Original subtitles

Come on, honey. There's nothing to be afraid of.

Besides, you wouldn't be going to the dentist if you brushed when you were

supposed to and you didn't rot your mouth with all those sweets.

Oh, look, this is ridiculous. I want you out of that bathroom right this minute.

Shall I call the SWAT team?

I don't know what else to do.

Let me try.

Look, if you go to the dentist like a good soldier... When you come home, Mr.

Belvedere will make your favorite triple scoop chocolate crunch sundae.

With

extra

sprinkles?

Of course.

He's clean today, and I want to get my money's worth.

Morning. Morning.

I'm all ready to go to the dentist, Dad.

No rush, pal.

But if you don't get there early, they give you the old drill.

That's it. I'm not going.

Oh, come on, Dad. You gotta.

You see, even Wesley realizes that a trip to the dentist may be unpleasant,

necessary.

No, I like going.

You do?

Yeah.

It hurts a whole lot, but it sure feels good when it's over.

Sort of like spending the day with you.

Is everything all right?

I still can't find a roommate to split the rent with and have a lot of other

bills and stuff. I'm just having a little trouble making ends meet.

Oh, well, you know, your father and I can always help out.

No, that's too much money to get from you guys.

I was going to ask Wes.

Anyway, I don't want to start borrowing, so I just decided I'm going to sell my

Barracuda. Oh, you love that car.

Yeah, but it's okay. I mean, I'm right across from campus, so I'll be fine.

Well, if there's anything else we can do, you just ask.

Well, you could let me borrow your Porsche.

That's right, dear. Keep your sense of humor.

for one of the red lights.

It's not bad.

Yeah, well, it would have done better if it weren't for all the screaming.

Hi, Miss Belvedere.

Aren't you coming in?

First, put the car keys on the counter.

Now step away from them.

Now I'll come in.

me with this ad. I'm trying to sell my car. It's fine. I'll buy it.

Huh? I want my own transportation.

Yeah, but you don't even know how much money I want. It's bound to be cheaper

than trauma care.

Okay, you got a deal.

How did it go? Great for dad.

And even better for the dentist.

What do you mean? The kid needs braces.

And a doc said his bite's way out of whack.

And I haven't bitten anyone in a month.

Oh, look, honey, it's not going to be as bad as you think.

Besides, lady will be glad you wore them.

Hey, Dad. Hey, Kev.

What? Hi, Kev.

What's the matter with him?

I gotta get braces.

I never needed them.

Yes, you did. We just couldn't afford it.

Is that a fire hose I see? Yes, ma 'am.

That's funny. I don't see any fire.

I don't smell any smoke.

Well, yeah.

I guess Mr. Jones must have put himself out.

Junior, they're having macaroni and cheese.

I can't eat that stuff. Makes my mouth lock.

It's my last chance to have it. I'm getting braces next week.

Hey, they're not so bad. He used them after the first year.

Thing is, we just started junior high, and now I've got to start wearing an

erector set in my mouth.

Nobody cares if we wear braces or not.

I already made a lot of new friends.

Anyways, I'll put my books away, and then I'll go to the cafeteria together.

You better be careful. Mr. Jones is still pretty mad at you. Yeah, well, I

didn't know Bunsen burner could go that high.

So, I was going to eat out on the lawn. You want to come? I promised I'd eat in

the cafeteria with Miles and his friends.

You mean the heavy metal group?

Huh?

That's so sweet of you, Wesley.

Treating them like normal people.

So, you want to come with us?

No, thanks.

It's really coming down up there.

Hey, champ.

What's up?

Oh, yeah, a hot date. So Mom's letting me borrow her Porsche.

You never let me.

Well, I will the next time you have a hot date. That's Tuesday.

You want to meet her?

Anyway, I'm starving. Where's Belvedere? He just took Kevin's car to the market.

He took my car out in the rain?

So?

Yes, that happens when one walks three miles through a typhoon.

Yeah, I guess I forgot to tell you that sometimes the distributor shorts out if

you let water get into the engine.

Well, it had to go somewhere after the passenger compartment filled up.

Yeah, I guess I also forgot to tell you that the back window doesn't go up.

Because there is no back window.

The handle works great. Not anymore.

Well, I better get going. I'll see you.

So, what's for dinner?

Soup.

Wesley, did you finish all that marshmallow fluff?

Yeah. I made a peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich.

How disgusting.

Now I have nothing to put on my liverwurst.

What are you watching?

Village of the Damned.

Oh, yes. You were born there, weren't you?

What's the matter?

I'm getting my stupid braces tomorrow.

Oh, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Yeah, I know, but what if there was someone you liked a whole lot, and she

you, only you were afraid she wouldn't if you had braces?

