Original subtitles

So, Carl, I take it you had a good date with that German stewardess. How can you

tell? Well, usually you come in singing Eleanor Rigby.

Look, Ilse is one hot lady, and she's nuts about me. We're going out again

tomorrow night.

Ooh, two dates with the same woman? Wow, shouldn't the local news be in on this?

You've never seen me operate, but now that we're roommates, you're in for

an education.

I'd rather have half the rent.

Take us, for example. Now, last week with date one, the icebreaker.

Tonight with date two, the sensitive dinner.

Uh -huh. And what's date three?

Ba -ba -ba -boom.

You sure I had a vacuum?

Oh, boy, I hope after all this work these cookies sell at the bake sale. Why

didn't you just ask Mr. Belvedere to make them like last year? They were gone

ten seconds.

That's because he ate them all.

Well, how are they coming along?

Not that you could ever make cookies like Mr. Belvedere.

I wouldn't be too sure.

amusing.

I've even got a name for them.

Belvedere's Bodacious Biscuits.

So, what part do you want?

Ooh, I'll take the tummy.

But then there's practically nothing left.

I didn't name some desserts. That's up to you. But they've already got Twinkies

and Ding Dongs.

Hi, Mr. Belvedere. Hello. Where did you two be?

We saw Bambi.

Oh. I love that movie.

Oh, no, no. Not the movie.

Bambi Bernstein and the Beaver Falls Sound Machine.

Hey, you want a nightcap?

No, I'm tired.

Hey, come on, Marsh. The night is young.

And I could go for some good times with a hot lady.

Well, maybe Bambi has a midnight show.

Good night, George.

Good night, Mr. Belvedere. Good night, Mrs. Owens.

You know, lately I get the feeling Marsh has lost interest.

If you know what I mean. Not exactly.

Well, do I have to spell it out for you?

Well, I'm sure if you did, you'd spell it wrong.

Forget it.

George, are you trying to tell me that your romantic life has become stale?

Yeah.

S -T -A -I -L.

I thought so.

Well, if your love life has become boring, try some new surroundings.

Like what?

Well, how about the library?

Then you can learn to spell while you're at it.

© BF -WATCH TV 2021

up and change clothes.

Ilsa's coming over.

Carl, I'm up to my elbows in kitchen glove.

Then I have to fix Mrs. Cicchini's radiator, and then I have two finals to

for. She's bringing her roommate for you.

What's yapping? I gotta change clothes.

So, what's her name?

Ava. She works with Ilsa.

You mean she's a stewardess? Yep.

All right!

So where are we gonna take her?

Oh, look, Kev, this is my third date with Ilsa. Elsa, and you know what that

means. You finally pay?

Look, I'm taking Elsa back to her apartment, and you can take Ava wherever

want.

It's them.

Elsa! God, my lips. Oh,

you must be Kevin, Carl's lonely friend.

I told her all about you.

Thanks, Carl.

Ava's going to love you. You're just her type.

Oh, yeah? Well, I have a feeling she's going to be just my type, too.

Sorry I'm late, but I had to fight some dumb cock for the

parking place.

The weightlifting training really paid off.

That's Ava.

Oh, boy.

Hey, the cookies were a big hit. What are you talking about?

I sold all six dozen to the bake sale.

One lady bought two to keep crows out of her garden.

Well, at least it's all over.

Not quite.

Why are you making more of those ridiculous cookies?

I'm going to market you worldwide.

What?

Belvedere's bodacious biscuits.

By the time I finish covering the town with these, you'll be more famous than

Amos.

My, what strange cookies.

But they look just like... That gingerbread

man.

Hey, Marshal.

You want to go to make -out point?

Are you crazy? It's freezing outside.

Well, I thought we could cuddle up under a blanket and, uh... Never mind.

You know, George is acting awfully peculiar.

How can you tell?

I hope he's okay.

Maybe he should have a brain scan.

I doubt they'd find anything.

Anything wrong, I mean.

What's his problem?

You. Me?

Yes, he thinks that you're bored with him.

So I advised him to try different venues for your romantic escapade.

Oh, well, that explains the dancing in your bedroom.

Unfortunately, yes.

and Jane in the basement.

What? Have I started?

Well, now that I know what he's up to, maybe I'll cooperate.

Oh, Colonel, buddy, best friend.

You didn't meet.

Oh,

a couple of stewardesses got sick. She had to work a flight to Dusseldorf.

