Original subtitles

What kind of cereal is this?

It's a new health cereal that Mr. Belvedere has bought and it's very good

you. It's full of fiber.

Tastes like an old tree.

That's because it is. Just eat it.

Hey, Mom and Dad's anniversary is coming up next Saturday. We ought to do

something. Yeah, it's the 19th. Really?

Well, you three children should be very proud of your parents. Very few

marriages last that long.

Especially when people like you are involved.

Wesley, what are those colorful little round objects floating in your cereal?

Oh, um, they're vitamins.

Vitamin M?

I've never heard of that.

That's a new kind.

They come in plain or peanut.

Mr. Belvedere. Good morning, Mrs. Owens. Ooh, isn't that nice?

Look, I didn't want to wake George, so would you just tell him I'll stop at the

bank on my way to school, that I may be home late, and I'm sorry I missed him

last night.

Bye, kids. Bye, Mom.

Hey, guys.

You too, Belvedere.

Morning, Mr. Owens. I'm late. Where's Marsha? She left.

However, I'm supposed to tell you that she'll be home late, she'll try and get

to the bank, and she's sorry that you missed out last night.

Or something like that. I gotta go.

I took the wrong keys. I got Marcia's keys. George!

Marcia. Oh, those are mine. Those are mine. Thank you. Thanks.

So, uh, what do you want to do for your anniversary?

Huh? I don't know.

It's no big deal.

Oh, it isn't?

Uh, what would you like to do?

I don't know. Something special, like a hockey game.

Or a play.

Nah.

Perhaps you two could compromise and go to the ice capades.

Hey, you know what would be real nice?

If you guys got married again.

Why? You know, renew your vows. I'd rather that it's a good way to put the

back in an otherwise stagnant marriage.

Yeah, you could do it at the bowling alley.

You get a crown, balloons, and free shoes.

Hey, why don't we do it right here?

Oh, I don't know.

That sounds crazy to me. I think it's a wonderful idea.

We could decorate the living room, and you could contact the minister of that

church you attend every now and then.

Very nice.

So you want it?

Sure, why not?

Anyway, I gotta go. Yep, me too.

When you dropkick the jacket, as you came through the door, no one's there.

But sometimes things get turned around and no one's there.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival, life is more.

Melvin here.

Yes, George?

My potatoes are lumpy.

Let me call Idaho.

Something the matter, George?

No, I don't like eating alone.

All right, I'll call the children and we can make them eat again.

Relax, sit down, we can talk.

Very well.

So what's new?

Oh, not a whole bunch.

How was work?

Fine. Fine.

How was your interview with Helmut Schmidt?

It's Mike Schmidt.

The baseball player?

Oh.

But he does wear a helmet.

Well,

that didn't take too long.

I guess I missed dinner, huh? I tried to hold it, but the children started

feeling tainted.

I had to eat alone.

I kept something warm for you. Thank you.

Incidentally, I spoke to your Reverend Hummel today.

He said he'd be very happy to perform the ceremony.

Are we still doing that?

Yes, George.

The Reverend wanted to know if you prefer the standard ceremony or would

like to prepare something special of your own?

So what do you want to do?

Well, I don't know.

I thought we could each write our own vows.

Lots of couples do that.

Well, why can't I just say what I did the last time?

Please don't pull the trigger.

something else.

Come on, Kevin. We need a band. People want to dance.

I get it. But these guys play at my school all the time, and they are really

good. Heather, we're not going to have somebody called the Maggots playing for

Mom and Dad's wedding.

Why not?

What do you think, Mr. Belvedere?

Call me old -fashioned, but I think you should consider the music that your

parents like.

I guess we could do that.

Yeah, we could make a tape from Dad's album.

He's got Perry Como, Andy William, Van Lern Young, Victor Moan.

The maggots, huh?

Regardless, the bulk of the musical program will be played by your brother.

I'm finished practicing.

Good. Yeah, you were right. It sounds a lot better when you play way out in the

woods.

Yes, for us, too.

Anyway, I can play Here Comes the Bride real good, and I can almost play...

Promise me, except it sort of sounds like a poker.

What about the decorations, Mr. Belvedere? We've got to do something

living room, make it look special.

Children, I am not responsible for the decorations. That's your problem.

We know.

I mean, you would love to think for yourselves.

Make your own decisions and then follow through.

Hey, we could paint everything black and orange and have a Halloween wedding.

I didn't mean you.

Hey, you know what would be real nice? If we dug up... my mom and dad's old

wedding pictures and stuck them around the living room. Yeah, maybe even get a

couple of the best ones and blow them up. Now, that's a good idea.

There's a whole box of stuff up in the bedroom we can go look through. Oh, boy!

Just remember, there's gonna be a surprise for mom and dad.

Hey, I'm cool.