I don't think a person like that's very nice.

They're not really worth liking.

Well, what if you already knew she wasn't very nice, but you liked her

Look, Wesley.

braces aren't going to change who you are. They certainly shouldn't change

people think about you.

So you're not going to start calling me Metal Mouth? Certainly not.

You know I have much better names than that.

Oh, thank you, and so do you. But I guess lovely is the wrong word for a

Shall we say stunning?

Good morning.

Good morning.

My, what an attractive trio.

Heather, Kevin, we'd better hurry. We don't want to be late for our toothpaste

commercial.

We've got one heck of a handsome family.

I'm back from the dentist.

What has he done to my baby?

He looks like a geek.

He does not, kitten.

More like the front end of a 58 DeSoto.

Don't worry, Wesley.

It'll all be fine.

Yes, dear.

Many respected psychologists and small appliance experts say that wearing

need not interfere with leading a full and productive life.

Sure, Wes.

Thank goodness he's gone.

Yeah. And anyway, the kid will be better off outside.

Unless there's lightning.

Lance,

what's the matter?

Nothing.

Because I'm not getting braces ever.

you can't keep this up forever.

How'd it go?

Did you get your braces?

What's he doing?

He said he's not going to open up his mouth for the rest of his life.

Can I have that in writing?

Look, maybe you don't like them right now, but you're just going to have to

used to them.

Say something.

They're stupid.

Is he down yet?

He said he was coming. I'm surprised he's going to school at all, the way he

carried on last night about those braces.

Well, I think with a good night's sleep, he'll have gotten these out of his

system.

I'm ready.

Are we belly dancing for show and tell?

Wes, what are you doing?

This way I can talk and nobody can see my braces.

Do you really think your braces look any more ridiculous than this thing? I

don't care.

Fine. You go to school like that, maybe you'll see how silly you're being.

Come on, Heather.

Oh, don't forget your lunch, Salome.

It's your favorite.

Bologna and cheese on raisin bread and a pack of ho -hos.

I already told you I'm not eating anything. I can't suck through a straw.

Oh, don't worry. I put it in the blender.

The brakes might need a little tightening.

So might the steering wheel.

What's all this stuff?

Oh, just a few things I found when I cleaned out the car.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, and the mechanic at the station asked if I had any records of previous

repairs.

Uh, yeah, yeah, maybe.

Here's last month's.

Oh. And how are you getting out? on without your little red roadster.

Oh, great.

You must be getting plenty of exercise.

Well, no, actually, I bought another car. Oh, really?

Yeah, well, after I paid my rent and stuff, I still had some money left, so I

got one of those stupid little Japanese cars, you know.

You mean one of those silly little things that get you all the way to where

want to go?

Hey, Mr.

Felvedere, once you get a few of the bugs out and maybe tune up, I know

going to enjoy that old car just as much as I did.

I don't think that's possible.

Come in.

Oh, hi, Mr. Bowden. Hello, Miles.

Is Wesley here? We're supposed to go to the library together.

I believe he's out doing some chores, but it should be done soon.

Now, where's that plastic bottle opener?

Oh, don't worry. I found it.

you've given up the veil and put on something more suited to your

Hey, I've gotten a lot of compliments.

Wesley, braces are nothing to be ashamed of, so why don't you take that silly

thing off and forget all about this?

No, I'm never opening my mouth in public again.

Well, that should save us all a lot of embarrassment.

Mr. Belvedere's right. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

I know.

What happened to your braces?

got him. Huh?

My dad waited out in the car because he hates Venice.

So I just sat in the lobby for an hour and then came back out and kept my mouth

shut ever since.

And they haven't caught on yet?

Of course not. They're just adults.

the problem yet?

Yes, I traced it back to the day you and Mrs. Owens decided to have children.

Come on, Belvedere, Kevin didn't sell you a lemon on purpose.

He just got lucky.

If I'm not spending another dime on this internal machine, I'm just going to fix

it myself.

I didn't know you were a mechanical genius too, big guy. Oh, yes, I had some

experience when I worked for the royal family.

What'd you do?

Jumpstart the queen every morning?

and maybe it's the plug.

Yes, well, I put some new ones in and I tighten up the solenoid, whatever the

hell that is.

Well, let me give her a start.

Good God, it's a miracle.

Maybe it's not such a clunker after all. Yeah, well, perhaps Lizzie and I just

started off on the wrong foot there. Yeah, right.

Come on, let's take him for a spin.

Not an idea.

Hey, Tim.

Come on, Wes.

I just don't want anyone to see me. I'm too hideous.

Okay, whatever you want.