Tough break.

For you, too. They need you on the flight.

Oh, gee, that's too bad, really.

Well, I'll see you.

Well, we still have our ride to the airport all to ourselves.

Oh, Ilsa.

Ilsa.

Those ruby lips. That golden hair.

You can fly me anywhere.

Warming up for Valentine's Day?

What are you doing here?

Oh, I brought back some of Kevin's tape.

By the way, who is that lady carrying Kevin out over her shoulder?

Oh, that's Ava.

At least he's making body contact.

What's wrong, Carl?

Well, why is it whenever I get my hopes up about someone, it always fizzles out?

Because you're a dweeb.

Thanks a lot. Come on, I'm trying to cheer you up.

Yeah, right.

Look, whenever I'm down, I try to think of something really great.

Like, um, Bruce Springsteen jumping off stage and sweeping me up in his arms and

carrying me away.

At this point, that doesn't sound half bad.

Come on, let's go for a walk. Grab a slice of pizza.

I don't take charity.

I'm buying.

I like anchovies.

George, I've never been more embarrassed in all my life.

But you gotta admit, it was different.

What have these twits done now?

What happened?

Oh, George had this crazy idea. We were supposed to be total... strangers who

eat in a bar.

Good Lord, it's worse than I thought.

So we get all dressed up and I go up to Marsha and say, can I buy you a drink?

There's an original line.

So I say, sure, that'll be $200 for the slow gin fizz.

Next thing I...

I was just thinking out loud.

I'm going to take these clothes off.

Oh.

I'm sorry I got you into trouble.

Oh, hey, it beats falling asleep to Johnny Carson.

I cannot believe the night I had.

Not only will I not believe it, I won't listen to it. Good night.

Hey, Kev. Oh, Heather.

Hey, listen, sorry about rushing past you before, but Ava was in a hurry.

Yeah, I didn't know you went for the strong, silent type. It was the worst

of my life.

Wow, that's really saying something.

Yeah, so where have you been?

On a date.

Well, it wasn't really a date. It was more of a thing.

A thing?

Well, you know how sometimes there's somebody you never really notice, but

spend some time with them and they turn out to be okay, even sensitive, even

nice?

No.

And, you know, maybe this could really turn into something.

Heather, that's great.

So who is this guy?

Here you go, Heather. You forgot your purse.

Oh, thank you, Carl.

I don't know what I'm going to major in when I go to college.

English or history or business or astronomy. Something along those lines.

Hey, I'm a senior. I still haven't figured out what my major is yet.

I'm thinking of becoming a guidance counselor.

This is really a nice evening, Carl.

Yeah, for me too.

Hello. Hi, Kev.

Boy, isn't it a little late to be out? Oh, actually, I've stayed out a lot

than this.

Not you.

Come on, young lady, it's a school night.

Who are you calling a young lady? Yeah, Kev, where do you get off telling her?

What's the big deal?

Well, you're embarrassing me and your best friend and most of all yourself.

Hey, it's my life.

Kevin, this is ridiculous.

Look, it's my responsibility to look out for you. After all, I'm your older

brother. Since when?

Since I was born before you.

Kevin, you are gone. You're over the edge. You are in banana land. Look, I

Carl. I know how he operates and I have reasons to be concerned. Now, what did

you two do tonight?

Well, if you must know the truth, we had dinner, and then we spent the rest of

the night on our backs.

What?

We went ice skating, and we're both klutzes, okay?

You know, I don't like the tone you're taking with me.

Now, if you can guarantee worldwide distribution, I think I can get Don

to be our spokesperson.

Sorry, wrong number.

You just hung up on the president of Nabisco.

What kind of nonsense is this?

It's not nonsense.

I almost had a deal with Keebler, but they were afraid you'd give their elves

hernia.

I'm surprised you didn't call Pillsbury.

I did. They said they already had it, though, boy.

I think this has gone quite far enough.

Hey, I'm just exploring free enterprise. Keep it up and you'll be exploring a

lawsuit.

What about my cookie empire?

That's the way the empire crumbles.

Oh, George, this is so romantic.

Yeah.

Nothing like a drive -in movie where they don't speak English.

Now we really don't have to pay attention.

They sure don't put enough melted butter in the popcorn.

Oh, you want some cheese sauce for my nachos? Sure, why not?

Boy, get a load of those two in the next car.

Wow, they're really going at it.

Pretty hot for a couple of old -timers.

