Original subtitles

How's it coming?

Pretty good.

Except we'll have to finish it later. I gotta get to school.

Oh, hey, wait a minute, Jenny. Can I see?

Oh, hey, I look good.

Thanks.

Can I get you anything from the store when I get back?

Oh, no, thanks, Jenny. I'm waiting for Stanley.

Oh, okay.

I spent half my life waiting for Stanley and the other half wondering why.

You want to see our favorite model? Yeah.

Oh, hey.

He's, uh... He's, uh... Nude?

Yeah.

All the girls in the class are crazy about him. Oh, isn't it funny how young

girls are so easily impressed with a man's build?

Yeah.

Just refreshing my memory.

You sure I can't do the shopping for you?

Oh, well, why not? You'll certainly do it better than Stanley.

Oh, great.

You know, Jenny, if you weren't living with us, you know what we'd be having

dinner tonight?

Stanley's favorite, liver and hotcakes.

Why don't you get us three nice steaks, okay?

Mrs. Roper, I hope you're not going to any trouble just for me.

I'm really not that sussy.

You mean you wouldn't mind having liver and hotcakes?

Porterhouse, okay?

Oh, Stanley, there you are. You know what Janie's been doing?

Looking for somewhere else to live?

She's been drawing my picture, showing Janie.

What do you think?

Very nice.

Very nice.

You left out a few wrinkles.

It's, uh, too bad about your liver.

Why'd you give her money?

For groceries.

Are you crazy? A girl like that? I mean, what's to prevent her from keeping her

money and running off?

Where to? The Riviera?

Don't say I didn't warn you. How could I forget? You've been warning me every

two minutes ever since we invited her to move in here.

We didn't invite her to move in here. She broke in here, remember?

At first, and then we invited her to stay.

You invited her to stay, and now she's running off with your money. Oh,

Oh, hey, is your car running?

Why, you want me to go after her?

No, I want you to drive me to my sister Ethel's.

The car's not running.

Stanley? I hate to go to your sister's. Why?

One, she's a stuck -up snob.

Two, she makes me park a block away.

But my mother's staying with her.

I want you to see her, but my battery, my plugs, and my fuel pump all aren't

working. Well, I'll just have to ask Mama to come and stay with us.

I didn't say I couldn't get the car started.

Here we are, Mother.

may be, but I married to Hubert.

Yes.

Oh, this is a nice magazine.

Yes, isn't it? We like to keep up with the newest thing in antique.

Well, I don't know why Stanley's too cheap to buy anything.

Oh, did you see this? A China horse went for $20 ,000.

Oh, it's Ming.

Their collector's item.

Yes, I know. Your father had one.

Really? Now, I want you to try one of... What? He brought it back from the

Orient years ago.

Father did?

Yes. He told me he won it playing fan tan on a sand pan in Tucson.

Are you sure it was the same as this? Or was it playing sand pan on a fan tan?

Who cares?

Now, was it the same as this horse?

Oh, yes.

Don't you remember?

It used to sit on top of the radio.

We had some lovely plaster ducks. Never mind the plaster ducks.

What happened to the horsey, Mama?

Well, let me think.

After your father died, we gave it to... No.

I think Ethel has it.

I'm Ethel.

$20 ,000.

Shouldn't someone tell her? No.

Yeah.

I'll get on it right away.

Helen?

Helen, where are you, Helen?

I'm in the bedroom.

Come on up.

It's no use. I can't get it started.

fix it. She got it started the last time.

That was an accident.

Your car is an accident.

Hello, Ethel, this is Helen.

I mean, hello, Helen, this is Ethel.

I just wanted to let you know how much Mother is enjoying her visit.

Oh, well, she can tell me herself. I'm coming over to see her.

Oh, uh, well, she'd love to see you when she's feeling better.

What's the matter? with her.

She's in bed with the flu.

And I just thought while she was resting, maybe I'd drop by and see you.

What for?

No special reason. Just to have a nice little chat.

I'll see you shortly, darling.

Darling?

Yeah.

is a disgrace.

What's it doing now?

What it's always doing, lowering our property values.

Sitting out front with its hood up. I could swear it belched at me.

Well, now that I caught you in a good mood.

What? Oh, I'm sorry.

What's on your mind, honey?

Well, since David's spending the night at Tommy's house, I thought this would

a good time to... Oh, so do I.

