Original subtitles

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Donna, you shouldn't be eating now. You spoil your appetite for lunch.

It's already spoiled. I saw what you were cooking.

I'm not.

Oh.

Why, Mrs.

Roper invite you to lunch, too?

We need to have a man -to -man talk.

And you thought Mr.

Roper might know someone.

He means with me, Helen.

Now, why don't you go finish making lunch?

All right.

But don't make it too complicated for him. I won't.

I was talking to David.

Well, what's the problem? I'm going to lose all my friends.

Why? Because my father wants to send me to private school.

Oh, that's bad. You know, kids that go to private schools turn into stuffed

shirts. What's a stuffed shirt?

Ask your mother. She's got one.

Can I have some of your beer?

I don't think so, David. Beer's a man's drink. We're having a man -to -man talk,

aren't we?

I guess a little sip wouldn't hurt.

Hey. You're not driving, are you?

That's good.

Yeah, see, the beer will help kill the taste of the fish that I'm having for

lunch. I hate fish.

When my mom makes fish, I tell her I have a tummy ache, so I won't have to

it. Oh, really?

Helen!

Better skip lunch. I got a tummy ache.

Get in here, Stanley.

It doesn't work for me either.

Ann? Ann?

I am so excited.

Oh, Jeffrey.

It's only one o 'clock.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

That's not what I'm excited about. Wait until you hear.

I'm waiting. What if it's... Well, I... I... I...

I just spoke to Mrs. Holly... Holly, Holly, Holly, Holly, Holly.

Hollingsworth of the Pringle Academy, and she's agreed to come over and

interview us tomorrow.

Oh, Jeffrey, I'm not sure I want David to go to a private school. Ann, Ann, it

is very important that we get David into the proper environment.

Yeah, I've just been over at the Roper's. And the sooner, the better.

Mr. Roper says people who go to a private school become stuffed shirts.

that's ridiculous. I went to private school.

Can we have a man -to -man talk?

Why, sure, son.

Good.

Mom, could you get us a couple of beers, please?

Actually, I prefer a glass of white.

What did you say? Mr. Walter gave me some and we had our man -to -man talk.

Did you hear that?

Beer. He gave our son beer.

Regular or light?

And...

Whipped cream soda was a man's drink.

He gave beer to my son.

Oh, Jeffrey, I'm sure Mr. Roper didn't mean any harm. Didn't mean any harm?

sort of degenerate would give beer to an eight -year -old?

He's only seven. That's even worse.

Come on, Brooks. What's wrong with giving your kid a little beer?

Everything.

And while we're at it, no more talk about private schools. I don't want

strangers filling David's head with ridiculous ideas.

I'm his father. That's my job.

Excuse me, I'm looking for Stanley Roper. I hope you've got a warrant.

Excuse me, I'm looking for Stanley Roper.

Why?

Well, it's sort of personal.

You tell me. I know him very well.

Oh, really?

Boy, I bet he's some kind of guy. I've been wanting to meet him for years.

Oh, yeah?

Who told you about me?

You're Mr. Roper? Yeah.

Do you remember Rosie Albright? Who?

Rosie Albright. You used to date her during the war in Long Beach.

Rosie Albright?

Rosie.

Rosie. Rosie. Kind of short, a little plump, with great big... She was my

mother. Dimples.

Dimples, big dimples.

You're Rosie Albright's kid, huh?

I didn't know she got married.

She didn't.

That's nothing to be ashamed of these days, being a... Bill.

Bill. Bill. Bill.

Josie Albright's kid, Bill, huh?

Yeah, she always had a lot of life to her. What's she doing these days?

She's dead.

I'm sorry to hear it.

Well, how'd you know about me?

It was something she left behind.

A will?

She wrote about what the two of you did on VJ night.

VJ night?

August 15th, 1945.

Went out with Stanley Roper. It finally happened.

Exclamation point.

We just held hands.

After last night, at last I am a woman. Two exclamation points.

Well?

Well, holding hands was a much bigger deal then.

You must have a very passionate hand.

I was born nine months later, Dad.

Now, David, repeat exactly what I told you. I mustn't drink beer with Mr.

Very good.

And why not?

Because it can ruin me. That's right.

And the beer won't do you any good either.

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Brooks.

Have you seen my husband?

Much too often.

Oh, I'm sorry. Who thought he was here?

No, he's in the rec room, recruiting alcoholics. Oh.

Now, look, son.

Then you admit it. No, I don't. I call everybody son.

Even my bird.

Well, what if... Look, I told you, I am not your father.

What about the diary?

It's all coming back to me now.

I remember exactly what happened. Exactly.

Yeah? I didn't do it.

Come on, Dad.

Shh.

Don't call me that. Look, nothing happened.

We had a few beers with another couple, that's all.

