Original subtitles

That woman is out of control.

She's like a locust.

She has eaten everything in the house.

She's eaten everything in Mr. H's house.

Look, even the salt and pepper shakers are empty.

Why don't you just tell her she's eaten too much? You tell her. No, you tell

her. Rock, paper, scissors.

Van, you know you're going to lose. Not this time. One, two, three.

Dang it!

How do you always beat me?

Because you always pick scissors.

Of course I do. It's my system.

So you'll tell her? Yeah, fine.

No, I don't want to. You tell her. Come on, you tell her. Please, please,

please. No, Van.

Why should I tell her? Because girls can say that kind of stuff without having

to come across like all they care about are looks.

By the way...

Oh, you have been looking hot lately.

Oh, you.

Look, sweetie, why don't I tell her? Thank you.

Hey, hey, hey!

Guess who Luigi gave the free pizza to?

Luigi doesn't have to roll her out of the bed every morning.

I really don't need another pizza. I mean, it's really just the three of us.

I know.

But I had to take it. It was free.

Somebody will eat it. Oh.

Dibs.

You know what, Mom?

I'm thinking maybe we should all try and get a little healthier around here.

What are you talking about?

I'm growing healthy.

All right, that's it, Mrs. H. Drop it.

Drop it, Mrs. H. Drop it. Drop it.

Drop it.

Drop it.

Mrs. H, I can't stand to see you do this to yourself. It's like you're trying to

eat yourself to death. Why?

What happened to you?

What's different?

Yoo -hoo!

I'm here, and I'm thin!

Yeah, thin as a stick and dumb as one.

Yikes. What's eating Gilbert Grape?

look like the number 10.

Oh, thank God it was just a nightmare.

Yoo -hoo!

I'm here!

And I'm Finn!

And the nightmare continues.

a power smoothie.

And this afternoon, I'm taking a power walk.

Power walk?

Don't forget your power cane.

Van, that is not nice.

Mom does aerobics. She could shatter her hip.

And yet, in the blink of an eye, I can make you both homeless.

Hey, everybody. I'm here, and I... Oh, shut up and have a donut.

You're not still trying to lose weight by drinking those power smoothies, are

you? Jordan, my trainer, says that those are loaded with hidden carbs.

Barbara Jean, I am all for adopting a healthy new lifestyle.

But seriously, I mean, there has to be some sort of... Will you stop staring at

her?

What?

We've been staring at her for like the past two hours.

Well, she's pretty.

I'm pretty.

Well, of course you are. You've always been pretty, but she's no pretty.

Oh, Van, that is such a funny story you can tell to your next wife.

So, Van, you really think that I'm new pretty?

Oh, yeah, you're like a bleached -out Halle Berry.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I'm going to go make some calls.

So, Barbara Jean. Yeah.

Is it true that when you lose a bunch of weight, you want to do, you know, you

know.

Jan Brady.

I'm Marcia.

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

So, Reba, I got an idea. You should come down to the gym and meet Jordan, my

trainer. Seriously, he will change your life. I mean, he is so much more than a

personal trainer.

He taught me how to work out and eat right.

We go over the clothes I'm going to wear, the movies I'm going to see. Whoa,

movies you're going to see?

What's that got to do with you getting in shape?

Oh, nothing.

We just have the same sense of humor.

That Tim Allen just kills us.

I mean, whether he's playing a dog or Santa Claus, you just buy it.

So, you'll come meet Jordan?

No. Oh, come on, Reba.

I want my best girlfriend to meet my best boyfriend.

Boyfriend? Oh, whoops. That came out wrong.

Well,

thanks anyway, but I'm just going to be here with my smoothie.

Just like fruit gravy.

Oh, hey, Barbara Jean. Here you are. Listen, how would you like to go out and

grab a quick lunch? Just the two of us. Oh, honey, I can't. I'm going to the

gym. Can't you skip it just this once? Come on, I'll take you to that romantic

French place you like so much.

Really? Skip the gym and eat French food?

No can fondue broth.

Gotta go.

Man, she blew me off again.

All she wants to do is go down to the gym and spend time with Jordan. Hair

trainer. Exactly.

Frankly, I like the new butt, but the new attitude, not so much.

Oh, that's really funny coming from the old butt.

Jordan's so great.

Jordan's so toned and funny. Well, I got news for you.

Nobody's toned and funny.

Brock, you're overreacting. Oh, really? Yeah, I think she might be having an

affair with this guy.

Barbara Jean with her trainer?

I mean, sure, he's probably a better man than you are, better looking and

younger, but... But?

That's it.

Reba, I need you to help me out. I want you to go down to the gym and see if

there's anything going on. You know, I'll spy on him for me. No way.

You know, Barbara Jean may have a long list of faults.

And I have that list if you need a copy.

But she is nothing if not faithful. Yeah, right. Up until now.

But now that she's thin and hot, she has all kinds of options. Look, Brock, if

it's worrying you that much, be honest with her. Tell her how you feel. Tell

that you just need a hug every now and then.

Oh, now there's a great idea. Why, since my competition is a macho, muscular

dude, I can go the other way and appear all weak and whiny. Your solutions are

ridiculous, Reba!

Hard to believe they're supposed to be good for you.

Hey, Mrs. H, you off for your power walk? Man, I love old people.

