Original subtitles

Ann?

Ann?

David wants to take this in to show his teacher.

Oh, that's fine, fine.

That's very good.

Ann, sit down.

I've been thinking a lot about your false alarm.

Oh, I solemnly swear to be more careful in the future.

Unless I forget.

That's not quite what I had in mind.

You see, I, well...

What I'm thinking of will make that unnecessary.

That is, if you agree to the idea.

Oh, Jeffrey, I'd love to have another one. No, no, no, that's not... I kept

the baby clothes. Really? Very good.

And... Well, I really would like another child.

People are starving in India.

Okay, I'll have it in America.

The world, the world is overpopulated and is looking to us for an example.

Well, why us?

Why not the Kennedys?

The point is, Anne, that I've decided that the best thing for me to do would

to... To, uh... To what?

To have a vasectomy. A vasectomy?

Hey, you've broken the wing off the Queen Mary.

Why don't you drag me down here?

Stanley.

It's very kind of you to see us on that short notice, Mrs. Easton. Please, take

a seat.

Now, you are

Helen and Stanley Roper.

Oh, very good.

I'm Stanley, and she's Helen.

And you've been having some problems.

Would you like to tell me about them? Yes. No.

Well, Mr. Roper, your wife seems to feel that your marriage needs help.

When did you first feel that things were going wrong?

On our wedding day.

We were walking down the aisle and he stepped on my train and ripped half my

dress off.

I forgot all about that.

Everybody in the church could see what was borrowed and what was blue.

If that's not the best place for us to start, then perhaps we should

on the things that you like.

What would you say you both have in common?

Television.

Television. We both talk a lot about the TV.

Oh, well, that's good.

Yeah, she wants it off and I want it on.

I'd hold her to switch it off.

How about coffee?

Nah, we fight about that, too. He likes cocoa.

I meant, would you like a cup now?

Oh, I'm sorry, yes.

I'd love it. So would I.

Stanley, you're not trying.

You know, if we're going to make this thing work, we...

What are you doing?

Just looking.

There's got to be some very weirdo cases in a place like this.

That's confidential!

I'm not surprised.

The things people do.

This couple must be double -jointed.

Grover, we try to work in an atmosphere of mutual trust.

Oh, you can trust me, Mrs. Easton.

Now,

how

about your love life?

Do you want to start, or should I?

Helen, that side of our marriage is very, very private.

Yeah, it's so private that half the time I don't know about it.

I do my duty.

You mustn't think of it as a duty, Mr. Rober. Don't tell him!

He's got another woman. He has?

I have.

Oh, don't try to lie out of it, Stanley. I got proof.

You crazy? There is no other woman.

Oh, no.

Well, who did you write all these letters to, then?

Where'd you get those?

When I look at you, dear Doris, I get goose dimples.

Goose dimples?

Goose are private.

Everything here is strictly confidential, Mr. Roper. Oh, yeah?

Like, uh... Mr. and Mrs. Greenbaum and their trampoline.

It's best to have a full and frank discussion.

Okay. You be full, she'll be frank, and I'll be going.

Well, David sounds asleep.

Dropped off just as Charlie was going into the chocolate factory.

Now I have to wait till tomorrow night to find out what happened.

You really enjoy those stories, don't you? Yes.

It's a shame there won't be another little boy or girl for you to read to.

Now look, Ann.

My mind is made up.

Oh, good.

Because I made an appointment for you with the doctor.

You go under the knife at two o 'clock tomorrow.

It's 2 o 'clock tomorrow.

It's very soon.

Well, apparently there's no pain. Just a local anesthetic and snip, snip. Don't

do that.

Then they sew you up. Sew me up?

Well, I hope so.

Yes, well, you know, it's not definitely decided yet.

And it's a very drastic snip.

It's a very drastic step to take.

Tomorrow at 2 o 'clock is very soon.

I'll put it off for a month or so.

Oh, well, if you think I should.

Oh, no, no, it's not my decision. I just don't want you to do the right thing

for the wrong reason.

Well, actually,

I... I think it would be nice to have a little brother or sister for David

someday.

Oh, Jeffrey. I said someday.

Well, let's... Have an early night and discuss it.

It's a very good idea.

Please, Helen, you've got to believe me. There is no other woman.

I suppose you just wrote these letters to nobody.

Yeah. No.

I didn't mail them.

Look, she's just somebody that I admired from afar.

Who is Doris?

I can't tell you.

Okay, Stanley.

Don't ever speak to me again.

Helen, I can't tell you because if I told you, you'd only laugh at me.

Yeah, well, this is hardly a laughing matter.

Okay. Okay, I'll tell you, but you gotta promise not to laugh.

All right, I promise not to laugh.

I wrote those letters to Doris Day.

Doris Day?

The movie star?

Yeah, you know, it's magic, pillow talk.

They're just fan letters.

Yeah.

That's a good little bird.

We gotta stick together. We have a lot in common, you know.

We're both caged birds.

Excuse me.

Yeah.

What?

From the studio?

Doris!

Is that really you, Miss Day?

The Ropers was videotaped in front of a studio audience.

Thank you for listening.