All language subtitles for mr_belvedere_s03e07_deportation_2

Last time on Mr. Belvedere. I know. Oh,
and remember the other part of our

bargain. Uh -oh.

That's right. No dog until you bring up
your history grade, and that means

getting an A on your test tomorrow.

Mr. Belvedere, can I tell you something
I did?

I mean, just between the two of us?

That depends.

Is it a misdemeanor or a felony?

I cheated on my history test.

Oh.

I didn't mean... to. It was just real
hard, and I couldn't remember anything,

and I was sitting right next to this
Korean kid.

Why do these two guys are crazy about
each other?

Mr. and Mrs. Owens, Wesley cheated on
his history test.

Is that true, Wes?

He cheated.

Yeah, but he wasn't supposed to tell you
about it. You promised!

I'm sorry.

I'll talk to you when I get back from
the pet shop.

Good thing I kept a receipt.

I'm sure he didn't mean it. Hello,
Department of Immigration.

I got a big one for you.

So I guess we're friends again, huh?

Yeah, I suppose it was unavoidable.

Lawrence Miller, U .S. Department of
Immigration.

Oops, I forgot about that.

All right, let's go.

Wait a minute. Where are you taking him?
He'll be at the federal building

downtown pending his deportation
hearing. Mr. Belvedere, shall we?

If you're ever in England, drop by.

Inside. Thank you.

So, anyone here from out of town?

Who cares when you dropkick the jacket
as you came through the door?

No one's there, but sometimes things get
turned around and no one's there.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our...

Life is more than mere survival.

We just might live a good life, yes.

Think we ought to save the mashed
potatoes?

Not unless we're planning to repave the
driveway.

in and dragged Mr. Belvedere out of the
house like that. I thought this was

America. It is. That's why they did it.

Well, we've got to do something to help
them.

Like what?

I don't know.

Have a concert?

What are you going to call it? Hands
across the butler?

You'll never get enough people.

Hey, I've been going through the
immigration code and I found some really

arguments in Mr. Belvedere's favor.

Oh, yeah? Uh -huh. I'm going to get them
organized so I can present them at his

hearing. That's great, Marsh, but don't
you think maybe we should get him a real

lawyer?

I almost am.

Hey, everybody.

You guys want some help? No, thanks.

I think you've helped enough.

Hey, I already said I was sorry.

Being sorry doesn't help Mr. Belvedere.
He's still stuck in jail.

Yeah, and who knows what he's going
through.

What do you mean?

Well, I saw this movie once where this
really nice guy gets thrown in jail with

a bunch of killers and drug pushers.

And the only way for him to survive was
to become as mean and vicious as they

were. Come on, Heather, you're talking
crazy.

Tell me later.

Oh, yeah.

You got five minutes.

I signed you up for the chain gang.

Marsha's upstairs trying to arrange
bail.

I appreciate that.

So you doing okay?

Nobody tried any funny stuff today.

I'm fine, George.

It's just I kind of feel guilty about
all this.

Why should you?

You've done nothing wrong.

Aside from fathering what's -his -face
here.

Anyway, I'm going to go up and see how
Marsha's making out. Come on, Wes.

I'll catch up, okay, Dad?

I brought you something.

Wesley, I'm in deep enough.

See, I got you some cigarettes and candy
bars.

You give them to the screws and they'll
look the other way when you start

digging your tunnel.

Wesley, this is reality, not a George
Raft movie.

I'm just trying to help.

I know.

I mean, if I don't do something for you,
I'm going to feel terrible for the rest

of my life.

I've already got a bad stomach and
diarrhea.

But I think that's mostly for Mom's
meatloaf.

Wesley, I don't blame you, and you
shouldn't blame yourself.

Well, I'm going to do something.

Wesley. I don't know what, but I'm going
to do it.

So just be ready.

Hello, Buckingham Palace.

