Original subtitles

I really got to get in there. If you're a guy, go outside.

Oh, great.

Wes beat us to it. If he's taking a bubble bath, I'll kill him. Come on,

you little creep. Get out of there.

Get out of where?

I'll show you in the bathroom.

Hey, wait a minute. If we're all out here, that means... Oh, no.

If he starts playing sink to Bismarck, we'll never get in there. Hey, guys. The

old pop takes francies.

Hey, come on. You've got your own bathroom.

The toilet's stopped up.

Forget it, Dad.

Mr. Belvedere's in there taking a bath.

Oh, yeah?

Come on, Belvedere. Speed it up. Good morning, George.

Quit hollering in the bathroom.

Sorry. The early bird gets the tub.

Yeah, well, the early tub's about to get the bird. Come on.

Next.

for a while.

Yeah, no, I understand that you're all backed up, but so is my toilet.

Fine, fine. Okay, you just come as soon as you can.

I think I'm going to quit law school and become a plumber.

What's the matter?

Look at this, $45 an hour, plus travel time, plus parts, and he's not even sure

he can fix it.

Well, what's he going to do, take it into the shop?

It might be cheaper just to build a new bathroom from scratch.

I don't know. Maybe I'll just fix it myself.

I trust you have flood insurance.

Actually, another bathroom does make sense.

I mean, it really gets chaotic in the morning.

Yeah, maybe we could stick it where your room used to be.

What's the matter, honey?

He's dead.

What?

He just looked up at me, coughed a couple times, fell off his wheel. died

inky my hamster so what do

you think i should do with him bathroom's free if anybody needs it

Who cares when you dropkick your jacket As you came through the door No

one's glad But sometimes things get turned around And no one's spared

All hands look out below There's a change in the status quo

Gonna need all the help that we can get

According to our world

Life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life, yes.

Okay, Wes.

It's all yours.

Thanks, Dad.

Before we lay Inky to rest, I thought it might be nice to remember the good

times we had together over his brief two years.

Lauren Green says that's 90 of our years.

I remember the first time I saw Inky.

Mom and Dad had just had a real big fight about Dad's new secretary.

So Dad took me down to the pet shop because he said anything to get out of

house.

Anyway, I was overlooking at the puppies, as kids my age like to do, when

said, Hey, Wes, check out the snakes. They're on fail.

So I did, and that's when I first saw Inky.

They were about to feed him to a boa constrictor.

Anyway, to make a long story short, Inky enjoyed a full life.

He never married, instead devoting himself to his wheel.

And to his little maze.

And to being my very best friend.

That was very nice, honey.

Would anybody else like to say something nice about Inky?

He was a hell of a hamster, Wes.

Yes. He never had a bad word to say about anyone.

We'll miss you, Inky.

Bye, Inky.

mom amazing grace how

sweet the sound that they

I got all choked up and went upstairs.

Oh, poor baby.

This is stupid.

Who ever heard of a wake for a hamster?

Your brother just wanted to do something special in honor of Inky.

I think it's very sweet.

Yeah, nice spread with me.

Yeah, great.

Shredded lettuce, sunflower seeds, protein pellets.

Well, maybe he was expecting some of Inky's relatives.

Hey, champ.

Look what me and Belvedere whipped up. Yes, I made the cocoon cookies and your

father got in the way.

Well, we'll leave it here just in case you change your mind.

You know, it's funny.

Sometimes I'd be up here drinking hot chocolate and I'd break off little bits

marshmallow and stick them on the end of my finger and feed them to Inky right

here. That's a lovely memory.

Mostly you just throw it up.

But he'd always eat it anyway.

I guess he didn't want to hurt my feelings.

Hey, uh, look, buddy. Maybe in a couple of days when you're feeling better,

we'll go out shopping for a new hamster.

No! I don't want another hamster!

Hey, Wes. Nobody could replace Inky.

Nobody.

Not even a dog.

Okay, pal.