Look, Mr. Rober, I don't want anything from you. I just thought maybe we could

get to know each other.

Wonderful. Take care of yourself.

Well, if you change your mind, I'm staying at the Wilshire Arms Hotel.

So long, Dad.

What did he mean by that?

Helen, you're really going to laugh when you hear this.

I'm still not laughing, Stanley.

Helen, I've been telling you for an hour, I didn't do it. And I don't

you. You know I couldn't do a thing like that.

Not now.

But you were younger then.

I couldn't do it then either.

I mean, I wouldn't.

How many other children do you have that I don't know about?

None. Then Bill's the only one. Yes.

A lot of people there saw what happened.

Who didn't see what happened? Who saw what didn't happen?

Ernie. Ernie Grimes. He was there.

He used to work at a bank in Brentwood.

He can straighten this whole thing out.

Send him in now.

Ernie. Actually, it's Ernest.

Better still, Mr. Grimes.

I wouldn't want the staff to know I have a first name.

All right.

Tell him this is Mr. Grimes.

How do you do, Mr.

Grimes? How do you do?

Well, you did all right for yourself, assistant manager.

Before you continue, there's something I forgot to ask you on the telephone.

What? Who are you?

He's always kidding around. Come on, Stanley.

Sorry to have bothered you, Mr... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Ernie, you gotta remember.

Remember the war?

Long Beach?

Stanley Roper? If you say so.

Are you here to open an account?

No. Wait, wait, are you giving away these free gifts? As a matter of fact,

are. I'll take one.

Well, now, about your account... No, I don't want to open an account. Just take

a free gift.

I remember you now.

Roper.

Stanley Roper.

Ernie, you gotta settle something for me.

Do you remember VJ Day? My gardener never lets me forget it.

Do you remember we all went out to celebrate?

You, me, Rosie, and that girl that you were stuck with. What was her name?

She had legs like Minnie Mouse.

She had a face like Porky Pig.

You mean Mrs.

Grimes.

Anyway. Then we went up to Rosie's Place.

Rosie's Place.

Rosie's Place.

Oh, yes, I remember that.

We had a few drinks, put on some music, and things were getting pretty hot and

heavy there for a while now that I don't remember a thing.

All I remember are firecrackers going off and bells ringing.

Stanley! Help!

Could you? Have you no shame?

It was with church bells, Helen. It was B .J. night.

Ernie, you've got to remember.

Why? Because her son showed up and said that Stanley was his father.

Oh. Well, I wish I could help you, but I never saw anything of any moral nature

take place that night.

Are you satisfied, Helen? He didn't see anything.

I saw nothing. Doris and I left after you and Rosie went into the bedroom.

I was young. I sowed a few wild oaks. So couldn't you have saved a few for me?

Can't you forget that this ever happened? How can you forget you have a

He'll go away. I'll never see him again.

Never see him again?

Stanley, how can you say that about your own flesh and blood?

But I thought this is what you would want. You don't even want to talk to

About what?

About what? I don't know about... I mean, if he were my son, I'd want to

up. and all the years I'd missed.

Now, wait a minute.

You mean you wouldn't mind if I saw him again?

No, why should I mind?

You know, there are a lot of things I always wanted to do if I had a son.

And now you've got one. Yeah, Bill.

My boy, Bill.

I'll take him to Disneyland.

Stanley. The children do.

Stanley. Maybe we'll just play catch.

Stanley, he's a grown man.

Why don't you just invite him over for dinner?

You mean you'd cook for him? Of course.

I mean, he doesn't have to just be your son.

He could be my son, too.

Hey, you know what I'll do?

I'll invite him over for dinner. Good idea, Stanley.

Just you and me and my boy Bill.

It'd be like a family reunion. Yeah.

Too bad Rosie can't join us.

I'm just getting the dust off my Phi Beta Kappa key.

Does it show up well against this suit?

You're trying to impress Mrs. Hollingsworth, aren't you?

Absolutely not. I wasn't even thinking about it. Did you vacuum the welcome

Roper, what are you doing out here?

I'm just waiting for my son, do you mind? Of course I'm... Waiting for what?

My son.

Your son?

I didn't know you had a son.

Neither did I. I just found out about it.

You just found... What about your wife?

Oh, she was more surprised than me.

Oh, here he comes now.

My boy, Bill.

Bill! Bill!

There's more of them.

Boy, Bill.

Hello.

I'm Helen.

I'm so glad you could come.

It's a nice place you've got here. Oh, thank you.

Won't you sit down? Thank you.

We've got a lot of catching up to do.

That's right. I want to know all about you.

Well, there's not much to tell. I met Helen shortly after I... after I

in your mother's diary.

And then, uh, well...

Not very much has happened since.

I find that hard to believe.

Believe it.

