Original subtitles

Last time on Mr. Belvedere. I know. Oh, and remember the other part of our

bargain. Uh -oh.

That's right. No dog until you bring up your history grade, and that means

getting an A on your test tomorrow.

Mr. Belvedere, can I tell you something I did?

I mean, just between the two of us?

That depends.

Is it a misdemeanor or a felony?

I cheated on my history test.

Oh.

I didn't mean... to. It was just real hard, and I couldn't remember anything,

and I was sitting right next to this Korean kid.

Why do these two guys are crazy about each other?

Mr. and Mrs. Owens, Wesley cheated on his history test.

Is that true, Wes?

He cheated.

Yeah, but he wasn't supposed to tell you about it. You promised!

I'm sorry.

I'll talk to you when I get back from the pet shop.

Good thing I kept a receipt.

I'm sure he didn't mean it. Hello, Department of Immigration.

I got a big one for you.

So I guess we're friends again, huh?

Yeah, I suppose it was unavoidable.

Lawrence Miller, U .S. Department of Immigration.

Oops, I forgot about that.

All right, let's go.

Wait a minute. Where are you taking him? He'll be at the federal building

downtown pending his deportation hearing. Mr. Belvedere, shall we?

If you're ever in England, drop by.

Inside. Thank you.

So, anyone here from out of town?

Who cares when you dropkick the jacket as you came through the door?

No one's there, but sometimes things get turned around and no one's there.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our...

Life is more than mere survival.

We just might live a good life, yes.

Think we ought to save the mashed potatoes?

Not unless we're planning to repave the driveway.

in and dragged Mr. Belvedere out of the house like that. I thought this was

America. It is. That's why they did it.

Well, we've got to do something to help them.

Like what?

I don't know.

Have a concert?

What are you going to call it? Hands across the butler?

You'll never get enough people.

Hey, I've been going through the immigration code and I found some really

arguments in Mr. Belvedere's favor.

Oh, yeah? Uh -huh. I'm going to get them organized so I can present them at his

hearing. That's great, Marsh, but don't you think maybe we should get him a real

lawyer?

I almost am.

Hey, everybody.

You guys want some help? No, thanks.

I think you've helped enough.

Hey, I already said I was sorry.

Being sorry doesn't help Mr. Belvedere. He's still stuck in jail.

Yeah, and who knows what he's going through.

What do you mean?

Well, I saw this movie once where this really nice guy gets thrown in jail with

a bunch of killers and drug pushers.

And the only way for him to survive was to become as mean and vicious as they

were. Come on, Heather, you're talking crazy.

Tell me later.

Oh, yeah.

You got five minutes.

I signed you up for the chain gang.

Marsha's upstairs trying to arrange bail.

I appreciate that.

So you doing okay?

Nobody tried any funny stuff today.

I'm fine, George.

It's just I kind of feel guilty about all this.

Why should you?

You've done nothing wrong.

Aside from fathering what's -his -face here.

Anyway, I'm going to go up and see how Marsha's making out. Come on, Wes.

I'll catch up, okay, Dad?

I brought you something.

Wesley, I'm in deep enough.

See, I got you some cigarettes and candy bars.

You give them to the screws and they'll look the other way when you start

digging your tunnel.

Wesley, this is reality, not a George Raft movie.

I'm just trying to help.

I know.

I mean, if I don't do something for you, I'm going to feel terrible for the rest

of my life.

I've already got a bad stomach and diarrhea.

But I think that's mostly for Mom's meatloaf.

Wesley, I don't blame you, and you shouldn't blame yourself.

Well, I'm going to do something.

Wesley. I don't know what, but I'm going to do it.

So just be ready.

Hello, Buckingham Palace.

I want to talk to the Queen about a friend of hers who's in real big

Well, she's unavailable. Can I talk to her husband?

I heard he's not very busy.

Hello?

They hung up.

Why don't you call the president while you're at it? I did. They told me he was

taking a nap.

Hi, kids.

Hey, we sprung Mr. Big.

Mr. Puppeteer, hey. What took you so long?

Nothing, just a little bureaucratic snag.

Yeah. 37 unpaid parking tickets.

I refuse to acknowledge anything that's stuck under my windshield wiper.

Well, at least you're back.

For the time being. Huh?

Mr. Belvedere's free until his hearing next week.

That's when they decide what's going to happen to me. Well, don't worry about

that. Kevin and I have been going through Mom's law books, so we found

sneaky ways to keep you in the country.

Oh, yeah?

It says here that an alien can remain in the country if he's adopted by a U .S.

citizen. Hey, Dad, why aren't you adopted?

Wouldn't it be great to have Mr. Belvedere as a son?

Hello, Daddy.

Okay, what about this? It says you can obtain legal status if you marry an

American citizen.

Yeah. Why not?

Look, children, I'm sure your intentions are good. In fact, I know they are. But

you're simply going to have to let Mr. Belvedere handle this in his own way.

right? Yeah. All right.

Whatever you say.

I guess you want to relax a little.

