Original subtitles

Here, I'll get that.

Come on, Ed. It'll be really fun.

Oh, I don't know, Ann. It just seems really weird going to a drive -in

guy. I mean, we'll actually have to watch the movie.

Oh, it's a great double feature.

an attack of the killer tomatoes?

Has one of them even won an Oscar?

Okay, okay, I'll go, I'll go. Great.

See you after dinner. All right.

Bye, Mr. Boomerang.

Hey, Slick. Wow, Wes, you're really dressed to kill.

Oh, please don't give him ideas.

Relax, I'm just going bowling.

Oh, yeah?

Is Denise going to be there?

Hey, how'd you know about her?

Wes, every morning for the past... Next week, you spelled her name in your

alphabet. Somebody's got a girlfriend.

Somebody's got a girlfriend.

Somebody's got a girlfriend. Oh, Lord, please don't let him breathe.

Give me a break, will you? It's my first real date, sort of.

Hey, Wes, want a little tip from the master?

When you're bowling, if she happens to get a strike and she jumps up in the

don't say, I see London, I see France, I see Denise's underpants.

I'll keep that in mind.

All right, knock them dead, Wes. Hey, hey, hey.

Wait a minute. You're not going anywhere, young man.

We just got a call from Grandma Huffnagle.

How could you do it, Wes?

Taking pictures of that sweet old lady butt naked in a therapy booth.

But they're for a report on growing old in America.

Forget it, pal. You're grounded.

Oh, no, Dad. Any night but tonight.

Well, maybe next time you'll... think before you pull a stunt like this.

Boy, I can't believe I got in trouble just for taking this.

When you drop kicked your jacket As you came through the door No one glared

According to our new rival Life is more than mere survival

And we just might live the good life yet Come on,

Marsh. You're always begging me to take you to the theater.

Yeah, but why can't we see Phantom of the Opera or Les Miserables?

What are you going to see?

Raymond Burr in Dancing.

Oh, honey, you know we're going to a bad part of town, so we're taking your

father's car.

So, Mom, you think I can borrow your car? Me and Ange are going to the

I don't think so.

Hey, remember, Belvedere, Wes doesn't leave this house.

Oh, don't worry.

I've got some fresh alligators for the moot.

I thought you'd been sent to your room.

Mr. Belvedere, it's Saturday night, my first co -ed bowling party, and I'm

here with you. Is that fair?

Not to me.

Come on, Mr.

Belvedere. You were young once, a long, long time ago.

Leslie, I sympathize with your plight.

But your father's put his foot down.

Great.

Would you let me off the hook for a box of scooter pies?

Pucker up, Denise.

There's only a pane of glass between you and the man you love.

Someone made me drop my ducky.

Boy, you don't trust me at all, do you? Of course I trust you.

To do exactly the opposite of what you are told.

Now get to bed.

I thought I was blowing a bubble.

Pretty bubbles hit the air.

Wesley T. Owens is not whipped yet.

Spot, I'm going to need your help.

Wesley, I brought you a little surprise.

Wesley, wouldn't you like some hot cocoa?

Thanks, Mr. Belvedere. I'm really tired.

So I'm in bed already.

I guess I'll see you in a while.

Bye.

Well, my little fleabag.

Looks like Wesley didn't teach you to change the battery.

This is Count Rope. Hot -wiring my alarm system.

I'll bring in the facts.

take silly posts.

I haven't driven one of those since that wild night in London with Joan Collins.

Now, which side of the road is it? The left -hand side or the right?

Maybe I should call Joan.

Come on, honey. It wasn't that bad.

I wanted to see Raymond Bird dance, not his understudy.

Oh, no.

Who? My Porsche.

Hi, Dad. How was the play?

Okay. How was the driving? Oh, it got rained out, so we went to a bar and

up sailors.

What?

Dad, I'm kidding. We hung out at Angela's.

She did it! She actually took the Porsche!

Hi, Mom. Not now.

