Original subtitles

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Hurry up, Jeffrey. We're going to be late.

All right, all right. I'm ready.

Oh, you smell terrific.

Thank you.

You better say goodnight to David. Goodnight, David.

Do we really have to go out?

Oh, Jeffrey, you've been working night and day for weeks.

It's time you had a little fun.

That's what I mean. Do we really have to go out?

Helen Roper will be here any minute to babysit. Mm -hmm.

And I missed this play the first time around. Mm -hmm.

I'd sure hate to miss the revival, too. Mm -hmm.

Especially since you paid $25 for the tickets. You're right.

It'll be good for you to forget about work for one night. How can I forget

work? Do you realize I've sold only one house all this month?

That's wonderful.

Last month, you didn't sell any. You're not helping.

Jeffrey, I just mean there's no reason for you to worry.

You're the best real estate man in town.

That's sweet of you. And that's not just my opinion. Everyone knows it. Really?

Who told you that? You did.

Come on, Jeffrey. This play will cheer you up. You're right.

You are absolutely right. A little fun, away from all my problems, just forget

all about business.

Okay, what play are we going to see? Death of a Salesman.

I'll get the tickets.

Oh, hi.

I hope I'm not late. We just finished dinner and I didn't want to leave a mess

in the kitchen.

So you brought them with you.

At least during the commercials.

Hi, Stanley.

Hi, Helen. Oh, hi, Ann. Thanks for coming. Oh, not at all. Where's David?

he's in his room. And if he comes down and says there's a creepy creature under

his bed, don't believe him. I know.

It'll be in here watching the TV.

Come on, Ann. We're going to be late.

Have a good time. Don't worry about a thing.

Why'd you turn it off?

Because I think we ought to just sit and talk to each other for a change.

Talk? About what?

There, you see?

You watch so much TV, you can't even think of something to talk about.

It's not true. I can think of lots of things to talk about. Like what?

Like, uh... Like,

I wonder if there's anything good on TV tonight.

happened to the creepy creature?

The bear ate him.

Ah, well, if the bear has already had his dinner, then you don't have anything

to worry about, do you?

Now he's thirsty.

Ah, well, maybe we ought to get him a glass of milk. And a cookie?

And a cookie.

Will you tell me a story?

I don't know any stories.

How about the Wicked Witch?

Well, she might know some. She'll be out in a minute.

No, I'm not good at making up stories.

That's not what my daddy said.

What? Please.

Okay, let's see.

Stories.

Ooh, ooh. There was this sock, see?

And he came from Chicago.

And his name was Sam Sock. Sam Sock? Right, right.

And he was a very happy sock. Until he got married.

And his wife's name was Pam Sock.

And Pam Sock said to Sam Sock, Sam, do you know you got a hole in your toe?

Are you going to mend it?

And Sam said, I'll be darned if I do.

You see, that's the whole idea. You mend it, and darned. It's the jokers.

Okay, now.

Off you go.

And don't get crumbs in your bed.

Thank you.

Good night, Mr. Roper.

Good night. Good night, Pam.

Good night, Sam.

Good night. Good night.

It's our private joke.

Oh, Stanley.

Wouldn't it be nice if we had one of our own?

Sure would.

Do you mean it?

Yeah, we'll just have to wait a while.

Wait?

How much longer can we wait?

Well, just till the end of the year. Maybe we'll get a Japanese one.

What?

See, right after Christmas, all the TVs are on sale.

Oh.

Well, I hope David wasn't too much trouble last night. Oh, no, no. He was

darling. As a matter of fact, he reminded me of what Stanley and I had

missing all these years.

I mean... One of the things.

You know, it's a shame you and Stanley never... Oh, we do sometimes.

Oh, had children, I mean. Oh.

You know, sometimes doctors can help. Oh, yeah, and sometimes they can't. You

know, Ann, there was this doctor. He sat Stanley down. He told him not to be

discouraged. He said he shouldn't expect to hit a home run every time he goes up

to bat.

What did Stanley say?

He said he didn't like baseball.

Did you ever think of adopting? I mean, when you were young?

Younger?

Oh, no, I think I thought it would be too complicated.

Oh, it's really not. You just have to prove to them that you'd be a good

Really? Hey, do you think there's a chance that we could adopt? I mean, now?

Now? Well, I guess there are agencies who are very, very, uh... Desperate?

Ah, forget about it.

