Original subtitles

Come on, Jake, finish up.

You didn't pour my milk.

That's because you never tipped me.

Why didn't you say something?

I was waiting for a commercial.

You're watching a commercial.

Oh.

Then can I get one of those?

Jake, look, cereal.

Can you pick Elizabeth up after work? Honey, I can't. I've got to get Jake

karate. Oh, but I have a night class and Van has a scrimmage.

Oh, can I get one of those?

Okay, fine. I'll figure out a way to get Elizabeth.

Oh, thank you, Mom. You bet. Oh, shoot.

I am running late. Can one of you guys drop off Jake?

Oh, I can't. I've got to take Elizabeth to her checkup.

Van, what about you? Sure.

I'll wait today.

No, I can't.

Oh, well, thanks for getting my hopes up.

Jake, why aren't you eating?

I don't have a spoon.

Is this your first breakfast?

Hey, Reba, you got a second? Sure, it's my slow time.

I was just wondering if Jake could come over to our house for dinner tonight.

It's kind of a special occasion. We're having cake and ice cream.

What, Barbara Jean's got a new beanie baby?

Seriously?

It's number 450, which is a state record. Can he come?

Please? I don't know. It's a school night. You'll have homework.

Tell you what, I'll pick him up after school. Heck, I'll even drop him off now

if you want me to. Okay, fine, but you owe me.

Hey!

never stops. With gentle hands and the heart of a fighter.

I'm a survivor.

Hey. Hey, Kara. How's school?

Good. But I really missed you today.

This is one fiddle that says, play me.

Look.

Is that a cat?

Can we keep her, please?

Oh, Kira, you know your father is deathly allergic to cats.

What's her name?

Well, she doesn't have one yet.

Hey, maybe you... Clap, clap.

Mimi found her and her dad said they had to get rid of it.

Well, I don't know, Kira.

I'm not even sure my dad's really allergic to cats. He just doesn't want

told my mom once that he was allergic to minivans.

Oh, he is, Kira.

We test drove one.

Please, Barbara Jean.

I don't want to sound all mushy, but there's just something about her. She

like she's lonely.

Like she needs someone to love her.

Like a certain teenage girl.

Yes.

Well, okay.

We'll keep her hidden in the attic.

No, the cat -ic.

Oh,

that is a great place to hide a cat.

In fact, it's almost... Say it. Come on, Kira.

Perfect. Hey,

Van.

Oh, hey, Mrs. H. How was work?

Oh, what can I say? It's a dentist office.

People scream and we take their money.

Hey, Mrs. H. If I were to tell my professor that it's against my religion

study economics, would you give me a note to back me up?

for the fifth day in a row. No!

Where is everybody?

Oh, Cheyenne's over at Mr. H's and Jake took Elizabeth to a Mommy and Me class.

Switch that.

Jake's over at Brock's again?

Oh, man, did he do his homework first? Well, he didn't do mine, I can tell you

that.

No, he didn't! See, that's the bad thing about Brock and Barbara Jean living

right down the street.

That and... fact that Brock and Barbara Jean live right down the street.

Oh, and Mr. H called. He said that Jake's going to be eating over there

and he'll walk him home later.

He's eating over there again? That's the fourth time this week.

Well, you know what economists say.

I have no idea. Please write me a note.

And I bet they're not having healthy food.

Yeah, I bet they're having cake and ice cream and cooking hot dogs on a stick in

the fireplace.

Hot dogs on a stick?

Do you know that for a fact?

And I bet he's drinking sodas.

And playing video games all night long. This is an outrage.

I should march over there and keep an eye on him. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'll do it.

I was a little busy and Brock took advantage of me. I'm going to put an end

this right now.

Be sure and bring back some hot dogs.

Roddy, that's just got to stop.

Thank you for your blessings, Lord.

Amen.

Amen.

Too late, Reba. But maybe if you hurry, you can stop the neighbors from saying

grace.

What's up, Mom?

Up? Oh, nothing.

I was just passing by and figured it'd be really funny if I just came running

here like a wild woman.

Wasn't that funny?

That was really funny.

Thanks, buddy.

So, dinner, huh?

What you having there, Jakey? It's broccoli.

Is there something you need, Reba?

Like, maybe a doorbell?

Just eat your vegetables, bud. Reba?

Actually, Brock, I would like to speak to you privately in the other room.

About what?

I guess I'm going to tell you in the other room.

Excuse me.

Listen.

What's going on here?

It's called... family dinner. It's a strange ritual that we do every night at

six. Please don't report us to the authorities.

Brock, Jake has homework and I don't want him doing it when you finally drag

home when he's all tired out.

Yeah, me neither. That's why I had him do today's homework before dinner.

tomorrow's assignment.

Wait a minute.

You get him to do his homework and you get him to eat his Brock -o -leeve?

And he still wants to come over here?

Why?

I don't know, Reva. Maybe for the same reason that I like it when he comes over

here. Yeah, why's that?

Because... Forget it, it's silly.

Yeah, so were our wedding vows, but I listened.

Because it feels like it used to feel when we were all together. It feels like

family. Hey, well, last time I checked, we're still a family over at my house,

too.

Look, I think his coming over here is a good thing.

Now, can I please go eat my dinner?

You guys cooking hot dog?

Hey, Ma. What are you doing?

Eating chips.

Look at this.

Family size.

Even the snacks are mocking me.

We're not the family we used to be, Cheyenne.

Oh, no.

Grandma died.

No!

Brock moved out. Kira moved out.

Jake would rather be over there.

My whole family's slowly moving three houses that -a -way.

Well, Mom, if you're feeling lonely, Vanna and I could have more kids.

It's just that it's your dad's house.

