Original subtitles

No.

I'm telling you, Mr. Belvedere, they aren't ready yet.

Nonsense. These things have been in this blasted planet for over half an hour.

Impossible.

It's still wet. I think I know what the problem is.

Yeah, the other clothes can't get dry because of these.

Your bloomers keep soaking up all the hot air.

Why does he always insist on fixing our washing machine himself?

I think he likes electric shock.

He can use the therapy.

Hey, lighten up, Mr. Belvedere. Just remember what Kevin always says.

Laundromats are a great place to pick up chicks.

I thought he always said laundromats are a great place to pick up change.

Yeah, well, just watch him master at work.

Somebody been making mud pies?

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, these.

They weren't mud pies.

Spanky pushed me out of a tree.

Spanky? A five -year -old gorilla who doesn't like to share his blackberries.

Oh, I'm sorry if I'm not quite making sense. I just spent five years living

mountain apes in Rwanda.

Really? I live in a monkey house. You haven't seen me before.

How has Africa's loss become our gain?

Oh, the grant money ran out, but the University of Pittsburgh offered me a

position as a guest lecturer, so here I am.

Well, neighbor, we must get together and swap stories about the Dark Continent.

You've been there?

Yes, I spent several years with Sir William Daly in the Congo.

Actually, one of the tribes made me an honorary witch doctor.

You're not serious.

I have the shrunken heads to prove it.

Louise Gilbert.

Boy, the attitude some women develop by the time they're 13.

Lynn, here's my phone number.

Why don't you call me? Say, after five?

Oh, you can count on it.

Oh, it's been a pleasure, Louise.

Who's that?

Oh, just a chick I picked up at the laundromat.

Never mattered before.

Who cared?

When you dropped, kicked your jacket.

As you came through the door, no one glared.

According to our new rival, life is more than mere survival.

And we just might live the good life yet.

Oh, boy, your poor brother.

He is achy and sweaty, and he's got a temperature of 103.

a hot thing about his big date with Arlene this weekend.

Oh, oh, oh.

Enough, you two. Now, your brother is very sick.

If he needs anything else, he'll just call us on that dinner bell I gave him.

Oh, no. Not the bell routine.

I'd like to kill that stupid washing machine.

I thought you did that yesterday.

Ha, ha. Look what it did to Heather's jeans.

Oh, my gosh.

I'm sorry, kitten. I'll take you to Kmart and get you a new pair.

you'll have to fend for yourselves for a while. Try to avoid bloodshed.

Oh, Mr. Belvedere, you look so nice.

Yeah. You got an interview with immigration?

I've got a big date with that chicky babe from the laundromat.

Louise. Hello, Lynn.

Louise Gilbert.

Say hello to the Owens family.

Hello. Hi.

Now say goodbye to the Owens family. Mr.

Belvedere. Hi, Louise. I'm Marsha.

My husband, George, and our children, Wesley and Heather. It's nice to meet

all. So, you met the big guy at the laundromat, eh?

Was it love at first sight or just static clink?

As it happens, we both spent time in Africa, so we thought it would be fun to

get together and compare notes.

Louise is an ethologist.

She studies... Animal behavior.

Last night I watched Wild Kingdom.

Actually, my specialty was the mating habits of the mountain gorillas.

Well, that ought to give you a little insight into Belvedere.

You know, it's interesting.

The head of the Grilla family has gray hair, too.

See you again sometime.

Boy, I really like her.

She sure put you in your cage.

would get the childhood disease.

Why did she do it with you?

She tried.

I scared the other kids away.

Well, it's the curse of being the middle child.

Hey, I have my own problems, too, you know. I've got a hot date with Marjorie

tonight, and it's the old dad will drop you off and dad will pick you up

routine. You know how embarrassing that is for guys my age?

Well, you could always steal a car and drive yourself.

That is a truly demented idea.

Thanks, Heather.

Watcher. Says he's just about got it all done.

Oh, Dad, you look like something out of Roger Rabbit.

A breeze seems to whisper Louise.

Birds in the trees seem to twit to Louise.

surgeon general says about smoking dynamite.

You're a riot, Belvedere. A regular riot.

I know.

And speaking of dynamite, I hope you don't mind if I borrow the station wagon

tonight. I have a date with Louise.

Again? But you were with her all afternoon.

I was merely attending her lecture.

Do you know gorillas rise in the morning and eat, and then nap until dinner?

Sounds like your schedule.

Yes. Well, anyway, tonight we're going to a drive -in.

Yeah, we'll have a real great time.

Don't mind him, Mr. Belvedere. He's just grouchy because you have a date and can

drive and he has a date and can't. Oh, don't worry, honey. Daddy will drop you

off.

That's what I'm afraid of.

I have a great idea.

You get your gal and I'll get mine and we'll go double.

go to the drive -in with you? Uh -huh.

I can't even picture it.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, we can't see.

Oh, come now, Wesley.

