Original subtitles

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, you got a package. It's marked special delivery.

Thank you, Wesley.

Look at all the stamps.

It says it's from Majunga, Madagascar.

Yes, I see.

Aren't you going to open it?

Oh, in a bit.

I could open it for you.

No need, but thanks for offering.

How can you just sit there like that and not even touch it?

Because I know it drives you crazy.

I may not open it until tomorrow.

I gotta get out of here.

Come on, Marsha, we're gonna miss the game. I'm coming.

Estelle, you Cousin Harry's wife? Just tell her I'm not here. Come on.

Estelle? Um, George seems to have stepped away from the house for a

I take a message?

Oh, I... Oh, I'm so sorry.

That's terrible.

And I'm not loaning him any money. Charge him.

Yes, Estelle.

Yeah, I understand.

Okay. Now, listen.

If you need any...

You just let us know, okay?

All right. Bye -bye.

Okay, so what's Harry need this time?

A pallbearer.

Huh?

You mean Harry's gone?

Still said he died in his sleep.

Well, that's a pretty safe bet.

Where did it happen? On the couch or the hammock?

George.

I'm sorry, but the guy never worked a day in his life.

Well, anyway, the funeral's...

really should go yeah i know hey mom hi dad hello hey kids your mom and i are

gonna have to drive up to titusville tomorrow yeah cousin harry died oh was

the one who used to take his teeth out and put them in backwards no that's your

uncle bob he's being looked after oh wait i remember now he's a fat little

with a mustache right no that's your aunt rose come on

Oh, it's just a little something from the Magwanda tribe off the east coast of

Africa. Hey, Mr. Belder, there's two guys outside with a giant box and it's

happy birthday written all over it. Hey, you never told us it was your birthday.

Well, it's not yet.

I don't want people to make such a fuss about it.

Who cares when you dropkick your jacket as you came through the door?

No one's there, but sometimes things get turned around and no one's spared.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

Sporting to onward.

Life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

See, Mr. Bolger, I still don't see why we couldn't keep him.

Because this neighborhood is not zoned for elephants.

Anyway, Sarge will be much happier at the zoo.

He was just a baby. He could have slept in my room. Wesley.

I would have walked him. Yeah, but what would you have done when it grows up and

weighs a couple tons?

I don't know. Same thing will do with you.

So when is it? When's what?

Your birthday. I mean, it's got to be soon. After all, you've been here almost

whole year and haven't had one yet.

That's excellent reasoning, Wesley.

It shows you're maturing.

Thanks. So when's your birthday?

That's for me to know and for you to find out.

Hi, honey.

Oh, uh, hi, honey. Um, Harry's service starts at noon tomorrow, so I think we

better leave here by 9 .30, the latest.

Fine.

What you doing?

Oh, just going through some of our important papers, insurance policies,

like that. Nothing on TV?

Still said that with Harry dying suddenly, he left their estate in a big

What estate?

They live in a trailer.

George, I just think it makes sense for us to be prepared in case something

happens. What do you mean, prepared?

We don't have a will.

I don't want one. Come on, George.

Wills are bad luck.

You know, sooner get done writing it, somebody's reading it.

Hello, is this Madagascar information?

I need the number of Jamal Hakeem Utu.

What do you mean, which one?

I see.

And who else have you been harassing?

Well, I called the guy who sent you the elephant, but he was out with some of

his wives.

And I tried to call the Queen of England, but they said she couldn't talk

because she was on the throne.

Wesley, my birthday is my business and none of your concern.

Mr. Belvedere, that is not fair.

You said your birthday was for you to know and me to find out, and that's all

I'm doing.

immigration? It's tomato.

Satisfied?

I, George Owens, also state if any heir or any person should contest this will

or any part thereof, I bequeath to that person the total sum of one dollar.

Now, that's the no contest provision.

I put it in in case Wesley tried something.

Good idea.

All right, well, you just look it over, and if it seems okay, we'll have it

signed and duly witnessed, and then you're all set to go.

Well, what about you?

Huh?

I mean, you're Will. Don't you need one, too?

Oh, oh, no, not me, honey. No, not yet.