I want to talk to the Queen about a
friend of hers who's in real big

Well, she's unavailable. Can I talk to
her husband?

I heard he's not very busy.

Hello?

They hung up.

Why don't you call the president while
you're at it? I did. They told me he was

taking a nap.

Hi, kids.

Hey, we sprung Mr. Big.

Mr. Puppeteer, hey. What took you so
long?

Nothing, just a little bureaucratic
snag.

Yeah. 37 unpaid parking tickets.

I refuse to acknowledge anything that's
stuck under my windshield wiper.

Well, at least you're back.

For the time being. Huh?

Mr. Belvedere's free until his hearing
next week.

That's when they decide what's going to
happen to me. Well, don't worry about

that. Kevin and I have been going
through Mom's law books, so we found

sneaky ways to keep you in the country.

Oh, yeah?

It says here that an alien can remain in
the country if he's adopted by a U .S.

citizen. Hey, Dad, why aren't you
adopted?

Wouldn't it be great to have Mr.
Belvedere as a son?

Hello, Daddy.

Okay, what about this? It says you can
obtain legal status if you marry an

American citizen.

Yeah. Why not?

Look, children, I'm sure your intentions
are good. In fact, I know they are. But

you're simply going to have to let Mr.
Belvedere handle this in his own way.

right? Yeah. All right.

Whatever you say.

I guess you want to relax a little.

Thank you.

And once again, I apologize.

I'm sorry for all the trouble I put you
through.

Oh, Mr. Belvedere, it's no trouble.

You're part of the family.

To tell the truth, I can't picture this
place without you, Belvedere.

Dinner in five minutes.

If he says...

I thought I was.

Yes, Mrs. Lucas, Mr. Belvedere will be
staying for dinner. I hope there's

enough. I hope so, too.

I guess we didn't mention her.

I guess we didn't.

Hey, look, Belvedere, don't get the
wrong idea. She's only temporary until

get things worked out.

Yeah, I mean, well, you know, with us
gone all day... And with you sitting in

the slammer, we had to get somebody
else.

That's true.

And I'm really not permitted to work
until my status is clarified.

Yeah, that's what we were thinking.

No, you weren't.

You were thinking maybe things wouldn't
work out and maybe I'd be sent back to

England.

You have a perfect right to be prepared
for that.

We're glad you understand.

I'll be in my room.

Unless you've already given it to Hazel.

What is it?

You know how the law says if Mr.
Belvedere marries someone, he can stay

country? Yeah.

Well, I made up this list of eligible
bachelorettes.

Linda Ronstadt, Sharon Glass, Diane
Keaton, Lillian Gish.

This magazine says that none of them
have ever been married, so I bet they're

real desperate.

You're the one who's desperate.

Hey, I already asked all the women
around here.

The only one who seemed interested was
Grandma.

But she wants to wait until she gets her
hip replaced.

Wesley, Mr. Belder stood right there and
told us to stay out of this.

He didn't mean me.

Well, if this Saturday's no good, how
about next Saturday?

Sunday?

No, no, no, that's okay. I'll try you
again in 87.

I just don't know what it is with her.

At school, she acts like she really
likes me. She talks to me, we joke

but the minute I call and ask her for a
date, forget it. She's always got to

wash her hair or something.

I just don't know what else to do.

We're having fish sticks.

Oh.

Nice talking to you.

Uh -huh.

Hello, Mrs. Lucas.

Yeah, hi.

What you doing with that thing?

It's from my garden.

I thought you might like to make the
family a nice, fresh pie for dessert.

You funny.

Yes, I suppose I am.

I can?

Hello, Heather.

I think I just quit.

Don't worry about her.

She does things just to get a reaction.

Uh -huh.

Actually, the whole family is rather on
the quirky side.

They're not dangerous, but they do
require supervision.

My husband is an unemployed steel
worker.

My son just got out of a rehab center.

And my eldest girl just ran off with a
trumpet player.