I didn't think teenagers actually came to the drive -in to watch movies.

This is worse than being stuck with my dad.

Couldn't be so bad if they didn't have any heads.

Forget it, Wesley.

I packed the axe with the rest of your father's tools.

Marjorie, don't you think that policeman looks a little like Kirk Douglas?

Who? I must be dating myself.

No, you're dating me.

Oh, Lynn, I think we're embarrassing them.

All right, I'll behave.

But only for a kiss.

I'm into Hershey's Kiss.

Oops. Why is everybody else honking?

Because you started it.

Scientifically, that's called imitating disruptive behavior.

Sorry. There's some people out in front of the kids. I fear for our children's

future.

Well, I hope you two are happy.

Sorry, hon. The washer warranty does not cover the problem.

Well, that can't be.

I mean, I don't even know what the problem is.

Well, the problem is the warranty's only good for 36 months.

You know, that always happens.

A thing breaks down right after the warranty runs out.

George, the machine is 13 years old.

Well, I can still be mad, can't I?

Well, I think Kevin's going to survive the chicken pox, but they may kill me.

Oh, he's still got you going, huh? You know, I don't mind taking up his meals

changing his sheets or reading him bedtime stories like Babar the Elephant.

But it can be some feelings to Arlene over the phone because he's got a sore

throat that's really pushing it.

Well, why didn't he ask me? I love that song.

I think that's your brother tinkling.

Florence Nightingale was a sucker.

I have never been so humiliated in my life.

What's the matter, champ?

You and Marjorie lock braces?

It wasn't my date, it was Mr. Belvedere and Louise.

First they almost get us thrown out for honking the horn, and then during the

intermission, they were playing on the swings and doing gorilla mating calls.

Well, where's Belvedere?

My best guess?

He and Louise are probably in the snack bar starting a food fight.

The movie's over, Len.

I know.

Are we the only two people here?

I know.

What's that?

Women. He won't stop babbling about Arlene.

I just found him trying to escape out of his window. One more tight -up bed

sheet and he'd be crawling down the driveway.

Boy, I'm starved. Me too. Well, you're in luck because we have eggs rancheros.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I made them myself.

But then I think about my darn cholesterol. Yeah, and you know, you're

young to start watching your diet.

sleeping in this morning. I have spent 45 minutes on these eggs. I followed the

recipe exactly down to the hot chilies and you are going to eat them.

It was nice knowing you, Dad.

Oh, how late was Mr. Belvedere out last night anyway?

Oh, gee, I don't know, but sometime around dawn I heard him belting out an

inspired version of Love is a Many Splendored Thing.

I mean, that's what set off the Huffnagel's dog.

Beautiful day. Wonderful world.

Life's fine.

There you have it, folks.

The difference between a date that ends in disaster and one that ends at

daybreak.

So, did you have fun last night, Mr. Belvedere? Last night?

Oh, yes, last night.

It was pleasant.

Pleasant as in you'll be seeing Louise again today?

Oh, Heather, Louise...

and I are not easily infatuated teenagers. We don't have to see each

waking hour.

Oh, of course you don't. We just happen to be somewhat compatible adults.

Absolutely. Yes, I mean, I think of Louise as my... my new friend.

Considering that dopey -looking turtleneck you're wearing, your new

have given you one beauty of an old -fashioned hick. Nonsense!

Lucy last night.

Come in.

Good morning, everyone.

Ah, good morning, Hickey.

I mean, Louise.

Good morning, Louise.

Forgive me for barging in at such an inconvenient hour, but somehow your

wound up in my jacket pocket last night. Oh, thank you. Oh, and here are your

Necco wafers. Oh, I was looking for these.

Well, I have a nine o 'clock lecture. Gotta run.

Nice to see you all.

Goodbye, Lynn. Goodbye, Louise.

That was just a gorilla gesture of friendship.

Hey, I'm not worried about the gorillas, big guy.

It's you going ape over her I was thinking about.

monkey business. Go upstairs, get undressed, and go to bed.

Oh, I told you this was stupid.

Sometimes I wonder about that boy.

Must come from George's side of the family.

Hey, what's the deal, hot lips?

Not going out with a lover girl tonight?

Why should I, Wesley? We're not going steady, as you say in your simplistic

American vernacular.

your night going steady went.

Here's twenty. Get lost.

Okay.

Hi. Hi.

I haven't heard from you in a few days.

Well, I've been very busy.

What with the spring cleaning and the Owens crawling out of hibernation.

I've missed you.

I must confess I've missed you too.

Well, good.

Because the professor I work with has a cabin up at Seven Springs.

It's on top of a hill nestled among the pines, and I thought maybe we could...

Go together?

Am I being too forward?

I'm used to spending time with gorillas, and they usually get right to the

point.

I'd love to go with you, Louise.

Now, what should I bring?

Toothbrush, change of clothes, and it's a private lake, so a bathing suit is

optional.

