All language subtitles for mr_belvedere_s05e23_the_dinner

I know I'll regret asking this, but what
exactly are you doing?

Practicing. For what?

The rodeo?

Well, I'm going to be a stripper to
raise money for charity.

Of course.

Why pass the hat when you can drop the
pants?

Hey, look, if I can help just one poor
kid by letting a bunch of screaming

drop dollar bills into my shorts, then
it's worth it.

Can sainthood be far behind?

More salisbury steak, anyone?

I'm still chewing this piece.

It's not too tough, is it? Not if you're
Jaws.

Go ahead. Make fun.

I'm in court all day trying to nail a
slung lord. Then I rush home because

Mr. Belvedere's day off and I want my
children to have a nice hot meal.

And this is the thanks I get.

Come on, Mom.

Come here, man.

Really.

Right? Right.

Besides,

I wanted to go on a diet anyway.

Excuse me.

As you came through the door, no one
glared.

According to our new rival, life is more
than mere survival.

And we just might live a good life yet.

I can't make a dent in this gravy.

Here, start scraping it off with one of
these Salisbury steak things.

Hey, Mom, to me it works better than
Brillo pads.

school in his.

Well, it was your stupid idea.

Hey, come on.

You know, we all make fun of Mom's
cooking, but it wouldn't hurt to give

compliment once in a while.

You mean lie?

Well, it's not lying. It's called being
tactful.

You mean like if I told you you're smart
and beautiful?

No, that would be lying.

Real funny, Captain. All right, look.

Dad's away in Russia, and Mom's lonely.

I think we should try and be extra nice
to her, okay?

Okay. Great.

Now let's be extra nice to ourselves and
go get a pizza.

Good evening, Mrs. Owens.

Hi, Mr. Belvedere. How was your day off?

Oh, very pleasant.

But then again, it always is without
Wesley.

Mr. Belvedere, how would you feel if the
kids couldn't get their teeth through

your thighs?

Relieved.

Do you think I'm a bad cook?

Well, bad is such a subjective term,
Mrs. Owens. I mean, there's bad and

awfully bad.

And then again, there's wretched and
horrid and simply abysmal. Does that

your question?

It's just the kids are always
complaining about my food and I'm

it. Me too.

Want to kill them?

No, but I am thinking of taking cooking
lessons.

Well, just be sure and find a good
teacher.

Preferably one with a sense of humor.

Mr. Belvedere, it's so sweet of you to
volunteer.

Mr.

Belvedere, you're my trainer. Talk to
me.

Why? I just saw you at breakfast.

Come on.

Saturday's gonna be here before you know
it.

I wanna look good for this strip -off.
Gotta bulk up.

Well, carry on.

Hey, where are you going?

To get something to eat.

You bulk up your way, I'll bulk up mine.

What are you doing?

Looking for my frog.

Hey, Kev, is that Mr. Bug Eyes on your
shorts?

I suppose it was.

For our first lesson, I thought we'd
start with something... Foolproof.

Good old Yankee pot roast.

Oh, that's easy.

You just take a hunk of meat, throw it
in a pot, dump in a box of salt, and

everything till the water's all gone.

My grandmother's recipe.

Ah, then it is hereditary.

So, perhaps we should start with
something even more basic.

Oh, okay. Like spaghetti.

Sure.

Meet Chef Boyardee.

Kevin, what happened?

Mr. Bug -Eyes made me sprain my wrist.

Wait till I get my good hand on him.

Relax,

he's in my pocket.

Hey,

something smells pretty good.

Yeah, it's great having Mr. Belvedere
back in the kitchen.

Ah, nothing like a quiet stroll before
dinner.

Wait a minute. If you're out here, then
who's in...

Dinner in five minutes.

Uh -oh.

Don't worry.

She's using my recipe.

It's absolutely foolproof.

So how is it?

Mom, what did you do to this meat?

I mean, to make it so tangy.

Oh, Mr.

Belvedere gave me a few tips, like
adding a bunch of beef bouillon cube.

Mrs. Owens, I distinctly remember
telling you to add only two cubes. I

after you left, I got to thinking that
if two would make it good, then twelve

would make it fantastic.

Right you are, Mom.

That sounds like the smoke you'll hum.

Oh, good. The rolls must be ready.

Come in.

said you wanted to see me.

Oh, yeah.

I wanted to get your advice.

Trying to find a theme for my act at the
strip -off?

What's the perfect female fantasy?

Well, I don't know.

Mel Gibson serving ice cream that makes
you thin?

How about this?

You're gonna be an STD florist?

No, I'm a Roman gladiator.

Well, good luck, Spartacus.

Spartacus didn't wear a shirt.

Oh, damn.

Mrs.

Newings, I see you're stomping without
me.

Yeah, the way everyone raved about my
dinner last night, I think I'm finally

getting some confidence.

Well, don't.

Move ahead. Too quickly, I mean.