I'll just slip out of these old clothes and mix us a couple of drinks. Let me

finish, Jeffrey.

I want to tell you about my surprise.

You little devil, you.

What is it?

White mice.

White mice?

Is that a new game?

No, no, a real mouse.

You see, Dave's been pestering me for weeks to get him one. Oh, Annie.

You can't be serious.

I know you.

The little rodent running around loose. Why, you'd be a nervous wreck.

Jeffrey, it's something David wants. And we promised him if he worked hard at

school, we'd get him something nice. A pocket calculator is nice.

But you can't feed it or take care of it or watch it grow.

Watch it grow?

His friend Tommy has white mice. His friend Tommy doesn't live at Royal Dale

townhouses. Anne, can you imagine what would happen if some hysterical woman

neighbor saw a mouse?

But, Jeffrey... Anne, I'm sorry. A mouse for David is out of the question.

Too late.

A saucer of milk?

What? Oh, no, thank you. I just dropped by to talk to you about Daddy.

Daddy?

Our Daddy?

Now, I know that you think I'm overly sentimental about him. You called him a

drunken fool.

I was joking with him. It was at his funeral.

I was trying to hide my grief.

Anyway... I just suddenly realized I do not have one single thing to remember

him by.

Well, what sort of thing?

Oh, you know, a souvenir.

A lock of hair, a faded photograph, a china horse.

Oh, I may be able to help you there.

Oh, well, really, Helen, I wasn't hinting or anything. Here we are.

A nice photograph.

No!

I couldn't.

possibly take this. Oh, no, it's far too precious. Don't you have anything else?

Well... Remember that battered old thing that used to sit on top of the radio?

Our cat?

No, a China thing. A horse, I believe. I think it passed into your clutches. A

hand.

Oh, yeah. It's in with our job.

I don't see it.

In the storage room or maybe in the garage. I could get Stanley to dig it

for you. When?

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Unless there's some special reason you want to have it right away.

Oh, no, no, no. Tomorrow will be fine. Just fine.

Did you find a horse?

Found something better.

out in the trash.

They refused to take it.

Focus on growing.

Sounds as good as ever.

Did somebody step on the dog?

No, that was my husband, the boogie -woogie bugle boy from Forest Lawn.

What would you like to hear?

Never mind that. Did you find a horse for Ethel? Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's nice.

He's a junk.

Looks like a Ming.

No, it's a horse.

No, I mean it's from the Ming dynasty.

We're studying about them at art school.

I bet that's what that is. You know, Daddy used to bring home lots of things.

Yeah, but they all came in bottles.

I'm not saying that this is real Ming.

If it was, would it be worth anything?

If it's Ming, a lot of money.

Really?

enough to keep you in chop suey for life.

Stanley, it's real, Ming.

It's worth a lot of money.

Why, just because of what Jenny said?

You need more proof than that. I got more proof than that.

Ethel wants it.

Yeah,

well, it's about 13 inches high.

and it's kind of blue, and it has a saddle.

Well, my wife was wondering, you know, if it was worth something.

What's that?

How much?

$20 ,000?

Surprised? No, I'm not surprised. I told my wife it was worth something.

You're the luckiest woman in the world.

You know, to have a guy like me around.

You can't be serious.

No, I just talked to the museum. You know what that horse is worth?

$20 ,000.

$20 ,000?

That's right.

I might have known there was big money involved.

There were beads of sweat on Ethel's knees.

You've got to find a safe place to put that mean thing.

You're right.

Where did you put it?

Where did I put it? Where did you put it?

I put it right on that table there.

I never touched it.

Well, where could it be? I mean, it couldn't have gone galloping off all by

itself.

It's not in here.

There's something else missing, too, Helen.

Something else? Think, Helen, think.

That girl.

Jenny?

No. I warned you, Helen. I warned you. You took a viper to your bosom, and she

kicked you right in the teeth.

You talk like you've been kicked in the head. Never mind.

Never mind. I'm going to call the police. No, no, no, no. Stanley,

Give her the benefit of the doubt, okay?

All right, while we're doubting, she's benefiting to the tune of $20 ,000.

Stanley, I just don't believe that that sweet little kid could do it. Why?

Because she's a girl and she looked at you with big brown eyes? No, I just...

