All language subtitles for The Ropers s02e20 The Rummage Sale

Stanley?

Stanley?

I was thinking of growing some roses
this year.

Stanley? We ought to see the American
beauties in here.

Forget it.

Listen, you're going to have to do
something very unpleasant.

Helen, my back.

Not that.

Look, Stanley, I've got some bad news
for you.

Oh?

It's your bird.

Oscar? Where is he? Did you let him out?
No!

Oscar! Oscar! I don't think he can hear
you.

Why?

I think he passed away during the night.

Oh, he's probably playing a trick on me.
He likes to do that. Not this time,

Stanley. I think poor little Oscar's
gone.

Oscar.

Oscar.

Come on, tell Popsie who's a pretty boy.

He never said that when he was alive.
He's certainly not going to say it now.

Shh. I hear him ticking, Helen.

That's your watch.

You're right. He's gone.

Who am I going to talk to? Who's going
to greet me when I come home?

I'll be here.

It's not the same.

I mean, he really liked me.

Oh, come on.

Stanley, it's not the end of the world.

Try telling Oscar that.

Well, anyway, you'll have your memories
of him.

Good memories, too. You remember that
time your sister Ethel came over and he

made a poopsie on her hat?

Remember that time he flew up your
dress?

I remember.

I'm going to have to find something to
bury him in.

Oh, there's a cereal box in the kitchen.

Cereal box?

Have you no respect?

Besides, I want to use the box tops to
enter a contest.

I've got to find something better.

How about your jewelry box? Oh, no, you
don't. What would I keep all my... Oh,

well.

I'll keep all my hairpins or something
else.

I'll dig a little hole in the garden.

Oh, why don't you go next door and
borrow a shovel?

Why don't you go?

Helen, I'm in mourning.

I'm not sure that I should donate this
dress to the rummage sale. Why?

Wasn't this the dress I was wearing when
you proposed to me?

You weren't wearing a dress when I
proposed to you.

Oh, yeah.

Why not?

Well, because... Because, uh, Mommy, uh,
Mommy was wearing flack. Oh.

Why don't you, uh, sit on the chair,
David, where Daddy can see you?

Mrs. Roper, come on in. Good morning.
Oh, good morning.

I was wondering if I could borrow a
shovel.

It's for Stanley.

I hoped you were returning the hedge
clippers Stanley borrowed last year.

Sure. I'll get the shovel.

Is Mr. Roper planning on doing some
gardening?

In a way.

He's planting his bird.

Oscar? What happened to him?

He died during the night.

Oh.

Oh. Oh, dear.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Brooks.

Yeah, I think it must have been his
heart. I found him this morning, legs in

air, stiff as a bone.

Oh, my God.

I thought perhaps just a simple burial.

Is there anything we can do?

Oh, no. We're just going to dig a little
hole at the end of the garden and drop

him in.

I hope the neighbor's cat doesn't dig
him up.

Mr. Roper?

No.

Oscar, our parakeet.

Oh, what a shame.

About your bird, I mean.

Helen, would you like some coffee?

Oh, well, if you're not too busy. Oh,
no, I was just sorting out some old

clothes for the rummage sale.

Remnant sale?

Yeah, to raise money for our church.

Do you have any old clothes?

You gotta be kidding.

Doesn't he

look

natural? Holding a flower?

Nice touch.

Well, you better get your funeral over
with because we're going to St.

Church. They're having a rummage sale.

Don't you have enough clothes already?

Very funny.

We have to find something to donate. I
volunteered our help.

Our help?

Don't give me any trouble, Stanley. This
is a chance to join St. Filbert's

congregation.

Why would we want to do that?

To meet the right people.

Ann says that they have very interesting
social activities.

Activities? Oh, I forgot. You wouldn't
know the meaning of that word.

Don't worry, Stanley. All you have to do
is find a few things to give to the

rummage sale.

Well, don't give them anything good.
Just give them some junk that we would

throw out anyway.

That describes everything we own.

I don't like the whole idea.

What have you got against the church?

Don't you remember?

That's where we got married.

Harper arrives.

He's coming here?

To pick up our donations.

Oh, good. Maybe I'll ask him to say a
few words over Oscar.

You will not.

Now, let me think.

What else do I have that I don't need
anymore?

All right.

The body's not even cold and you're
selling his house.

Oh, thank you. And another thing. Things
have gotten completely out of hand.

Everywhere you look, smut, smut, smut.

Smutty magazines and smutty newspapers.

Even the drugstores.

Smutty drugstores?

No, no, they're magazines. Especially
that new drugstore right down the

They practically thrust their filthy
magazines right under your nose.

Oh, really? I hadn't noticed.

Oh, well, they're on the top shelf
behind the auto magazines.

You have to stand on tiptoe to...

them from the shelves to keep them from
the eyes of the innocent.