They are quirky, too.

Wesley. You going up to your room now?

Yes, Wesley.

Good luck.

Hi.

Excuse me. I must be in the wrong room.

You're Lynn, aren't you? I'm Kim.

So what do you think of her?

Very nice.

What is she? My going -away present?

Why? You're supposed to marry her.

And she already said yes. All you got to
do is ask.

My basic fee is $300.

but that doesn't include the
photographer or the honeymoon.

Excuse us for a moment, would you?

Sir.

Wesley, where exactly did you find Miss
Wright?

Downtown.

You know where all those ladies are
always standing around?

I guess they're waiting for a bus or
something.

Yes, or something.

Well, I told them all about your
problem, and Kimberly said she'd be

help.

I still cry.

Yes, love is like that.

What's going on?

I got this lady from Mr. Belvedere, but
I don't think he wants her.

Oh, yeah?

Forget it, Kevin.

Come along, Kimberly. Time to go.

Okay. Thank you for your time and
trouble.

But we don't need a set of
encyclopedias. Goodbye.

What was that?

Oh, just somebody trying to sell
something.

I don't want you to go, that's all.

Wesley, marrying someone like that would
not solve my problem.

He'd take care of mine.

Look, everyone, the hearing's tomorrow,
and I may have a few tricks up my

sleeve. Oh, yeah?

After all, what could go wrong?

It's merely the United States government
versus me.

And having considered all the facts in
this matter...

My decision is that your status here is
invalid, and you should be returned

forthwith to your country of origin.

But, Your Honor, you can't send me back
there.

Mr. Cates.

It's a repressive society. I can't take
the torture, the isolation.

Mr. Cates, you're from Canada.

It's cold and boring.

What about Alan Thicke? You guys let him
stay, or Lauren Green, or Alex Trebek.

United States versus Lynn Belvedere.

Defendant, a citizen of Great Britain,
entered the United States and

subsequently accepted employment as a
domestic without being in receipt of a

valid work permit.

Mr. Belvedere, you understand that it is
not incumbent on the government to

prove why you should leave, but up to
you to convince the court why you should

be allowed to remain.

I understand, Your Honor.

All right. Do you have anything to say?

You look lovely in black.

I can't believe he said that. You told
Mr. Belvedere Brods loved that stuff.

Pay attention.

I apologize, Your Honor.

But I am just the simple son of a coal
miner who's never been in a court like

this. And I'm just a little overwhelmed.

All right, Mr. Belvedere. You may
proceed when you're ready.

If it pleases the court, I would like to
cite the case of the United States v.

Fudzinski, in which the appellate court
ruled that immigrant status...

have been made by the court in cases
similar to mine. Oh, that's very

impressive, Mr. Belvedere, especially
coming from a simple son of a coal

However, the issue in question is
whether you accepted and performed work

violation of U .S. law.

Which brings me to my next point. What
is work?

The dictionary

defines work.

as exertion or effort directed to
produce or accomplish something.

However, just because one accomplishes
something doesn't necessarily mean that

it's work. And conversely, just because
one works, it doesn't necessarily mean

that anything is accomplished.

Tell me about it.

I maintain the concept of work is
ambiguous.

A florist plants a flower, to him it's
work.

I plant a flower, to me it is pleasure.

What is your point?

Simply that I came to this country...

to observe contemporary America.

My stay at the Owens's just gave me a
chance to see it at first hand. So you

see, it wasn't a job.

It was merely a hobby.

Did you receive any wages for this
hobby? Well, only when the checks didn't

bounce. Hey, I told you not to cash them
so fast.

Oh.

Overruled.

If you're quite through, Mr. O 'Brien...
Your Honor, I have one more argument.

Oh, goody.

Quoting from the Immigration Code, an
alien may be certified for employment if

the job is deemed to require
professional or unique abilities not

any American. I don't see where that's
relevant. After all, you are just a

housekeeper. He's not just a
housekeeper.

