Original subtitles

I don't know what's wrong with that disposal.

When you turn it on, it makes a funny sound.

So does my wife. That's why I married her.

Well,

here you go.

I'll have it back for you in a week.

Wait a minute. There's a big hole in my sink.

I mean, what am I supposed to do?

Don't make garbage.

What happened to that goofy looking guy? The one who used to live here with the

goat. I threw him out. I couldn't take the smell anymore.

So I got a new roommate.

What's going on?

Hey, pal.

Roommate -wise, you definitely traded up.

Who's he?

It's Bruno, our super.

You want some breakfast?

I don't eat breakfast.

Oh, well, I didn't know. I mean, last night was only your first night here.

Hey, don't make it sound like we're living together.

Okay, what do you call it?

I call it major bad luck.

If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't have busted a leg and lost my job.

Believe me, if I could afford to live anyplace else, I would. All right, look,

I've got to go to school. Just don't touch any of my stuff, okay? I don't

to get any of your girl cooties on it.

Can I help you?

As Harry Truman once was saying...

The goat stops here.

Well, any friend of Harry's is a friend of mine.

What can I do for you?

Allow me to be introducing myself.

I am Anatole Goodluckian.

And I am moving in.

Never met her before.

Who cares?

When you dropped Kate's jacket.

As you came through the door.

No one glared.

According to our new rival.

Life is more than mere survival.

And we just might live the good life yet.

This tea is delicious.

Already I am feeling like I am home.

Did Glenn enjoy his tin can?

What a well -mannered goat.

He can have Wesley's room.

Is it really matter to be taken up with man of house?

I'm afraid man of house won't be back until this afternoon.

I do hope you'll consider waiting.

You are being very kind to me.

Do you have an exterior motive?

I like Mr.

Ed, because always it's teaching a little lesson.

You're kidding.

This is one where Ed learns not to mess in his own backyard.

Pay attention, Heather.

Hey, pal, what gives?

You must be man of house.

I greet you and beg your permission to move in.

What? Your son, Kevin, kicked me out of apartment, which was half mine.

I wonder why.

So I am asking, pretty pleased with bat rings on it, can I move in?

All right!

You can't do that. You pat down, blonde goddess.

This is matter for men.

Are you going to let him talk to me like that, George?

No way.

Who are you calling a blonde goddess?

What's this all about?

It's an old Eastern European custom that I learned during the Prague Spring.

When the eldest son throws his roommate out... The family has to satisfy the

injustice. Frog, spring my patootie. You're out of here.

Let's not be hasty. I mean, there might be legal ramifications.

Well, whatever it is, it's Kevin's problem. Well, maybe we should talk to

about it. Let's go.

Don't wait dinner.

Well, my second class was canceled, so I thought I'd get in some study time.

But I never dreamed I'd learn so much.

I'm going to take a bath.

Uh, you need any help getting in the tub?

I am not an invalid. I am perfectly capable of moving myself around.

Yeah, so I saw.

I mean, you're acting like I've never seen a naked woman before.

Well, have you?

Yeah, I have.

Five times.

I'm thinking.

I can't see anything.

Good. Whoa!

It was open. He must be here.

Well, if he's not, we're going to stay here until he shows.

I want some answers about Anatole and his goat.

Then again, it's cheaper than a trash compactor. Let's go.

Mom, you're not going anywhere.

Mom,

Dad, this is my new roommate, Casey.

Hi, everybody.

Well, this is what I look like dry.

So, Casey, where are you from and who are your people?

I'm just trying to get to know your roommate better.

Talk.

Well, Mrs. Owens, I was born here in Pittsburgh, but I was raised in Las

Las Vegas?

Yeah, my father was a professional gambler.

I see.

And your mother?

She was a showgirl before she was married, and after she had me, she ran

with an Elvis impersonator.

All right, tell me, young lady, exactly what are your intentions towards my son?

Look, Mrs. Owens, Kevin is a nice guy, but I'm not interested in him marriage

-wise, sex -wise, or any otherwise.

Yeah, I told you, Marsh.

There's nothing to worry about.

Well, what's the matter? Isn't my son good enough for you?

Hey,

what the hell's going on around here?

It's the naked duck.

The Flotky, I believe.

I know the Flotky when I see it. What's he got to dance about?

He's thrilled with his new family.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, pal, I talked to Kevin.

He said he gave you back all your money minus the cleaning deposit.

This is not about money.

This is about dignity of Kierkegaard's name.

Hit the road.

Come, Glenn.

Why could he dance?

I have one more thing to be saying.

Just a moment.

