Original subtitles

Now, previously on Reba... We put a down payment on a house.

You did it? You're buying a house in San Antonio?

Well, not exactly.

Well, where is it then?

26 seconds, door to door.

Okay, Mom, don't overreact.

But Kira is, um...

I'm thinking about moving in with Dad and Barbara Jean.

What?

Oh, come on, Mrs. H. She does not like you.

What's not like me?

Well, you know, being all soft and mushy.

I mean, usually you're all, Grr, you don't scare me, I'm Reba.

Would you pray with me?

Pray? You mean to God?

Yeah.

Yeah, sure, yeah.

Could I ask just this one little bit of favor?

Lord, please don't let me lose my daughter.

No, I've made my decision already.

Okay.

Tell me.

Yeah. Quit breathing in my ear. It tickles.

Really?

Does this tickle?

Luke, I am your father.

God,

I wish they'd talk louder.

Yeah, I know. We're never going to find out what's happening with Kira.

Hey. What if I go downstairs and pretend to get a sandwich, but really I'd be

eavesdropping on them?

No. Are you sure? Because I'd really like a sandwich.

How could you be thinking about food at a time like this? I don't know. Maybe I

have a tapeworm.

Now they're not even talking.

I think they heard us.

I'm pretty sure your mom did.

No way.

She's totally losing her hearing.

And her memory too.

Last week she lost her keys three times.

Hey, Mom.

Are you guys spying on us? Cheyenne was. I have a tapeworm.

Why do all of my kids think they can do whatever they want, whenever they want,

as long as it makes them happy?

Well, guess what?

Your happiness is not the only thing that matters.

Dan, she's really upset that you left Kira.

I'll say.

I wonder who she picked.

Change it back.

Who I am is who I want to be.

A single mom who works too hard, who loves her kids and never stops with

hands.

Honey, sorry I snapped at you last night.

Hey, you have every right to be upset.

I mean, what Kira's doing is a huge slap in the face.

It's like she's saying she'd rather live with Dad than you.

That is what she's saying.

And it is a huge slap in the face.

Morning. Morning, honey.

So you're still talking to me? Sure, we're still talking to her, right,

Cheyenne?

I was kind of afraid you'd be upset. Why should I be upset?

You're the one that's going to have to live with Barbara Jean.

So, I think the first thing we should do is talk to your dad so we can get you

moved in over there before school starts.

You're being really rational about this.

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

Hey, once a decision is being made...

Bye, Cheyenne.

You look really nice today.

Rowing rational Reba. I ran out of stuff to say.

This is killing me.

Then make her stay.

You can't make. I can't do anything.

I learned that during 56 hours of labor.

Not the first time she tried to leave.

Kara, honey, it's going to take a lot longer to move in if you keep repacking

all the boxes.

I want to go back to our old house. I hate this one.

Oh, but sweetheart, a new family's already moved into our old house, and

already have a cute little girl.

Not as cute as me.

Well, I can't talk to you, Reba.

Reba, we need you.

Not for the tenth time. Yes, I remembered the beer.

Kira hates the new house.

What's wrong with it, honey? It's too big.

Well, why do you think we bought it?

I say we just ground her until she gets happy.

This is Kira.

She may never get happy.

You sure you want to move out, honey?

Yeah.

Well, good for you.

You know, it's about time you struck out on your own. You're really going to let

me leave?

Sure. Why not get a jump start on earning a living?

Haven't thought about a career?

Maybe you can get a job singing that alphabet song.

Won't you think about it while you go pack?

I will. I know you will. Go to it, girl.

You know, I love that little girl, but part of me hopes she comes down with a

suitcase packed.

So that's your plan? Tell her she can leave and hope she doesn't? Well, if

fails, I can always go to my backup.

If I can't depend on Kira's love for me, I can always depend on your father's

fear of me.

Hey, Mom, what are you doing?

Oh, uh, since you're moving out, I'm just, uh, tolling up your bill.

Let's say you've been here 13 years, you owe me $90 ,000.

Will you take a check? Uh -huh.

No, I was just jotting down some things we need to talk to your dad about, like

how much of your stuff you want to move over there.

You're being really cool.

Because I am really cool.

You know, lots of kids don't get to live with a mom that's so cool.

