Original subtitles

Oh, boy, we shoved them 48 to 6.

But they did their best. So let us not gloat or act superior.

Well,

where'd you learn to slam dunk like that?

Well, well, the stilt taught me the slam part.

And you learned to dunk at Donut World.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, honey.

So, you ready to go? Yep, let's go.

Where are you guys off to? Garage sales. I'm helping Kevin find some stuff for

his apartment.

Hey, Kev, there's a lot of junk up in the attic.

Help yourself.

Oh, thanks. You know, I might take that horse with a clock in his stomach.

Oh, that was a wedding gift.

Well, let me know if there's anything else you guys want to get rid of.

How about Wesley?

Hey, is that all spot?

What did we tell you about letting him run around without a leash?

Well, it comes back in time for Lassie.

Oh, no.

She's chasing Grandma Huffnagle.

Oh, that old broad can really hustle with that rocker.

Oh, she's going to try and herd over hedge.

Oh.

What a job.

Pity she swallowed her cigar.

Never matters for who cares.

When you top kick the jacket, as you came through the door, no one bled. But

sometimes things get turned around and no one's fed.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our...

Life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

Wesley!

What's the matter?

Has your dog been on this counter?

No. Then why are there paw prints and my carrot cake?

Come on, Spot. I think it's time for a walk.

Ah! Aren't you forgetting something?

Okay.

Boy, I'd sure hate to be on a leash.

Yes, but the rest of us would feel far safer.

I think that's all I was... Hi, Miss Boater.

Hi, Ken. Oh, it looks like you found a garage sale.

Yep, sure did. And I found some really great stuff for my apartment.

What do you think?

Oh, yes.

Yes. Yes, indeed.

What is it?

It's me, but it only costs a quarter.

Oh, then you've got some change coming.

Boy, this thing is heavy.

What you got there?

It's a chair.

Heather bought it.

Well, at least she bought something that has a name.

Come on, I'll help you take it upstairs.

Oh, just a minute, just a minute. If I'm not mistaken, this looks like a

Chippendale chair.

Oh, yes, I'd say 18th century.

Wow. Just think how many tushies have sat in it.

I don't think you quite grasped my point. This is a genuine antique.

Really? Oh, yes. Properly restored. It might be worth a great deal of money.

Really? Yes.

I'd say several thousand dollars.

Really? Stop that.

And I only paid five dollars for it. And you thought it was a piece of junk.

I'm rich.

I'm going to buy a car.

I loaned you that five bucks.

Means the chair's mine.

Well, it was my idea to go to the garage sale in the first place. Oh, and now,

children, children, children, why don't you restore it together and share the

profits? What? I don't know.

Or each take half.

Opera, ballet, Shakespeare.

She's 64 channels and there's nothing decent to watch.

Well, then why don't we just talk?

Okay.

Mom, Dad.

Go do your homework.

I don't have any homework.

Excuse me, I'm sorry. I don't think we've met.

I'm Marsha Owens, and this is my husband. This isn't a social call.

I found your dog in my yard, hanging around my prize poodle, Fifi.

Or maybe you wanted to buy her a drink.

You don't seem to understand.

I've paid over $800 in stud service.

Then why are you in such a bad mood?

I'm warning you.

I don't ever want to see that unmannered, ill -bred little runt of

yard again.

And that goes for you, too, Spot.

You are about to be put in the hands of a true professional.

Kevin, what are you doing?

Oh, just a little sanding. No problem, really.

Well, you can't use it on the chair. You'll turn it into sawdust.

Look, I went to the bookstore and I got these.

The art of woodworking.

Restoring antique furniture.

Loins of fire.

I thought it was a cookbook.

Yeah, well, why don't you find the recipe, and I'll take care of the chair.

Look, Kevin, this chair is worth a lot of money. If we're going to refinish it,

we're going to do it right.

Now, we start with this.

What do you want me to do, brush my teeth?

We're going to use it to get every particle out of every crevice.

Well, why don't we just soak it in efforted?

Boy, you should have seen it. Spot saw Fifi and took off.

Dad chased him across the park, through the duck pond, and finally caught him in

the garbage dump.

My, George.

You look dog -tired.

I'm sorry, Dad.

Spot's not in control.

He's in love with Fifi.

Oh, Wesley, don't be silly. Dogs don't fall in love.

They, well, they, uh, beget.

Beget? What is it with you British?

You're so uptight and proper. Why don't you just come out and say what you mean?

Very well.

You're an idiot.

You know, we really should get him fixed.

Good idea.

you get him fixed?

Oh, well, it's an operation, honey. And afterwards, Spot won't be able to make

puppies.

And he won't be so interested in Belvedere's leg.

Okay. I guess this is for your own good.

Come on, boy.

Well, I can still call you that.

This had better be good. I was in the middle of a meatball hoagie.

Trust me, you'll love this. Well, here it is.

Why, it's magnificent.

