Original subtitles

I found it.

Mom, I thought you got rid of that.

I kind of remember this being bigger.

Where do you want the three wise men?

Oh, I don't know, honey. Why don't you just put them away in the manger until I

figure out something to do with them?

Either I'm really out of shape or Larry, Moe and Curly here have been scarfing

ding -dongs all summer.

Oh.

Look, Aunt Millie's popcorn ball elf.

I hate that thing. It gives me the creeps. And it smells bad.

Just like Aunt Millie.

At least it doesn't have a mustache.

Come on, Marcia. That thing's got to be 30 years old. I don't care. She worked

hard on it.

Oh, look. A piece is missing.

Yeah, don't you remember last Christmas when Mr. Belvedere chipped his tooth?

Oh, Mary.

Wow, what a big tree.

Not to mention heavy.

It's a beauty, all right.

You picked a good one, big guy.

Oh, don't look at me.

I wanted the aluminum model.

Okay, gang, we've got a lot of work to do.

Heather, I'm going to need your help trimming the banister.

Wesley and Kevin, you're in charge of the outside lights. And George, here's

gift list.

If there's nothing else you want dragged in from the forest, I'll be in my room.

Oh, Mr. Belvedere, I thought we could go through the holiday cookbooks and plan

Christmas dinner together.

Oh, no need.

I'll have everything prepared for you. So in my absence, all you'll have to do

is just pop it in the oven.

Oh, thank you.

What do you mean, in your absence?

Yeah. Aren't you going to spend Christmas here with us?

Of course not, Wesley.

Christmas is always my day off.

When you dropped your jacket, as you came through the door, no one glared.

According to our new rival, life is more than mere survival.

And we just might live a good life yet.

That in November, our neighbor's dog, Gunther, jumped over the fence and got

little Charo in the family way.

So if you know anyone who would like an adorable puppy, half St. Bernard, half

Chihuahua.

No. Merry Christmas, Marge and Gower Drobish. Oh, look, they sent us a

of the pups.

Oh!

Hey, look at this.

The half -nagel sent us a Christmas card with $20 in it.

What's that for?

Oh, it's a bribe, honey, to keep Wesley out of their yard. Here we are.

Christmas cookies as requested.

Don't eat the gingerbread quinoa, girl. That's for Wesley.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, these are really good.

Aren't you going to have one big guy?

I would, but then I know what's in them.

Mr. Belvedere, are you sure you won't change your mind and spend the holiday

with us? I'm afraid I've made other plans.

Oh, yeah?

You got a hot date with one of Santa's helpers?

The thing is, you're so much a part of the family.

Well, we all have our Christmas traditions.

And mine is suspended alone.

I wonder what the big guy does all by himself.

I don't know. Maybe he just likes to have Christmas off.

I don't know why. I don't pay him for it.

Hey, I know. I bet he dresses up like Santa and hands out toys to the needy

at the orphanage.

Yarmulke.

I just want you all to know I've thought a lot about it and I've decided to

become Jewish.

Wesley, you don't just become Jewish.

Sammy Davis Jr.

did.

Tell me, Wesley, did the sudden conversion have anything to do with the

days of Hanukkah and the eight days of gifts that come with it?

I thought it was nine.

So much for spiritual callings.

Well, we'll be at the mall.

Shalom, Wes.

Hi, Mr. Robiter.

Hello, Kevin.

Well, somebody's sure getting into the Christmas spirit.

Oh, really? Who?

You. I mean, making all these cookies, wiping up the crumbs with your little

poinsettia tea towel.

Christmas won't be the same here without you.

I think you should stay.

Why?

So I can go.

It's just, there's a bunch of sorority girls, and they're renting a condo in

Poconos. And there's this girl I really like, and she kind of likes me. But

there's this other guy that she likes too, and he's going. So if I don't and

does, then they will.

Not at all.

Look, if I'm not here for Christmas dinner, it's going to break Mom's heart.

But if you're here, me being gone won't seem so obvious.

You could even sit in my chair.

Oh, goody.

Can I wear your bib, too?

Look, Kevin, I don't think your mother would consider me a suitable substitute

for her eldest son.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Besides, if you're not here, who's going to spill eggnog on your father?

Hey, Wes, I thought we talked about this.

Well, I'm supposed to light a candle for every present I want.

Wes, that's not what Hanukkah's about at all.

Well, Joey Goldstein lights candles at his house and he's three presents ahead

of me already.

That's because it's Joey's religion, pal.

He lights the menorah to commemorate the rededication of the temple in

Jerusalem. It symbolizes the steadfastness of the Jewish faith under

Uh... Sandy Koufax told me that.

Anyway, you're just doing it to get stuff.

Yeah, but I figured it was worth the shot.

Listen to me, young man. If I were you, I'd start thinking more about giving

than receiving, or you're going to wind up not celebrating anything.