But the way the law has tied our hands,
there's not much we can do about it. We

can! We can! We can stamp it out!

That's true. They haven't tied your feet
yet. That's right.

They... What about this old jacket?

Oh, old is right.

Just put it aside, Jenny, and I'll throw
it out with the garbage.

Yeah, good idea.

It's so nice of you to help out.

I don't mind. After all, it's for a good
cause.

Yeah.

Oh, you found my favorite jacket.

I was wondering where it was.

You giving away that dress?

Stanley, that dress is ten years old.

But you never wore it.

I know. It's a party dress.

It's so out of style. I just hope nobody
finds out who donated it.

Is that why you put your name on the
box?

Oh, yeah, Jenny did that.

Yeah, if you're going to give something
to charity, I think they'd like to know

where it's coming from.

Mrs. Rupert. Oh, yes, you must be
Reverend Harper. Mrs. Brooks said you

have something for us. Yes, well, a lot
of it's been around for years. It may

not be very useful. This is my husband.

So you're friends of Mr. and Mrs.
Brooks. No.

Mr. Brooks is a fine man. He's a leader
in the fight against moral decay. A man

who always tries to be closer to God.

I guess that's why he's always got his
nose up in the air.

Well,

I want to thank you for your generosity.

As I was telling Helen, nothing's too
good for the church.

Would you care for a cup of tea,
Reverend?

No, thank you. I can't stay. I have
several more stops to make.

But all the rich people in your
congregation, you must make out like a

Stanley.

No offense, Padre. Is this it?

Oh, you don't have to lift that.

Oh, well, I don't want to put you to any
bother. That's no bother, no bother.

Jenny, you want to give Helen a hand
with this stuff?

Well, that's very thoughtful of you.

No mention.

I'd like to ask you something. Well, I'm
a bit busy. It's a religious question.

Oh, certainly, my son.

Do birds go to heaven?

Birds? Yeah. Well, he'd be right at home
there.

He's got the wings and all.

I'm not certain there's a definitive
statement concerning birds in heaven.

Well, if he doesn't go to heaven, I'd
like him to have a nice burial anyway,

know, with flowers, somebody singing a
few words over him. Oh, that might

present something of a problem, Mr.
Moore. Don't worry about it. Listen,

time you bury somebody, just slip them
in.

Ready for what?

We're going to the running sale.

What for?

To help out.

Haven't you helped enough already,
giving away all our good stuff?

I only gave away stuff that we don't
need anymore, like, oh, the birdcage,

old gardening magazine, some old
clothes. Gardening magazine?

Yeah. Jenny found them in the storeroom.
There must have been dozens of them.

Wait a minute. The ones in the cardboard
box?

Yeah. Oh.

I think he mimes.

Why? They were just a bunch of old
gardening magazines.

Yeah, I had no idea you were saving
them. Why do you think I kept them in a

storeroom? That's what I'd like to know.
You never do any gardening.

They weren't all gardening magazines,
just the ones on top.

Oh, what was underneath?

Underneath were, uh, uh, art magazines.

They're going to find out.

Jenny put your name on the box,
remember?

Jeffrey, how much do you think I should
ask for these hedge clippers? I don't

know. Let me see.

I'd say $3 at least. Maybe a little
more. Wait a minute. These are mine.

Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. I
loaned them to Roper and he gives them

the rummage sale.

I tell you what. If they're yours, I'll
let you have them for $2.

Daddy, can I have this comic book?
David, you know I don't approve of your

reading comic books.

You read them.

Only if they're educational.

This is Sharkman.

Oh, Sharkman, let me see.

Oh, a giant clam swallows a submarine.

That's educational.

I'll tell you what, David, I'll let you
have them for a dollar. Can I have a

dollar? Sure.

Wait a minute, what have you done to
earn a dollar? I've helped you sell

comic books.

Well,

we're just about ready for business as
soon as old Mrs. Wilson finishes setting

up. Oh, garden and home, that's one of
my little hobbies. Oh, really?

You know, I do a bit of gardening
myself.

What

is

it?

There's nothing, there's nothing. I was
just amazed, amazed at the wonderful

turnout here today.

Hello, hello.

But there's nobody here yet.

practicing. Hello!

It's hard to believe they grow that
large.

What?

Sunflowers.

Sunflowers. Well, Reverend, I'll tell
you what I'll do. I'm going to set this

little copy aside for you right now.

Sure, go. No, no, no, no. David, go see
how old Mrs. Wilson is. Are there any

more? Oh, no, no, no, no.

See, I think it's time to open up the
front doors now. I wonder what happened

Helen. She was supposed to be helping
out. Probably ashamed to show her face.

Why? Never mind.

Hi, Mommy.

Hi, David. You having fun?

Daddy told me to go see how old Mrs.
Wilson is.

