Original subtitles

It was your idea to have tea last night instead of cocoa, right?

So? So why didn't you empty the teapot before you packed it?

It is empty.

Now it's empty.

My brassiere is full of tea leaves. Look at that.

I see a letter from a loved one and a journey across the water.

Hey, I pay you to move the furniture, not your mouth.

find anything.

If I could find a percolator, I'd make some coffee.

If I could find a coffee.

It's in the percolator.

Thanks a lot.

Why did you make a list of where you packed everything?

I did make a list. I forgot where I packed it.

Hey, hold, hold. That goes over there. And bring in the bed next.

That goes in the bedroom.

In the bedroom.

So much to learn.

So little time.

Oh,

look at that chair. How can we invite people over?

I don't want to invite people over.

You know, that's the difference between you and me, Stanley.

You're an introvert, and I'm gregarious.

What's astrology got to do with it?

I like people.

I like to mingle.

When did we last mingle, Stanley?

Ah, don't start that again.

furniture from a Salvation Army garage sale.

Don't be so nosy. I'm just taking a friendly interest.

My God, what a lot of junk.

Jeffrey, you were going to be nice to Mr. Roper, you promised.

Well, yes, but only to his face.

I hope they get all that stuff inside before James arrives.

Oh, it's James now, is it? Last week it was Congressman Nelson.

It's an honor to meet you, sir.

Next week, you'll be licking his shoes.

Natural friendships can spring up quite spontaneously if you work at it.

Yeah, you're standing on Donkey's paw.

What? Oh, right, your imaginary dog.

I'm sorry, Donkey.

He's over there.

Is he? Well, oh, yeah.

Sorry, Donkey.

He moved again.

Yeah, and, and, I'm not sure this imaginary dog is a help. Oh, nonsense.

lovely dog, aren't you, Thunky?

Coochie, coochie, coochie, coochie.

See, Mommy knows where he is.

I don't care to discuss this dog any further. Now, can we just change the

subject? I think we ought to invite the rovers over for a cup of coffee.

Here, Thunky.

Good baby. Yes, yes, yes. Welcome to Daddy. Yes. Oh, what a cute little face.

Oh, by the way, I'm afraid we dropped a vase.

Oh, Stanley, they broke the vase your mother gave us.

Here's another pie, darling.

Look at this. We've had this for 20 years.

It's a long time to keep a broken vase.

And my wife suggested I come over and, well, perhaps a cup of coffee?

Oh!

How do you like that? We've been here five minutes. He wants us to make him

coffee.

Oh, Stanley.

We'd love to as soon as we've freshened up a little. It's very kind of you. It's

the least I could do.

If I could do less, I would.

Oh.

Everything all right?

Are you turned on?

Oh, Mr.

Brooks.

I mean gas, electricity.

Good, good, good.

Look, I'm sure you really don't have time to stop for coffee. Just say no,

understand. Oh, no.

Some other time.

Of course we'll come for coffee.

We'll see you later.

If it's dark, just stick your head out the door. That'll light the way.

I'm trying to figure out why we have two Johns.

This one doesn't even have a lid on it.

It's a bidet.

They're very continental.

Well, if you don't mind, I'll use the good old American model.

I'm not going to wait for you. I'm going to go over to the Brooks's, okay? Good.

And you come over as soon as you're ready. Right.

there, his wife there, and you next to her. Hi.

And about your dress.

This is not a coming out party.

I know what I'm doing.

It'll take his mind off the food.

All right.

Don't jump up and down.

Oh, hi.

We didn't think you were going to make it. Oh, well, I thought I ought to

out of my old clothes.

No, no, you look fine just as you are.

Is your husband with you? No.

Good.

I mean, it's very good of you to come.

I'll bet you're exhausted with all this moving.

How about a cup of coffee?

Better yet, a glass of wine.

It's quicker.

You must be up to your ears in it.

Oh, no, this is the first drink I've had today.

Oh, no, they're here. I'll take their ice buckets. You fill their coat.

Good evening, girl.

Good evening.

My wife here? Oh, yes. Please, come inside, quickly.

Where are the towels, Helen?

They're in that little storage room. They're in... Oh,

never mind. I'll show you myself.

Of course not. I don't take a bath in my shorts.

One gust of wind and we'll be the laughing stock of the neighborhood.

Give me the keys.

Keys? I gave them to you before.

No, you didn't. Yes, I did. I put them on the table and...

I'm sure you shouldn't put something frilly around the top of your... No.

All right, but when you walk, glide.

Don't bounce.

Is it all right if I breathe occasionally?

You'll have to be the judge of that.

Now, just remember, they're an important couple.

You should be able to get up there easy, Helen.

was sent to bed early tonight. His father thinks it's best with college

coming up in 15 years.

Thank you. Oh, now what?

You probably can't find the soap.

Yes, yes, what is?

James and Margaret.

Look who's here, Ann.

Oh, it's your congressman. I better go. Finish your drink first.

Oh, thank you.

She will be in a moment.

President Carter's.

I couldn't get out of that room. All right, all right, all right. I'll phone

a locksmith. You stay here.

You should be in bed.

Sunky wants a drink.

Oh, I hate that dog.

He's over there. Put that dog down.

What dog are you talking about?

My dog, Sunky.

I don't see any dog.

or might eat the size of a camel.

He was going to take a bath.

On the balcony?

Well, it's a long story.

I'll bet it is.

So, you're a congressman, huh?

Here. I'm sure. Thank you. I'm sure you'd like to hear the opinion of the

average man on the street, wouldn't you? Well, actually, I...

It's all right. I'm in no hurry.

Can I have another?

It's for my leg, you know.

Well, no offense, Your Honor, but it just seems to me that being a

is a license to steal.

I wouldn't give any money to any country that couldn't pay for it.

Now, take, uh, take India, for example.

All right, all right, forget it.

Let's go to, let's go to Red China.

You go first, we'll follow.

Let me freshen up these drinks.

What the hell did you do with it?

I spent it on junkets to Hawaii and loose women.

I'm sorry, dear. I just lost control.

You see what we send to Washington?

They're those idiots.

Peacock Drive?

Oh, yes.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Okay, now, go get your bath.

The water's probably running cold now.

I've been ashamed of you before, but tonight I realize what being ashamed of

really is.

Choochie -woochie.

Assaulting a congressman.

Letting your...

Choo -choo -woochie.

Oh, Stanley.

You haven't called me that in years.

If my choo -choo -woochie's finished, why don't she come over and sit next to

me? Oopsie -whoops.

You know sometimes I think I'm too hard on you.

The Ropers was videotaped in front of a studio audience.