It's cracked.

What?

The glass on your watch. It's cracked.

Thank you for telling me.

So how is our littlest rabbi doing?

Terrible. Mom and Dad think I'm a greedy pig.

That doesn't sound very kosher.

So anyway, what do you want for Christmas?

How about my room to myself?

Well, I know I could get you a new watch. I already have one.

Then I'll get the old one fixed. I like it the way it is.

No, I'm not...

It's the spirit of Christmas, and you're sure not being very cooperative.

Goodbye, Wesley.

Yo, bum, buggy, you too.

Hi,

Mom. Oh, don't look. I'm wrapping your present from Santa.

Oh, don't worry. I won't look.

Oh, come on.

Now, it wasn't that long ago that you still believed in Santa Claus.

Mom. In fact...

I still remember the day that you gave Johnny Kruger a black eye for saying

Santa wasn't real.

No, Mom, that was the day he told me Dad was a tooth fairy. Oh, sure.

Mom, can I ask you a question? It's kind of important.

Oh, honey, anything you want to get me is fine.

Huh?

You know, the greatest gift any mother can have is just to have her family

together at Christmas.

Yeah, well, what if one of the members of that family wanted to go skiing

instead?

Hmm?

Well, it's just the alpha fees have got this place up in the mountains, and I

was kind of thinking I'd like to go.

Oh, I see.

Well, you're 19 years old. You're old enough to make your own decisions. So if

you would prefer to spend Christmas with your friends rather than with your own

family, that's perfectly all right with me.

It is?

You want to blow the whole operation?

Oh, if we get caught, I can forget about getting my own phone for Christmas.

You can forget about it anyway. I peaked.

and a neat watch.

Yeah, and it'll be even neater when we get it fixed.

Hey, look, there's an inscription inside.

To my dearest Lynn, December 1941.

Love, Pamela.

Wow, Mr. Belvedere must have had a girlfriend.

Yeah. Now I think I know why he doesn't like Christmas.

My brother Reginald has been called up to the army. I must take care of his

children. Leaving London tonight for Sheffield. With this Christmas gift,

remember me and our time together.

God bless you and keep you safe from harm. Love, Pamela.

P .S. Did you finish the peanut brittle?

What's the matter? What are you crying about?

That.

So tragically beautiful.

Huh?

Oh, Wes.

was the great love of Mr. Belvedere's life.

I thought it was Oreos.

I mean, it was during that black and white war you see on PBS all the time.

Mr. Belvedere was a dashing Calvary officer and she was this beautiful young

daughter of the Duke of Earl or somebody.

And they were going to be married.

But the war came and Mr. Belvedere went off to be a hero.

And when he came back, he couldn't find her.

And she thought he was dead.

So... she became a nun and her love could never be.

And that is why Mr. Belvedere hates Christmas.

That makes sense.

Come on, Wes, get off the phone. I have to call Angela.

You can't. I'm talking to Sheffield.

You mean like in England?

Yeah. I'm trying to find Mr. Belvedere's girlfriend.

You're crazy. All that stuff happened over 40 years ago.

the store told me this thing was so easy to assemble even a monkey could do it.

Maybe you should hire one.

Anyway, I thought that Wesley already had a bike.

Oh, no, this is for Marsha.

She says she needs it because her butt's starting to droop.

Well, it happens to the best of us. Good night.

Hey, uh, Belvedere. Yeah?

Did you say anything to Wes?

Oh, I mean about Christmas.

One minute he's hocking me for all the stuff he wants.

The next thing I know he's saying don't get him anything.

All he cares about is something he's getting somebody else.

I didn't do anything.

Maybe the boy simply had a sudden burst of humanity.

Oh, you're right.

Do you know we're standing under the mistletoe?

Don't even think about it.

I'm just kidding.

Merry Christmas.

What are you giving it to me now for?

Well, it's Christmas Eve day and it's kind of a neat gift. I want to see your

face when you open it.

Well, why can't you see my face tomorrow?

Because I won't be here tomorrow.

Huh? I'm going on a ski trip.

What? Hi, guys.

Hi. Hey, Mom, did you tell Kevin he could go skiing on Christmas?

No. I told him it was his decision.

Well, how come he gets to go away and I can't go with Angela and celebrate

Christmas in the Bahamas?

Heather, only Perry Como celebrates Christmas in the Bahamas.

Yeah, well, that's not fair.

Oh, honey, you have to understand.

Your brother doesn't mean to be a jerk, but he's a man.

And sometimes men get these overwhelming urges to be thoughtless and sensitive

and selfish.

It must be the same genetic deficiency that makes them play golf.

Boy, that mall's a madhouse.

It took me an hour just to find a place to park.

Why don't we just forget the whole thing?

Huh? What's the matter?

