Original subtitles

Good morning, George.

Yeah.

You're up awfully early.

Not now. I've got to finish this story.

I think someone left it until the last minute.

How do you spell urinalysis?

I think if I... Come on, I'm doing a story on ballplayers and drug testing.

I'm in a hurry.

Oh, perhaps you should use a shorter word.

They won't let me.

Well, I'm sure you'll get it done in time. You always do.

I've got to be in Ohio in an hour.

Oh, is that a warrant, huh?

I got an interview with Joe Namath.

Who? Who's he?

He's Joe Namath.

They're putting him in the Hall of Fame.

Really?

He's a football player.

Quarterback, New York Jets.

Come on, Broadway Joe.

Shaved his mustache, wore pantyhose.

You know him.

Well, I think I would if I saw him.

Another early riser.

Couldn't sleep.

What's the matter?

Too quiet.

Yes, I know how that disturbs you.

Pretty

awful,

huh?

Yes, frightening.

That's right. It's real weird out there. Oh, now, Wesley.

See? No bird.

No squirrel?

Nothing.

Well, it is early.

Hey, maybe something happened and you and Mira are the last two people left on

Earth.

Wendy, don't even joke about something like that.

Hey, Westman.

Hey, Dad. Finished your story? Yep, just under the wire.

Anyway, some kid from the paper is going to pick it up. Right, Dad.

I left it on the kitchen table.

It's kind of a mess.

Just make sure the pages are in order. No problem.

Hey, Dad, when I wait this long to do my homework, I get yelled at.

Oh, yeah.

Well, the thing is, it's different for grown -ups.

That's what Mr. Belvedere calls a double standard.

And tomorrow we'll talk about what Mr. Belvedere calls discretion.

on the china never met her before who cares when you cop kick your jacket

as you came through the door no one bled but sometimes things get turned around

and no one's fed all hands look out below

there's a change in the status quo gonna need all the help that we

can

According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

Oh, I almost forgot.

You...

What a charming subject.

A dangling participle.

A run -on sentence.

Oh, well, I suppose that's just George's style.

It couldn't be.

Because of the converging pressure systems, the National Weather Service

issued a tornado watch for the entire Allegheny County area.

More details as they become available.

We now return to our regular program, already in progress.

And besides, he's a straight -A student, and he likes me. He's really sweet. I'm

sure he is.

Come on, Tab, we're going.

It's just that it would be nice if your father and I could meet him first. Oh,

sure.

It's just he's a little shy around grown -ups. Couldn't he just wave from his

van?

He has a van?

Well, it's not a van van. I mean, it's got windows and there isn't a bar or

anything.

Heather, how old is this Randy?

Oh, he's around my age.

He's 15 and he has a van?

Okay, he's 18 but really immature.

No.

I don't care if he's Victor mature. I absolutely forbid it.

Hey, Kevin, who's Victor Mature?

Oh, I think he was somebody at Woodstock.

What's Woodstock?

What's Woodstock?

Come on, Wes, we're all going to the mall.

No, thanks.

And if I were you, I wouldn't go either.

What are you talking about?

I wouldn't do it.

Yeah, sure.

You mean a tornado like on one of your cartoons, honey?

Oh, I'm glad I caught you, Mrs. Owens. We're under a tornado alert.

Really?

Maybe it's our same cartoon.

Extensive property damage has been reported as twisters touched down in

Ohio and as far south in Pennsylvania as Newcastle. Hey, that's pretty close.

The hardest hit were several mobile home parks in the region. No other details

are available.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, how come tornadoes are always picking on trailers?

Basically, the tornado is a coward and knows that a real house will fight back.

Now eat your lunch.

Tuna fish and carrot sticks.

Yuck. Yeah, I mean, this could be our last meal.

That's ridiculous.

Well, can we have some of that marble cake?

No, I ate it.

Mother's a little uptight about your age.

And with the tornado coming, it makes it kind of hard to get out. But I'm

working on it.

Your father may be trying to call. Oh, I'm sorry. Gotta go. Bye.

I'm sure Mr. Owens will be fine, madam.