Anyway, I'd never be able to talk Stanley into it.

You know, when I want to get Jeffrey to agree to something, I just turn on the

old charm.

Yeah, but Jeffrey's still alive.

Now, I'll have to think of some other way.

Stanley? Over here, Helen.

Would you like some more wine?

I don't know. Is my glass empty?

You've hardly touched it.

I don't drink when I can't see.

I thought you'd enjoy the candlelight.

Oh, I do, I do.

I'll enjoy it even more with the lights on.

You know, I really like sitting for little David.

Yeah, he's cute.

You know, you really have a way with kids. He just loved your little bedtime

story. Well, David's a smart boy.

And he kissed me goodnight?

Even so.

Hey, why did you tell me we're eating meatloaf? It's my favorite.

And I've got your...

Tapioca pudding with whipped cream.

Yeah?

Come on, Helen, what are you after?

Nothing.

Oh, give me that. I know you're nothings. You don't give me my very

meal, apply me with wine for nothing.

I know what you're after.

It isn't that.

What is it?

Well, you know how I've always wanted to have a child.

I thought you said it wasn't that. No, it isn't. It isn't. I don't mean that. I

mean... See, Stanley, I thought maybe we could adopt one.

Stop. Are you crazy?

Oh, no, no. I've been thinking about it. Look, look, look. When a person gets to

be a certain age and the joints start to creak a little and the brain just isn't

as sharp as it used to be, that is not the time for that person to take on more

responsibilities. Stanley, I promise you it won't be any extra work for you.

Not me. I'm talking about you.

Oh, I just can't understand it, Ann. I thought Stanley would do anything for a

second helping of tapioca pudding.

Anything? With whipped cream on it.

You know, in a way, I can understand how Stanley feels.

You can?

Yes. Jeffrey behaved the same way before we had David.

Then I don't see how you had David.

No, I mean, Jeffrey was afraid that if we had a child, I'd never have any time

for him. And he was right.

You know, at first, David took all my time and attention.

And you think that Stanley is afraid? That's right.

Stanley probably feels that with a child to take care of, you'll never have any

time for him. He'll be left all alone.

Hell, yeah, I was thinking about last night. No, forget it, Stanley. Just

it. No, no. If you really and truly want her without the child, who am I to

stand in your way?

What did you say?

If that's what you want, you got it.

Oh, Stanley!

Just want to make you happy, that's all.

But what about you? I mean, you're not used to children.

Well, it doesn't matter.

Anyway, you said I had a way with kids.

Oh, you do.

David lives next door. Wait just a minute.

Watch this, Helen.

What do you want David for?

Won't I do?

You.

And

I

would like to call on you on Saturday the 5th to discuss...

That's today.

I know, I know. To discuss the matter of adoption.

Yours sincerely, Hortense Bell.

Oh, Ann, honestly, I'm just worried sick.

Oh. Wait, if there's anything I can do... No, no, I wouldn't ask you. No,

done too much already.

I mean, telling us who to contact and filling out all those forms. I wouldn't

dream of asking you for another thing.

Okay.

Except... Would you mind if we gave your names as references?

Oh, of course not. You go right ahead. I already did.

No, no, no, no. Don't, don't, don't flash, David.

I'm not David.

Who?

Debbie. Debbie Hopper. Oh, uh, uh, Brooks.

Mr. Brooks. I know.

We met before I moved in.

We did?

Of course I didn't look like this.

Of course.

I wore my hair different.

Really?

Do you like blue?

Blue are very nice.

I mean, I mean... I love California. I love my wife.

So you haven't...

You haven't always lived here.

No. My father was in the army, so I kind of grew up all over.

I can see that.

I can see that you've been around.

I trust you'll enjoy living here.

Oh, I hope so.

I moved in a week ago, and I haven't slept in my own bed yet.

Very slippery.

Look what we're doing.

Mr. Brooks.

Oh, Reverend Munson. Reverend Munson.

Reverend. Oh, Reverend.

What a surprise.

Oh,

Reverend. Reverend. Reverend Munson. I hope I'm not interrupting anything. No,

no. This is business. This is strictly business. So, um...

If you have any more problems with your flying, you let me know.

I wanted to talk to you about that townhouse for my son. Oh, right, right.

as I was telling you, Reverend, the Royal Dale is everything your son would

need.

He's a married man.

Me too.