Mom's all bent out of shape because Kevin is spending Christmas in a

What? You know, at least I'm not trying to spend Christmas in the Bahamas.

Hey, look, I'll settle this.

You're grounded. Oh, Thea.

Ha -ha.

Oh, great, Heather. I'll just take my phone back. Oh, come on, Kevin. Give it

back. No.

Stop it, you two. Hey, hey.

If this is the way Christmas is going to be around here, maybe we should forget

it.

Hey, you want to go to the Poconos?

Go to the Poconos.

You want to go to the Bahamas?

Start swimming.

Hell, I may as well go to work tomorrow.

There's no reason to hang around here.

lights. I took them all down.

Already? Sure.

I figure our Christmas is over. Why wait till August?

Well, I'm off to the movies.

And since I won't be seeing you tomorrow, I want to wish you all a Merry

Christmas.

silent night, are we?

It's okay, big guy.

See you later.

Hey, where are you going?

Oh, I'm leaving, Wesley.

Have a nice Christmas.

Huh? But you can't go yet.

Oh, don't worry, Wesley. Your present is under the tree.

It's the ticking one marked open me first.

Whatever it is, it can wait.

No, she won't.

She? What are you talking about, Wesley?

Pamela Kent, your one true love.

What?

It's just I wanted to get you something special, so I snuck up to your room to

get your watch fixed, and that's when I found out about Pamela and why you don't

like Christmas.

Oh, Wesley.

When you jump to conclusions, you don't fool around.

Well, Heather helped.

Mr. Belvedere.

Who's Pamela Kent?

Oh, just a friend I knew during the war.

You mean you two weren't in love?

Well, we were very fond of each other.

But then, those were extraordinary times.

Anyway, it would never have worked out.

Why not?

Well, for one thing, she's 20 years older than I.

Long time no see.

Yes, quite.

You're certainly looking very well.

Thank you. I play bingo three times a week at Twickenhorn.

Yes, well, that would keep anybody fit.

Good boy promised you'd introduce me to Larry Hagman.

Then, in 1964, Jeffrey left me for this shop

girl on Carnaby Street.

The swine.

I went back to Sheffield and tended my garden, and that's where I've been ever

since. I see.

But I don't mind.

I have my grandchildren to keep me warm in the winter.

And every spring, I take a holiday in Spain.

Of course, it's mostly for the sangria.

Yes, I often take holidays in Hershey.

But then again, it's mostly for the kisses.

Is there anything wrong?

you looked at me just now when you smiled.

It reminded me of that afternoon during the blitz when the bombs were falling

and they evacuated the Hyde Park Hotel.

You threw me over your shoulder and whisked me up the fire escape to the

Anne suite.

If I remember correctly, that was quite an afternoon.

You think I should go in there and make sure everything's okay?

I don't know.

They've been in there almost an hour.

I haven't laughed this hard since you bared your backside to that German dive

bomber.

You mooned the Messerschmitt?

We were low on ammo.

Yes, Wesley.

It simply took us a little time to get reacquainted.

Yes, and it was so kind of you to bring us back together.

You know, your son is a very thoughtful and generous young man.

Yeah, we know.

I especially like flying first class.

Well, now you two are back together again, does this mean you don't hate

Christmas? Oh, I never hated Christmas, Wesley.

It's just, thinking about Pamela and the friends I'd lost during the war,

Christmas has always seemed a little bit sad to me.

Except for this one.

It's my hay fever.

Snow brings it on.

Yeah, I think I got the same thing.

I think we all do.

Now, if you good people would be kind enough to excuse us, Lynn has promised

treat me to a Christmas dinner at the best hotel in Pittsburgh.

We may even try to relive some of the high points of the Blitz.

Well, bombs away.

Good night, everyone, and Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Look, I know I haven't exactly been Chris...

Kringle lately.

But I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart.

Merry Christmas, Belvedere.

Settle down, Pamela.

Hey, uh, Kev, if you're heading up to the Poconos, you'd better get started.

It's getting late.

Meh.

I think I'll just stick around here.

Yeah, me too. I don't like swimming in the dark anyway.

So, as long as we're all staying, why don't we open up some presents?

Yeah.

Merry Christmas,

Marsha.

I put it together myself.

Honey, it's the best job you've ever done.

Mr. Belvedere will be right back.

Pamela is safely back home in Sheffield.

When we parted, we promised to meet again in another 40 years.

The Owens family was thrilled with their gifts.

They are presently at the mall trying to avoid each other as they exchange them.

And speaking of the spirit of Christmas, Wesley, with only a few days left

between him and a six -month grounding...

He's frantically trying to raise the money to cover Pamela's airfare.

What he doesn't know is that I've already paid George Beck.

But why should I tell him that?

I mean, I love him.

But that doesn't mean I can't have any fun.