We're having lasagna tonight.

What did you put in this sauce?

Oh, a little of this, a little of that.
I like to be creative.

Then you should join the ceramics club.

Oh, you.

Now, it says to add a pinch of oregano
to the meatball mixture.

Gosh, that hardly seems like enough.

Wait! There's something we need. What?

Spanish basil.

Well, where do we get that?

Spain.

Well, maybe I can find some at the
market.

Splendid idea.

All right.

I'll be right back. You keep an eye on
everything.

That should buy me some time.

Are you sure you're okay, honey?

I'm fine, Mom.

I mean, I still have some vision in one
eye.

I said I was sorry.

Well, I baked you something that's going
to make you feel a lot better. Your

favorite, pineapple upside -down cake.

You can bring it in, Mr. Belvedere.

All right, Mrs. Owens.

I'm just taking it out of the oven.

Ouch.

Ooh. Ouch.

It's too good, she'll never believe it.

Wow, Mom, you really remember that?

Gee, I don't remember it looking so
good.

Boy, Mom, you've been making some really
great dinners these past couple of

nights. Yeah, you're getting better than
Mr. Belvedere.

Never have come this far without him.

You set him out for.

Boy, Mom, you made us some really great
dinners.

Gee, you're even better than Mr.

Belvedere, yeah?

Oh, hello, sir. How pleasant to see you.

Mr. Belvedere, I'm thinking of having a
dinner party tomorrow night.

Where?

Here. There's this city councilman,
Lloyd Taylor, and we need his vote to

two more attorneys for legal aid. So I'd
like to invite him and his wife and my

boss, Daryl, and his wife. I'll prepare
something special.

No, no, no. You don't understand.

I'm going to do the cooking.

But I thought you liked these people.

Dan would want to spend as much time
with them as you can.

Right. So why don't you serve the meal
and I'll do everything else? I want to

make a big impression.

I think you can count on that.

Kevin, why do you keep doing this to
yourself?

I want to look good for the strip -off.

All you're going to look is lopsided.

Uh -oh.

Tom.

My tooth fell out.

It's been loose ever since you hit me in
the face with the door.

Kevin, I'm telling you as a sister, give
this up.

Hey, come on. I still have sex appeal.

Leon Sphinx?

Hey, look, this is for charity.

Besides, there might be a great -looking
nurse in the audience.

Anyway, nothing is going to keep me off
that stage tonight.

Ann!

My tooth!

Oh, my God!

I see you!

Mrs. Owens, I was just wondering if I
might be of some assistance.

That's all the same, but I want to make
this dinner all by myself.

It's important to my sense of self
-worth. I wouldn't get in the way.

And I can tell a few musing anecdotes.

Perhaps through some of my bird calls.

Hey, Mr.

Belvedere, guess where I just found Mr.

Bug -Eyes? He was in your closet trying
to hit on one of your lizard -skin

shoes.

Leslie, I'm in trouble.

Oh, boy, what'd you do?

I've been doctoring up every one of your
mother's meals behind her back.

You mean Mom still can't cook?

Bingo.

And we've got guests coming in a few
hours. I've just got to get in the

I know. I'll call her from a pay phone,
tell her I ran away, and I won't come

back unless she comes and gets me.

That might work.

Then again, she might break open a
champagne.

Hey! I got it.

She's got to go upstairs and rest when
she does that.

I'll need your help.

Well, I guess I'll go get ready.

Oh, by the way, Mr. Belvedere said that
since you're doing such a good job in

the kitchen, you went to a double
feature.

Good. Then I can take a nice hot bath
and not have to worry about him snooping

around the kitchen.

Yeah, he can be a real Budinsky.

All clear.

How did I do? You think I fooled her?

Without question.

It's heartwarming seeing a boy lie to
his mother that way.

Well, that's it. There's nothing more I
can do.

Let us hope not.

I mean, I've done enough already.

That's them.

I'll get it.

Good evening. Please come in. Good
evening.

My, my, what a lovely home. Isn't it
lovely, Evelyn?

Yes, dear, it's lovely.

Oh, thank you, Councilman Taylor, Mrs.
Taylor.

And this is our housekeeper, Mr.
Belvedere.

Housekeeper? How much are we paying you
legal aid lawyers, huh?

Haven't I seen you at Arnie's Big and
Fat Store?

Yes, weren't you the one they were
trying to pry out of the dressing room?

Belvedere, this is my boss, Daryl
Manning, and his wife, Paula.

Hi. Good evening.

Please sit down.

Ah, where's Mr. Owens? Oh, George won't
be able to join us. He's on an exchange

program to the Soviet Union.

You mean after all this time, I won't
get to meet George Owens in the flesh?

Paula's a big fan of his. She never
misses his sports reports. I like to

them and watch them later when I'm
alone.

Great, I am starving. And we'd better
get to it before this guy does, huh?

So the mayor says, but Councilman
Taylor, it will never work. And I say,

Because it makes sense.

