Original subtitles

Hi, everybody.

What do you think of this outfit?

Oh, lovely.

But why are you wearing your necklace around your waist?

I think you look very nice, honey. Another big date with Gary?

Yeah, I'm really excited. We've been dating for three months now, and tonight

think he's going to finally do it. Do what?

Give me his socks.

His socks?

Well, yeah.

They're a symbol of our mutual love and commitment.

See, I'll sleep with him on so he can keep me warm at night.

Honey, sometimes I worry about you.

I wouldn't worry until he gives her his boxer shorts.

I thought the news was on.

We're watching Brain Busters.

Not another insipid game show.

But this one's unique. They put kids and adults on the same team.

Yeah, and I know most of the answers.

That would make it unique.

Here comes the lightning round. All right, guys, I'm going to whip you now.

Good luck to our contestants.

First question, who won the 1984 World Series? Tigers.

Who wrote The Last of the Mohicans?

James Fenimore Cooper.

What was the name of the dog in The Thin Man?

What is the scientific name for aspirin? White pills.

Acetosalicylic acid.

That was my next guess.

Boy, Dad, if you and I went on this show, we could really clean up.

Uh, I don't know. This week's grand champions and brain busters will receive

prize package including a cordless telephone, a laptop computer, a CD

digital keyboard, and a Lamborghini.

On the other hand... I'm way ahead of you, Dad. I applied last week.

All right!

Boy, wouldn't it be great?

Wesley T. Owens making his TV debut on Brain Busters.

Funny. I always thought it would be on America's Most Wanted.

No one's there, but sometimes things get turned around and no one's there.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

Would you like some eggs?

Who cares?

Life stinks and then you die.

I take it Gary did not give you his socks.

No, he gave me the boot.

I'm sorry.

What happened?

Gary broke up with me. He said I was smothering him. Can you believe it?

ate lunch with him every day and called him twice every single night.

The boys are crazy. I hate them.

Heather, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

Thank you, Mrs. Paul.

Now, look, I remember when Ricky Baldwin broke up with me. I thought it was the

end of the world, too.

But then I met your father.

I thought you were trying to cheer her up.

Hey, big guy. Hello, George.

Joke, joke, joke.

A subpoena?

I don't believe it. They want us to try out for Brain Busters this Friday.

You're kidding.

This is radical. We're going to be a team.

Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

Oh, come now, Heather.

There is no use wallowing in self -pity.

Why not?

Because you're wallowing in my rocky road.

Bye, guys.

Oh, Miss Belvedere, can you iron this for me? I've got a hot date tonight with

Myra Banks.

I know what you're up to.

You're going to pretend to be real sweet and caring, but you're just going to

toy with her affection until you fling her aside like a rag doll, just like all

men, you heartless, gut -bucket!

How did she know?

Hi, honey.

What are you reading?

The Wretched... vomit of existence.

Heather, you do have to get on with your life.

Life is a tale told by an idiot.

Speaking of which, George called.

He'll be late for dinner.

Look, Heather, just sitting around here all day moping isn't going to do you any

good. Hey, what do you say we spend the afternoon at the mall?

I don't want to go to the mall.

I was startled by something.

Heather, get up.

Now, we are going to the mall. I am going to buy you something frivolous and

expensive, and you are going to like it.

Why don't you just make me walk over hot coals? Move!

Off to your tryout?

Yep.

George, don't you think you should wash your hands before you leave?

What? Your hands are all blue.

It's a skin condition.

1492, 1776, 1941.

Oh, dear, we're breaking out in historical dates.

I'm trying to cover all the bases.

George, you cannot put all the trivia of the world on your body.

Can I borrow yours?

It's okay to be a little nervous.

I'm fine, Dad.

I was talking to myself.

So, I see we have our would -be brain busters already in place.

You know who I am.

Who?

Tony Hopper, Dad, the host.

Oh, right.

I didn't recognize you in this light.

No problemo.

We asked you here to test how you respond to the game situation.

Now, don't lean into your mic.

Speak up, project, and, hey, be yourselves, huh?

Got it, Tony.

Yeah. Well, I'd first like to greet the Lees from Virginia.

Hi, Tony. I am Trava, and this is my son, Travo.

I am Tarara, and this is my son, Boomdie.

I do the jokes, huh?

I'm Wesley, and this is my dad, George.

Okay. Well, remember the rules. Hit the buzzer when you think you know the

answer. We'll give you 50 points if you're right, but we'll penalize you if

you're wrong.

