Original subtitles

Next. Hey, Wesley.

Don't go with him. An important Mr.

Belvedere. He might try to put his hands on him or something.

What do you mean, Wes?

That's what he did to me.

Come on, Heather. You don't want to be late.

But it's summer. I still don't see what I have to go to school for.

Because that's what happens to people who get a D in English. Oh, but I don't

need all that grammar junk.

I talk good.

Perhaps with this pass, you'll learn to talk even gooder.

See ya. I'm going to work.

I thought you didn't have to be there till noon.

Yeah, well, starting today, Mr. Clutch is open for breakfast. It is? Yeah,

been getting killed ever since Schnitzel World started its wiener in a waffle.

Oh, and what are you serving?

Beaks Benedict?

Kevin, might you drop me at school so I shan't be late?

How is that?

Much gooder.

Bus didn't come. Can I go back to bed now?

It'll be here any minute. You get back out there.

I don't see why I have to go to some stupid day camp anyway.

I'd rather go to summer school with Heather.

At least it's air -conditioned.

Oh, it's going to be a lot of fun. They have a lake up there and everything.

Oh, I bet I know whose idea it was to send me to this place.

Actually, I had somewhere else in mind.

But Devil's Island wouldn't take you.

tonight. Have a good time.

Bye -bye, Mr. Belvedere. Bye -bye, Mrs. Ernst. Have a nice day. Thank you.

Bye, Mom. Bye -bye.

I'm leaving now.

You sure to write?

You know, you're going to feel really bad if I get chewed up by bears or

something. Nonsense, Wesley.

Why should they single you out?

Never met her before.

Who cares?

When you dropkick your jacket as you came through the door.

No one's there.

But sometimes things get turned around and no one's there.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new world.

Life is more than mere survival.

Just might live the good life yet.

Right, big guy.

I had some time, and I thought I'd listen to a little Wagner.

Great.

So, uh, let's say we go out for some Swedish meatballs.

You'd dress for it.

Aren't you going to be late for work? I got two weeks off.

Oh, wonderful. Let me help you pack.

I can't go anywhere. Marsha's working.

Oh.

So, uh, you want to do something?

No, thank you.

Come on. It's a nice day. Let's go out and toss the football around.

You start without me. I'll catch up.

Come on, Belvedere. I'm bored.

The guy I was supposed to play golf with copped out.

Hey, you want to come?

I'm afraid I never played the game.

You never played golf?

I thought you guys invented it.

It is a Scottish invention, George.

Like the bagpipes.

And I'm sure just as annoying.

Come on. It'll be fun.

I'll even let you drive the little cart.

Oh, golly, can I help hump the horn, too?

You see, by weaving the different colored strands together, you can make

wonderful things, like a keychain, or a bracelet, or even a belt!

I don't have enough stuff to make a belt for her.

Now, has anyone ever worked with lanyards before?

Oh, yes.

I used to help my Aunt Zelda make things when I'd visit her at the asylum.

When she got out, her key chain was a mile long.

Very amusing, Wesley.

Perhaps you'd like to help Counselor Perry hand out the craft materials.

Now, we're going to work on our projects for a half hour or so, and then break

for our little lunches of homemade peanut butter sandwiches and fresh

I think we may be breaking for lunch a little early.

What?

What's going on?

I called the catering truck.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, guys. I can't believe it. I already got homework.

Have homework, excuse me.

How was breakfast at Mr. Clark's? I don't want to talk about it.

It's just...

Things got kind of hectic switching over from breakfast to the regular chicken

menu. I mean, one guy gets some feathers in his French toast, and everybody

wants their money back.

Where's Mr. Belvedere? Shouldn't he be starting dinner?

Oh, yeah, he wasn't here when I got home. He probably went someplace with

dad. Great, I'm starving.

Oh, well, I can get something started.

It's okay.

Hey,

honey, how was your game?

I'm never going to show my face at that country club again.

George tell you he dragged me out on the links.

I should have backed over him with the card when I had the chance.

He's a bit miffed because I got a hole in one my first day out. You did?

Actually, it was rather a fluke.

My ball got a lucky bounce off a gentleman on the green.

Belvedere, I told you you're supposed to wait until the people in front of you

are finished.

I yell five. It's four.

All right.

I'm going to go change.

I'm sorry, George. I didn't mean to ruin your game.

That's okay, Belvedere. I promise I'll do better tomorrow.

How was your first day at camp?

I figured you didn't burn the forest down.

No, we got out of the fire before it reached the trees.

So, like my binoculars?

Yes. What did he do, mug a ranger?

No, Council Perry gave him to me. Said I could use him the whole time I'm at

camp.

Wesley, haven't we talked about your taking advantage of people?

Especially unsuspecting adults.