Some kids just have to live with weirdos.

Mom, I know this is hard.

It's fine.

Your happiness is the most important thing.

If you're happy, I'm happy.

Well, I'm happy. Great.

I'm going to change the name on the mailbox.

We're the Happys.

Hey, Reba.

I got your message.

This is about Kira, right? Yes, she's made her decision.

I'm not going to hurt you. Not if I keep my guard up, you're not.

So did she pick me?

Don't say it like that. It's not a contest.

But yes, you won.

Well, I don't know what to say. I do. Tell her she can't move in with you. I

can't do that. I'm not going to reject my own daughter. There's no way. Sure

there is. I made you a list of reasons.

You can say, I can't afford it right now.

Or think how it will make your brother and sister feel.

Or my favorite, Barbara Jean drinks.

Get it straight, Reba.

I'm the one who drinks, and this sort of thing is the reason why.

Look, Brock, I know you have a hard time saying no to your children.

And other women.

And the second helping of cake.

You know, I've said no to lots of other women. Heck, some of them even came out

of a big cake.

Kira can't move in with you.

Look, we're having some issues right now, and we need some time to deal with

them. Please.

Now, when she comes in here, let me do all the talking, and you just nod.

Yeah, but I don't think... Lips don't move when you're nodding.

Kira? Honey, can you come out here for just a second?

Your dad's here.

Hey, Dad.

Your dad says hi.

Now, listen, I told him about your big decision, which I support 100%. You know

how cool I am.

Your dad, well, he's not that cool.

He did bring up some good points, and I think we need to hear him out.

Kira. What your dad means is you're moving in with him is going to make it

really hard on your siblings.

And he doesn't think right now that he can afford this move, mainly because

Barbara Jean drinks.

Dad, is my moving in a problem for you? He thinks it might be, honey, yes.

Dad? Yes?

I meant the other dad.

The man. Oh.

Kira, honey.

It's no problem at all.

In fact, we'd be honored if you'd move in with us.

Great. Thanks a lot, Dad.

Are we all good, Mom? Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Just goes to show that any problem can be worked out.

Except the one between you and me.

Oh, God.

Couldn't say no.

Now you turn that big old golf -tanned head towards me and open up your ears.

You are banned from my life. Banned forever.

Say goodbye to Big Red.

For what?

For supporting my daughter?

She doesn't need your support.

She's trying to get away from me.

Really? I find that hard to believe with your sunny disposition.

We'll talk about this later. There is no later. We're done.

Oh, one more thing.

If you weren't dead to me, I would say this is not over. That girl is not

out.

Why are you still standing there? I don't talk to dead people. Go on, get.

Do

my

dad leave? I don't know. I can't hear.

I just hope she does not lose her temper.

I mean, I swear the older she gets, the shorter her fuse.

Hey, Mom.

Would it help you to spy if I talk louder?

And slower.

Look, Mom, we are only listening because we're concerned about you. I mean, is

there anything that we can do?

Well, funny you should ask.

You know how I always try not to put you between your father and me?

Yeah. Well, I need to put you between your father and me.

I'm not talking to him anymore.

So if anything comes up about you kids, I need you to be the go -between.

Look, Mom, before you blame Dad for all this... Honey, honey, honey.

What goes on between your father and me is none of your business.

Oh, except when you do that go -between thing.

Great.

Now Kira's wrecked Mom and Dad's divorce.

You guys want to see a human skull?

Chick, the adults are trying to talk.

But later, I'd love to.

Okay, you're right. You're right. But you tell him. You tell him.

No, no way. Why do I have to tell him? Because I called it.

I don't know.

Jake, come here. Let's talk.

It might not be a human skull.

It's only this big.

Forget the skull, okay? Look, I... I know that Mom probably wants to tell you

this, but I don't want you upsetting her more than she already is. But, Jake...

Kara's moving in with Dad.

Okay, well... Oh, Jakey.

You don't have to pretend it doesn't upset you.

Okay, no, hold it.

Hang on.

Look, she's going to be right up the street, and you can play with her any

that you want.

Why would I play with her? She's a girl.

That is true.

Well, I mean, she's your sister, and you want her to know that you're not upset

with her.

I'm not.

Well, you could be.

