Original subtitles

and a repressive government on Mission Impossible, followed by a notorious

gunrunner who kidnaps the younger brother and sister of one of the young

writers. Now stay tuned for Living Dolls.

Mr. Belvedere, I left my ironing for you in the kitchen. Thank you. I'll leave

it on the curb with the rest of the trash.

George,

please, not after I've eaten.

I'd follow that rule. I'd never get to kiss my wife.

So how far did you guys run today? Almost three miles.

Yeah, we ran all the way down to the courthouse and back.

Dropping off Wesley's bail money.

Go ahead and yuck it up.

But we're going to be in great shape for that charity run.

Hey, Marsh.

Let's do the stairs.

You're on.

Meet you at the finish line.

First thing in the morning, gross.

Don't worry. I short -sheeted their bed.

It's kind of cute seeing Dad try to keep up with Mom like that.

What do you mean, try?

Well, nothing.

It's just, you know, Mom's younger. She's in better shape.

Yeah, but Dad's a man.

So?

So he'll probably blow her off the pavement.

Why? Just because he's a man?

Well, yeah.

Kevin, you're a sexist pig.

I am not. I just think men are superior to women.

What?

In sports.

Whatever. Bet?

Bet on what?

The race. If Mom beats Dad, I get your car for a month.

Okay, and if Dad wins, you set me up with backseat Barbara Tenenbaum.

You got it, you chauvinist hellhound.

May the best man win.

Why are you dressed like Oliver Twist?

This big kid at school has been shaking me down for my lunch money.

And he shook you so hard, your clothes fell apart.

No, I'm wearing these to make him think I'm poor. Then maybe he'll leave me

alone. But if you've already been paying him, he knows you're not poor.

Nah, he's not that bright.

Well, Wesley, I sympathize, but you can't leave the house looking like that.

Then could you lend me some money?

This jerk said if I don't give him enough today, he's going to wipe me off

face of the earth.

I'm sorry.

I'm a little short.

As you came through the door, no one bled. But sometimes things get turned

around and no one sped.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

Give you a seat.

Yeah, thanks, Marjorie. Hey, Wes, don't come by today.

Miss Rockland's not wearing a bra.

Miss Rockland's a tramp.

Yeah.

Why, Lewis, it looks to me like Owens has bought himself a lovely lunch today.

Yeah, and if he can afford to buy a lovely lunch, Ernie, he must have lots

lots of money.

Come on, you guys, I'm tapped out.

Oh, did you hear that, Ernie?

Owens is tapped out.

I could give you a meatball.

Say, those meatballs do look real tasty.

And I'll bet they look tastier and tastier as you get closer and closer.

Yeah, Ernie, give him a meatball face.

Hey, what do you guys think you're doing?

Hey, it's cool, man.

It's cool. Yeah, it's totally cool.

We're out of here.

I didn't mean to scare away your friends, but my mother told me not to

food. Hey!

I'm Wesley.

I'm Lenny. I just moved here.

Well, Lenny, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

I didn't really want to join the football team, but when the coach saw

got down on his knees and thanked his patron saint and stuff.

No, you didn't have to walk me all the way home, Lenny. Oh, it's okay.

Don't you have football practice?

No. Coach says I just have to show up at the games, and the other team's

quarterback usually faints.

Wesley, I attempted to clean up your room, but I couldn't find the floor.

Either put these away or throw them out.

Okay.

Who's your little friend?

This is Lenny. Lenny, this is our housekeeper, Mr. Belvedere.

Wow, you're almost as big as my mom.

You must bring her by.

And we can all play Twister.

Okay.

Come on, let's watch some TV.

Oh, you like comic books?

Hydrogen Man and Cosmic Crusher.

Yeah, and this one a guy gets thrown in a cage with a bunch of screaming,

bloodthirsty hyenas.

every day around here.

These are kind of violent.

I like Archie comic books.

I like Jughead and Betty. And I kind of relate to Moose.

Bet you think that's stupid, don't you?

Well, I never really told anybody this before, but I kind of like Archie's too.

You do? Yeah, my favorite is Mr. Lodge. You know Veronica's dad? I like him

because he's really rich and he always takes advantage of people.

