Original subtitles

Oh, hey, Mom, where's the wrapping paper? I want to wrap Kevin's present.

Where'd you get them, kid?

Oh, just a calendar.

Well, that's nice. Can we see it?

Sure.

Brazilian beefcake.

Yeah, they're on lifeguards down at the beach at Rio de Janeiro.

Kevin didn't ask for this, did he?

Well, he... Heather, I think you got this for yourself.

Yeah, I guess so. I'll just take it back. In a second.

And remember...

When Mr. Belvedere tells someone he doesn't know you, don't contradict him.

Okay, champ, what'd you pull this time?

Nothing. Mr.

Belvedere sent me to the bakery to pick up Kevin's cake, and it was real

crowded, so I just made the best of it. He was selling the little numbers.

Fifty cents a pop.

Wesley. I only sold enough to pay for the cake and half a dozen donuts.

Don't ask me where they went.

Look, Linda, I'm sorry, but we've been going out now for over three months.

I figure I deserve a little more than a goodnight kiss.

After all, you are a member of Future Nurses.

Hello.

I know what you're going through.

Girls give me a hard time, too.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, they're always trying to make me like them.

Teasing me, trying to kiss me.

How do you get them to leave you alone?

Just wait a few years.

Kevin, do you know what you want for your birthday yet?

Yeah, but at this rate, I don't think I'm going to get it.

Well, there's always next year.

When you drop kick the jacket, as you came through the door, no one's glad.

But sometimes things get turned around and no one's bad.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival.

Life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

I think I just found the mother of my children.

Come on, guys. We're supposed to be working out.

Hey, they got a great pictorial this month. Girls of the Justice Department?

Yeah, great.

So you never said how'd it go last night?

What do you mean?

You know, with Linda.

Uh, we had a real nice time.

Struck out again, huh?

Look, it just so happens that Linda's a very nice girl. And if she wants to hold

off and take it kind of slow, it doesn't bother me.

You know, I got a theory.

Oh, yeah?

I figure if you don't, you know, By the time you're 18, all this energy builds

up and you spontaneously combust.

Yeah, very funny.

Look, guys, I got a lot of homework.

Besides, what am I supposed to do?

Hey, I got it.

Why don't you call up Paula Sweeney?

Her own?

Come on.

Not good enough for you? She's good enough for the football team, and

one in six.

Here, I got her number.

Hey, look, I don't want it.

Hey, I don't want to do something just to say that I did it. You know what I

mean?

It's just a real important step for a guy. It's a big responsibility, both

physically and emotionally.

And when it happens, I want it to be something special with a girl who's

special.

Right.

Absolutely.

those Brussels sprouts?

They're cold.

You should have eaten them when they were hot.

They stink when they're hot.

They stink even more when they decompose.

So I suggest you eat them now.

No. Besides, you can't tell me what to do.

Oh? Hey!

Did you tell Mr.

Belvedere he could do all this rotten stuff to me?

It was either that or give him a raise.

Look, honey, this is between you and Mr.

Belvedere. All I can say is we all got him down, so I don't see why you

shouldn't. Thank you, Mr. Dewitt.

So... Hey,

guys. You missed dinner.

That's okay. I'm going out. Have you got a date?

Uh -huh. She got a friend for me.

So who is she?

Uh, just somebody from school.

Well, does this somebody have a name?

Paula. Paula Sweeney.

talking about? That girl Kevin's taken out, Paula Sweeney, she's famous. I

there's only one reason guys go out with her.

And I assume it's not her cooking.

I'll get it.

Hello. Hi, I'm here for Kevin.

You are?

Yeah, guys, it's the right house.

Thanks.

I was just cruising around with some guys, so I had him drop me off.

There's two in here. I was going to pick you up.

Figured I'd save us some time.

Great, let's go.

Kevin, aren't you going to introduce us to your young lady?

I'm sorry.

Mom, Dad, this is Paula Sweeney. It's very nice to meet you, Paula. Yeah. Hi.

Hiya. Kevin's told us a lot about you.

No, I didn't. I swear.

Anyway, here's some flowers.

Somebody die?

Well, we better get going.

Don't be out too late.

Right, Mom.

Remember, tomorrow's church.

So how are you doing with your veal?

I'm eating as fast as I can.

Oh, yeah, right.

Take your time.

Thanks.

Besides, the movie doesn't start for a half hour.

We don't have to go if you don't want to.

Oh, no, it's okay. It's supposed to be a real good picture.

What is it?