Well, it should be. We worked on it for three months.

Now let's sell the sucker.

Oh, do we really have to?

What do you mean?

Well, it's just I've grown so attached to her. The arch of her back, the curve

of her legs, the roundness of her seat.

You've been reading Loins of Fire.

a chap, Penelope?

Hey, Cavalier!

Hurry up with my pants!

Here they are, freshly ironed.

Would you like to get that?

Just a moment.

Okay, okay, okay.

Why, Mrs. Dodd, do come in.

Ah, sorry to keep you waiting.

Didn't have my pants on.

Must run in the family.

These squirming, ugly little trolls belong to you.

What?

I warned you this would happen if you didn't keep that mutt of yours out of my

yard. Our Spot and your Fifi? No, I'm afraid that's impossible.

What do you want, a videotape?

There's that four -legged Casanova.

Mrs. Dodd, Spot was neutered right before...

he went into heat.

Yeah. Well, I sure took him to the vet, right, champ?

Uh, yeah, I took Spot to the vet. You see, if my son said he took the dog,

he took him. Uh, Mom. I mean, Wesley may be many things. Mom, I... But I will

not have you marching in here only to suggest that my son is deceitful,

duplicitous, or dishonest. It's simply not in his nature.

Mom, Spot never got fixed.

What?

I... Took him to the vet's office, but I didn't leave him there.

He never had the operation.

Now that's the Wesley I know.

Wes, why didn't you get the dog fixed?

Dad always said, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Look.

I took him to the vet's office, and the lady behind the counter was about to

take him, and then Spot gave me this look.

What look?

This look.

Well, see, the dog was just nervous, and I don't blame him.

Hi, guys. Hey, Kevin.

Hey, who's puppies?

Spot. He made Whoopi with Fifi.

Way to go.

Keep him on his leash, and I won't let him go near any girl dogs, I promise.

Oh, guess again, mister.

This dog's going to the vets right now. But, Mom... Believe me, it's for the

best.

Well, what if it's against his religion?

Hey, come on, pal. No dog's got a religion.

What about St.

Bernard's?

You know, you're going to have to find homes for these.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, it's going to be your responsibility to watch them, to feed

scoop the poop.

Do you understand?

Don't worry, Mr. Belvedere. I'll take care of everything, I promise.

Come on, Wes. I'll take you to school. Okay.

See ya.

I distinctly told you to stay in your box.

Are you trying to vex Mr. Belvedere?

Hey, Belvedere, look who I found eating your ding -dongs.

He had that cream filling all over his face, just like you get.

Today has been a slice of heaven.

Look out!

That was pretty close. He almost made a puppy pancake.

Thank you, George. I'm still relieved.

Think how he feels.

Hey, Dad. Hey, Mr. Belvedere.

Hey, you found homes for any of these dogs yet?

school, but everybody I know already has a pet. Except Miss Ryan, who said if

she wanted a hairy beast in bed, she'd get married again.

Well, you better get with it, pal.

I will.

I guess these guys were a lot of trouble today, huh?

Yes, but I decided to look on the bright side, keep a positive attitude, and one

day, get even.

No puppies, no people.

Hmm.

Ah.

Whoops.

Oh, hi, Mr. Provider. Hello.

What are you doing out here?

I, I, I, I was just admiring your handiwork. Yeah, well, we've been

antique dealers, and they say our chair could be worth $4 ,000 or $5 ,000.

Oh, what do they know?

Well, Nuts convinced me to sell the chair. We're going to use the money to

more antiques. Yeah, maybe go into our own business.

Yeah, isn't that a great idea?

No, I mean, I wouldn't rush into anything.

You know, it's funny, I've never even sat in it. Oh, and you shouldn't. I

it's extremely delicate.

Are you kidding? This baby's so well built, it could take a bull elephant.

I wouldn't be too sure of that.

It's the bottom of the fifth, and Manny Sangean steps to the plate.

He starts scratching himself.

That's something ballplayers and you guys have in common.

So as he gets up to the plate... The vet said he's going to be fine. Now

remember, boy, you're supposed to take it easy for a couple of days.

I'm glad that's over.

I don't think it's over.

What about these guys?

Barrymore and Curly?

Yeah.

You know, you found homes for only two of the puppies.

So?

So we can't keep them forever.

What am I going to do?

Well, maybe you could try running an ad in the paper.

Huh? Well, you know, something catchy like, Hurry up and adopt a cute little

mutt before it gets squashed under Belvedere's butt.

I think I can top that.

Excuse me.

Hello. We've come about the ad for the puppies.

Are you Wesley?

Bite your tongue.

Hi, Mr. Belvedere.

Your ad has had quite a response.

What did you say?

Oh, nothing special.

So when's the drawing for the cruise?

Well, it says, adopt a puppy and you could be the lucky winner of a free

to the Bahamas aboard the S .S.

Belvedere.

Is that a big ship?