Uh -uh.

It's possible.

Nah.

Don't say nah like you don't care.

I don't. Well, you should, you little robot.

We're supposed to be making him feel better?

All right, listen to me. She is not going to leave.

Wait a minute. You know something that I don't?

Oh, yeah.

What is it, Van? You've got to tell me. Okay, okay, okay. Look, everything is

going to be okay because your mom and I, we prayed.

Did you pray that I wouldn't slap you?

Why would we pray that?

Take it away like that. What are you talking about? It's a sure thing.

What makes you think praying for something makes it a sure thing? Because

only prayed for one thing before, and it came through big time. Oh, yeah? What

did you pray for?

I prayed for you.

Oh, man.

What are those for?

I'm never leaving you, Mom. Not even when I'm 40.

Honey, thank you.

And when I die and get ashmated, I want my ashes put in a jar by your bed.

Then I'll be the first thing you see every morning.

That just went from sweet to creepy.

Hey, Reba.

We need to talk about our situation.

What are you doing? Trying to make you disappear.

Fine. You got four sheets. Grab a corner and start yakking.

Wait, but did you know the universe contains millions of planets?

And yet, Earth is the one your ship landed on.

Millions of planets revolving around millions.

of suns revolve around millions of galaxies that all revolve around one

the center of the universe.

And? That point is not you.

Folding's over. You're being very self -centered, Reba. And how self -centered

would you be if your baby came over to live with me?

He went to you once. You had a cookie. Get over it.

And besides, Brock is not doing this to her.

Oh, so you think I'm being too hard on him and I should forgive him? Well,

face it. You're going to eventually.

Everyone forgives Hunky Bear.

Oh, man.

It's that new girl you hired for the office.

She's a heaping bushel of crazy.

Oh, Brock, give her a chance. I like her.

Call me Reba.

Well, Reba, I would have rung your doorbell, but you don't have one.

Bing bong, bing bong, bing bong, bing bong.

Well, here you go.

Happy housewarming.

It's 12 different kinds of barbecue sauces.

I figured you could get a lot of use out of those, Brock.

Call me Dr.

Hart. Dr. Hart.

Well, anyway, the salesman said that these would make a dead cat taste good.

Not to imply that you eat dead cats.

Shut up, Barbara Jean. You're blowing it.

It's okay. It's okay, Barbara Jean.

You hate me, don't you?

Dead cat? I'm so stupid.

Oh, please, Lord, I hear you eat dead cats. Oh, man.

Barbara Jean, it's okay.

I hired you because I like you.

And no matter what you do or say, I will always like you.

Promise?

Cross my heart.

Come here, you. I'm going to give you so much sugar, your teeth will hurt.

Easy there, gentlemen.

Unbreakable.

Are you okay with me, Dr. Hart? Yeah, sure, but...

My wife does all the hugging. Oh, I do not. Jump in there. Okay.

I'm sorry. I'm very touchy -feely.

I think it's because I felt like my parents never gave me enough love.

Well, it's certainly not because you wouldn't open up.

So, well, we've got a lot of unpacking left to do.

Well, thanks for the dead cat sauce.

All right.

And thank you for the hugs. You bet.

I have a feeling we're going to be great friends.

Bing, bong, bing.

I don't know about this, Reva. I mean, are you really sure she's the right

person to replace you down at the office? She seems a little, huh,

Yes. Yes.

She's perfect.

She's big and silly and makes a man want to come home to his wife.

Fine. Boy, I pity the poor guy that winds up marrying her.

You know what?

I did make a mistake. Okay.

From now on, I don't want to see you either.

What? You heard me. From now on, I want you both out of my life.

You're Mrs.

Dead to me.

just coming in. We didn't hear anything.

We sure didn't, but thanks for talking slower.

Okay, Kira.

Here's your collection of bowling balls.

Why is your stuff so heavy?

I have a lot of book, Ben. Oh, book.

Right.

Ever heard of a thing called paperbacks?

Here's a book.

The old Bible.

The old, dependable Bible.

Filled with stories of people who prayed for stuff and got what they prayed for.

Excuse me for a minute, God. I have to go to the car now with Kira's suitcases.

Over.

You know, it works better if you read it.

Guess it's time to go.