I mean, I'm... No, I mean, I always assumed that you'd be the first to...

You're right. I'll draw up a will for myself and leave everything to you.

Hey, come on, honey. Look at the bright side.

Maybe we'll both go together.

You know, George, that could happen. Oh, come on, Marsha. What if it did? What

if something happened to us tomorrow?

Well, we wouldn't have to go to Harry's funeral.

I'm talking about the kids.

Who would raise them?

up. It's not going to happen.

We'd both feel better if we decide on someone.

Like who?

Dinner? We'll be ready in 20 minutes, Mrs. Owens.

George, go and wash your hands.

Oh, no.

Hey, do you want to help a little?

No, thanks.

Come on, you're the girl. This should be your job.

Hey, I'm trying to come up with some ideas for Mr.

birthday. I already decided.

It's gonna be an English party. You know, with all the tea and candy and bad

food.

And then for entertainment, we'll all dress up like women.

That's what Benny Hill does.

Hey, Wes, I thought Mr. Belvedere said he didn't want you to make a big deal

of this.

He only said that because he really wants me to. I know how his mind works.

Okay, okay.

Hey, what about, um, what's her name? You know, uh...

Your cousin from Vegas.

Kevin's crazy about her.

George, she's a hooker.

Oh, right.

Look, you know Mr.

Belvedere's the right choice. The kids love him, and he's practically one of

family. You're right. You're right.

Hey, Dad, will you go to the liquor store and buy me a bottle of rum?

I always thought scotch was your drink, Wes.

It is.

Yeah, we're going to make him some grogs to have with his steak and kidney pie.

Listen, kids, there's something we want to talk to you about.

Now, we're both fine, and there's nothing to worry about, but your father

are drawing up our wills.

Can I have your power tools?

No.

The thing is, if something were to happen to me and your father, we'd want

someone we trust to take care of you, and we think that person should be Mr.

Belvedere.

So, what do you guys think of that?

Sure, that'd be neat. Fine with me.

What about your cousin, Sheila?

Thanks for doing the dishes, children.

Boy, Mr. Belvedere, your mom and dad have a surprise for you. Where?

Come on, tell them, Dad.

All right.

All right.

Look, Belvedere, in the year or so you've been here, it's kind of obvious

and everybody that you've become more than just a guy who cleans up after us.

Am I getting a raise?

No. Oh.

What I'm really trying to say is, Marsha and I have been thinking about the

future, and if, God forbid, something happened to the both of us, we'd be

honored if you'd take Heather and Wes and Kevin here.

always driving him crazy.

He likes that.

Look, it's okay.

This is Mr.

Belvedere's decision.

And if he doesn't want my children, it's up to him.

Sure. It's no big deal.

He's not good enough for you guys anyway.

In fact, I wouldn't die now if he paid me.

So what about Mr. Belvedere's party?

What about it? Well, I say we give him the cake, but we don't sing.

Unless anybody needs anything.

An explanation would be nice.

Look, everybody, it's nothing personal.

It's just that guardianship is not something to be taken lightly.

And quite honestly, I'm not prepared to accept the obligation.

Hey, that's fine with us.

We were only kidding.

Right, guys?

Yeah. Well,

good night, everyone.

Good morning, children.

Happy birthday, Mr. Belvedere.

Thank you, Heather.

That's okay. I got the short straw.

Well, what are we in the mood for this morning?

Scrambled eggs?

A nice waffle?

We don't want to put you to any trouble, so we'll just have margarine.

Think we should take the chains?

They're all tangled up someplace.

Okay.

Mr. Elvedere, we should be back by four.

See you later, kids.

Bye.

Drive carefully.

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Didn't you do this on purpose?

No.

Oh.

Then great job.

We're back.

Where's Mr. Belvedere?

I sent him to the movies.

Did you pick up his present?

Yep, got it right here.

So we gonna give it to him or what?

Come on, Wes. It's his birthday.

Besides, we can't return it.

He sees how nice it is. He will feel terrible.

Yeah. Let's all be extra special nice to him. Make him really feel like dirt.

So where's Mom and Dad?