We all simply gone insane.

George, our house is shrinking.

Yeah, I've noticed that.

You know, we're already talking about adding another bathroom.

Maybe if we added on a little den, it wouldn't seem so cramped around here.

I'd like a little den.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, Les, guess what? We're going to get a new bathroom, and we might even get a

new den.

That's nice.

I'm going to go visit Inky for a while.

I'll be back.

I'm home.

About time, too.

Huh? You've been so busy feeling sorry for yourself that you've been neglecting

your chores.

Yeah, but I... Yeah, but nothing. There's a big box of old newspapers in

kitchen. You take care of it.

Okay, okay.

Inky and everything.

So, honey, do you like him?

Yeah, he's great. What is he? The guy at the pound says he's a cross between a

poodle and a St. Bernard.

Call him a strudel.

I just made that up.

Good one, Dad.

Anyway, honey, you remember the puppy is your responsibility.

I know.

Yes, Wesley. And any packages he leaves around the house will be addressed to

you.

That's okay.

Come on, Winston.

Let's go upstairs and I'll show you my room.

Winston?

Great dog, huh, Belvedere? Yes.

But I don't think he liked your column.

Wesley, where's that little dog of yours?

I put him to sleep.

Oh, good.

No, I mean he went to sleep up in my room.

Yes, well, he went something else in my kitchen.

I suggest you mop it up before somebody trips and falls.

They say with the equity we got, we can get a home improvement loan, no problem.

Oh, great.

Now all we got to do is figure out what we want to improve.

We could always start with my room.

Why don't I get that?

Hello, Miles.

Hi, Mr. Bellier.

I came to see Wesley's new dog.

Well, you're certainly dressed for it.

they'd fall for it.

birdcage and he knows it.

I don't know, Wesley. I think he wants to come home.

He can't. It's too soon.

What am I supposed to tell him?

Miles, he's just a hamster.

He's still entitled to an explanation.

I'll pick him up in a couple of days, okay?

I'll just tell everyone you got tired of your hamster and nobody will know the

difference. Then I'll have Inky and a dog.

Wesley, I thought you were supposed to look out to this little beast.

Yes, well, while you were doing that, do you know what he was digging up in the

backyard?

Not inky.

No. A few of my tulip bulbs.

Oh, good, because I wouldn't want his resting place to be disturbed, less his

little soul.

Don't worry, Wesley.

Your sacred hamster bedding on the ground is still intact.

were thinking that the extra bathroom could go up here, and down over here is

where we can put the new den.

Did you draw these plans yourself, Mom?

Uh -huh.

I like the little stick people.

Yeah, the guy in the shower there looks like Mr. Salty.

I work very hard on these plans.

Well, if we're going to have a den, what's going to be in it? Oh, I don't

Dario, TV, couch.

It'll be a nice place to get away.

Get away from who?

I mean, if the TV and everything's in the den, that's where everyone's going

be, right?

Yeah, then you can come out here.

And do what?

How the hell do I know?

Here's your coffee.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Okay.

It's just that I've always been told to consider myself part of this family.

And yet when modifications are being made to the house that I live in... I'm

told Mr. Belvedere will take our coffee in the living room. My opinions are not

even solicited.

We're sorry, Mr.

Belvedere. Yeah, big guy.

What do you think we should do at the house?

I don't care. I just want to be asked.

I told you, Winnie.

You've got to stop digging in the yard.

Especially where Pinky's supposed to be.

Hello, Wesley. Bowser.

Oh, hey, Mr. Belvedere. From the look of those muddy paws, I'd say someone's

been digging in hallowed ground.

I gave him a stern talking to, but he won't listen to a word I've said.

Yes, well, now you know what it's like.

See, we could put an apartment over the garage.

You know, a little bathroom, bedroom, kitchen.

Hey, Kev, don't you think you're going a little overboard?

I think it's a great idea.

You do?

Yeah.

It would be a nice, quiet place where I could study, and sometimes when I come

home late from school, I could sleep there.