Yeah, well, he likes me. And which hazel the other councilor hates my guts. So

it all comes out even.

You getting ready for Halloween?

All right, get ready for dinner.

Okay, but first I want to...

and see if I can find any of the birds we learned about today. Very well. But

remember, no looking through Fifi Huffnagle's window.

I'll go wash up.

B -I -N -G -O B -I -N -G -O B

-I -N -G -O And Bingo was his name.

The rest of us are done.

All right, campers, it's two o 'clock in time to get ready for our nature hike.

I don't want to go on some stupid hike. It's boring. It makes your feet sweat.

Hey, come on. Maybe we'll see some skunks or possums or something.

Are you kidding? Miss Pritchard scares wildlife.

made us eat. No one else seems to be ill.

I eat the thorns.

Wesley, the world has little patience with a malingerer. I'll keep an eye on

him, Counselor. Make sure he gets better. Fine.

Let's move out, campers. We're burning daylight.

Tramp, tramp, tramp, along the highway.

Feels pretty bad, huh?

Yeah, I wish I had a soda or something. Might help settle my stomach.

Hold on.

Whoa. Does Miss Pritchard know you have this?

Actually, they're hers. But we'll make this our little secret, okay?

I think I'm okay now.

You know, if you're her, you can catch up with Miss Pritchard. She leaves

big tracks.

I'd rather go down to the lake and go snorkeling. I don't know.

You're supposed to do stuff as a group.

I could really catch up from the old swamp monster.

What's she gonna do, fall on you?

I think you enjoy doing anything as long as you're not supposed to be doing it.

Sure, doesn't everybody?

Get your flippers.

Oh, boy, that was great.

Listen, next time you get out of the water when I tell you to.

But there was so much new stuff down there.

Old tires, refrigerator.

I think I even saw you go.

Hey, you better get changed before Godzilla and everybody else get back.

Right.

Here, let me give you a hand.

Don't want you to catch cold.

Whoa.

Getting goosebumps.

I'm going to the club. I don't want Belvedere to know.

Anyway, it's his day off. I figured I'd let him sleep. Yeah.

Bye -bye.

Good morning, George.

Oh, Belvedere.

I've been up since dawn practicing my putting and chipping.

Perhaps we should play for a new lawn.

I'll get my clubs.

Actually, I was just putting these in the garage.

I have to get to the station.

Oh? I've got an exclusive interview with... Honest Wagner.

A great pirate shortstop.

Ah.

Why aren't you dressed, honey? You're going to miss the bus.

Can't go today, Mom.

I got poison ivy. Oh, you poor baby.

Don't get too close, Mom. This stuff's contagious.

Let me look. I've had all my shots.

Ah, yes.

That's definitely poison ivy.

Fortunately, it's the erasable kind.

All right, Wes. What did you do at camp?

Nothing. That's easy enough to call your counselor and find out. No, don't. Then

tell me what happened.

I put a frog in some girl's shorts.

I would have expected something more original.

I couldn't find a snake.

Listen, young man, you are going back to that camp and you are going to behave

yourself, understand?

Yes, ma 'am.

Okay, now we're going to divide into two teams.

and each team must attempt to find as many of the items on the scavenger list

they can and bring them back to camp.

I hope there's a fat lady on it.

Okay, who wants to be a beaver with Miss Pritchard?

Why? What are you going to do to me?

Canteens, let's go.

Hey, Wes.

I was kind of hoping you'd be in my group.

Yeah, well, I figured I'd go with Miss Pritchard today just for kicks.

Sure. Well, maybe you'll be with me tomorrow.

I think I'm going to be in Miss Pritchard's group from now on.

I thought we were having a lot of fun together.

Yeah.

Wes?

Is something bothering you?

I mean, I...

Are you upset about anything that happened yesterday?

I just didn't like that stuff you were doing.

Oh.

Well, listen.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't we forget that yesterday ever happened?

Fine. It'll just be another one of our little secrets.

Okay?

Sure.

Now, Wes.

You can keep the binocular.

Hey, Melvin. Hey there, George.

How was your interview with Honus Wagner?

Huh? Oh, it was pretty good.

Did he happen to mention he died in 1955?

That's kind of a sore subject with him.

Hey, uh... Belvedere, I only played nine holes.

George, if you don't want to go golfing with me... Just say so.

Okay, I don't.

Look, it's not just you're lousy and you keep hitting people. It's just when I

go to the club, it's kind of my guy time.

You know, kill a couple of brewskis, tell a couple of dirty stories, stuff

that.

I'm a guy.

I know, it's just you don't fit in with my other friends.

I mean, you're English.

You're right, George.

Most of your friends don't speak it.

The Owens residence.

Mary Poppins speaking.

Hello, Fifi.

What's that?

There's someone on our patio looking at you through binoculars.