I don't know. Something part two.

So you never told me.

What team are you on?

Huh?

I mean, I know everybody on the football team.

What are you, cross country?

Got the build for it.

I'm not on a team.

Oh?

So how'd you get my number?

Oh, I just got it.

I mean, a friend of mine gave it to me.

Wasn't written on a wall or anything.

He just said that you were a real nice girl and a lot of fun, and you seemed

like someone I might hit it off with.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I'm done. Oh, great.

What are you doing?

Just helping you on with your coat.

That looks great.

Still there, Wes?

Yep, all four of us.

You've been sitting there almost five hours. Aren't you going to eat them?

No.

Good night.

Yeah, see you in the morning.

Why don't you guys go back to Belgium where you came from? from hello wesley

i'd love to stay and chat but my ice cream is melting

i'm still not gonna eat them all right fine then go to bed all right you want

to dump these no wrap them up you're gonna have them for breakfast i'm not

eating them then either then you won't eat anything fine you know what i'm

do i'm gonna go on a hunger strike oh really

your big -shot friend Gandhi. So what do you think of that? I think that's a

splendid idea.

You do?

I think if you believe in anything strongly enough, you should be willing

tower for it.

Huh? And believe me, I am with you in spirit, if not in deed.

Come on in.

It's kind of late. I don't want to wake anybody.

Don't worry about it. My mom's a waitress. She works till four.

Then what the heck?

I had a good time tonight.

Me too.

I think it's the first time I ever saw a movie all the way through.

The kind of guy I am.

So you want something to drink?

I'll have a soda.

Soda?

You're too much.

Well, this is a very nice place you have here.

I'd give you the grand tour, but there's just my mom's room.

I sleep on the sofa there.

Oh, yeah?

It pulls out.

Oh.

Thanks.

You know, I really meant it.

I had a good time tonight.

Oh, I, uh... I meant it, too.

I mean, most guys don't care one way or the other.

They just buy me a cheeseburger and a shake and then... Bingo.

They think they can do whatever they want.

But you're different.

I am?

I mean, the way you treated me tonight, it wasn't like you were looking to get

anything off me.

I was just a girl that you wanted to take out just to take me out.

Yeah, right.

That's it.

Well, it's getting late.

Huh? Good night.

Huh?

Call me again.

Oh, Kevin.

I had a very lovely evening.

Oh, Kevin.

It's you.

I was taking a shower.

I hope you didn't use all the cold water.

Just ducky.

She seemed a very nice girl.

She was tonight.

Things didn't quite turn out as expected?

It was a disaster.

She liked me.

Oh, no.

She told me I was the first guy to ever treat her like a real human being.

Kevin, you cat.

Mr. Belvedere, this isn't funny. I can't take much more. I'm almost 18.

Kevin, age doesn't matter.

nor whatever your friends think.

Sex is something that should happen at the right time to two people who care

and respect one another.

Uh -huh.

Look, when you think about what happened tonight or what didn't happen, you'll

be glad it turned out the way it did.

Just don't think about it too long.

Night -night.

All right. Hot pancakes and sausages for the family.

And for Wesley, you remember your little green friend, don't you?

I'm not eating them. I'm on a hunger strike.

That's nice, dear.

Yeah. Pass the syrup, will you, pal?

Morning. Morning.

So, how's it feel to be 18?

Great. Maybe I'll go out and vote.

How was your date last night?

It was okay.

Well, did you two have a good time?

Yeah.

How good?

We went to a lousy movie, then I took her home.

That was all. Okay.

Anyway, I'm late for school.

See you later.

Hello, Mother.

Hey, witch, want to help me blow up some balloons?

No, thanks.

Here's the only thing I'm allowed, and I don't want to waste it.

Hello, Wesley.

How's our little hunger striker?

Is that you, Mr. Bell of the Year?

I'm having a tough time focusing. My eyes aren't getting any nutrients.

I'm sure they're getting something somewhere.

Hey, I'm not eating anything.

Of course not.

Mom, I'm gonna go out back.

Pick on some leaves or something.

You don't think he's not... The light!

The light!

Does that answer your question?

Got any iodine?

What happened to the birthday boy?

Football team decided to give me my present early. What are you talking

Paula went and told all the jocks what a perfect gentleman I was and how she's

changed and now she's a lady and they'd have to go get their kick someplace

else. So they got them with you?

No, but while I was running away, I tripped on a hurdle and hit my face on a

sprinkler.

Well, at least you kept your dignity.