Maybe there's some place you could send me. You know, like an island for dental

defectives? Then I could be with my own kind.

Look, pal, you're acting stupid.

I mean, nobody around here cares if you've got braces on your teeth or a

birdcage around your head.

We still love you, right?

Yeah, I know.

So why don't you turn around and give your old pop a big grin?

Night,

kid.

I'm going out now.

Remember, small bills are not impossible.

Miles is coming over. We're going to the movies.

Oh. You know, it's funny.

I bought another bottle of that.

Marshmallow fluff.

But someone ate all of it.

Oh, yeah?

You didn't make another of your peanut butter sandwiches, did you?

No. No, of course not. You wouldn't be able to eat for those cumbersome braces.

Right. That's assuming you have braces.

Huh? What do you mean?

Maybe you're faking it.

But, of course, that would be the most incredible act of audacity beyond any

the most perverse, twisted of minds.

That sounds exactly like you.

Show me some chrome, Jerome.

No problem.

Now smile for Mommy.

What was going through your mind? Did you think you could fool us forever?

Just till I was 18.

Well, you must have a real high opinion of your mother and me.

Just a couple of dipsticks who wouldn't know a... cactus if it poked us in the

rear end?

Have you been reading my diary?

Well, I know one thing. You're going back to that dentist today if possible

you're getting those braces and that's final.

But they're gonna ruin my life. I don't want to hear it. But they will.

You wear braces and they turn you into a nerd and a wimp and a jerk that nobody

likes. Wes.

Well, that's what they did to Miles.

See ya.

I got him.

Pretty gross, huh?

I even scared a couple pit bulls on the way to school.

Look, I'm sorry about all that stuff I said.

I didn't mean about you being a nerd and jerking stuff.

You're my best friend.

And you have been ever since the day you barked on me coming back from the class

trip.

Oh, yeah.

And hey, don't worry about braces turning you into a nerd.

Yeah? Yeah.

I was already one before I got them. Just made me use their spot.

Uh -oh, here comes Kimberly.

Hi,

Wesley. Oh, hi, Kimberly.

I was just wondering, are you going to the Sock Hop Friday?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe.

I thought if you want to, we could go together. My mom could drive us and pick

us up later.

Well, that sounds great, but you sure you want to go with me?

Why wouldn't I?

Oh, I don't know. I mean, what if something happened that made me look

different?

What are you talking about?

All I know is that I like you a lot, and that's all that really matters.

Really?

At least so I get these things off.

Hmm. Little going -away party?

Yep. Me and this junk have had a lot of good times together.

Well, you're young.

You'll make other friends.

You know, you were right about these.

Nobody even cared except Kimberly, and she got two teeth knocked out at

dodgeball.

Oh, well, Wesley, there's no need to throw these away.

Why? I can't have this stuff.

No, but I can.

Mr. Belvedere?

Hello, Kevin.

Oh, I got a message, said you wanted to see me. I would have driven over to your

place, but unfortunately it isn't downhill.

Lizzie's still giving you trouble, huh?

I now have a platinum card from the auto club.

That's funny.

Oops. It must be time for his four o 'clock feeding.

No, I don't get it. I mean, when I had the car, You ran great.

Perhaps it misses you.

Yeah, well, I better get back to campus.

Actually, I've been thinking, and I feel bad that you've had to sell it. I know

how much you loved it.

Yeah, well, I'll get over it.

I mean, you're a young man on the go.

You really should have a hot set of wheels.

What are you saying?

I want my money back, you little huckster.

A deal's a deal. And a broken neck is a broken neck.

Hey, I didn't ask you to buy that car. You begged me. Oh, yes. All these years.

acting so sweet and innocent.

It was just a plot so you could sell me that car.

All right, I'm out of here. Oh, no, not without that ton of scrap iron in the

garage. Look, I'm not taking that car back.

Very well, then. I'll have it towed back to your apartment and you can mail me a

check for my money.

Listen, when I get home, I better not find that car in front of my apartment.

You got that straight?

Very well.

It won't be.

Good.

I'll see you.

Mr. Belvedere will continue in a moment.

Kevin and I have settled our vehicular dispute amicably.

He has agreed to repay me in weekly installments.

I have agreed to remove the car from his apartment, also in weekly installments.

Meanwhile, all's quiet on the orthodontic front as Wesley adjusts to

In fact, he says they give him a menacing quality, which he likes.

and I consider redundant.

I always felt these Owens children would be the death of me.

The only thing I'm not sure of is which one will kill me first.

Okay, Mr. Belvedere, I'm ready to drive you to the market.

Well, that answers that.

I'm Morton Dean. Later on Nightline, the nuclear disaster we failed to prepare

for.