My first question.

It's okay to be aggressive, but let's wait for the category.

Cat bed?

Sure thing.

Babe.

Who was the president of the United States?

George?

Rutherford B.

Hayes. No.

Who was the president of the United States when we entered World War I?

Thomas Woodrow Wilson?

Wrong. That's correct.

Thomas? That was his name, Dad.

Moving on.

Name the famous dog... Benji.

Wrong again.

Name the famous dog who almost cost Richard Nixon an election.

Wesley. Checkers. That's correct.

Hey, way to go, sport. What a kid. Is he a chip off the old block or what?

Can we proceed?

Sure.

Okay, now, who won the Triple Crown?

George.

Secretariat.

Uh, no, Seattle Sleuth. No, affirmed.

Are you sure?

Yeah, yes.

Who won the Triple Crown in baseball in 1967?

Yes, Trois.

That is correct.

That was a trick question.

Hi, we're back.

Hi. We went to this really trendy place called Safari Junction. I got these

earrings made out of chicken beaks.

Lovely.

When you're tired of them, I'll be able to use them for soup stock.

Heather, will you please take this stuff upstairs?

I've got to do some research for this legal seminar tomorrow.

A seminar tomorrow?

or the symphony or the gap.

Either I do have a job.

That's okay.

I understand.

I'll be happy sitting at home alone writing poetry that doesn't rhyme.

Well, look, um, maybe I can squeeze in an hour or two. Okay.

Well, are we brain busters yet?

The bust part is right.

But Dad tried to beat up the host.

Look, I'm sorry I let you down, pal. It's just, well, I hated his guts.

That's okay, Dad.

What did I want with this stupid Lamborghini anyway?

Don't be distraught, George.

It was only a silly game show.

A mindless parade of absolutely useless information.

You're right.

with me, Mr. Belvedere?

Wesley, I thought you'd never ask.

Hey!

You should be studying the almanac.

I'm taking a break. I've been at it all day.

Wesley, if you are going to be my partner on Brain Busters, you must be

prepared.

I want you to memorize the state capitals.

I know the state capitals. In Hebrew?

I brought these from the library like you asked.

Thank you, Kevin.

Will and Ariel Durant's Story of Civilization.

I have the Encyclopedia Britannica in the trunk.

Are you trying to kill me?

A tempting thought, but I think we should wait until after the game show.

Where are you going?

At least there I can give my mind a rest.

He'll be back.

It's Saturday.

There was a whole chocolate mousse cake in here this morning. Who ate it? Jeff.

The brain that ate Pittsburgh?

I don't think so. I may have to appear in court this afternoon.

Oh, but there's going to be this big styling demo at Snyder's Beauty Salon.

Heather, we have been to the mall every afternoon for a week.

What's another day?

Oh, great. See ya.

You two have been spending a lot of time together lately.

Yeah.

You've been spending more than that.

Promise to ease up as soon as she starts dating again.

Or we go broke.

What three -dimensional figure has twelve sides?

A dodecahedron.

Where was the Ouija board invented?

Baltimore.

How high is a volleyball net?

Seven feet eleven and five -eighths inches. Mr. Belvedere, this is boring.

Perhaps we should have a little fun.

Let's recite the periodic table of elements.

Oh, can we?

I always find the best way to memorize a complex list is to set it to music.

Hydrogen and helium, lithium, beryllium, boron, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen,

fluoride.

Excuse me, I'm going to move in with the Huffnagels.

Oh, Wes, am I glad to see you.

You are?

Not really.

Honey,

I just mean that it's a relief to see anyone other than Heather. Yeah, she has

an effect on me, too.

I don't know. All I wanted to do was help her out with her boy problems. Now

I've created a monster.

At least you're not stuck with Britannica fats.

Last night I was in the bathroom. He slipped me a copy of Who's Who in

under the door with a note saying he'd be giving me a quiz when I came out.

Well, honey, sooner or later they will return to their normal selves. And until

then, we're just going to have to try to be patient and understanding.

Yeah, I guess so.

Mom?

Wendland!

In the meantime, head for the hills.

I just took the trash out again.

It's supposed to be Wes's job.

Wesley's otherwise engaged.

Big guy, aren't you driving him a little hard?

I mean, a brain can only absorb so much information in a, well, short circuit.

You ought to know.

All I'm saying is Wes is just a kid.

A kid with a mission.

Only once in his life can he strive to become Grand Champion Brain Buster.

His moment has arrived, and so has mine.