You know, I think it's really neat when old people can still get passionate.

Oh, my God!

there, Kevin?

Come on, Romeo. Looks like we got busted again.

Boy, isn't it great to get away from Kevin?

Yeah, he's been covering us like a cheap suit.

I'm a little chilly.

Oh, I got a jacket in the back seat.

Here.

Thanks. Oh, your hands are so warm.

You know what they say.

Warm hands, warm heart.

I thought it was cold hands, warm heart.

Oh, right.

Well, my nose is cold.

Well, that's a start.

So, any more nachos?

Hey,

look, I'm just trying to save you from my zipper for brains best friend. Well,

you get off. Hey, look, don't let him fool you, Heather. He's got his plan all

worked out. First, he tries to relax you. Then he tries to make you think

all sensitive.

And then... And then... And then what?

Ba -ba -ba -boom.

He teaches me how to vacuum?

You know what I mean.

Okay, Kevin, you're right.

We can't control our animal lust.

So please protect me from this sex maniac and take me home.

I bet I will.

Let's ditch him.

Hey!

Hey, Mr. Belvedere.

Hello, Wesley.

Hey, you're baking cookies.

I always knew you were a smart lad.

What's going on? I figured you'd never want to see another cookie again.

Well, I got to thinking about what you said concerning free enterprise.

Yeah? So, you have your bodacious Belvedere biscuits, and I have

wacky Wesley wafers.

Then he won't like the box.

I wanted to display you in your natural habitat.

What's that say?

Kevin is acting insane.

Oh, I thought it said Kevin is anti -mame.

This is ridiculous. We can't even talk to each other with Kevin around.

Hey, you know, I haven't seen him in a while.

Well, wherever he is, he's probably listening.

I am not.

Well, no snakes in there.

Listen, Heather, I'll be upstairs if you need me.

I'll get us some sodas.

Better get three.

Oh, hi, Mr. Owens. Oh, hi, Carl.

Oh, look about the drive on the other night. Oh, don't worry about it. That's

why people go to drive -ins.

Except for me and Heather, of course. We were brushing up on our French.

Ah, forget it.

It's just Marsh and I can never seem to be alone.

I know what you mean.

Hey, I know the perfect place where you could be alone.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, where are they?

Who? Heather and Carl, where'd they go?

They made me promise not to tell you.

All right, here's five bucks.

A promise is a promise.

A tin spot is a tin spot.

They went over to your place.

What?

They figured it'd be the last place you'd look.

Oh, trying to fool Kevin Owens, are they? Well, somebody is in for a big

surprise.

Yeah, and it cost them ten bucks.

Mission accomplished.

Great work, Black.

Hey, it was a snap. I mean...

We are talking Kevin here.

I hope I'm not too late.

I was

never meant to see

that.

I can't believe we've been alone for a whole hour.

Yeah, it seems more like two or three.

I'm having a really nice time sitting here staring at the fire.

Boy, it sure is hot.

Yeah, really.

Uh, Carl, do you get the feeling we don't have all that much to talk about?

What do you mean?

There's a fire.

And hey, how about that Gorbachev?

I mean between you and me. Now that Kevin's not pestering us, we don't have

much in common.

Gee, we should. We've known each other all our lives.

Well, you know, maybe we've just been doing this just to spite Kevin.

Could be.

There's only one way to find out.

Oh, Carl.

That was awful.

For you, too?

You know, maybe we're better off just being friends.

That's not a bad deal.

Not bad at all.

Do you want to watch some TV?

Sure.

Uh -oh.

Hey, look, guys.

I've had a change of heart. If you want to see each other, I can't stop you. I

don't even want to. It's not worth it.

So, Carl, go ahead. Date my sister.

Please. I don't want to date your sister.

And I don't want to date Carl.

Turns out we were just doing this to annoy you.

Now you tell me.

Well, I've unfinished business with Ilsa.

So, Ilsa, my fair Fraulein, may I interest you in a large cookie?

It may be a bit stale.

Don't worry.

I'm used to airline food.

advice to George seems to have worked, albeit in a roundabout way.

Although he and Mrs. Owens never found the perfect romantic spot, they had such

fun trying that it rekindled a sense of adventure.

Now they've come to appreciate the friendly confines of their own bedroom.

As for the cookie wars, Wesley and I have called it Proust.

We've decided to dissolve our businesses.

What's left now is to dissolve the inventory.