I never grow tired of that story.

Fresh rolls, anyone?

Oh, I love some.

Marsh, dear, you have got to give Evelyn
the recipe.

Oh, yes, the Councilman loves rolls.

I can see that.

Councilman Taylor, about our request to
expand our staff at legal aid. Sir, as

it stands now, there's a two -week
waiting period to see an attorney, and

only getting worse.

Well, you know, your plight reminds me
of the police shortage in 79. When

gets home, do you ever peel off his
shirt and rub those big, broad shoulders

with warm oil?

Hold on.

There we go, campus. One, two, three.

Mom.

This is not my idea, but Kevin seems to
be a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

He wanted to come down here and show
everyone his costume for the strip -off.

What do you think?

His mouth is still numb from the
Novocaine that Dennis gave him.

I haven't told him.

He's a Trojan.

Apparently the one who fell off his
horse.

Well, nice to meet you.

Mr.

Belvedere, I gotta talk to you. Oh,
honey, come here.

This is our youngest, Wesley.

Oh, young man.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I don't know.

Mr. Belvedere always says I'll either
end up in prison or politics.

Why not both?

Mr. Belvedere, we have to talk.

Please excuse us.

Don't eat that stuff.

Why not, Sam and Patty?

It's the only edible thing your mother
made.

Mr. Bug -Eyes ate some, and look what it
did to him.

Oh, dear.

That stuff must be rotten or something.

Oh, not necessarily.

I'm sorry about your frog, of course.

But that doesn't mean it'll hurt people.

Does it?

I don't know. I guess we'll find out if
everybody drops dead.

Where's the first aid manual?

It's over here.

Check under food poisoning.

Okay, okay, here it is.

Food poisoning is caused by bacterial
toxins.

It says to induce vomiting with one
tablespoon of syrup of Ipecac. We used

last bottle after one of your mother's
meatloaves.

Well, if there's nothing to it, I should
just have to go out there and tell

everyone your mother's poisoned them.

No! This dinner's important to Mom.
She's trying to make a good impression.

Yes, I suppose you're right.

So what are we going to do?

Wesley, I never thought I'd say this,
but let's go make everyone sick.

It was delicious, Marsha. Thank you.

Is everybody done?

Well, I know I am. I couldn't eat
another thing if you paid me. And I am

elected official.

You know, Councilman, that reminds me of
ancient Rome.

The upper classes used to gorge on their
food and then tickle their throats with

a feather, thereby causing them to
regurgitate their feast into a nearby

It's right here if anyone wants to try
it. Just kidding. Come on, Mr.

I'll help you clear the table.

Anyway, Councilman, as we were saying,
about the caseload situation... Hey, Mr.

Belvedere, look at this rice.

Doesn't it kind of look like a big bowl
of maggots?

Perhaps, but not quite as slimy or
wiggly.

Mr. Belvedere?

I think I'm going to be sick.

Oh, cool, just like Debbie Price.

She has special lunch special all over
her desk.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. Then the substitute teacher saw it
and had to barf in a wastebasket.

Oh, wait, wait, T. Owens, you go to your
room. But, Mrs. Owens... And you can go

with him. Mrs. Owens, the boy is only
trying to help. It appears we may all be

suffering from food poisoning. My frog
ate some of that salmon spread you made,

and, well, he croaked. I mean,
literally.

Oh, no.

We consulted the first aid manual, and
it says that we all must, well... I

think we got the picture.

to the nearest emergency room. Oh, I'm
so sorry.

But, uh, you're all welcome back for
pie.

I've never been so humiliated in my
life. From now on, you do all the

Mr. Belvedere.

It wasn't a total loss, Mrs. Owens. The
councilman did say he'd vote for more

attorneys.

Yeah, it's amazing what someone will
agree to with a tube down their throat.

How was the striptease?

Everything come off without a hitch?

I raised 150 bucks.

That's wonderful, honey.

Yeah, it was off from one lady. She's a
bone specialist.

Says she wants to study me.

Hey, everybody, look.

It's Mr. Bug Eyes.

Guess he was just tired.

Mrs.

Owens tells me that both new attorneys
at Legal Aid... are working out very

well, and that they were the only ones
brave enough to sample the plate of

cookies she made.

As for Kevin, the strip -off for charity
was so successful that they're having

another one this weekend.

Kevin cannot attend on the advice of his
bone specialist.

He's sending a proxy.

Ladies, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Dennis Quaid is a battle -hardened space
pilot and Earth's top gun.

Louis Gossett Jr.

is an alien from a distant planet with a
distinct hatred for Earth men.

They're two sworn enemies stranded on a
war -torn world.

But to survive, they must learn to do
the impossible.

Work together in peace.

Prepare for the futuristic thriller
Enemy Mine.

Tonight at 8.

Now, it's Three's Company.

Next on Fox 11.

KTTV Los Angeles.