I'm sorry, I'll put a stop to that.

Wesley!

Yeah, Mr. Belvedere?

Weren't you on the patio?

Huh?

Hey, guys.

I can't throw these in the trash, but they work pretty good.

Weren't those the binoculars your counselor gave you?

Yeah.

Well, it's not like you to throw a gift away.

You usually hock it.

You didn't want me to walk, eh?

Well, have you had a falling out with your counselor, Perry?

It seems like there's something wrong.

Well, there isn't.

I'm just sick of the stupid woods and the stupid lake and the whole stupid

Oh,

wasn't that marvelous?

Well, I hope you enjoyed Camp Chippewa's two little playlists.

Nausea by John Paul...

performed in the original Greek.

Take a bow, kids. Take a bow.

Well, that concludes the entertainment portion of our farewell campfire.

Feel free to wander about and admire your children's arts and crafts and help

yourself to cookies and punch or bug juice, as the kids like to call it.

acting in nausea certainly turns my stomach.

Hi, I'm Counselor Perry, and you must be Wes's parents.

Hi, Gene. We hope he wasn't too much trouble.

No, we really enjoyed him. Hope he signs up for next year.

Hey, how about that, champ? Somebody actually wants you back.

Well, listen, I better say hello to the other parents. Very nice meeting you.

See you, Wes.

Yeah, bye.

So, Wes, man, aren't you going to show us some of your...

my handcuffs. Oh.

Well,

Councillor Perry seems very nice.

Yeah, I guess.

Wesley, what's going on?

Nothing.

I'm going to go say goodbye to some of my friends.

Pretty neat fling shot, huh?

Yeah. I just got to figure out the best way to sneak it into the house.

It'll probably make a stop for ice cream.

Oh, that's okay. Mr. Perry's going to give me a ride in his convertible.

Huh? He said we might even stop for hamburgers.

You ready yet, honey?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, let's go, Porcupine. I got the top down.

See you, Leslie.

Yeah, bye.

Don't go with him.

You shouldn't let him go with Mr. Perry.

What do you mean, Wes?

Yeah, Wes, what's the problem?

Because if he goes with him, he might try to do something.

Put his hands on him or something.

What do you mean, honey?

Why do you say that?

Because that's what he did to me.

I see why they call this bug juice.

Uh -huh.

I spoke to the police.

They said they'd like to talk to Wesley.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start a big mess.

Hey, pal, you don't have anything to be sorry about.

Yes, sir.

We just wish you'd told us as soon as it happened.

You know you can always talk to Dad and me.

I guess I figured I could handle it without anybody knowing.

Like the time I broke the Chinese vase in Mr. Bellator's room and replaced it

with the one from Kmart.

I take advantage of people.

And I was sort of extra nice to him to get sodas and stuff, so maybe you should

be mad at me.

Look, you didn't do anything wrong.

Do you understand that?

You see, Wesley, it's not always your fault.

Anyway, you said something when it counted.

And you helped your friend Kyle.

And that took a lot of guts.

Now I'm proud of you.

I guess we better get going.

Yes, we want to miss the rush hour with the bears.

So, are you okay now?

Yeah, I'm fine.

It's okay to cry.

I know.

Mostly all I feel like doing right now is burping.

Let's go home.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere.

Good morning, Kevin.

Aren't you going to be late for Mr. Cluck's? I'm not going today.

Oh, well, I thought you were unveiling your new line of Mexican food.

Yeah, I tried it last night.

Ah,

yes. Cluckito burrito.

Hey,

what's with Kev? He looks a little green.

Speaking of which, your club called.

Your tea off in about an hour.

Oh, great.

You want to come with me?

That's all right, George.

Come on. You can wear that dumb outfit and embarrass me all you want.

I'd like that.

The thing is, I was just so stupid. I mean, worrying about some golf game.

Meanwhile, my kid's in trouble and I didn't even know it. Well, that makes

of us.

So he's going to be okay, right?

time, you would find Mr. Belvedere at his desk writing about the antics of the

Owens family.

But due to the special theme of tonight's episode, we thought we'd do

a little different.

Yeah. We figured we'd talk to you kids and your parents, too, about something

that's kind of hard to talk about.

Tonight's episode about Wesley didn't really happen.

But if ever you find yourself in a situation like that, there are certain

you should remember.

No one should ever touch you in a way that makes you feel bad. And if they do,

tell someone you trust, like your mom or your dad.

And remember, if you have to keep a secret that makes you feel bad, it's not

worth keeping.

Yeah. Thank you, and good night from us all, Mr. Belvedere.

This is Dabney Coleman, a straight -shooting sports writer slapped Maxwell.

I've discovered what real balance is.

I break new ground, they break my head.

Coming up next.

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the Disney's Sunday movie, Madison rescues a dolphin from a...