No, Mom, I was kind of thinking about the apartment for me.

Hey, Mr. Belder says you guys are thinking of changing stuff around here.

are, champ.

Yeah, Dad's even thinking about putting in a swimming pool.

A pool?

You mean like...

I know what's wrong.

He's worried about Inky.

Got that right.

Hey, don't worry about it, pal. When the time comes, me and Belvedere will dig

up Inky's little shoebox and move him someplace nice.

Yes.

I'd be more than happy to help.

Hello. Oh.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere.

What are you doing out here?

Oh, I don't know.

The fog.

The baying of a distant town.

The freshly opened grave.

Sort of reminds me of home.

Oh. The question is, What are you doing out here?

Oh, nothing.

They're going to be building stuff back here. I figured I might move Inky now

and save you and Dad some trouble. Oh, let me help.

No, it's okay. Oh, I insist.

No!

Is there something you'd like to tell me, Wesley?

Inky's alive.

I see.

And did you fake his death for the insurance money?

No, I did it so I could get a dog.

I mean, the last time I got one, I only had it for about 30 seconds.

Because you told Dad I'd cheated on that test.

Yes, I remember.

That's when you had me deported.

Right, so I figured if I was ever going to get a dog, I had to do something real

desperate. And that's when I thought of this.

You are to be congratulated, Wesley.

You have deceived nearly everybody.

I hope you're proud of what you've done.

So you're going to tell Mom and Dad?

No.

Once through immigration was enough for me.

You're really not going to tell.

Look, Wesley.

I'm your housekeeper, not Jiminy Cricket.

If you can live with what you've done, then so can I.

lying in his cage.

I kept telling him to come back for him.

But after a while I guess he stopped believing me.

Sorry.

Yes. I'm sorry too, Wesley.

Good. You're just in time for the unveiling.

Of what?

Well, I took all your suggestions for additions to the house and I whipped up

little model.

Well,

now, let's see.

Here's Kevin's penthouse.

Heather's sauna and gym.

Your office.

George's trophy room.

You'll notice it's not that big.

And, of course, the bowling alley.

That was my idea.

So, I guess we're not going to be doing any of this, huh, Dad?

It doesn't look like it, pal.

And we appreciate you showing us how dumb we were.

A pleasure.

As always.

Yes, you're welcome, Mrs. Sidney.

Yeah, I'll thank him for everyone.

Bye -bye.

Who was that?

That was Mrs. Sidney from the retirement home. She called to thank us for

Winston. Huh?

She said Wes dropped him off this afternoon. He told her that the old

needed the company more than he did.

Well, I thought he loved that dog.

Perhaps he wasn't quite ready for all that responsibility.

Sometimes I can't figure that kid out.

Yeah.

That makes two of us.

Well, Inky, I guess this time it's for real.

Of course, you probably know that.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you, I feel real bad about all this.

I mean, Mr. Belvedere said you were getting pretty old anyway, but I still

it was my fault you died, and I'm sorry.

If it makes you feel any better, I gave my dog away.

I mean, I liked him a lot, but every time I looked at him, I kept thinking

what a creep I was to you.

So I gave him to some older folks who seemed to like him a lot, and I told

he was from both of us.

Well, I guess that's about it.

We're not getting a pool, so you'll be safe here unless there's an earthquake

a war or something.

Everything all right, Wesley?

Yeah, I'm okay.

You know the saying, you don't know what you have until it's gone?

Mm -hmm.

Bet the guy who wrote that had a hamster.

I bet he did, too.

Owen's house is back to normal.

Wesley seems to be feeling better about the demise of Inky and is now the proud

owner of a new 14 -inch iguana.

I have a feeling they should get along famously.

They can both catch flies with their tongues.

As for the bathroom situation, I have devised a system to alleviate the

congestion. We go alphabetically.

I'm B for Belvedere.

They're O.

For Owens.

They can fight it out for themselves.