I figure one picture is worth a thousand words, so I got out this old photo

album. And we'll start at the beginning.

Here's Helen and me in San Francisco.

Gee, Mrs. Ruber, you look beautiful. Oh, thank you.

And so sad.

That was taken on our honeymoon.

I brought some pictures with me.

Here's one of me and my wife.

And two granddaughters. And two granddaughters? Stanley, you're a

You're a grandmother.

Just like Marlena Dietrich.

Say, my family's coming in from San Diego this afternoon.

Would you like to meet them? Oh, of course we would.

Yeah, I could entertain them. How?

How? Kids like music, don't they? You're a musician?

Are you kidding?

Listen to this.

standards that Pringle Academy sets. As well you should.

As you know, our students come from some of the oldest families in California.

Oh, then you must have a lot of Indians.

Indians? Uh, coffee?

No, thank you. And Mexican -Americans?

Mexicans?

Tea? Oh, no, thank you. Do you have any minorities? Soup?

I beg your pardon?

Hi. Oh, David, David, come here, son. I want you to meet... Mrs.

Hollingsworth. Hello.

Hello, young man.

Isn't he something? His father's son.

So you want to come to our school?

Not if I can become a stuffed shirt.

A stuffed shirt.

And who told you that students at Pringle Academy become stuffed shirts?

And who is this Mr.

Roper? Nobody, nobody.

David likes to create these wonderful characters right out of his head.

of our son's imaginary characters.

Jeffrey.

Roper, what do you want?

I want to apologize.

Well, come back tomorrow. I accept apologies between 9 and 11.

Now that I've spent a lot of time with my boy, Bill, I've come to appreciate

what it's like to be a father. Fascinating. Do come again. It's even a

Well, don't be a stranger.

Oh, I won't. I won't. One more thing.

Since you have a great relationship with your son, why waste money on a private

school? And what is wrong with private schools?

Turn David into a creep.

Roper, don't be asinine.

Watch your language in front of the podium.

Daddy didn't use a bad word. That's right, David. When Daddy uses a bad

always spells it out.

Like B -A -M -E.

Well, was there anything else, Rupert?

Oh, yeah, yeah, about the beer.

What?

Forget it.

No, I couldn't sleep if I did that. See, I think it's wrong to serve beer to a

seven -year -old.

You serve beer to your son?

Only when we're out of gin.

He's joking.

He's only joking.

David doesn't drink beer.

Yes, I do, Daddy. I had them yesterday.

I'm afraid I must be going.

Please, please, don't go. Our enrollment is strictly, strictly limited. Look at

this face. I'm terribly sorry, but we really must go. Educate my son, please.

Send him to school.

Well,

Roper, you've done it again.

Anytime. What are fathers for?

Look at this, Helen.

What? What is it?

Chinese handcuffs. Oh.

Little kids will love them. They'll go crazy trying to get their fingers out of

here.

Oh, there they are, Stanley. Get the door.

Helen, I can't get my fingers out. Look.

I have to get my rubber duck, you know.

Oh, come here, Bill.

Where's your wife?

And your two little girls.

They're not with me.

I don't understand.

Well, you see... Do you mind if I sit down?

Oh, no, please do.

Mr. Roper, I found out you didn't spend the night with my mother.

I didn't?

Uh, no, your friend Ernie Grimes did.

Ernie?

Yeah, he called my wife this afternoon. I just saw him at the bank.

That's impossible.

He was with Doris that night.

She left early.

I don't remember that.

That's because you passed out in the bathroom.

Stanley isn't your father?

No.

Oh, I don't believe it. Why didn't Ernie Grimes say something to me?

Well, he has a family.

He came as quite a shock when you told him about me. He never knew.

He said it took a while, but his conscience finally got the better of

Well, I bet you're relieved now that you're not stuck with the son.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'll bet you're relieved, too.

I don't suppose you have time for just a cup of coffee?

No, I really better be getting back to the hotel.

Well, goodbye.

Oh, nice to have met you.

Bye, Bill.

You know, I come up here every now and then on business.

Think maybe I could stop by for that cup of coffee?

Anytime. Oh, yeah, maybe bring your family?

Yeah, I'd like that.

Oh, that's that.

Oh, Stanley.

You know, I think he really liked me.

Oh, he did.

He really did.

For a minute there, we almost had a family.

Maybe it's not too late, Stanley.

No.

To start a family of our own?

Oh, Helen, come.

Helen, get that look out of your eyes.

Stay there, stay.

Sit, sit, sit.

What a shame. So he wasn't your son after all.

Yeah, Bill's such a great guy.

Successful.

Likeable, good -looking. I mean, he really could have been my son.

That's true.

You know, it's amazing how often sons are the exact opposite of their fathers.

No,

that's right, Stanley.

Helen, come on.

Look how smart little David is.

you know