Thank you.

And once again, I apologize.

I'm sorry for all the trouble I put you through.

Oh, Mr. Belvedere, it's no trouble.

You're part of the family.

To tell the truth, I can't picture this place without you, Belvedere.

Dinner in five minutes.

If he says...

I thought I was.

Yes, Mrs. Lucas, Mr. Belvedere will be staying for dinner. I hope there's

enough. I hope so, too.

I guess we didn't mention her.

I guess we didn't.

Hey, look, Belvedere, don't get the wrong idea. She's only temporary until

get things worked out.

Yeah, I mean, well, you know, with us gone all day... And with you sitting in

the slammer, we had to get somebody else.

That's true.

And I'm really not permitted to work until my status is clarified.

Yeah, that's what we were thinking.

No, you weren't.

You were thinking maybe things wouldn't work out and maybe I'd be sent back to

England.

You have a perfect right to be prepared for that.

We're glad you understand.

I'll be in my room.

Unless you've already given it to Hazel.

What is it?

You know how the law says if Mr. Belvedere marries someone, he can stay

country? Yeah.

Well, I made up this list of eligible bachelorettes.

Linda Ronstadt, Sharon Glass, Diane Keaton, Lillian Gish.

This magazine says that none of them have ever been married, so I bet they're

real desperate.

You're the one who's desperate.

Hey, I already asked all the women around here.

The only one who seemed interested was Grandma.

But she wants to wait until she gets her hip replaced.

Wesley, Mr. Belder stood right there and told us to stay out of this.

He didn't mean me.

Well, if this Saturday's no good, how about next Saturday?

Sunday?

No, no, no, that's okay. I'll try you again in 87.

I just don't know what it is with her.

At school, she acts like she really likes me. She talks to me, we joke

but the minute I call and ask her for a date, forget it. She's always got to

wash her hair or something.

I just don't know what else to do.

We're having fish sticks.

Oh.

Nice talking to you.

Uh -huh.

Hello, Mrs. Lucas.

Yeah, hi.

What you doing with that thing?

It's from my garden.

I thought you might like to make the family a nice, fresh pie for dessert.

You funny.

Yes, I suppose I am.

I can?

Hello, Heather.

I think I just quit.

Don't worry about her.

She does things just to get a reaction.

Uh -huh.

Actually, the whole family is rather on the quirky side.

They're not dangerous, but they do require supervision.

My husband is an unemployed steel worker.

My son just got out of a rehab center.

And my eldest girl just ran off with a trumpet player.

They are quirky, too.

Wesley. You going up to your room now?

Yes, Wesley.

Good luck.

Hi.

Excuse me. I must be in the wrong room.

You're Lynn, aren't you? I'm Kim.

So what do you think of her?

Very nice.

What is she? My going -away present?

Why? You're supposed to marry her.

And she already said yes. All you got to do is ask.

My basic fee is $300.

but that doesn't include the photographer or the honeymoon.

Excuse us for a moment, would you?

Sir.

Wesley, where exactly did you find Miss Wright?

Downtown.

You know where all those ladies are always standing around?

I guess they're waiting for a bus or something.

Yes, or something.

Well, I told them all about your problem, and Kimberly said she'd be

help.

I still cry.

Yes, love is like that.

What's going on?

I got this lady from Mr. Belvedere, but I don't think he wants her.

Oh, yeah?

Forget it, Kevin.

Come along, Kimberly. Time to go.

Okay. Thank you for your time and trouble.

But we don't need a set of encyclopedias. Goodbye.

What was that?

Oh, just somebody trying to sell something.

I don't want you to go, that's all.

Wesley, marrying someone like that would not solve my problem.

He'd take care of mine.

Look, everyone, the hearing's tomorrow, and I may have a few tricks up my

sleeve. Oh, yeah?

After all, what could go wrong?

It's merely the United States government versus me.

And having considered all the facts in this matter...

My decision is that your status here is invalid, and you should be returned

forthwith to your country of origin.

But, Your Honor, you can't send me back there.

Mr. Cates.

It's a repressive society. I can't take the torture, the isolation.

Mr. Cates, you're from Canada.

It's cold and boring.

What about Alan Thicke? You guys let him stay, or Lauren Green, or Alex Trebek.

United States versus Lynn Belvedere.

Defendant, a citizen of Great Britain, entered the United States and

subsequently accepted employment as a domestic without being in receipt of a

valid work permit.

Mr. Belvedere, you understand that it is not incumbent on the government to

prove why you should leave, but up to you to convince the court why you should

be allowed to remain.

I understand, Your Honor.

All right. Do you have anything to say?

You look lovely in black.

I can't believe he said that. You told Mr. Belvedere Brods loved that stuff.

Pay attention.

I apologize, Your Honor.

But I am just the simple son of a coal miner who's never been in a court like

this. And I'm just a little overwhelmed.

All right, Mr. Belvedere. You may proceed when you're ready.

If it pleases the court, I would like to cite the case of the United States v.