Why are you putting on makeup to go jogging? Well, I like to look nice for

father. Well, I guess if you can't win, you might as well look good losing.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, you can't beat Dad in the 5K.

He's a guy.

That has nothing to do with anything.

Oh, wake up and smell the coffee, Mom.

Wake up and smell the coffee, Dad.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Look, Mom is 15 years younger than you. There's no way you can keep up with her.

Kevin, it's not like we're racing against each other or anything.

Oh, good attitude.

That way you can smile and wave as she runs past you.

Well, well, if it isn't my good friends Ernie and Lewis. You guys met Lenny? Hi,

Ernie. Hi, Lewis.

You know, I'm kind of short on cash today, and the Salisbury steak looks so

yummy. You guys wouldn't happen to have a couple bucks to spare, would you?

Boy, that's really nice of you guys.

Someday, Owens.

Yes, someday, Owens.

Thanks, Ern.

You guys are real sweethearts.

I would have let you have one of my Salisbury steaks. I've already had six.

Yeah, but it wouldn't have tasted nearly as good.

My parents are finally letting me have that party. Yeah?

Tomorrow night.

And chaperone.

Yeah? Yeah. To bring some hot music and plenty of vinaca. Hey, Wes.

I'm going back for sevens. You want anything?

Uh, no thanks, Lenny. Okay.

He chewed her up and spit her out. I'm telling you, she turned him into dog

meat. Grandma hot bagel chasing spot again?

Hi, Mr. Belvedere.

Here they come.

Oh, boy.

That was really fun.

I really worked up a sweat.

I think I'm going to take a shower. I'll join you. The more, the merrier.

When I get the duck...

her dad this morning, I was sure he was going to go out there and annihilate

her. I can't believe you interfered like that. I am shocked.

You tried mom too, huh?

Oh, I thought I had her going.

Why are you two so interested in who finishes first?

Oh, just a little friendly wager between a loving brother and sister.

Hmm, Cain and Mabel.

Maybe we just weren't clever enough.

I've never stopped you before.

in the kitchen. Oh, great.

Maybe you'll let me scrape the jelly off of it.

We can't have the party at my house tomorrow night.

My parents had to move their past life regression seminar there.

Oh, it took a break.

We can still have the party if we can find somewhere else to have it.

Well, maybe we could have it here.

cute when you're brilliant.

Boy, Mr.

Belvedere sure is generous.

He even let me have Big Half.

Gee, Wes, I've got to go.

You're not going to invite Baby Huey to the party, are you?

Why not? He's my friend.

Well, I'm your friend, too.

And I'm a better kisser.

Saturday nights, my family goes Latvian folk dancing.

That sounds like fun. Can I come?

Uh, gee, no.

You have to be part Latvian.

Oh.

Okay.

What are you planning for my soiree tomorrow night?

How about some happy face cookies?

Don't embarrass me. I've graduated the more adult pursuits. Fine, I'll put out

the brandy and cigars.

Come on.

Don't worry.

I'll prepare something pubescent.

I suppose I'll need extra food for Lenny.

Perhaps a water buffalo.

shoes in the paper.

There's a pair here that might be good for you.

Oh, the ones I got are all right.

Okay. I just thought since Mom got a pair of those new Jackrabbits, you might

want a pair.

Jackrabbits?

Oh, yeah. Right here.

A hundred and ninety bucks?

For that money, they should be chinchillas.

Boy, she must really want to look good.

Or else she really wants to win.

Where are you going, Dad?

to bag me some jackrabbits.

Your father spent $200 on running shoes?

What do they do?

Fly? I think it's neat that Dad's getting into trendy sportswear.

Maybe what he's trying to get is an edge on me.

He wouldn't do that.

Would he?

Come on, hon. We're going to the mall.

Hey,

pretty hot shoes, Dad.

How do they feel?

It felt better at the store.

Perhaps if he removed the shoe bone.

What the heck's all that?

This is going to cut my wind resistance in half.

I'm going to cut your credit cards in half.

What's the matter, Georgie? You scared of a little competition?

Scared? I don't even know the meaning of the word.

All right.

Then put your running shoes where your mouth is.