I can't believe that girl. She knows how I love that car. I told her not to take

it, but she did. And in the pouring rain, I tell you, when I get my hands on

your daughter, I'm...

take my Porsche?

No.

Well, if you didn't, who did?

I tell you, Spotty, never trust a woman.

Denise kissed up to me, paused on my french fries, and then left with Pete

Rafferty.

Go to the hospital.

Mr. Belvedere's been in a car accident.

You heard anything?

Yeah, the cop said he skidded in the rain and wrapped the Porsche around a

Oh, my God.

All I know is Mr.

Belvedere's in critical condition.

Are you the Owens family?

Alice, is he okay?

I know this is hard for all of you, but Mr. Belvedere has suffered a closed

injury to the head.

Oh, no, a closed injury!

My God, a closed injury!

What's a closed injury?

Closed means there's no serious fracture.

However, he is in a coma.

Now, it's possible he could make a full recovery.

Possible?

It's also possible he won't come out of it.

Ever?

I wish I had better news.

Are you folks relatives?

Uh, he's our housekeeper.

He's been with us forever.

Well, not forever. It just seems like forever.

I mean, uh... Doctor, can we see him now?

Yes, but just for a minute.

Thank you.

Well, I guess we should go on in.

Come on, Wes.

I'm not going.

I don't want to see him like that.

It's okay, honey.

We understand.

Morning.

So, uh, did you two get any sleep?

Us neither.

I just kept thinking of Mr. Belvedere lying there in that hospital.

Well, I don't get it. Where the hell was he going anyway?

I don't know.

How about you, honey? Did he tell you where he was going?

Uh, no. He, uh, never said anything about that.

It's funny.

I almost expect a big guy to walk in and ask us what we want for breakfast.

Good morning.

Now, what would everybody like for breakfast?

I guess I'll whip up something.

That's the frightening notion.

What's the matter with everyone?

You look like someone died.

Not exactly.

Angela, what are you doing dressed up like the good witch of the north?

My name isn't Angela. It's Angel.

Of course, you're Angel and I'm Mr. Birdbath.

No, you're not Mr.

Birdbath. Your name is Lynn.

Dear, dear Lynn.

Heather, I'm afraid the squirrel's out of the cage again.

I'm afraid they can't hear you or see you.

Well, what's going on?

Hi, guys.

Hi, Kev. Did you check out the Porsche?

Yeah. How does it look?

Like it just went ten rounds with Godzilla.

I just can't believe this happened to poor Mr. Belvedere.

Something happened to me?

His condition's the same.

My condition?

What condition?

Oh, he must have taken a hell of a bang on the head.

Bang on the head?

Posh.

Rain. Is it coming back to you now?

Yeah.

Where's Gray?

You snuck out. I took the porch to get you.

That stupid pizza truck cut me off.

They never go that fast when I order them.

Honey, what's wrong?

I don't know. I just felt a blast of hot air.

I don't feel too good.

Can't you guess?

If I'm with you, it's probably hell.

Actually, it's kind of a waiting room.

Waiting? For what?

To see if you come out of your coma.

I'm not in a coma.

I feel fine.

I'm afraid you're quite ill.

See?

Oh, my.

Oh, I do look pale.

And they say the camera adds ten pounds.

Cigars, cigarettes, ding -dong.

Cigars, cigarettes, ding -dong.

Ding -dong.

Thank you.

I could learn to like this place.

I knew you'd come around.

Wait a minute, what am I saying?

I don't want to die, especially not in Beaver Falls.

I've been through the Blitz, Frostbite, even cannibals.

But I'll be damned if I'll be done in because Wesley disobeyed my orders.

Sorry about the dance part.

Well, if you feel your presence on Earth is essential to another life, you might

get off on a technicality. Of course I'm essential.

You never saw the Owens before I got there.

And I can't imagine what they'd be like if I were gone.

Maybe I can.

at least learned a trade this time. Sure did. In fact, I made something for you.

One old bag.

He sure got you, Peg Park.

Aren't you flattering yourself just a teensy -weensy bit? Not at all. Now, if

you'll just point me to the door. Not so fast.