Is there any more news?

Yeah, a tornado just hit Newcastle.

That's not even 50 miles from here.

Wesley!

With any luck, he'll keep going.

Hey, Dad, we made it. Hey, champ.

Guess what I brought you from the Football Hall of Fame?

Football?

Maybe.

George, you're back.

Hey, sure I am.

Hi.

Yeah, Peg, George Owens.

Let me talk to Lenny.

You see my column today?

My big shot editor rewrote the whole thing.

George, we've had tornadoes all the way from Ohio to Newcastle.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

I wondered why I had a tailwind.

Lenny!

George!

How's it going, buddy?

You get a new pencil?

If there's any more news, I'll be in my room.

Yeah. Well, somebody did something.

Goodbye.

We were really very worried about you.

Oh, thanks, Lenny.

Lenny said he didn't change a word. He said my column came in like that.

He said he's never seen such beautiful grammar.

I wonder what happened.

Gee, for the life of me, I just can't figure it out.

Well, sir, perhaps I can shed some light on it.

Oh? However so.

Well, I simply followed your instructions.

I put things in order.

I meant the pages, not my thoughts.

Well, they were both in such disarray.

Like in the sentence, the talented Englishman went flying through the door

disarray.

Mom, one's coming.

What? A tornado. Yeah, one just landed in Franklin Park and totaled a record

store.

George, that's five miles from here.

Care to step outside?

and I assume you'd appreciate having some of your little errors in syntax and

grammar corrected.

Hey, you don't see me going around doing your job. Never.

Well, how about you keep your nose out of mine and stick to what you know?

Cleaning house.

Uh, guys, can we finish this after the tornado?

Oh, yeah.

Let's go, everybody, in the basement.

Uh, Mom, can I make a phone call? No.

Well, then can I start smoking? I'm really nervous.

something so the house doesn't explode?

I don't know. Are we? Yeah, sure.

First thing we do is, uh... Make the bed?

Come on, Galbadier. Turn off the gas.

I got it, Dad. Everybody else make sure the windows are closed tight.

Open them.

That will allow the atmosphere... Open them.

all standing here like this?

Mr. Belvedere said to stand in the southeast corner because it's the

How come he's sitting over there?

Because I'd rather die than look that silly.

Besides, the tornado hasn't arrived yet. You'll know when.

Yeah, so everyone just relax.

I mean, take it easy.

We're fine down here.

Your father's right. There's nothing to worry about.

Let's do the TV work.

Don't go too far.

How do you like Dad's bar?

Lovely. What time's the sacrifice?

Look at this.

See? Bar opens at five, and it's all fives.

All fives.

Neat.

Dad decorated this all by himself, didn't you, Dad?

Yep. All by myself.

imagine someone doing all this without seeking professional help.

Pretty clever.

You ought to write for a living.

Well, one of us should.

Although no new sightings have been reported, the warning remains in effect

throughout Allegheny County.

We now return to the soothing sounds of WUVV Pittsburgh.

Gosh, a tornado's never gonna come.

Yeah, where the hell is it?

No. Well, then I'm going to put on my Duran Duran tape.

Then I'm going back upstairs.

I'm still hungry.

Hungry? You've been eating ever since we got down here, you little wanker.

Hey, guys, come on.

I mean, I know it isn't much fun being cooped up down here, but let's try to

make the best of it, okay?

Okay.

I'm going to have some more potato chips.

There's some mine. You've had your ration.

We've got to have something.

Have a bouillon cube.

Oh, Mr.

Belvedere, you know, sit there and read like that.

Well, actually, I have something of an advantage over the rest of you.

I've been confined like this before.

Leavenworth?

No, London, during the Blitz. You mean you were there when they were dropping

all those bombs?

Actually, I had quite a few close calls.

But somehow I came through it unscathed.

Well, quite young.

We've been studying the Blitz in history.

Ah. Well, if you're really interested, nothing compares with the on -the -spot

report of Edward R. Murrow.

Now, there was a real journalist.

You rewrite him, too?

No, I was busy helping Churchill.