She's been working on that speech for over a week.

Bye.

Well, except for goodbye, I guess there's nothing left to say.

Okay, Kira.

willing to negotiate what's your number one demand you want a later curfew you

want to listen to your music louder you want to start calling me reba i don't

have any demands that's not what this is about then what am i doing that's

driving you nuts or what am i not doing that's driving you nuts please tell me

because it's driving me nuts you belong here where mom between van and cheyenne

and their kid they're the family in this house now and i'm not in that family

Do kick them out. I can't do that.

I know you can, but I can kick me out.

Kira, you and Cheyenne will always have your differences. That's what sisters

do.

Some sisters sing and dance together and make millions. Others just argue.

Well, I'm done arguing.

Okay, all right. Hang on just a second.

This is serious.

You need to know.

That if you do this, you can't just undo it any time you want.

Choices have consequences.

If you move out, you don't move back in.

So you want to change your mind?

Goodbye, Mom.

Man, it's weird around here without Kira.

I said something dumb this morning, no one made fun of me.

If I miss Kira, imagine how your mom must feel.

When mom comes in, we are going to have to cheer her up, okay?

We are going to have to show her that this is still a happy home.

Hey, you know what we should have?

Smiley face pancakes.

You think your mom will make them?

It's a beautiful day, don't you think?

I know you weren't asking me, Cheyenne, but I do think so.

Don't you agree, Mrs. H?

What do I look like to you?

Uh, gee, Cheyenne.

I mean, do I look like someone who's happy because one of her kids moved out?

We're just trying to make you feel better.

Well, excuse me if I'm not all happy and don't want to celebrate.

Neither should you two.

Mom, can I have Keir's key?

Where's your key?

I told you not to lose it.

I didn't lose it. I sold it.

Well, then get it back and give it to me.

What will you give me for it?

A slightly shorter lecture.

Can I have her key?

Nobody gets her key, Van, because she's coming back, right, Mom?

No, she's not. It's a one -way move.

Well, then, can I have her key? I mean, what if I lose my key? Stop asking about

the key.

I lost my key.

Oh!

I gotta get out of here.

Meet me in the garage later.

I can solve your key problem.

Cheyenne, what are we gonna do?

We are going to go over there, and we are going to tell Kira that she has got

get her butt back over here.

I don't know. I mean, I already asked God to do it.

He's going to think we have no confidence in him.

Well, did you ever think that maybe us going over there is how God wants it

done? Oh, man, this religion thing is hard.

who are supposed to stop Kira from leaving. No, that's not what I asked

Well, what did you ask for?

Well, your mom prayed that Kira would stay.

And I asked God to do it.

And then I closed the joke.

A joke?

Yeah. What joke?

Well, I told him he could throw in a Corvette if he wanted.

Ben, you don't joke with God.

Heaven is not Vegas.

God has a great sense of humor.

Look at ostriches.

Oh, the Corvette.

The Corvette.

A Corvette.

It's a sign.

What are you talking about? My prayer got answered. God put the Corvette in

cereal. But see, I had to pull it out. You see, you have to make your own

prayers come true. God rewards effort.

So are you saying that we should go over and get Kira?

Cheyenne, try to keep up.

Hey, honey.

What you looking at?

Do these freshly painted walls make our furniture look shabby?

I know where this is going, and I'm out of money.

But we really need new furniture.

Please, Brock.

Barbara Jean, you already bought some furniture, didn't you?

No. Oh, man.

Hey, honey, how'd you sleep?

Was everything okay?

I'm sorry I didn't have time to move my stuffed animal collection out.

Oh, that's all right. I threw them out on the front lawn.

How's your mom doing? Is she taking everything okay?

Has she been hitting the goof juice?

Actually... That's why I came here to talk to you. No.

No, no way. I'm not going over there to talk to her. Not after the things she

said to me.

We came to talk to Kira.

Yeah. Okay, fine. Good.

No, that's good. Hey, Van. Van. How about I give you the grand tour?

Two guys looking at a house? I don't think so.

Okay.

Barbara Jean, what do you say you and I go get a piece of that Bundt cake you

made? Okay.

Hey, wouldn't it be crazy if there were all new plates in the kitchen?