I want to be sure that this is a suitable environment for John and his

it is, it is. Your John and his lovely wife would feel right at home in these

genteel surroundings.

Oh, it's quite all right.

But it hurt like hell.

You just told your son that... Listen, you know something? Ever since Helen

decided that we should have a child, I haven't had a minute's rest.

Pardon?

Actually, it wouldn't have been so bad if we knew what we were doing.

But lucky for us, your wife showed us how to do it.

We couldn't have done it without her.

You know, she said if we had any... Robbins, you'd be glad to help, too.

Well, uh, uh, uh, Reverend, uh, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe we could park

somewhere else. Mr. Brooks, there's nothing more to talk about. Reverend,

Reverend, what?

Assassin.

You're a strange man.

Geronimo!

Want to see my motorboat?

Ropers would make suitable parents for an adopted child. Oh, certainly.

Mrs. Roper is a warm and loving person.

And Mr. Roper?

Well, he's... Would you like some coffee?

Yeah, thank you.

Now, would you say Royaldale is a suitable place for a child to live?

Oh, well, I hope so.

My child lives here.

This place is going to the dogs.

Jeffrey, this is Mrs. Bell. She wants to know if Royaldale is suitable for the

Roper's child.

They don't have a child. That's why I'm here. To help them.

You too?

Coming!

Coming home!

I forgot my key.

So? So get rid of that robe!

Not now!

And remember, if she asks any questions, let me answer them, all right? Whatever

you say, sweetheart.

Mrs. Roper?

Mrs. Bell, do come in.

I'd like you to meet my husband, Mr.

Roper. How are you, Mr. Roper?

I'd rather not say.

Won't you sit down, Mrs. Bell? Thank you.

Would you like a cup of coffee? Oh, no, thank you.

Well, this shouldn't take long.

Good.

Oh, he thinks it's good that you're so efficient.

Well, we do have a very careful selection procedure.

Good, because I just wouldn't want to wind up with just anything.

We select the parents, Mr. Roper, not the children.

Which brings us to your application.

I hope I don't get any bad marks from my handwriting.

Now, I see here you have your age listed as 39.

39?

Something wrong with that?

Not at all. I'm 39, too.

What difference does age make anyway?

Well, we do prefer youthful parents.

But they wouldn't have our experience.

Or our dignity.

Of course, sometimes we overlook the applicant's age. If the spouse is

and vigorous, that could satisfy our requirements.

Yeah, mine too.

Those are very rare cases, and our main concern has to be for the welfare of the

children. We like to see them grow up with the parents.

Well, we could do that.

Yeah, she has a lot of growing up to do.

I really admire you both for wanting to take on such a responsibility.

What you're really saying is we don't have a chance, right?

Well, I don't make the final decision.

Do we have a chance?

Not a prayer.

You see, there are so many people waiting in line to adopt, so many

couples.

I'm sorry.

Well, if you've no more questions, I do have another appointment.

Oh, right.

You did give it a try.

I hope you understand.

Don't say a word.

I was just... Please, Stanley.

I think I'll go up and change and maybe take a walk around the park.

See you later.

Okay?

Helen?

Helen?

Stanley?

You all right, Helen?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm okay. I'm just a little disappointed, that's all.

You know, I was thinking about all that love and affection that you have to

give. So?

Well, I think that I don't let you give it.

Oh, Stim!

He wants it in the kitchen.

Ta -da!

It's for you, Helen.

Sometimes you can be so thoughtful.

That's true.

She's so soft and cuddly.

Is she really mine?

All yours.

Oh, Stanley.

I'm just going to love her and take care of her.

Oh,

I'm just going to take such good care of her. Good, good. Because she made a

little poopsie on a kitchen floor.

And guess what? What? I finally sold the house to Reverend Munson. Oh, Jeffrey,

that's wonderful.

Oh, and you thought you didn't have a prayer.

Well, what happened? Prayer?

Minister? That's very good.

Well, I was worried. You know how ministers are. They see a man in a

beautiful... Well, not beautiful, really.

Average, plain girl.

Girl? Well, you know, the stewardess, Debbie Bikini.

I mean, Debbie Hopper. In a bikini? Well, it was so small, I hardly noticed.

What? I mean, she was so close, I couldn't see because I had my hands

I was holding her. I was helping her.

I would stop me at any time.

We were in the hot tub. She fell into my arms, and you're not stopping me.

Don't stop.