Well, I'll tell you one thing. I'm through with being nice to people. Oh?

I'm just... Sick of it.

And sweet little Kevin, he's so considerate. Never wants to hurt

feelings. But Kevin is just... So I get a chance with the easiest mark in

school. And what do I do? I buy her dinner, I bring her flowers.

I'm such a jerk.

Oh, perhaps next time you should toss her a French fry, then have your way

her.

Yeah, maybe I will.

You don't mean that.

Oh, yeah? Whether you like it or not, you're far too decent a human being.

We'll see.

Where are you going? Out.

I'll be back.

I don't care.

How's that for decent?

I think there's something funny with these French fries.

Don't eat them.

Actually, I read that places like this are all the rage now.

You know, with the beautiful people.

Yeah, I guess they must have left already.

So you done?

Yeah, I just never got my... Check, please.

Come on.

Okay, I'm ready.

Let's go.

Would you like to come in?

Movie's probably over by now.

Wonder how it came out. Who cares? It was stupid.

Yeah, I guess it was.

You know, I really wasn't sure if you were going to call me again or not.

A lot of guys tell me they will, and then I never hear... Yeah, is your mom

here?

No, I told you she works late. Oh, yeah.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, why wouldn't it be?

So you want something to drink?

No, thanks.

I can make you a sandwich. You didn't eat much. I'm not hungry.

Well, I don't know what else I can offer you.

What do you think I'm doing?

But you're different. No, I'm not.

You took me out because you liked me, because I was the kind of girl you

to take out just to take out. Hey, I took you out for the same reason

else does.

Oh, yeah?

I just shouldn't have been so nice to you. That's my fault, and I'm sorry.

okay, I get it. You don't have to draw me a picture.

I thought you were special, but you're not.

So how about now, Kevin? Do you want to get it on right now?

Okay.

You would.

Look, why don't you just get out of here?

I'm real sorry, but you're not going to score another home run tonight. What are

you talking about?

I've never even been up to the plate.

You mean you've never... No.

You never told me that.

It's not exactly the kind of thing you brag about.

I guess not.

So listen.

If you still want to, you know, I guess I wouldn't mind.

What?

I mean, when I think of all the creeps I've had up here, it's kind of stupid to

kick out the one guy who ever treated me halfway decent.

And besides, where do I get off saying no to anybody?

I'm easy Sweeney, right?

Everybody's favorite doormat.

So you want to give me a hand with this?

No, thanks.

Look, when I called you, all I was looking for was

a sure thing.

With someone I didn't even know or care about.

Just not that person anymore.

Yeah.

I guess I'm not.

Not for anybody.

out the candles for you.

Oh, hey, Mr. Belvedere.

Pretty lousy skipping out on your own party, huh?

Yes. Mom okay? She didn't start crying or anything.

Kevin, you missed a party.

You didn't enlist.

Here.

Thanks.

My father gave me that on my 18th birthday.

It's just a key.

You're welcome.

What for? Does it fit anything?

My father's liquor cabinet in Lancashire.

What are you giving it to me for?

Well, for one thing, it's in Lancashire, so you can't get to it.

Kevin, when my father gave me that, it was his somewhat archaic way of

saying that in his eyes, I'd become a man.

Oh.

Well, then maybe you better give it to someone else.

Hi, what happened?

Nothing. I mean, I could have, but... Well, let's just say

I didn't become a man tonight.

That's your opinion.

It's not even two. Why aren't you still at school?

They sent me home because I'm still weak from my hunger strike.

So now you've managed to fool your teacher.

No, the nurse.

Dear Mrs. Owens, your son Wesley is suffering from lethargy, malnutrition,

partial dehydration.

Please feed this child before returning him to school.

Wesley, you mean you really haven't been eating?

I naturally assumed you were sneaking food.

I read about Gandhi in one of your books, and he never snuck food.

All right.

I'm going to get you something to eat right now.

No, it's okay.

I just want to lie down until Mom reads this.

Wesley, you're going to eat something if I have to ram it down your throat.

No, I'm not allowed to have anything until I eat my Brussels sprouts.

That's what you said.

No, that's all right, Wesley. I take it back.

You don't have to eat them.

That's not quite good enough.

What?

I want you to eat them.

But they're disgusting.

You should have thought of that before you made them.

Gandhi, he did it with caramel corn and a plate of ding -dongs.

As for me, I'm afraid my ordeal is just beginning.

Wesley's given me an hour, and time's almost up.

I can wait.