Original subtitles

Wesley, what are you doing?

Eating my lunch.

What is this?

A pinball machine.

Thank you.

Hey, what did you do that for? I almost had 10 ,000.

Wesley, what have you done?

Two guys came and said, Hey, kid, want a pinball machine?

Is that okay?

Here it is.

I see.

Anything like the time two men came with a big truck and asked us where we

wanted the pool?

I just called for an estimate.

Anyway, this is different. I didn't call anybody.

The two guys just brought it.

Perhaps they were the pinball fairies.

One for hand and earring.

Kids, I'm afraid this neighborhood just isn't zoned for horses.

Well, then keep them in the stable or in the basement.

Yeah, and I'll feed them and groom them. And I'll exercise them, everything.

We'll enter them in shows and maybe win lots of prizes.

Kids, a horse is absolutely out of the question.

So how about a stereo TV?

I'll hook it up.

Oh, nice try, guys.

Where did that come from?

I'm trying to find that out myself.

Right, a pinball machine.

Wesley, have you been shopping by phone again?

I don't do that anymore.

Kids!

Do you guys know anything about this? I was certain it was one of the children.

Oh, boy!

There it is! It's my firebomb!

I was right.

on the china never met her before who cares when you cop kicked your jacket

as you came through the door no one bled but sometimes things get turned around

and no one's fed all hands look out below

there's a change in the status quo gonna need all the help that you

can get

According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

George, you bought this?

Yeah, it's a firebomb. I used to play it when I was a kid. It's a classic.

Practically an antique.

Where'd you get it? Someplace downtown that restores them. Got a pretty good

deal. All right, got me a bonus ball.

Wonderful!

Now if we could just end world hunger.

What happened?

I think a bonus ball dropped down the small abyss here at the bottom.

I know that.

Awfully quiet now, isn't it?

Yeah, the game's over.

All right, everybody, let's get ready for dinner.

Hey, come on, don't you want to turn?

No, George, it's your toy.

You bought it.

Oh, oh, oh.

It's like old dads and the daughters.

Oh.

Come on, George, upstairs.

Obedience training.

Hey, come on, I'll play with you. Sure, but now I'm going to go first.

Children, I think the time would be better served if you'd help Mr.

get dinner.

It would?

He just set the table.

Come on.

Maybe we'll win a bonus fork.

Well, I think somebody owes somebody else an apology.

You are absolutely right, Wesley.

I was wrong to assume that you were responsible for this. You have every

to be angry.

I'm not angry.

I'm mostly hurt.

Wesley, I sincerely apologize.

Okay.

I just hope that next time when I say something, you'll believe it.

Like if a candy gram comes tomorrow, I didn't do it.

Come on, Heather, quit hogging the machine.

All right, another 10 ,000.

Hey, Dad, she's got more points than the rest of us put together.

It's okay, kitten, keep going. You're doing great.

She gets another bonus ball, I'll pull the plug.

I feel like I'm studying in a gas station.

Courtney?

Oh. You know, the sound of the pumps, you know, the way they go ding, ding,

ding.

Remember?

Well, I mean, they don't do that now, but they used to 20 years ago.

They used to go ding, ding, ding.

Well, I'm sure 20 years ago I would have been amused.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Owens. It's getting to me, too.

It stopped.

Perhaps they broke it.

Wesley's very good at that.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right behind you.

Hey, Dad, watch it. You're going to break it.

Don't worry. It's coughing up.

I think it's called tilt, Dad.

Okay.

Bedtime, everybody.

I'm nuts.

What's the matter? Is this thing bothering you? Oh, just an itsy bit.

Okay, kids, that's enough fun for tonight.

Yeah, upstairs, finish your homework, brush your teeth, and into bed, all of

you.

Mom, I'm 17.

So get a job.

Do I have to go, too? No, George.

Hey, look, I know I should have told you before I bought it. It's just I saw it,

and that was it. I had to have it.

Anyway, you've got to admit, it looks pretty sharp.

Yeah, it's nice, George. I just don't think it belongs in the living room.

Oh, I don't know.

Perhaps a pool table here, a cigarette machine by the fireplace.

We'd have quite a motif.

Sort of early USO.

All right, all right, I'll stick it someplace else.

Thank you.

I guess we won't be needing this.

Hi, Mr. Belvedere, I'm back.

Oh, I thought you were over playing with Henry Huffnagle.

I was, but his mother sent me home. She said I was a bad influence.

Bad influence?

Isn't Henry the one who just came home from reform school?

Yeah, why?

No reason.

So, I see we've parked ourselves

in here.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm going back in the house.

But you haven't finished the game yet.

I know when I'm beat.

Anyway, I'm tired of this stupid thing.