Because you did not take me in, a curse on you and all your skin.

You have made a great mistake.

Bad luck will come.

This is not fake.

Oh, look, before

you go to bed, I wanted to apologize.

I'm sorry my mom put you through the third degree this afternoon.

She's a lawyer. She's used to badgering witnesses.

Don't worry about it. I made all that stuff up.

Huh? Yeah.

My dad's a steel worker and my mom's a housewife.

You mean you were making fun of my mother?

No. I was taking care of myself.

I am the boss of 20 guys. I can sure handle a nosy mom.

Yeah. I guess she can handle anything.

I'm going to sleep.

Good night.

Night.

You missed a spot, you wretched wench.

Forgive me, oh wicked stepmother.

Methinks the larder.

Stocking. He thinks an extra Y chromosome got over the fence.

Whoever could that be?

Must be that boar's head pizza I ordered.

Two guys from Camelot. Weights without. Move your bustle.

I am pleased to be announcing the arrival of His Royal Highness, the

Charming.

I, the Prince of Charming, am here to rescue you, oh, fairest one, from your

life of drudgery and bad cooking smells.

Go for it, Big Mama.

Not so fast, fur lip.

It is to you I speak, oh, Buddha.

Audacious damsel, all the kingdom knows of the slave -like life you lead.

And I, in my band uniform, am here to pluck you from the clutches of this

brocade buffalo.

Look, this is my job. This is what I do. And I don't need you or any other man

to rescue me. I can take care of...

You want to sleep here?

With me?

Hop in.

Look, I don't want you to get the wrong idea about all this. I am not a tease.

No, you're being very direct, and I appreciate that.

Kevin, the only reason I'm in bed with you is because I'm afraid of the

Oh, well, I'm afraid of lightning. Maybe we can merge our fronts.

I'm serious.

So am I.

Forget it, Mr.

Sensitive. I'm going back to my room.

I'm going to Bermuda!

Take Wesley with you.

He can explore the triangle.

No, I'm really going. I want an all -expense -paid cruise.

What's all the excitement?

Cruise, you say?

Yeah, I filmed an entry form at the mall last week, and the drawing was today,

and I...

so much for that silly curse.

So, when do we all leave, kitten?

Well, we're not exactly all going. The cruise is for two.

Oh, George, we have the best daughter in the whole world.

It's the second honeymoon.

How come I can't go on the cruise?

Have you forgotten?

You're banned in international waters.

You know, you're all so selfish. This is my cruise and I want it. Don't you take

that tone with me, Missy. Mom, I'm the one...

Round one over.

Lunch will be served at the end of round two.

Where are you going?

You look like some kind of college professor.

Actually, there's a party over at the student union.

And listen, if you're just going to be hanging out here all night, maybe you'd

like to come with me.

Oh, thanks. I wouldn't fit in.

I mean, I wouldn't fit in my party clothes. You know, with the cast and

Oh, yeah, right.

Well, maybe some other time. Maybe.

Guess I'll be seeing you.

Guess so.

And for the best. Twelve years I've been chairperson of the Cartesian Studies

Department. Chief lives on a high house?

Oh, you are some hot hostess, Mrs. Scathing.

Sir Owens, the chair of the English Department is going to be vacant.

I assume we'll be seeing you there next year.

Oh, that's very kind of you, Professor.

I am counting on it, all things being equal, of course.

Rosenthal. Rominden.

Rosenthal. Rolly Heil.

Who? Rose. Sen.

Ben. Thor.

Thor.

Rosenthal. Heidenwald.

Rosenthal. Wallenwald.

Highland Ben. You'd better tend to your wife, Owen. She's off the beam again.

Help me, Royal.

What a bimbo.

What did he say? He said, what a bimbo.

Yes, what a bibbo.

I brought you a little present.

It's a garbage disposal.

I stayed up two nights fixing this for you.

Look, do you have to do that now? It's late.

Super's work is never done.

Besides, I needed to get out of the house for a while.

My wife doesn't understand me.

Honey, I know exactly where you're coming from.

Oh, he was simpatico.

Hey, what's going on here?

Uh, I was just installing your garbage disposal.

Yeah, right, pal. Well, not tonight.

You're out of here.

You'll be sorry the next time you make coleslaw.

Well,

I guess it's a lucky thing I showed up, huh?

You're overreacting, Kevin. I could have handled it.

Oh, yeah, right, Casey. Come on, who are you kidding?

I could have handled it. I can take care of myself.

Yeah, that's all I ever hear.