They have the kind of life I always thought I'd have.

They sit down to meatloaf at 6 o 'clock.

We have leftovers between commercial breaks. We stink!

Like normal people.

Hey, Mom, look around. That's America.

Over at Dad's, they're like a bunch of French people.

I feel like Jake's missing out on the kind of life that you guys had.

I mean, you're not the way it used to be, right?

Of course I did, but we're all... Really busy. I'm not going to drop out of

school to have meatloaf at 6 o 'clock.

There's nothing we can do about it. Nothing we can do about it? There's

something we can do about it.

We can try harder.

Try harder how?

We can start having dinner together.

Ooh, got to take a rain check. I got a study group, and man, he's really busy.

Oh, yeah?

Well, don't plan anything for breakfast. We're going French!

Clap Clap's doing great up there. Oh, yeah.

She's fine.

I'm dying.

You're not cat -tageous, are you?

Don't try to kiss up. Although, good one.

I'm allergic to her.

I thought you owned Capped before.

The other Clap Claps.

No.

Sadly, Clap Claps 1 and 2 were imaginary.

Number 1 died and...

Number two ran away?

Will his dad fix too?

No. You were right. He was lying, the cheat.

And if I wasn't keeping a secret from him, I would bust him on it.

I would let the cat out of the bag.

How are you feeling, honey?

I told you.

I'm fine.

God help us if you ever get sick.

Kara, were you just up in the attic?

We have an attic?

Well, we need to call an exterminator. I just heard something running around up

there. No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

I meant, yes, you did.

I said, no, you didn't.

Meaning, like, no.

I've been forgetting to be more emphatic lately.

You really should get some rest. And give the exterminator a call, okay?

Okay, I will!

Okay, Kira, I'm sorry. Look, this cat has got to go.

I have a puffy -eyed snot machine.

Just give me some more time.

Do it in loving memory of Clap Clap the first.

If he knew today, it would have been her birthday.

Hey, Dan.

What's up?

Just me.

Wait, don't tell me.

You cut your hair.

Listen, I brought you a little something.

Oh, a cat?

You can't bring a cat in here, Cheyenne.

Nobody is allergic to cats.

Oh, yeah. Her eyes get all runny. Her face swells up if she's anywhere near

Even a pretty little thing like you. Maybe she's just doing that because she

doesn't want you to have a cat.

Doing what?

Swells her face?

I always liked dogs.

How different could a cat be?

Hello? Anybody home? It'll be our little secret.

BJ? Hey, sweetie.

Hey, Cheyenne.

You're home. You're Homer.

You're Homer. Ah!

Barbecue. Ah!

He is such a good dancer.

Have a seat, and I'll make you some pancakes.

Oh, I can't eat anything.

Oh, please, we can't have a family breakfast without any family, even if

all yucky.

Have a seat.

Okay.

And could you smile a little more?

See? Van was right. You do look good.

And there he is.

Now, as soon as Van gets here, we'll all sit down to our nice family breakfast,

like the family that we are.

Hey, Dash, shut up.

Here's your cereal, Jake, in a bowl, just the way you like it.

Good morning, everyone.

Hello, dear. Hi.

Hey there, sport.

What are you doing?

Cheyenne filled me in, and I want to show Jake.

that there's still a daddy in this house.

That paper boy threw this under the sprinkler again this morning.

The little cuss.

Knock it off and take off that sweater. Well, not in front of the little ones.

eating together at the same time.

So, Jake, how's school going, little buddy? I'm done.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Nobody gets to leave until we're all done.

We're never going to finish.

Can I turn on the TV?

No, we're not watching TV.

You know, I swear, young man, you keep looking at that thing and your head will

turn into a boob tube.

We're going to talk.

Now, who wants to start off the lively breakfast conversation?

Well, what are we having for dinner?

Hey.

Hey. Why is everyone eating together?

Oh, my gosh. Grandma's dead.

No, we're having a family meal like families do.

Okay. Well, why is Van dressed like my science teacher?

Sure. Why don't you join us?

I can't.

Barbara Jean told me she left my school book with you, and I'd like to get it

back.

My school book?

The black and white book?

The cat in the hat?

Get out of here. It's making me sick.

Bless you.

Come on, Kira. We're having family time.

Turn on the TV.

That's what I said.

We're not turning on the TV.

Kira! Kira!

Your school book got out of its box.

What? You lost my cat?

You brought a cat to this house?

No.

Some sort of dog?

Ben, you get back here.

This is better than TV.

Elizabeth, would you like a pancake?

Ben,

I got a joke.

Why is six afraid of seven?

I must admit, I'm... Dumped.

Because seven ain't nine.

Oh, precious.

Hey, guys.

Ben, why are you still wearing that sweater?

Well, there's chili in the house and the sweater warms me.

And you lost your receipt from the thrift store. And there's that, too.

Hey, Mom, what's for dinner?

Hot dogs on a stick.

The three of us are having chicken.

But, Jake, if you want to go over to your dad's for dinner, it's fine.

No, I'll stay here.

Hey, I mean it.

You should be able to have a family meal.

I do.

Well, not over here. We're eating at all different times.

And I eat with all of you.

Sometimes I have four family meals a day.

I'm lucky.

there, Mrs. H.

Well, all this time I thought Jake was missing out on something.

Well, Mrs. H, did you ever stop to think that maybe that wonderful little boy in

there has the best of both worlds?

I mean, he's got two great homes, three wonderful parents, and a whole mess of

people who really love him.

And isn't that the most important thing?

I think so.

How can that pipe make you look so goofy but sound so wise?

Goofy? Well, someone needs to put a nickel in the swear jar, young lady.

Why don't I instead go make you a hot dog on the stick? Yes!