I'm sorry, there isn't a cruise.

It was just deployed to get you here. But I've already bought my bikini.

Well, how about the free prizes?

Yeah, the color TV, the satellite dish, my very own butler for a week.

Wesley. Well, okay, okay.

So there's no cruise and no prizes.

But look at these puppies. Wouldn't you like to have one?

Oh, come on. They're real cute. And they'll make really great pets.

I'm so sorry about your bikini.

Wesley.

What made you do such a foolish thing?

Look, I'm getting desperate. We have to find homes for these guys.

Yes, well, that's no way to go about it.

Mr. Belvedere, you're always good at stuff like this.

What am I going to do?

I honestly don't know.

Well, I guess this is the animal shelter.

That's right.

You find some strays?

Not exactly. See, my dog Spot met this other dog named Fifi, and they sort of

got together.

And they weren't into family planning.

Right. Anyway, this is Larry, Moe, and Curly.

I think you mean Larry, Moe, and Shirley.

Oh.

Well, I only found homes for two of them, and I figured maybe you could help

with the rest.

Well... We'll keep them as long as we can.

And then what?

Here. You fill this out.

Everything's explained on the reverse side.

And I'll make sure they get in a front cage so everyone will see them.

Thanks. Can you give us a minute?

Sure.

Look, I know being at the animal shelter isn't that great, but it's going to

work out, I promise.

Now... Whenever someone comes to look for a pet, do your puppy thing. You

jump around, chase your tails, trip over each other.

Oh, and one of you should pretend to be asleep in the food bowl. That always

gets them.

All set?

Yeah, I guess so.

Oh, it's you.

Yeah, afraid so.

You know, I was thinking, if we moved them, you know, down here, then maybe

people would see them when they... Wesley, we don't have any more time.

What do you mean?

I mean, I have other dogs that need this cage.

Well, they're not real big. You know, they could share it. Now, look, you know

kept them as long as I could.

Hey, what are you doing?

Wesley, I think you should go home. What are you going to take them out of there

for? Wesley, please.

What are you going to do? Just drag them off somewhere and kill them?

Oh. Hello.

Did I come at a bad time?

Mr. Belvedere, what are you doing here?

I found some clown who might adopt your puppies.

Huh? Quickly, Lynn, quickly. I have a show in 30 minutes.

This is Mr. Sigmund.

You really are a clown.

Right kid.

Mr. Sigmund uses dogs in his act. And he's looking for some puppies that he

could train to take over for the older dogs.

Are these the puppies that you were telling me about?

That's right.

They're real neat, Mr. Sigmund.

Oh, I don't know.

They look kind of grumpy to me.

Actually, they come from a very good bloodline, which is more than I can say

the people in the family.

Oh, Spot.

Here, boy.

Spot!

Wesley, why don't you have Spot show Mr. Sigmund some of his tricks?

Spot, I know you just got out of the hospital.

But Larry Moore and Shirley are counting on you.

Mr. Seaman sees how smart and clever you are, he may adopt your kids.

And let's face it, they're the only kids you're ever going to have.

He doesn't know how lucky he is.

Down.

Roll over.

Good.

Sit up.

Good.

I'd say the dog has the boy rather well trained.

Oh, I mean this thief, what the heck?

Okay, go jump. Go jump. Go jump.

Go jump.

Just like my wife. Does he play dead, too?

Well, what do you think, Mr. Seaman? Will you stop hocking me, huh?

Okay, okay, I'll take him. Thank you, Mr. Seaman.

Don't mention it.

Give me a few forms to fill out.

Oh, I knew we'd find Holmes' form. Thanks, Mr. Belvedere.

Yes. Well, I suppose they're luckier than most.

How's the reconstruction coming along?

Oh, not so...

Because she's a chair.

Penelope is a chair.

She was a chair. Now she's a freak of nature.

It's one to no one. Hey, don't call me names. This is all your fault.

Actually, it was mine.

Huh?

I sat on Penelope before Kevin did.

And she cracked.

Here.

I think this should cover the costs.

I've made it out to both of you.

Mr. Robert, we can accept this. I insist.

accident. No, no, it's the least I could do.

What?

Five dollars.

Well, that's what you paid for it.

Don't spend it all in one place.

Mr.

Belvedere will be right back.

After coming face to face with the sad plight of unwanted pets.

Wesley has begun to urge all of his friends to have their dogs and cats

or neutered.

Spot is living proof that it makes for a happy and healthy pet.

Wesley, get down here! Spot buried Grandma Huffnagle's teeth.

It's nice to see he hasn't lost any of his old charms.

The Boston Globe calls Life Goes On the best new drama series of the year.

Don't miss it tomorrow.

Tuesday, Tony turns teacher on Who's the Boss? And Kevin panics when a gorgeous

knockout and his first case of acne arrive at the same time. On the Wonder

Years. Now stay tuned for Livin' Dolls.