Dear, dear Lynn, that was just your version. Now let's see what the Owens

is really doing.

must be your mom.

Yeah, and she's driving a beat -up old bug.

What's with the car, Marsh?

Like it?

Well, what about the Porsche?

Oh, I sold it.

Huh? Why?

Because it represented everything that was wrong with my life.

Everything that was stupid and pointless.

I quit my dumb singing waitress job and got myself hired

at legal aid.

That's great, Marty.

less than my tips at the diner. Well, that's great.

My wife becomes a lawyer and I end up losing money on the deal.

They don't even miss me.

Of course they do. They're simply getting on with their own lives while

for a decision on yours.

Am I still lying in that dreary...

A buggy is a buggy and a ruggy.

Oh, look.

There's the Get Well card.

Get Well, we can't make it without you.

There, you see?

My presence is essential.

It's signed, Donut World.

Just for once, couldn't you call me Mr. Boxer Shorts?

Hey, Westman.

Are you coming with us to see Mr. Belvedere?

Uh, no, I've got work.

Don't you think he would like it if you were there with him?

I don't know.

Uh, look, pal.

I know this...

It may be hard on you, but there might be something you want to say to Mr.

Belvedere.

Just in case.

Just in case what?

Well, I mean, there's a chance he might not make it.

I don't want to hear this.

Hey, Wes, you okay?

Just leave me alone, will you?

What's with you anyway?

Why won't you ever go to the hospital?

I just don't want to get out of my case.

No, you've been acting really weird ever since all this stuff happened.

So? So I know you. There's something going on.

Ask him about his bowling game.

Hey, you went bowling that night, didn't you?

Huh?

You snuck out and Mr. Belvedere took Mom's car to look for you.

Right?

It's all my fault.

Because of me, Mr. Belvedere wrapped the car around a tree, and now he's laying

in the hospital in a coma.

Well, don't you think you should tell Mom and Dad?

Why? It's not going to help Mr.

Belvedere.

Wesley, it's up to you to do the decent thing.

You'd look awfully good on my record up there.

You're not a little kid anymore, Wes.

It's about time you start taking responsibility for all the rotten stuff

Forget it. Just leave me alone.

Apparently, I didn't change him that much after all.

Anything new?

We're still waiting to see the doctor.

What's that, Dad?

A box of ding -dongs just in case the big guy wakes up.

Hey, Doc, what's going on?

Has there been a change in his condition?

Yes, and I'm afraid it's not good. His blood pressure has dropped.

This is just a non -scientific observation, but he doesn't seem to be

this thing as hard as he was.

It's like he doesn't care anymore.

Oh, honey, I'm so glad you came.

Don't be too sure.

What do you mean, pal?

I know where Mr. Belvedere was going when he had his accident.

Where?

To the bowling alley.

To get me.

I snuck out.

You want?

I'm sorry, everybody, and I know you all hate me, but I have to see Mr.

Belvedere alone before you do whatever you're going to do to me.

Hi, Mr. Belvedere.

Boy, I really screwed up this time.

Usually I'd come to you and you'd call me obnoxious to it and we'd both feel

better.

But not now.

I can't believe you're just lying here like this.

Because of me.

Because you cared about me.

If I told you this some other time, you'd probably laugh or make fun of me.

But you're my best friend.

I know you don't believe it because I act like such a creep.

But I don't know what I'd do without you.

I'm scared, Mr.

Belvedere.

And I'm so, so sorry.

Please come back.

I love you.

Wesley, you're standing on my tube.

Mr.

Belvedere will be right back.

It's been a week since I officially rejoined the world of the living.

My doctor has given me a clean bill of health and told me I may return to my

daily routine with a vengeance.

Wesley T. Owens, the party's over.

Come in.

Hello, dear.

Hi, look who I brought.

How are you feeling, Mr. Brontosaurus?

At 8, the Impossible Missions Force uses voodoo tactics to break up a Louisiana

kidnap ring on Mission Impossible.

Then a government sting operation falls apart on a man called Hart.