, Brock, how's the wife? Great. We moved three doors down for my ex -wife.

That was a good idea. Hey, maybe next time we can all just move in together.

Yeah!

Too much foam. Too much foam!

I need to talk to you two about Barbara Jean watching Elizabeth.

Mom, we're not going to change our minds. Oh, I think you might. When you

little story, I call Barbara Jean lost Henry at the mall.

What?

Henry's gone?

you found him.

Oh!

Well, that's a short story, but very exciting.

Mom, we already knew about that. And she was so great, she found him in like

seven minutes. No, she was not great. She lost him for seven minutes. See?

The glass is half empty.

Well, as long as it's not a bunch of foam, I'm cool with it.

Mom, nobody is perfect. Even you. I never said I was perfect.

It's just that...

Certain people make me look that way by comparison.

I think you're perfect when you're awake.

What the heck does that mean?

It means 16 hours. There, you are perfect.

Okay, Ben, come on.

Cheyenne, your mother asked a question. The other day when we got home and you

were watching her, you were asleep on the couch.

Elizabeth was napping. I'd had a big old turkey sandwich. I was watching golf.

Shoot, I'm surprised I'm awake now.

We totally trust you, and we trust Barbara Jean.

All things being equal, we chose her for this weekend.

Okay, not going to rain. Let's hit the road.

Okay, fine. You leave me no choice.

Call your coach. You're grounded.

What?

Oh, Matt, do you see what happens when you pour too much foam?

Van, she cannot ground us. We're adults.

And, Mom, we have to go. Please don't be mad at us. Oh, I am too mad.

Until you get into that car.

Because I want you to be safe.

So, call me when you get there so I'll know to be mad again, okay?

So be safe. Call me. Godspeed.

Are you mad right now?

Godspeed!

Okay, barber team. Take good care of our little girl.

Bye, Munchkin.

Hey,

Cheyenne. Here's that CD for the ride.

And Van, I don't know why you think what you think, but...

The spell is hereby lifted.

Um, thanks.

Yeah.

Okay, I can't afford a long goodbye, so let's get going.

Bad luck? No, but crying before the game is.

Am I missing my baby?

gonna go pick up henry and then we're gonna go to the zoo won't that be fun oh

wait a minute you're gonna take the two kids to the zoo well that's like a mall

with dangerous animals oh it sounds exciting i

don't think you should go the the zoo is full of um drunk

now you're thinking of the pta

I'm going with you.

You want to go with me?

I didn't say that.

I said I'm going with you.

Oh, my gosh. A good day just got great.

I'm going to go grab you a t -shirt, River.

Don't hurry.

You're going to just do with her?

Oh, I get it. You two stroll by the alligator pond and then bump slash

Barbara Jean.

I'm going to keep an eye on Elizabeth.

And afterwards, the barber team will be exhausted, and I'll volunteer to take

over baby -fitting.

Oh, well, that's a pretty elaborate plan.

Yeah, and if that doesn't work, maybe the baboons will kidnap her and make her

their queen.

My feet are killing me.

they had to make the zoo so big.

Why don't they just put all the animals in one cage so you don't have to walk

ten miles?

You know, I always feel sorry for them.

Stuck in cages like that.

There you go.

Oh, Jakey, what was your favorite part?

The pigeons.

Well, those weren't really part of the zoo.

Yeah, but one pooped out.

I had a great time.

We should do something without the kids. You know, just you and me.

Maybe we could go hunting.

Not today.

I got a million errands to run before Brock gets home.

Oh, well, why don't I watch the kids and put them down for a nap?

No, that's okay. Oh, but I want to. No, I don't think so.

You just get your sleep.

No, the kids are going to sleep. I'm not going to.

Unless there's golf on TV.

What's that supposed to mean?

Reba, I can't risk it. You will fall asleep. You have a reputation.

I have a reputation?

A bit of a temper, too. That has been mentioned.

I may lose my temper, but I didn't lose a child.

Oh, how dare you accuse me of doing something I told you I did.

No wonder I don't want you staying alone with my grandchild.

Is that why you came to the zoo with me today? To spy on me?

I thought we were bonding.

But you weren't bonding. You were James Bonding.

Well, I didn't go to the zoo to punish my fate.

Great. You know what? Well, if I'm just such a terrible parent, why don't you

watch her? You know, if you're just so perfect.

Then it's settled.

Fine. I will just take him.

That's Elizabeth.

on this floor, unlimited ice.