Don't tell me you need help with homework already. Just sound it out.

Okay, Kira.

I promise...

that I would be nonjudgmental.

So in the spirit of being fair, I just want to say, you're evil!

And you're blonde and Van's a doofus. Did we really need a meeting?

Okay, okay, we got off on the wrong foot. Cheyenne did not mean that the way

came out. You were being a self -centered, heartless, selfish little

Again, she slipped.

Mom's gonna be fine. No! No, she's not! This is killing her!

You're making her feel like a failure as a parent.

Oh, when you're her success story?

What are you talking about?

Hey, Mom, guess what? I'm 17 and you're going to be a grandma.

Hey, that's different.

We didn't have a choice and you do.

You didn't have a choice?

Since when is getting pregnant required in high school?

Hey, you don't know what's required in high school.

Well, did you do it?

Yeah.

Van.

This feels really wrong.

Wrong like you're pregnant wrong? Or wrong like, well, what else is there?

you pregnant?

I don't know yet. It takes a minute.

This whole thing. I mean, sticking around my room.

Lying to our friends.

Lying to my mother. I mean, we should have planned better.

We are smarter than this van.

Oh, Cheyenne.

No, we're not.

Huh? Well, love isn't something you plan. It just happens. Like, like

foot. Does mom look like athlete's foot?

Well, yeah, kind of. I mean, both have good consequences and bad consequences.

What good consequences does athlete's foot have?

Well, I'll tell you. I wash my feet a lot more.

Look, man, I'm really scared right now, and you're just yapping about your feet.

Okay, honey.

Honey, calm down, okay?

We're both under a lot of stress right now.

You might be pregnant.

I might be the father.

You might be the father?

How could you say that? something like that? Well, I don't want to be

presumptuous. Well, it's a little late for that, Dan.

Okay, okay, look.

I want you to know something.

That if we are pregnant, this baby will have more love than he'll know what to

do with.

So you'd want to keep the baby?

Of course I'd do it, sweetie.

He'll be the best part of you and me.

Oh, Dan.

You know, it could be a girl.

Come on.

I'm a football player.

Everything I know about genetics screams dude.

So should we go check?

Yeah.

It's two lines.

Two lines? Two lines are not pregnant.

No. No, no, wait, Van.

No, two lines means that I'm pregnant.

No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't.

No, it doesn't. I have a wife ahead of me here.

I thought you said this would be wonderful.

Yeah, I was a kid then.

Now I'm an expectant father.

I don't know.

I guess it's because I know that I am.

And I know what I'm going to do.

Now, hold on, Cheyenne.

You can't just make a decision.

I mean, this could ruin all our plans, all our dreams.

What about becoming a zookeeper?

I'm not going to become a zookeeper, but what if I was?

You can't have wild animals with a baby.

I'm keeping her, man.

Yeah, I know that we're going to have to deal with all of that hard stuff, but

it won't change my mind.

I mean, I have to.

Then I'm going to be with you 100 % of the way.

Mom!

This door's not supposed to be closed.

Sorry, Mom.

Sorry, Mrs. H.

I'm not kidding.

Okay, Mom.

You're embarrassing me.

I've got my own, you two.

Your mom is so suspicious.

Tell me about it. Thanks for trusting us.

So what's your point, Kira? Yeah, so we decided that we were going to have

Elizabeth and keep her.

And that you would get married and move in with us, making me the one nobody

thought about.

Are you saying you moved out because of us?

That's right.

So before you start coming down on me for hurting Mom, maybe you ought to

about how much of it is your fault.

Come on, Van, let's go.

Oh, now you're going to cry. No, I'm not going to cry!

That's the worst thing I've ever said to you. Although it is right up there with

Mrs. Forrest Gump.

Just leave me alone, okay? I know I'm a horrible person. I get it. Thank you

very much.

Stop it, okay?

I wasn't trying to hurt you. Yes, you were.

Okay, I was, but I want you to stop crying.

Why is everybody crying?

Oh, it's okay.

It's okay.

We're getting new furniture.

Reba. Get out.

a family anymore.

Fine, then it's a hootenanny without banjos.

I told you I don't want to see you and I don't want to talk to you, dead man.

But we got trouble, Reba.

Look, this whole thing is getting out of control.