So too?

I guess it's just not like when I was a kid.

You know, cutting classes, hanging around that sleazy arcade on First

playing till midnight, then sneaking in my window so my old man wouldn't catch

me.

Well, I guess you can't go home again.

What, you hear something from immigration?

I don't see what all the fuss is about.

Wesley.

I thought you said such amusements are a waste of time and energy.

We must do something about your memory.

Anyway, I wasn't playing.

I was just curious to see how the machine operates.

Yeah, pretty tough, huh?

I mean, that's why Dad gave up. He said nobody could get the $100 ,000 it takes

to be king of the fire gods.

Hmm. Wesley, I don't know many people besides your father who would want to be

king of the fire gods.

But I'm sure it can be done.

Oh, yeah?

From what I've discovered, it's simply a matter of... Understanding the dynamics

of the machine.

Controlling the ball and yourself.

Discipline. Well, go ahead.

Prove it.

Wesley, I'm not interested in proving anything.

That's okay.

Thanks. Dad says if he can't get $100 ,000, nobody can.

Actually, it may take a game or two to get the hang of it. There goes.

Hey, you're doing pretty good, Mr. Balvier.

Oh, just beginner's luck.

Why don't you make it yourself?

Can I make a potato chip and jelly sandwich?

I don't see why not.

Great.

All right.

Drop me a bonus ball.

Wesley, quit goofing off. You're supposed to be vacuuming. I'm just

the engine so it'll suck everything up real good.

good job, just like Mr. Belvedere would do if he were doing it. I just hope he

gets better soon.

Belvedere?

Belvedere? Mm -hmm.

I'm back from the store. I got stuff for dinner.

That's a good man.

Yeah, I got, uh, chicken.

Potatoes, lettuce, strawberry shortcake.

So, uh, what did I do with it?

Boil it.

Wesley, what are you doing?

Picking popcorn balls.

For dinner?

Guys, Mom and Dad are going to be home pretty soon. I don't think I can take

much more of this.

Hey, it's only been a couple days.

Besides, you want to get Mr. Belvedere in trouble?

Yeah, if Dad finds out he's been goofing off, playing that machine all the time,

he'll probably fire him. Yeah, but this time he'll actually have a real problem.

Mr. Belvedere? Hello.

Oh, are you about ready to start dinner?

In a bit.

First, Mr. Belvedere's going to go rest his fingers.

Sure. Anybody see my pack of luckies?

The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout. Down came the rain and

washed the spider out. Up came the sun and dried up all the rain. The

itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again.

Yeah, all you do is stand in front of that machine like some sort of zombie.

Yeah, you're acting nutty. Maybe you need some time off, Mr. Belvedere. You

know, like a vacation.

Yeah, for us.

I mean, we're always driving you crazy with our problems.

And maybe we finally gave you that nervous breakdown you're always talking

about.

Here, I found a nice place where you can go.

Brookside Manor.

Lose your urges and Trankville Park likes the rounding.

Those places are for treating alcoholics and drug addicts.

Don't they take that? They should take Mr. Dolphin.

Children, I appreciate your concern, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with

me. So you always sit around doing itsy -bitsy spider?

No. Sometimes I sit around doing one potato, two potatoes.

So what?

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a dinner to prepare.

Pretty good popcorn balls, huh?

Delicious.

I think I lost the feeling.

Everybody ready for the main course?

What is it?

Floppy Joe's.

It's wet tonight.

Oh, boy.

Sorry I had to use tuna.

What's going on around here?

In regard to what?

Gee, I don't know, Tech.

Let me just ladle some of this sloppy tuna on my popcorn ball.

And what about the hell?

Nothing's put away.

The laundry isn't done right and the beds are all made funny.

I'm doing my best. Heather.

Well, she's always criticizing me and she doesn't even know it's me.

Heather, what are you talking about?

Oh, nothing.

Come on, guys.

We've been doing all Mr. Belvedere's work.

What do you mean?

Mr. Belvedere is a pinball junkie.

All he cares about is getting 100 ,000 and beating up stupid machines.

Meanwhile, we've been covering for him, doing the cooking and the cleaning and

making the beds for him.

This just doesn't sound like Mr.

Belvedere. Hey, I've seen this happen before.

Guys get so hooked on that little silver ball, they'll sell their mother for a

free game.

Where have you seen that?

You're not going to fire Mr. Belvedere, are you?

It is a thought.

George.

Hey, it'll be okay. I'll handle it.

Going somewhere?

Oh, George.

What are you doing here?

Oh, nothing.

What are you doing up? It's after midnight.

Oh, I couldn't sleep.

I had a bad dream. Oh, yeah?

Very bad.