Hi,

kids. Hey, mom, hi, dad.

No, hi, dad.

Hey, what are you guys up to?

Nothing, just going upstairs.

Yeah, you guys stay down there.

So how are you doing with your vows? Fine. How about you? Okay.

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

Okay. Here.

You are my grand slam.

Too sentimental?

It's not finished yet.

Maybe mine will spark something.

Whereas...

We acknowledge our mutual affection by publicly declaring same.

We enter into this marriage with mutual love and respect with perfect equity for

both partners.

Beautiful.

Kind of reminds me of our second mortgage.

Well, it is a contract we're entering into.

Who's going to perform the ceremony?

Judge Watner?

I thought it was coming along.

We're changing them now.

Hey, you find any wedding pictures yet? No, but I got a box full of Wesley.

That's because Mom says I'm photogenic.

The camera loves me.

So go kiss one.

Get back out there, will you? They're going to walk in.

All right, all right.

Well, there's nothing here to find anything?

Well, it's just a bunch of papers.

Can't believe there's not one picture of their wedding.

Hey, Kev, maybe they never got married.

Anyway, here's their marriage license.

How come they got married in Baltimore?

I don't know.

I reckon they did it in City Hall.

This is to certify that George Stephen Owens and Marsha Lee Cameron are

henceforth recognized as man and wife, duly noted in the Commonwealth of

Maryland this day, September 2nd, 1957.

Real romantic, huh?

Hey, that's not right. Mom and Dad were married in 66.

You know, it says right here, September 1967.

Well, how could they get married in September 1967?

I mean, I was born in December. That's only three months later.

That would mean... You know why there aren't any pictures?

Mom and Dad don't like making a big deal out of the anniversary.

They had to get married.

Dad. Can you believe it? Mom and Dad fooling around before they were married,

and now it's the 60s.

Look, let's just get this drunk put away, okay?

I wonder how Dad talked her into it.

I bet he got her drunk.

Or maybe she got him drunk.

Will you come on and help?

No wonder Mom watches over me like a hawk. She's afraid I'll turn out like

did. That's sex. feed.

Boy, I can't wait till mom gets on me about staying out later, going out. Hey,

you're not going to say anything to mom or anybody else.

Sorry. Hey, what's going on?

Nothing. Come on, we're finished.

Where's the picture? There aren't any.

Why not? Because there aren't. That's why not.

What's with him?

I don't know.

Hey, something's going on and you guys aren't telling me. I gotta go. I have

homework to do. Come on, Heather. You know I gotta know everything. If I

I get headaches.

Hey, Belvedere.

I wrote some new stuff for the ceremony.

Tell me what you think.

George, please. I just ate.

Come on, Belvedere. I need your opinion. I'm not good at this mushy stuff.

There was a young girl from Altoona...

potential. I meant this right here.

I, George, want you, Marsha, to be my wife on sunny days as well as rainy,

in good moods as in bad, in my waking and my sleeping for all the

days of my life.

That's quite nice, George.

Yeah. Now all I gotta do is tack on the usual stuff.

I'll love and honor her.

She'll love, honor, and obey me.

I'd bet on it.

Oh, sorry, Kev.

I guess your old man's got to learn to be more careful.

Better late than never.

So, Kevin, did you find some nice wedding pictures?

No.

Perhaps I can find some for you. Hey, I already told you there aren't any. Well,

Kevin, what's the matter?

Nothing. There just aren't any pictures, okay?

There must be some remembrance of the ceremony.

Yeah, you're looking at them. What?

They had to get married because of me.

I followed their marriage license. It's not their 19th anniversary.

It's their 18th.

Oh, dear. Do you know what that means?

I bought the wrong gift.

Come on, Mr. Belvedere. This is serious.

I'm sorry, Kevin.

Look, it happened a long time ago. There's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm

ashamed. I'm just sorry I made them get married.

Kevin. They probably didn't even like each other.

Well, they must have liked each other a little.

Kevin, I am a very good judge of character, and I know that your parents

each other very much.

Look, I don't want to talk about it, okay?

Hey, come on. What's the big deal?

Obey. I am your wife, George, not a collie.

Okay, okay.

We'll lose the obey.

How about love, honor, and fetch?

I'll be late.

Don't wait up.

What's the matter with her?

See?

I'm back.

Hey, what's that?

I've got a picture blown up for the party.

Oh, yeah?

Of what?

I thought we could stick it over the fireplace.

How about in the fireplace?

Yeah, it's still going to be at 2 o 'clock.

So I guess you're still coming, huh?

Hey, it's up to you, Reverend.

Hey, Kevin, let's go to the dining room. You can help me fold napkins.

No, thanks.

You're still upset, aren't you?

Oh, no, I'm thrilled.

Maybe I ought to take out an ad in the Yellow Pages, like under A for accident.