He wanted to say, we'll meet them at the seashore.

I suggested on the beaches.

The other way sounded too nice.

Wesley, go play a game with your father.

He's too good.

How about you, Belvedere?

Thank you, Matt.

Ever play poo?

Oh, maybe once or twice.

Oh, you're being modest.

I bet you're a real hot shot.

I bet you rewrote the book.

Oh.

Sir, you flatter me.

Want to play a game?

We'll play to 100.

All right. Now, are we playing just for fun or are there higher stakes?

Why don't we just wait and see who wins?

You got it.

Wow, he got three balls in. Only 97 to go.

Thick 10 -combo corner pocket.

Yeah, yeah, I see it.

Nice shot.

Hey, Kev, what's the score?

52 to 7, Mr. Belvedere's favorite.

Think he's gonna win?

If he lives.

But we live.

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

You know what that means?

If we go, I'm gonna go innocent.

I mean, it would be like Brooke Shields died in the first part of the Blue

Lagoon and missed that good part.

Come on.

What are you worried about, you nut?

Everything's gonna be okay.

You think so?

Sure. Thanks, Cav.

Please let me live.

That one just made it.

Oh, just.

Oh, don't worry, honey. You'll catch up. Not now, baby. Not now.

Seven balls, side pocket.

Oh.

Hard cheese, old chap.

I'm afraid I haven't left you much of a shot, Slick.

14 ball.

Same pocket.

What's the score now?

97 to 96, Mr. Belvedere.

Doing quite well, George.

I like calling the shots.

Don't we all?

Sometimes we can't.

Sometimes ain't good enough.

Sometimes is for losers.

What the hell are they talking about?

I don't know, but if Mr. Belvedere corrects Dad's grammar, it's all over.

If Belvedere wins, is Dad going to fire him? No, of course not, honey. What's

the difference? If Dad wins, Mr. Belvedere will probably quit or jump off

bridge or something.

Little kids, these are grown men just playing a game.

Damn!

Tough stuff, Cream Puffs.

Pick the ball, corner puck.

That's 99.

Hey, Belvedere.

You make the next shot.

You win.

And what exactly do I win, George?

I don't know.

A trip.

But I wouldn't worry.

Because I don't think you're going to make it anyway.

Well, we'll know now in a second, won't we?

Eight ball corner pocket.

I think it's coming.

Well, at least we've still got a roof over our heads.

I can't believe it.

All that wind and noise.

That house is still here.

But it's here till Pittsburgh.

Yeah, I'm gonna check outside for munchkins. Wesley, you stay right here.

Because there could be power lines down or looters or bodies lying in the

street. Thank you, Kevin.

Your father will check for that.

Let's get this place cleaned up.

Yeah, I'll see if the phone works.

Hey, Galvin here, why don't you start by putting the kitchen in order?

Put it in order?

Your way or mine?

That's it, Galvin here. Let's finish this. All right.

Look, I remember when this was my home.

And they were my family.

And this was my life.

And then one day you showed up and started sticking your nose in all of

And you know something?

I've come to accept it.

You have?

Sure. But when it comes to my job, that's where I draw the line.

I mean, that's the one thing I'd do without you.

Alone. I understand.

I may not be Edward R. Murrow, and what I put down on paper doesn't always come

out grammatical, but it comes from my gut, and it's mine.

Very well put.

Oh, yeah?

I mean that.

You guys friends now?

Sure, I guess so. Oh, certainly, Wesley.

So why don't you guys finish the game?

Well... I think we'll finish that at another time.

Yeah, and in another life.

Why don't you guys shake hands?

Well?

I'm willing if you're willing. Oh, happily, sir.

It's frightening what we have in common.

I had my first American tornado today.

It didn't really compare to the tsunami that hit us in Jakarta, but it was a

nice break nonetheless.

Fortunately, there was little damage done.

The Twister left Beaver Falls with its delightful provincialism still intact.

Speaking of provincialism, George is waiting.

He's challenged me to a game of skee -ball at the local arcade.

Little does he know that I was once known as the Brighton Bomber.

I have my own ball.