You look like somebody stole your ding -dongs.

I'm fine.

I'll call you then.

Three days and two nights in a cabin in the woods.

Sounds wonderful.

I can't help it.

I'm an incurable outdoorsman.

A weekend in pines?

Better watch out, big guy.

That's how these women reel you in.

Or in your case, harpoon.

No, George, I do not plan to get reeled in.

No man ever does, big guy.

No man ever does.

The prospect of a weekend with Louise is quite appealing.

After all, I haven't skinny dipped since that festival at Woodstock.

On the other hand, perhaps...

are hurtling on too far too fast.

The real problem is old romantic feelings I'd long thought lost are

once again.

Uh -oh.

Okay. That's it.

I give up. I throw in the towel.

I call the washing machine guy sending somebody over tonight and that baby's

getting fixed once and for all.

Oh, George, I get such a tingle when you take command.

Something like that.

Gee, I wonder who it could be.

Hello. Hello.

Hello.

Aren't you going to introduce me?

Us? Oh, everyone, this is Giselle Huffnagle, the

Huffnagle's cousin from Wichita.

Oh, welcome to Pittsburgh, Giselle.

Well, actually, I'm only here for the small appliance convention.

Why? I...

straight small appliances.

Want to hear my pitch for the Acumatic 1000 Mighty Mouth Lint Sucker?

I got no plans.

Oh,

Giselle is only here for a few days, and I thought I'd show her the sights.

Why don't you start with my room?

Well, shall we?

I'll get it. It's probably the repairman.

Belvedere, are you ready?

Ready? Come on, Lenny, I want a disco.

Lenny, what's going on? Who's this?

Ah, Louise.

I'd like you to meet Giselle Hoffnagel.

How do you do?

Pleased to make your allegiance.

Want to hear my pitch for the decade two nose hair plucker?

It's rechargeable.

Aren't we going on a trip?

A trip?

To a cabin in the woods.

Yes, the pines. Well,

there has been... That is to say... I think you blew a circuit.

I'm taking Giselle out on the town.

What?

I know I should have rang and told you.

But I've had so much on my mind.

If you never want to see me again, I quite understand.

I see.

Is there somewhere we can speak alone?

Patio's available, big guy.

There's going to be some fireworks tonight.

Speaking of fireworks, I'm Wesley.

Our big trip comes along and you simply forgot about it? It must be old age. I'm

forgetting so many things lately. You didn't forget about your date with

in there. Now, there's no need to drag Giselle into this. You're the one who

dragged her in, remember?

We didn't agree to go steady, Louise.

Oh, so that's it. You think I'm crowding you. Well, if you want to play the

field like some silverback Rwandan gorilla, be my guest.

As much as I resent the simian comparison, I suppose a little freedom

advantages. Oh, fine!

I wish we had this conversation before I laid out 150 bucks for a black lace

negligee.

Black lace negligee. You think she's going to hit him?

I'd sure belt you.

Where's Giselle?

I don't know.

Hey, Wes!

Lynn, you have me at a total loss.

I mean...

that you didn't return a few of my phone calls, but I never dreamed you'd stand

me up.

Listen, Louise, after you invited me away for the weekend, it was all I could

think about.

This sounds better.

Then I started worrying where a weekend like that could lead.

Well, I was hoping we could toast marshmallows. You know what I mean.

I haven't been exactly comfortable with the runaway train we're on either.

The truth of the matter is, I have trouble dealing with the kind of

have for you.

The last time I felt this way, I got so scared, I had to go and climb a mountain

in Tibet.

And you were hoping Giselle would save you the trek up Mount Kilimanjaro?

I have a trunk full of small appliances.

I'm sorry if I hurt you, Louise.

Actually, I'm flattered.

The question still remains.

What are we going to do?

He got awfully quiet out there.

Maybe she killed him.

Well, gee, don't I, Mike. I want to party.

Well, what do you think's going on?

Oh, I ain't knowing the big guy. He's probably letting her down easy. You

giving her the old pasta la vista.

So, um, did you guys break up?

Not exactly.

We're going to get married.

Does this mean we're not going out?

Next on Mr.

Belvedere... Mr. Belvedere, isn't all this kind of sudden? I believe marrying

Louise will be the best thing I've ever done.

You're going to be the first broad on the moon, Louise.

It seems that Louise has been recalled to Rwanda.

If you're her husband, that means that I'd be going with her.

Tuesday, kick off your holiday the all -American way with Tony and Angela on

Who's the Boss?

And Kevin comes to the rescue when Winnie becomes stage -struck in the

play on The Wonder Years.

After, the holiday celebration continues with Roseanne working for a boss half

her age.

And Christine shows her unswerving love for Coach.

Now stay tuned for The Dead Zone on the Sunday Night Movie.

It's the young Mr. Belvedere.

Louise Gilbert, say hello to the Owens family.

So, you met the big guy at the laundromat, eh?