Hello, children.

Break's over.

Heather, let's get finished with our decoration.

And Wesley, I want you to put these pastries in the refrigerator.

Look, Mr. Belvedere. Oh.

I blew myself up.

Well, that's one way of doing it. Not stupid.

Kevin, I thought I asked you to rake the leaves and bring the trash cans in.

Figured I'd do it during the ceremony.

Kevin. Hi, guys.

Well, how's everything coming along?

As well as can be expected.

Anyone seen George?

Yes, he's upstairs. I believe he has locked himself in the bathroom.

It's a joke, Mrs. Owen.

You know, as in wedding night jitters?

Oh.

Guess she never had any.

The past few days he's been so hesitant.

Well, perhaps he's thinking about something, isn't he?

What's taking your parents so long? I don't know, but they're taking forever.

Yeah, I'm running out of songs to play and only know one.

Well, just remember what we rehearsed.

As soon as your parents appear on the landing, everyone will rise and you will

begin the wedding march.

I'll be ready.

Welcome to our home. Sit anywhere you want. I don't care.

Kevin, I'll take care of the hospitality.

You go upstairs and see what's happened to your parents.

Sure, I don't care.

I'm sorry, George, that's absolutely unacceptable.

All right, all right.

I just thought you'd like it if I said you were the power behind the throne.

I don't want to be behind it, George. I want to be on it.

Well, it's free now.

Yeah.

Mr. Belvedere sent me to see if you guys are ready.

Are you?

Oh, God, George, look what time it is. Come on. All right, all right. Just let

me get the old noose around the neck.

Hey, you don't have to do this.

What's the matter?

I just think it's stupid for you guys to get married again when you didn't even

want to do it the first time.

George, he knows.

Knows what?

Uh -oh.

a marriage certificate.

And I know when I was born, it doesn't take a genius to do the arithmetic.

Hey, maybe we lied about your birthday.

After you.

out of town?

Mind if we come in?

It's your room.

Couldn't think of any place else to go.

Look, Kev, I know we should have told you a long time ago. It's just when you

lie about something so long, you start to believe it yourself.

You mean like your golf course?

Yeah.

I think what your father's trying to say is that we both owe you an apology.

No, you don't. I owe you one.

Why? Because if it weren't for me, you guys wouldn't be married.

You'd have different lives.

Lives you wanted.

That's crazy.

I mean, Mom, you could have been a lawyer a long time ago. And you could

married someone who wouldn't mind staying home, listening to all your

stories. Kevin, that woman doesn't exist.

I could have had a different kid.

Like a straight -A student.

Or a football star.

Hey, I could have married an alligator and had a set of luggage, too.

We always wanted you.

Sure.

I remember the day I found out that you were on the way.

I got pretty scared.

I told your father.

He looked at me for a minute.

And then he walked right out the door.

He came back about an hour later, and he had this little cowboy suit for you,

you know, with a badge and a hat and these tiny little boots.

I knew you were going to be a boy.

The point is, we loved you from the moment we found out about you.

Nothing's ever changed that.

Yeah, but you guys don't even have anything in common.

I mean, all you've been doing lately is fight.

Well, that's because we've both been pretty busy.

We're both stubborn.

And a little stupid.

See, we do have things in common.

Forgive me for barging in, but things are getting ugly down there.

Oh? Are we still having the ceremony? People are curious.

I don't know. We're still having a little thing up here.

Yeah, but it's okay now. Good.

Because I'm kind of having a...

Big thing down there, and it's not okay.

I've got a minister who's late for a funeral.

A Mexican buffet that's starting to go south.

And if Wesley plays anymore, I will not be responsible for his safety.

We'll be ready in five minutes.

So will the nachos.

So move it.

We are gathered here today to share with George and Marsha, finally, their love

and joy as they reaffirm their vows of matrimony.

Gee, why is he not there with them?

Perhaps because he was up there the first time.

Now you, George, and you, Marsha, have freely given voice to your desire to be

united in marriage.

Now, please face each other and share with us the vows you have prepared for

this occasion.

What?

George. Yeah, okay.

I'll go.

The thing is, all week long, we've been kind of going at each other, trying to

think of what we were going to say up here.

I guess what it boils down to is, after 19 years of marriage, check that.

18.

There's not much more to say, except that I love you, Marsha.

I always have.

And if I had to do it over again, which I'm doing, I'd do it, which

I just did.

I love you, George.

Well,

it's about time somebody took one.

Despite last -minute delays, complications, and assorted confettons,

ceremony itself was quite touching, although my jalapeno dip moved more

to tears.

Anyway, I'm pleased to report that George and Marsha finally have a

record of their nuptials.

And Wesley, dear lad that he is, has gifted me with a small remembrance of

himself as well.

I'll never get to sleep.