Oh, well, I'm sorry if my limited vocabulary is boring you. Hey, look, I

said you were boring, but if you were, I'm sure you could handle it. I don't

need this. I don't need this either.

Fine. Fine.

Mr. Belvedere, are you sure this is going to help Dad's back?

When her majesty would put her back out, she would insist I walked up and down

her spine.

That would explain her stiff upper lip.

Oh, all right, George.

The least you could have done was take your shoes off.

Hi.

Hey, where have you guys been?

Went to the mall hours ago.

Well, we just took a little shortcut past the police station on our way home.

Huh? They said I was shoplifting.

Good heavens.

Strictly amateur.

I forgot I was still wearing a bikini when I got dressed.

So they got you for theft?

No, assault.

I decked the security guard when he tried to take it back.

Yeah, so they figured as long as we were already at the police station, we might

as well make out the accident report.

You guys got in an accident, too?

It's not funny, Wes. We were stopped at a red light and we were rear -ended by

the good humor truck.

There were Eskimo pies all over the street.

And I missed it.

Not too hard. Your bike was in the trunk.

Oh, no.

I just had the stereo put in.

Hey, my back goes out.

Heather gets arrested. Marcia gets in an accident.

Wes's bike gets mangled.

What the hell's going on around here?

It's the curse.

No, it isn't. We're just having a really, really bad day.

Or it could be the curse.

Hi, Mr. Poverter.

Hello, Kevin. I'm sorry I didn't do your laundry, but I've been rather busy.

Oh, no, I didn't come for that.

I just wanted to talk to you. Make it brief. I'm in the middle of a curse

removal.

Huh? Yes, it seems that Anatole... I don't want to know.

It's my new roommate.

I mean, she's driving me crazy.

Tell her to move.

No. Then tell her to stay?

No.

I think perhaps we should be a little more specific.

I just don't get it. I mean, one minute she's hopping into bed with me, and the

next minute she's trying to hit me with a crutch.

She does sound highly strong.

I try to help her out, you know, but every time I do something nice for her,

get kicked in the slats.

Kevin.

Were the bells on the hill?

but you never heard them ringing?

Oh, yeah.

Were there birds in the sky, but you never saw them winging?

Yeah.

I may only be a witch doctor, but from the sounds of your symptoms, you're in

love.

Hi.

Hi.

Someone come on over?

I'd cook dinner.

Why?

Because I'm hungry.

There's enough for both of us.

Okay.

I hope you like it. It's an old recipe of my mother's.

And how is Mrs.

Boyardee?

Look, when you grow up like I did, you learn to take care of yourself.

Yeah, so I've heard.

Kevin, I'm sorry for the way I've been acting.

It's not that I don't want to rely on anyone else.

I just never learned how.

What's so funny?

You know when you find out something that you should have known all along,

it takes somebody else to tell you?

I guess so.

What did you find out?

This.

I could have told you that.

Well,

what does this all mean?

I don't know.

But until we figure it out, you're still sleeping on the couch.

You cannot expect to remove a Balkan spit curse in a three -piece suit.

Are you sure this is going to work?

This is the only way.

First, we must have a ritual sacrifice. Heather?

Don't look at me. I'm not a virgin.

Mom, get a light. I'm just kidding.

Actually, Heather, I was referring to the cruise tickets. Hand them over.

Why?

Heather, a sacrifice means you give up something. Give them the tickets.

And a one and a two.

What is to be going on here?

Looks like refugees from Dick Clark Live.

Trying to get rid of that stupid curse you put on us.

That's what's only 24 -hour curse.

By the way, you've got that cheese on backwards.

Mr. Belvedere, did you know that was only a 24 -hour cruise?

Certainly. And you burned my cruise tickets for nothing?

But think of the fun we had.

Now, where were we?

On top of those snow teams.

It appears I was correct about Kevin.

When I questioned him about his roommate, he mumbled incoherently,

goofy smile, then hit his head on the door, leaving the room.

As the Americans say, the boys got it bad.

As of this writing, the Owens are still peeved that I torched those cruise

tickets.

If they only knew, the hand is quicker than the eye.

I'll invite... Grandma Huffnagle.

When it comes to Dex Shuffleboard, I take no prisoners.

I'm Forrest Sawyer. Later on Nightline, nobody laughs when John Nauman sits down

at the piano. But we think you'll have a grand time with him behind the scenes

of the Van Clever Piano Competition.

Tonight.

Tomorrow at 8, don't miss Supergirl, an ABC movie special.

Then, the streets aren't safe for a man called Hawk.

Hey, look at this.

Lamar Gooberson died. Who?