You know what's the coolest part about this hotel room? We get to leave stuff

lying around on the floor and mom can't yell at us.

So honey, what do you want to do first? I want to lay on this couch and watch

TV. You're on your own.

What are you talking about? Don't you want to go check out Dallas?

It's awesome.

Look, you've really been on edge for the past couple days and I think if we stay

pooped up in the hotel room, we're bound to get into a fight.

Oh, yeah.

A doozy.

Wait. You want to get into a fight? Yes. Us fighting is a good luck charm.

Oh, yeah? Then why aren't we rich?

Look, the day before the city championship, we had a huge fight.

I had three touchdowns. The day before the Houston Scouts came, we had a fight.

I got a scholarship.

Tomorrow's my first start. I need our biggest fight yet.

believe this. You brought me here planning on us having a bad time?

Well, you're off to a really good start, you big jerk. That's good. That's good.

But let's not start off too early. I want to make sure we go to bed angry.

So my feelings mean nothing to you? I'm just some part of your stupid mojo?

Does that upset you?

Yes! Then yeah.

You know what? I never want to talk to you ever again. Oh, come on, Cheyenne.

I'm doing this for us.

Such a great game tomorrow.

Hey, Reba. Hey.

Hey, Jake. How was the zoo?

A pigeon pooped on a guy.

Yeah, well, maybe the guy started it.

Hey, listen, bud. Can I get a moment with your mom?

Okay. But tell mom you like your bean picture.

She made it by herself.

Reva. I know what you're going to say.

I'm sorry, Brock, but I think Elizabeth is better off with me.

You know what? You're forgetting that I was here when you raised our kids.

What's that supposed to mean?

Gee, remember when Cheyenne shoved a bean up her nose? Or how about Kira

her head stuck in the banister? Or Jake swallowing a $1 .50 in change?

Oh, that was my fault. I told him it was lunch money.

The point is...

No one's a perfect parent, Reba.

Okay, maybe I'm not perfect. Fine.

At least I'm not annoying.

She goes around all the time saying these goofy things like, okey -dokey,

Smokey, and, oh, those waffles are waffle -tastic.

So what, you don't want her to watch Elizabeth because she has a way with

Yes, because it rubs off on people.

It's already started with Kira.

If I'm not careful, I'm going to have a two -year -old walking around asking for

a cookie -wookie.

That's the way kids talk.

She won't stop.

Why is this suddenly an issue? She's always been like that.

Heck, at our wedding, she said, I do, Magoo.

And that must have been very annoying for you.

No, I laughed, like you just did.

I didn't laugh, I scoffed. Oh, come on, admit it. She makes you laugh.

I laugh at her.

Okay, twice, I laughed with her. But way more at her.

Reba. You like her.

I do not. Yes, you do. No, I don't. Yes, you do. You're beginning to find her

charming and funny and delightful.

Okay. Maybe she's not an awful person.

And maybe somewhere very deep inside that queen of baboons

is a good heart.

But other than that, she drives me crazy.

I think what's driving you crazy is you're beginning to like her.

You know what the problem with this divorce is?

It's too nice.

Even I'm getting sucked in. Everybody walking around getting along.

It's ridiculous.

I know. Where's the hate?

So are you going to apologize to her? Yes.

There's nothing she likes better than an apology -wology.

second. I'm going to put you on the speakerphone. Jake wants to hear, too.

on.

Okay, go ahead.

Yes, can I have a cheeseburger and some curly fries?

Shh, he thinks it's funny.

Go ahead, Van.

Oh, it went great. I had two touchdowns and a fumble recovery.

You like me.

Barb Jean, you think I'm a good person.

And I also said that you're very annoying. I didn't want you around my

granddaughter. And yet, you like me.

See, that's the very thing that makes you so annoying.

I'm annoying, but she likes me.

Okay, that's enough.

I'm annoying, but she cares.

Stop it. She says to stop it, but she likes me.

Okay,

song over.

So what, you just came over here to gloat?

No, I came to say thank you.

Why?

Well, it's just with me being the other woman and all, our friendship got off to

a bad start.

very special to me and it's just good news to find out that I'm special to you

too. Okay, wait, let's get this very clear.

I'm still way more special to you than you are to me.

But I'm catching up.

I'll be by later and we can chat some more.

Okie dokie, Smokey.

Please tell me she didn't hear that.

And next, we've got an all new Grounded for Life.