Together, we shall ride the road to fame and glory!

You ate that moose cake, didn't you?

Thank you, thank you. Welcome back to Brain Busters. We have a new pair of

challengers with us today.

Wesley Owens, tell us about yourself.

I'm 13 years old and I'm in the 8th grade at Beaver Falls Junior High.

great. That's just great. Let's hear it for Wes.

Wes's partner is Lynn Belvedere. Tell us about yourself, Lynn.

Well, Tony.

I was valet to Winston Churchill, a confidant to Gandhi.

And a housekeeper to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

Couldn't hold a job, huh, pal?

Oh, enough chit -chat.

Let's bust some brains.

Thank you, brain.

Who wrote the book?

Little Women.

Yeah, Lynn.

Louisa May Olcott. Correct for 50 points. Who was our first vice

Lynn. John Adams.

Correct for another 50 points.

What is the fastest land mammal?

Wesley. The cheetah.

Lynn. The Bolivetian dances by Borodin. Right again. That's six in a row.

In the comic strip Thimble Theater, who was the ruler of Nazalia?

Yes, Lynn.

King Blozo.

Amazing. Even our computer didn't know that one.

Scorp, Belvedere, and what's his name? 2 ,000. The Lees have 300.

We'll be right back after these important messages.

Why have you been sitting me under the table?

Because you're hogging every answer.

I know my stuff, don't I? Sure you do. Elephants never forget.

Don't be such a twit.

We're here to win, aren't we?

You're here to win. You don't even need me. Of course I need you.

They wouldn't let me in the show without you.

Hope I win a jet ski.

I hope you drown ski.

Boys, boys, settle down. We have to set up for our new lightning round.

Hey, hey, hey. Welcome back to Brain Busters and our all -new super goopy

lightning round. Our adults will now move to their penalty chairs.

Super goopy?

And why are they strapping Mr. Belvedere down?

Nobody told me about this.

Let me clear that for you, Lynn.

You see, in this round, only the junior partner gets to answer. But if he's

wrong, Mom, Dad, or Grumpy here has to face the super goopy consequences.

What?

Ready, Trouble?

Uh -huh.

Ready, Wes?

Let me get this straight.

If I give a wrong answer, something bad's going to happen to Mr. Belvedere?

You got it.

I'm ready.

Let's begin.

Thanks again, brain.

Name the young French maid who was divinely inspired to fight the British.

Yes, Wes.

Tina Turner.

No, it was Joan of Arc.

Looks like you laid an egg, Wes.

Try again.

What was the name of the group whose members were John, Paul, George, and

Yes, Beth?

The Supreme Court.

No, we were thinking of the Beatles.

Say, Lynn, that egg makes a pretty scanty breakfast.

What do you say we add some?

What was the nationality of the 17th century painter Rembrandt?

Yes, what?

Now, I think he was Dutch.

Or else he came from Cleveland.

Yeah, yeah, Cleveland.

No, he was Dutch.

You remember the Dutch, don't you? Famous for their cheese, their tulips,

chocolate.

you are doing this on purpose.

Next question.

To three figures, what is the value of pi?

Yes, Wesley.

The value of pi is $1 .79.

No, pi equals 3 .14.

But speaking of pi...

a whipped cream.

Hi,

Mom. Have you seen Heather?

Where?

Well, when you see her, will you tell her that Bobby called and everything's

for tonight?

Bobby? Who's Bobby?

Oh, I don't know. Some guy she's been dating.

Didn't she tell you?

Heather!

Hi, Mom, what's up?

Have you been dating somebody behind my back?

You mean like a boy?

No, a wombat. Yes, of course a boy!

Well, yeah, sort of.

But what about Gary?

What about your depression? What about my credit card bill?

about the clothes?

And why did we spend so much time shopping?

It's just it gave me a chance to be with you.

You know, just the two of us.

I mean, I'm going to be going to college soon and we may not have time like this

again. And I guess I just didn't want to see it end.

Come here, you.

I will always be your mom.

Whenever you need me.

I'm glad.

And I got to admit, I do look pretty hot in this jumpsuit. Yeah, I look pretty

good in mine, too.

Hey, I have an idea.

How about if I buy you something?

Okay. What do you have in mind?

Despite my humiliation, the events on Brain Busters turned out all right.

I displayed my breadth of knowledge to the world.

However, I was rather sorry to lose that jet ski.

Mr. Belvedere?

Yes, Wesley?

Are you still mad at me?

Certainly not.

Can I come in?

By all means.