What if it was a man? What if it was a very tough guy with a gun?

Then would you have invited him to stay with us?

Of course not.

So much for your equal rights.

What? I warned you she was no good, and so did Brooks.

And he's a very level -headed guy.

Is my big, strong man afraid of a teensy little mouse?

Even elephants are afraid of mice.

Besides, I'm not afraid of them. I just don't like them, that's all.

Even as a child, I liked Donald and Pluto and Goofy, but never Mickey.

You must have been a riot at the movies, standing up on your seat every time

they showed a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

I never did that.

I went to the toilet.

Well, never mind.

You'll get used to the cute little guy.

It's too late, Ann. He's gone.

What?

Oh, Jeffrey.

I'm sorry, Ann. I was just trying to make friends with the little chap.

What did you do to him? Nothing. He escaped.

How? I don't... He must have picked a lock or something.

To the roper's backyard.

He jumped over that high fence? Not exactly. I happened to be holding its

over the fence to show it to the roper's backyard when all of a sudden, Anne,

the door fell open and brave little Mr. Mouse seized the opportunity and...

Into the roper's yard?

I said he was brave. I didn't say he was bright.

What? Like that.

What, please?

I want to report a theft.

Stanley, please. It's got to be done, Helen.

Somebody stole my horse.

It's about 13 inches high.

No, I'm not a midget.

It's the kind of horse that sits on top of a radio.

Will you stop laughing?

Oh, nuts.

Oh,

never mind, officer. My horse just came in.

Did you or did you not take our horse?

Yeah, I took it. Aha!

I took it to show my ceramics teacher to get an expert opinion.

Aha!

Was that okay?

Oh, of course it was, honey. What did he say about it? Plenty.

It's a very good imitation.

What?

Imitation? Yeah, they were turning them out for the thousands after the war.

You mean it isn't worth anything?

Well, you could get something for it. How much?

$25. $25?

Oh, poor daddy. Poor... Practically worthless.

I can hardly wait for Ethel to find out.

Here comes Ethel. Now remember, Stanley, don't be too nice to her.

She might get suspicious.

You wouldn't rather have a photograph of Daddy?

I'm sure.

Well, then, all we have to settle on is the price.

The price.

You know, it's funny.

Helen told me that you're interested in a horse for sentimental reasons.

And she suddenly has become very sentimental about it, too.

Yeah, I'm not sure I can part with it.

How much?

If you're suggesting that it's a matter of money, $50.

Ethel, please, the price is not important.

All right, 100.

Of course, it's not unimportant either.

200. And that is my final offer.

250?

Well, that sounds like a fair price.

Helen, are you crazy? $25?

Stanley, you don't think that I would cheat my very own sister any more than

would cheat me.

Would you, Ethel, darling?

Of course not, darling.

Here's your $25.

Well, you drive a hard bargain, Helen.

Well, it's probably not even worth that much.

I know. But who cares about money when it's something that will remind me of

poor Daddy?

Well, I've got to rush.

Yeah, well, give my love to Mama.

Uh -huh. Hi.

Oh, oh, Jenny, I didn't know you were home.

I was out back.

Oh, oh, Jenny, I want you to meet my sister, Ethel.

Ethel, this is Jenny.

Oh, yes, the young lady who broke into your house.

She didn't break in. She, she, she... Climbed in.

Yes. Pleased to meet you, Ethel. Sorry, I can't shake your hand.

Oh? Why, what have you got there?

Nothing. Nothing.

She could have been rummaging in the storeroom.

Ethel! Oh, come on, Helen. You are far too gullible.

Now, what have you got there?

Just a mouse.

A little mouse who's not afraid of a great big cat.

Hi!

We're home.

Oh, past seven o 'clock.

I didn't think you could stand your mother that long.

Oh, Stanley, I had the most wonderful visit.

Mama has to go home tomorrow.

Well, what nasty things did she say about me this time?

Oh, she likes you. She had nothing but nice things to say about you.

Nice things? About me?

Yes. She took me aside and said that, of all her daughter's husbands, you were

the best.

And that your wife was lucky to have a man like you.

You hear that, Helen?

Your mother finally appreciates my true worth.

There's only one thing I didn't understand, though. What's that?

Why she kept calling you Hubert.

The Ropers was videotaped in front of a studio audience.

Thank you.