He's special, Wesley.

Who is that little boy?

He's the one who turned me in.

That's nice.

But he does have unique abilities.

Really? For example?

Well, he's the only one who can make my
French toast just right. You know, kind

of soggy in the middle.

And nobody else could have fixed
Heather's stereo when I spilled Bosco

it. Wesley!

No wonder all my records stick to the
turntable.

But you can just sit down.

Uh, Your Honor, my name is Kevin Owen.

And a little while ago, I sort of had a
problem with alcohol.

Not getting it. I have a fake ID.

But abusing it.

Anyway, Mr. Belvedere straightened me
out, and he does that a lot.

For all of us.

See, if it wasn't for Mr.

Belvedere, my brother would be in the
gutter, drowning in his own bar.

I must apologize for them, Your Honor.

The mother?

Afraid so.

Yes, Your Honor, I am their mother, but
I also happen to be studying to be an

attorney. Bailiff? Yes, and I would like
to cite some precedents which I feel

may be germane. You can cite them after
you've graduated from law school. Now,

just sit down.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Now, is there anyone I have missed?

Uh, Your Honor, I'm George Owens.

Oh, yes.

The man who knows what broads really go
for.

Good ears.

Anyway, I guess what everybody is trying
to say is that Belvedere here is more

than just a housekeeper. He's
practically one of the family.

And this thing about wages.

Hell, the way he eats, he ought to be
paying us.

Is my boat here yet?

The point is, Belvedere's a pretty
exceptional guy.

And I think he deserves another shot.

Your Honor,

the law states an alien may be certified
for employment if the job cannot be

performed by an American.

Now, I ask you, Your Honor, is there
anyone in this country, or anyone on the

face of the earth, for that matter, who
could or would want to handle a bunch

like that?

You may have a point.

From what I observed of this family,
there is no doubt that you are

unique service, possibly even a public
one.

However, such a claim is valid only if
it's made before you accept employment,

not after.

Therefore, according to the immigration
laws of the United States, I must rule

that your status here is illegal and
direct that you be returned to your

of origin.

Huh?

30 -minute recess.

I am sorry.

Just a moment.

Well, that's about it.

What happened?

I thought you said you knew a few
tricks.

Well, I am about to disappear.

Anyway, I'm not one for long goodbyes.

So, see you.

our domestic agency i'm calling from the
owens residence we need another

housekeeper yeah the one you sent over
this morning left suddenly

no i don't know why okay thank you

Where's Helga?

Isn't she with you?

Well... Well, she wasn't any good
anyway.

None of them are.

Look, honey, you can't keep going
through housekeepers like this thinking

going to find another Mr. Belvedere
because you're not.

I know.

All right, look, you kids go straighten
up out there. Come on.

And we'll see if I can whip something up
for dinner.

Don't worry, I'll order a pizza.

Mr. Belvedere ever came here.

Yeah, and Dad wanted to throw him back
in the snow, but we wouldn't let him.

Remember how he found my hamster? Okay,
guys, guys, let's just get the place

cleaned up, okay? Come on.

I'll get it.

Is this Theoine's residence?

Uh -huh. Mr.

Belvedere! Mom, Dad!

Mr. Belvedere, you're back.

From the look of this room, not a moment
too soon.

What happened? How'd you get back in the
country?

Quite legally.

Through the immigration system.

Well, I thought that took years. I mean,
aren't there thousands of people

waiting? Yes.

But I took francies.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, no.

All right, dinner in 20 minutes.
Everybody wash up.

Especially you, George.

Your hands look filthy.

is my first entry in several months.

To be honest, without the Owenses, there
hasn't been much to write about.

At any rate, my working status here in
the colonies is somewhat less tenuous

than before.

I even have my green card.

So there, Wesley.

I suppose if I'm not careful, I may even
wind up an American citizen.

What will I tell the Queen?