Fudzinski, in which the appellate court ruled that immigrant status...

have been made by the court in cases similar to mine. Oh, that's very

impressive, Mr. Belvedere, especially coming from a simple son of a coal

However, the issue in question is whether you accepted and performed work

violation of U .S. law.

Which brings me to my next point. What is work?

The dictionary

defines work.

as exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something.

However, just because one accomplishes something doesn't necessarily mean that

it's work. And conversely, just because one works, it doesn't necessarily mean

that anything is accomplished.

Tell me about it.

I maintain the concept of work is ambiguous.

A florist plants a flower, to him it's work.

I plant a flower, to me it is pleasure.

What is your point?

Simply that I came to this country...

to observe contemporary America.

My stay at the Owens's just gave me a chance to see it at first hand. So you

see, it wasn't a job.

It was merely a hobby.

Did you receive any wages for this hobby? Well, only when the checks didn't

bounce. Hey, I told you not to cash them so fast.

Oh.

Overruled.

If you're quite through, Mr. O 'Brien... Your Honor, I have one more argument.

Oh, goody.

Quoting from the Immigration Code, an alien may be certified for employment if

the job is deemed to require professional or unique abilities not

any American. I don't see where that's relevant. After all, you are just a

housekeeper. He's not just a housekeeper.

He's special, Wesley.

Who is that little boy?

He's the one who turned me in.

That's nice.

But he does have unique abilities.

Really? For example?

Well, he's the only one who can make my French toast just right. You know, kind

of soggy in the middle.

And nobody else could have fixed Heather's stereo when I spilled Bosco

it. Wesley!

No wonder all my records stick to the turntable.

But you can just sit down.

Uh, Your Honor, my name is Kevin Owen.

And a little while ago, I sort of had a problem with alcohol.

Not getting it. I have a fake ID.

But abusing it.

Anyway, Mr. Belvedere straightened me out, and he does that a lot.

For all of us.

See, if it wasn't for Mr.

Belvedere, my brother would be in the gutter, drowning in his own bar.

I must apologize for them, Your Honor.

The mother?

Afraid so.

Yes, Your Honor, I am their mother, but I also happen to be studying to be an

attorney. Bailiff? Yes, and I would like to cite some precedents which I feel

may be germane. You can cite them after you've graduated from law school. Now,

just sit down.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Now, is there anyone I have missed?

Uh, Your Honor, I'm George Owens.

Oh, yes.

The man who knows what broads really go for.

Good ears.

Anyway, I guess what everybody is trying to say is that Belvedere here is more

than just a housekeeper. He's practically one of the family.

And this thing about wages.

Hell, the way he eats, he ought to be paying us.

Is my boat here yet?

The point is, Belvedere's a pretty exceptional guy.

And I think he deserves another shot.

Your Honor,

the law states an alien may be certified for employment if the job cannot be

performed by an American.

Now, I ask you, Your Honor, is there anyone in this country, or anyone on the

face of the earth, for that matter, who could or would want to handle a bunch

like that?

You may have a point.

From what I observed of this family, there is no doubt that you are

unique service, possibly even a public one.

However, such a claim is valid only if it's made before you accept employment,

not after.

Therefore, according to the immigration laws of the United States, I must rule

that your status here is illegal and direct that you be returned to your

of origin.

Huh?

30 -minute recess.

I am sorry.

Just a moment.

Well, that's about it.

What happened?

I thought you said you knew a few tricks.

Well, I am about to disappear.

Anyway, I'm not one for long goodbyes.

So, see you.

our domestic agency i'm calling from the owens residence we need another

housekeeper yeah the one you sent over this morning left suddenly

no i don't know why okay thank you

Where's Helga?

Isn't she with you?

Well... Well, she wasn't any good anyway.

None of them are.

Look, honey, you can't keep going through housekeepers like this thinking

going to find another Mr. Belvedere because you're not.

I know.

All right, look, you kids go straighten up out there. Come on.

And we'll see if I can whip something up for dinner.

Don't worry, I'll order a pizza.

Mr. Belvedere ever came here.

Yeah, and Dad wanted to throw him back in the snow, but we wouldn't let him.

Remember how he found my hamster? Okay, guys, guys, let's just get the place

cleaned up, okay? Come on.

I'll get it.

Is this Theoine's residence?

Uh -huh. Mr.

Belvedere! Mom, Dad!

Mr. Belvedere, you're back.

From the look of this room, not a moment too soon.

What happened? How'd you get back in the country?

Quite legally.

Through the immigration system.

Well, I thought that took years. I mean, aren't there thousands of people

waiting? Yes.

But I took francies.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, no.

All right, dinner in 20 minutes. Everybody wash up.

Especially you, George.

Your hands look filthy.

is my first entry in several months.

To be honest, without the Owenses, there hasn't been much to write about.

At any rate, my working status here in the colonies is somewhat less tenuous

than before.

I even have my green card.

So there, Wesley.

I suppose if I'm not careful, I may even wind up an American citizen.

What will I tell the Queen?