He says she's 72 if it's any of your
business.

She's 72.

He said, Stanley, smile. Don't let
anybody see that something's wrong.

Forget it. You can stop smiling.

And take off that horrible jacket and
straighten up your shoulders and don't

wander off.

Do you mind if I breathe?

Yes.

I want you to go find those magazines
and sneak them out before somebody sees

them. It's all Jenny's fault for
snooping around.

Oh, stop blaming Jenny. She feels bad
enough already.

Well, she ought to. You know how long it
took me to collect that, that, that,

that... That, that smut?

I don't know how you could buy such
trash.

It's cheap, cheap, cheap.

You sounded just like Oscar.

Oh, Mrs.

Roper, I was just browsing through your
magazines.

Oh, yes, it seems we share some of the
same interests.

We do?

You'd be surprised at some of the things
I've done behind the church.

Reverend Harper!

Well, it helps me to relax while I work
on my weekly sermon.

Uh, Harper, anything in particular
you're frantically searching for?

Just browsing.

Ah.

Hoping I can find a book. Oh, book!

Something interesting.

The history of strip mining in Brazil.

I'll wait for the movie.

You don't happen to have any gardening
magazines, do you?

Gardening magazines.

Gardening magazines. Oh, let me... Oh,
did the reverend buy them all? The

reverend? Or was it his wife?

Didn't you contribute some gardening
magazine?

Not me. Helen. Helen. But she didn't
know what my plans were for the spring.

want to plant a lot of lilacs and roses.

Could these be ordered?

I'll take the whole box. All right, wait
a minute. Now, how much are you willing

to offer?

50 cents.

50 cents each? Well, that's very
generous.

No, 50 cents for the whole box. Oh, come
on, Roper. They're worth a lot more

than that. I'd say, oh, $35.

But I donated them. Oh, yes, and a most
generous act of charity it was. You,

only you, know the real worth of this
box.

Oh, golly, let's take a look. No, no,
no, no.

It does go to charity, doesn't it?

Well, I think you'll get a lot of wear
out of it.

Thank you.

Oh, hi, Helen. Oh, hi, Ann.

Oh, hey.

What a nice jacket.

I'll let you have it for $5.

Mommy, how much is it, that bird?

Well, now, that fits much better. What
do you think?

I feel like a popsicle.

What'd you do with my old jacket?

Oh, that came in real handy. I needed
something to wrap up the garbage.

Oh,

speaking of garbage, Stanley, I want you
to get rid of those filthy magazines.

After all the trouble I went through to
get this back?

I will not have that trash in my house.

Helen, there's nothing wrong with
looking at the human body.

Then how come you never want to look at
mine?

I've seen it.

These are all gardening magazines.

Take that, Sharkman. Shouts and hits the
oil pirate in the snorkel. And the

pirate looks at him and says, Gurgle.

Gurgle.

Gurgle.

And sinks to the bottom of the sea.

How do you like that, David?

David? David!

that my jacket? Huh? That's my jacket!

Should have known.

Helen got this at the church sale.
Rupert, I've had that jacket since prep

school. I'd like to buy it back.

I don't know.

I got attached to it.

How much?

Well, if it means that much to you. How
much?

I'll make a deal with you.

You know those magazines that I bought
from you?

Yes. Well, underneath them were other
magazines. What about them?

You tell me where they are, what you did
with them, I'll give you this jacket.

All right. All right? All right, it's a
deal.

Okay, what'd you do with it? I threw
them in the incinerator.

Give me my jacket back! Give me my
jacket back!

What's going on in here?

He burned the magazines.

Isn't that a shame?

What are you doing with Stanley's
jacket? A deal's a deal, Mrs. Roper.

happened to the sleeves?

Didn't I mention that? Roper?

A deal's a deal, Brooks.

Don't worry, Mr.

Brooks. Ann can lengthen them for you.
Oh, good.

Jeffrey, what were these magazines doing
on your dresser?

What's what's what?

What, girly girl?

Nudes? Broad?

Well, those. Those. I was just saving
those to burn them in the fireplace.

We don't have a fireplace.

Well, we don't have one now, but we're
going to have one very, very soon.

And picture, if you will, a fireplace
over here.

Somewhere over here, a big flue. And we
could all roast weenies and

marshmallows. Just right down here.
We'll all gather around. Oh, my God.

My God.

I hate you.

Stanley.

No, I wouldn't. I found it in the whole
closet. I was going to get rid of it.

When?

As soon as I finished the crossword
puzzle.

Oh, Jenny, there you are.

We expected you at the rummage sale.
Where were you? I was looking for

something. Probably found it, too, if I
know you.

I hope you like it.

Stanley says thank you.

Oh, I'm so happy.

A new little bird. A brand new bird
cage. And all these crossword

puzzles.

The Ropers was videotaped in front of a
studio audience.