They're not back from the funeral yet.

They're not?

It's almost six.

It is?

Maybe they got caught in an avalanche or something.

No, Wes.

They're just a little late. I'm sure they're fine.

still freezing.

We must have walked three miles.

See if you can find a light.

Oh, forget it, honey.

Nothing's gonna work.

This place has probably been boarded up for years.

Marsha, our car broke down, not our flying saucer.

George, cover up that hole with something.

Hey,

look at this.

Seems old Zach here had his place closed by the tax man. Oh, yeah?

Probably just happened. That's why everything's still going.

Hey,

come on. You better get out of those wet clothes.

I'll check the back. Maybe there's some stuff we can change into.

Okay. And why don't you see if you can scare us up some coffee?

Yeah.

No

problem.

Okay.

Okay, I understand.

We simply put through a call to the state police. No, we already did that.

said there's nothing they can do right now.

Oh. Well, I'm sure your parents will be fine anyway.

What difference does it make?

Did you get through to the kids?

I tried, but the line was busy. Then there was no answer.

I'm getting a little hungry.

How about you?

Yeah.

Why don't we take a look at a menu?

Let's see.

Hot roast beef sandwich and mashed potatoes.

69 cents.

No wonder the guy couldn't pay his taxes.

I want to check the freezer. See if there's something still in there. Okay.

on a couple of burgers, okay?

All right, but let's keep track of everything we eat so we can pay for it.

Fine.

Boy, that's really something out there tonight.

Give me a cup of coffee.

Let's take a look at the menu.

Um, I... Hi, Bert. What's good tonight?

Roast beef looks good.

I'm ready to order now.

Order out.

I'll be right with you.

George, what are we doing?

I don't know about you, but I'm making a cheese omelet.

I said hold the cheese.

This is insane.

Marsha, it's a little late to start telling these people we don't work here.

It's true.

And besides, they're stuck here just like we are, and they're hungry, too.

So let's just make the best of it. We're just helping people out.

My eggs are runny.

So's your nose.

So blue.

Mr. Belvedere, we're never going to find him. Come on, children, sit down and

get warm while I use the phone.

Hey, look, there's Mom.

Yeah, and she's a waitress.

Order up.

Hey, yes, we ain't half.

Working your way through college?

Mr. Belvedere. Mom. Hi, Mom.

You didn't come home. We got worried. Boy, and we thought Mr. Belvedere didn't

want us. First chance you get, you guys run off and open your own business.

Can I get some coffee, please?

Miss, I had a salad coming.

We'll talk about this during our break.

Come on, Marsha. Come on.

Well,

the kitchen's all spick and span.

Everything's back pretty much the way we found it.

Perhaps we'd better move before we get hit by the after -theater crowd.

It's almost midnight.

It is?

Dad, Auto Club says they got your car out and they're towing it right over.

great. Come on, children. Let's get ready to go.

Come on, George.

Let's go and change. Yep. Wait a minute.

If it's almost midnight, that means Mr. Belvedere's birthday is almost over.

Wesley.

I mean, we might as well give him his present.

Happy birthday, Mr. Belvedere.

And we're going to wrap it, but we didn't.

Thank you.

Yes, I see.

Yeah, and there's an inscription, too.

To Mr. Belvedere, from Kevin, Heather, and Wesley, your friends forever.

You can have that part scraped off if you want.

Wesley, have you ever stood on the top of Mount Haltia in Finland and watched

the northern lights go dancing in the sky?

Mm -mm.

Neither have I.

I should have been standing there three months ago.

What do you mean?

I mean, I got Shanghai'd by a certain family in Pittsburgh.

And somehow, in spite of myself, they've all become very dear to me.

So what you're saying is, you want to go, but you can't because we're all so

wonderful, right?

Well, not you, specifically.

Look, the point is, each day I stay, it just seems that much harder to leave.

Mr. Belvedere, you can leave whenever you want.

We won't like it, but we'll understand.

Sure, I'll help you pack.

It's those snotty little remarks I cherish most.

Oh, hey, the tow truck's here.

Oh, good. Well, just tell him we'll be right out.

I almost didn't get my poop.