Cheyenne came over and she and Kira got into a big argument.

Cheyenne, you need to mind your own business. But it is our business because

Elizabeth and God and the Corvette and the cereal.

Right over my hairspray.

at us this morning.

No, it's not. No, it's okay. I can handle it, Mom. You can tell me.

I'm a big girl.

I can handle it.

Look, honey.

Someone very irritating once told me that there are millions of suns circling

around millions of galaxies circling around just one point in the universe.

And? That point is not you.

That irritating person was me.

You thought of that? That's really good. I'm sending it to Reader's Digest.

Look, guys, there's a lot of reasons why Kira left. No one person's to blame.

Wait a second. You've been blaming me.

Because it's all your fault.

You kill me. You actually believe everything is my fault. When this family

up, You were the only one who had a choice in the matter.

What?

I love him.

Could you please not get that all creased? I haven't read that section

There.

Could we go one morning without an argument?

I don't know, Brock.

Could we go one morning where you put the toaster under the counter?

I forgot. You didn't forget.

You did it deliberately because you know it bothers me. I did not. I told you I

hate having to take it out from underneath the counter and then put it

again when I'm going to use it the next day.

How hard is it to put it away?

It's hot. I'll get burned.

Well, somebody's got to put it away. Why?

Because it doesn't belong here.

Yeah, well, you know what?

Your car doesn't belong on my side of the garage so that mine barely fits in

there when I get home from work. I'm tired of having to crawl out the

side. Well, I can't park up against the wall. I'll get burned.

You know what?

Maybe you should have the whole garage to yourself, and I should get an

apartment where no one cares where I leave the toaster.

Well, maybe you should.

Really?

Is that what you want?

All I know is this isn't working anymore.

So what are you talking about?

I'm talking about taking a break. I mean, I think we could use a little time

apart.

Fine, then go.

Rebo, I can't... No, no!

Let me tell you this, Brock.

If you walk through that door, it may not be open when you want to come back.

I'll start looking for another place.

Okay. Yeah, okay.

Mom, you're not going to let him go, are you? Cheyenne. No, Mom, go after him.

Talk to him. Work this out. You heard him. We need a break.

But you told him that he couldn't come back. I didn't mean it literally. I just

meant you're being a jerk and I want to hurt you. He knows that.

Are you sure?

He'll come back.

He came back.

He just brought his new wife.

And maybe Kira will come back with a new mother.

And maybe Brock will come back to a new table.

Fine. I'll go talk to Kira.

Hey. I just brought you a welcome to the neighborhood present.

Did you get that at Mr. Parker's yard?

Well, yeah. There's not a store between my house and here.

Thanks. So, uh, how are you doing?

Bad. What?

I'm doing really bad, and I need to talk to you about it.

I don't think I want to have this conversation.

Oh, I know you don't.

That's because I let you off too easy before, Kira.

I let you think that your happiness was the only important thing.

But I realize that your happiness is tied into my happiness.

Mom. No, no, no. No. Hear me out.

Kira.

There are millions of suns circling millions of... And that point is not me.

know, Mom. I told that to Barbara Jean.

I love you, Kira.

And when someone you love rejects you, your first instinct is to protect

yourself by pretending it's no big deal.

But it is.

There's no bigger deal.

Why are you telling me this, Mom?

Are you just trying to make me feel awful?

Oh, yeah, that was my plan. Come over here, steal a gnome, tell you I love you

just to make you feel awful.

What do you want from me?

Is this my key?

Yeah, yo, Jake, five bucks.

It means my door's always open.

I thought you said I couldn't come back.

I didn't mean it.

So why did you say it?

Because saying, y 'all come back now, you hear, would have sounded dumb.

Look, Kira, when I finally realized that you were leaving, I lost it.

I'm not that... good at being dumped.

Ask your dad.

So what are you saying?

That apparently we've been fighting about everything except what we're

mad about.

And maybe if I'd known how you felt two years ago, we wouldn't be here.

So we can keep fighting just as long as we know what we're fighting about?

We can give it a try.

I'm excited.

Mom, you know I didn't do this to hurt you.

I know, sweetie.

So I guess I ought to be going.

Bye, Mom.

Y 'all come back now.

You hear?