You're on.

are happy.

All you've done is turn a simple charity run into Death Race 2000.

Yeah, isn't it great?

Paul's

ready,

Wesley.

I even finished unpacking the raw meat to toss to your friends.

Absolutely. Oh, yes, Lenny called.

He had hoped to... catch you before you left your Latvian folk dancing.

Okay, so I didn't invite him. Actually, I'm doing him a favor. Oh, really?

Well, he's big and clumsy and there's going to be girls around.

Are you afraid he'll sit on one?

He just wouldn't fit in.

I understand.

You do?

Certainly. Why tell anyone he's your friend?

All he's ever done is to... Save your worthless little life.

Enjoy your party.

and seek and I'll be it. Now close your eyes and count to ten and remember, no

peeking. I can't think of anything that would be more fun.

Apparently they can.

You elbowed me into that mud puddle. After you pushed me into that German

shepherd.

Hey, Wes, who said you could have a party?

I did.

Problem with that?

Hans, you want some?

No, but I'd like my gum back.

With any luck, that'll be the vice squad.

Ah, something better.

Hi, Mr. Belvedere. Look, everyone.

It's Lenny.

kissing if you want.

Oh, boy.

Cosmic Crusher in 3D.

Sure you don't want to check it out?

Trust me.

I can almost feel it crushing the life out of me. I know just how you feel.

I can't believe he just showed up like that.

Yes, well, it is annoying when someone you've kissed off turns up at a kissing

party.

else is leaving. I'm going to go, too.

Oh, sure. Ruin my party and run.

What did you have to come here for in the first place?

I always come here. We're friends, aren't we?

we do separately. You're sleeping on the couch.

Forget the couch. I'll sleep at Kevin's.

You know, this race is getting much more interesting now there's a wager on it.

I didn't bet on the race. Me neither.

Good morning.

Morning. Morning.

Boy, Mom, you look like you're faster than a speeding bullet.

Better watch out, Dad. Well, gotta run. Bye.

Heather started this.

I think she had some help from Kevin.

And your heartwarming idiocy did the rest.

Yeah, looks that way to me, Ernie.

I think you owe us a little apology.

Yeah, a little apology.

And a lot of money.

So what do you say, buddy?

Yeah, what do you say, buddy?

I'm sorry.

Owens is sorry, Lewis.

You're sorry, Owens?

Yeah. I'm sorry Lenny's too nice to use your ugly face for a battering...

I'm always still eating.

Ow!

What'd you go and say that stuff to him for?

You could have got yourself killed.

Maybe I deserve to.

Sorry for treating you so lousy.

Everyone treats me lousy. I'm just a loser.

You're not a loser. I am.

Huh? All I wanted was to save my own butt.

I used you, just like Mr. Lodge.

And you fell for it. Because you're a big, dumb, nice guy.

Just like Moose.

I can see why you don't want me around your friends.

They're not my friends.

They bug out the minute there's trouble.

Not you.

You're the only real friend I've got.

I am?

That's kind of pathetic.

Come on, I'll buy you a chuck of milk.

Make it a six -pack.

watch your stupid jock interviews all day long. And you can keep the stove.

don't know how to use it anyway.

Hi, what's going on?

So you two all set for the big race? Forget the race.

Your father and I have something to tell you. We're getting a divorce.

What? I will decline spousal support in return for 70 % of all community

property. 70 %?

That's it, Buster. Take it or I'll see you in court.

I'm sorry.

I tried.

The only thing left is who gets them. I don't.

Not to manipulate your parents.

Yes, that's my job.

I hope you learned your lesson.

All right. Mom, Dad, I'm really sorry. Me too.

Hey, just think what life would be like around here if I moved out.

I can't, George.

I get too excited.

Mr.

Belvedere will be right back.

Kevin and Heather do appear to have learnt their lesson and have leashed the

dogs of war.

George, however, tripped Marsha in the charity race and beat her handily.

My, is she angry.

Perhaps George will be leaving after all.

We can but hope.

Lenny has helped teach Wesley that friendship is a two -way street.

And speaking of two -way streets, Lenny presented me with a valued gift.

in thanks for all the goodies I've prepared for him.