Hi, Drem.

I was falling from a great height while being eaten by sharks.

Yeah, I hate that one.

Look, let me take you back upstairs, tuck you in, tell you a bedtime story,

you'll sleep like a baby. Another time, perhaps.

Right now, I'm going to fix myself some warm milk and then toddle off to bed.

Yeah, I'll have it along with you.

Oh, you wouldn't want any.

It's goat's milk. Good night.

Where are you going?

To milk the goat?

What do you want from me, George?

Nothing.

It's just if I didn't know better, I'd swear you were sneaking out to play that

pinball machine.

That's ridiculous.

I'm just going outside to get a breath of fresh air. Okay, I'll come with you.

No, no, you can't.

I mean, this is Pittsburgh.

There's only so much fresh air to go around.

eggs and bread.

Well, I'll get you something else in a minute.

What?

Well, just let me get in a game or two.

Come on, Mr.

Belvedere. Wesley, did I tell you I got 85 ,000 points last night?

Uh -uh.

See what you can accomplish when you apply yourself?

Pretty soon, Mr. Belvedere is going to become king of the fire god.

Hey,

where's Mr. Belvedere?

Just went into the rock.

Children, where's the machine?

What machine?

Don't you what machine me, you little goody two -shoes? Where is it?

Come on, come on. Pinball machines just don't walk away.

Dad got rid of it. What? Yeah, two men in white coats came and took it away.

You're lucky they didn't take you with it.

Where is it?

We don't know. I'm in.

I'm so close.

So close.

Wait.

Wait, Lee.

That little kiddy land I take you to, the one with the idiot golf.

I bet they have the same machine in the arcade, right, Wesley?

I don't remember.

Oh, no matter, no matter.

Time for school. Come on, everybody. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Don't forget your

book. Come along, Wesley.

You forgot to make my lunch.

Then eat in the cafeteria.

All right, let me get some change from the cookie jar.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Don't take change.

Here's a ten.

Children are so gullible.

Thank you.

Not my...

That could be days from now.

Why don't you wait outside?

What's your name,

little boy?

Who wants to know?

The coroner.

I knew you'd be here.

Why aren't you at school, Wesley?

I needed quarters.

Another 5 ,000. Oh, do it to me, baby. Do it to me.

In a minute. In a minute.

Come on, please. We can watch Masterpiece Theater.

Yeah, that's cute.

Oh, another 5 ,000. I'll be king.

I tried talking to him. He won't listen to me.

Well, then maybe your father should try.

I don't seem happy here.

All right, all right.

Hey, Belvedere.

George?

Look, Belvedere, the kids and everyone, all of us, we're a little concerned.

Out of my life, George.

Sorry.

Hey, look, let's say we head on home. I'll make us a nice fresh pot of coffee,

and then we'll... Whoa, you know what your score is?

Yes!

89 ,000 and climbing.

Yeah, real good, but the house is kind of falling apart without you, and...

You've got to admit, you've been acting a little crazy. Hey, nice save.

Thank you, George.

I am not crazy, just determined. I want to be king.

Yeah, well, that's real great, Your Majesty.

I would have defeated this little contraption days ago if it hadn't been

tricks and devices.

It never liked me.

95 ,000.

96 ,000.

It's almost there. Get those targets. Get those targets.

97.

98.

over, Mr. Belvedere.

I'm not going to look.

99 ,990.

Come on, Mr. Belvedere.

Let's go home.

I'll make you some hot chocolate.

Yeah, I'll make you some roaster pudding. Any flavor you want.

Mr. Belvedere, are you okay?

I think I've taught everyone a valuable lesson.

We have French toast for Heather, a Denver omelette for Kevin, and for

blueberry pancakes with hot maple syrup.

Oh, boy!

You didn't have to go through all this trouble, Mr. Belvedere.

Neither did you.

Morning, gang.

Morning. Bye, honey. Gotta run, really run late.

Mr. Belvedere made everybody's favorite breakfast.

George hosts his honey buns.

To have you back again.

It's nice to be back.

And while I've got you all here, I'd like to apologize for my actions of the

past few days.

Yeah, you had us a little scared.

Actually, eccentric behavior is sort of a trademark of us English.

Oh, yeah?

Rigid class structure.

Everything and everyone in its place.

So from time to time, we buckle under the pressure of our ingrained formality

and go a little bonkers.

I think the falcons would be a good example.

And they thought we wouldn't fight for sheep.

Well,

it's been a long day.

It took me quite some time to put the house back in order after the children's

noble and touching effort in my...

Actually, it's amazing what havoc they wreaked in the space of 72

hours.

It was like having Rambo as the housekeeper.

It's nice to know you're still needed.