Power walking, moving along, swinging their arms.

Like there's a big sale for false teeth.

This whole physical thing is getting everybody acting wacko. What do you

Well, your dad thinks that the guy who gave Barbara Jean her new body is

to take her for a spin.

He probably does.

What are you talking about? Guys are pigs.

They're dogs.

They're all animals. They just care about hot women.

Or hot dogs.

My point is that when you've got a hot lady, you've got to keep your guard up

all times. I used to.

You used to?

No, baby, don't take it like that. It's just that I've grown into a mature,

stable individual, that's all.

Well, I don't like it!

Where have you

been?

I went to get something to eat.

think that Brock might be right about this trainer? Sure, this guy could be

for Barbara Jean, but since Barbara Jean isn't looking to play, there's no

problem. And it's obvious Barbara Jean isn't looking. Why is it obvious?

Two reasons. Barbara Jean isn't good at keeping secrets.

And she thinks of you as her best friend. If she were fooling around with

guy, she'd be constantly talking about him to you. Heck, she'd probably want

to meet him.

Meet him?

you going?

Go down to the gym with the rest of the wackos.

Keep those arms.

a lot of beautiful people around here. You should see him naked in the shower.

Jordan!

Hey. Ready to start, Barbara. Yeah, yeah. Hey, you look great in that

Oh, well, you know, the other one was getting kind of baggy.

Can you believe her? She did the impossible.

She lost all that weight and kept these fellas.

Okay, Jordan.

Jordan, this is my friend, Reva.

Hey, I'm Jordan.

You going to join us, Reba?

No, I just think that me and my fellows will just watch for a while.

Well, Reba, you are not going to get into shape by just watching. You need to

sweat a little. Yeah, but you guys got to understand, it's been a while since

I've been in a gym like this, and I don't think... Hello!

Barbara Jean, you really are getting limber.

Remember when you couldn't put your leg over my head?

Remember when I didn't want to?

Is that legal?

I mean, necessary?

It's critical to stretch your muscles out before you exercise them. Otherwise,

you could really hurt something.

Turn over.

Reba, you need to watch this one. This one is my favorite.

There you go. Now, this gives a good stretch to the back and chest muscles.

Really should do this once a day. Oh, I'd do it all day if I could.

You know, is this one of these gyms that has the heat on real high?

I'm sweating.

Okay. Oh, wow.

Time for some weight lifting.

Oh, good.

That's enough of that stretching.

Hello.

Okay. Let's knock this out. Okay.

Yeah, okay. All right. You know, I think I've seen enough.

So what do you think?

You have any interest in getting a personal trainer?

Only if he takes me out to dinner first.

Are you sure, Reaper?

Seriously, this is one of the best relationships I've ever had.

school with you. Oh, you're a beginner, Reba.

You'll start with Dot.

Dot!

Yeah!

This is Reba.

She seems a little tense.

I'd spend some extra time on the stretching.

What's he like? Is he little? Could I take him?

He's big, but he's not as big as Dot.

So what do you think? Is there something going on there?

Look, Brock.

I was hoping that I could go down to the gym and check things out and come back

and tell you that there's nothing to worry about.

But?

That's it.

Reba, come on. Okay.

I don't know if they're having an affair or not, but...

If they keep working out like that, they might be having a baby.

Man, I knew there was something going on.

Hey, everybody, I'm here and I'm saying, well... Oh, hi, honey.

Don't you hi -honey me.

What are you talking about?

Did you honestly think that I wouldn't find out about you and Jordan?

What? We were working out. It was perfectly innocent. Reba, tell him what

saw. I don't want to get involved.

She said you're having an affair.

Any more than I already am.

Okay, Jordan and I are not having an affair.

He's gay.

What? Reba, do you honestly think I would let a straight man grab my

Excuse me?

He grabbed your breasts?

He's gay.

He wasn't touching them. He was arranging them.

so threatened by the new me?

The slim waist, the toned legs, the fella?

The fella?

The girl.

Oh, the puppies.

I am not threatened by you.

Really? Yeah. Then why'd you go down to the gym? What, were you spying on me?

No!

Okay, yes.

I went down to the gym because I thought there was something going on between

you and Jordan.

Why would you think that? Because you've changed.

I have not. Yes, you have.

Ever since you lost all that weight, you're pushy and obnoxious, and you

want to be the center of attention.

Hello?

I've always been that way.

She's kind of got a point there.

Yeah, well, something's changed, Barbara Jean.

Yeah.

Look at me.

I'm still the same Barbara Jean I always was.

I'm just less winded.

You know, she might be right. Could be us.

I'm sorry, honey. Reba just got me all worked up. That's... Look,

Barbara Jean, the truth is, I think I went down to the gym almost hoping

that I'd find you doing something wrong.

You know, anything.

So I could feel superior to you and your skinny butt.

So, I'm sorry.

Sorry? Yeah. This is great.

For the first time since we've known each other, you want to be me.

I don't want to be you.

I know.

It's even better.

You want to look like me.

Just gonna go grab something to eat.

I'll see you next year.

Hey, buddy, what are we watching? Sweet Life is... No, we're not.

Want a rock, paper, scissor for it?

Fine, let's go.

You're gonna pick scissors, aren't you? Get out!

Hey, honey.

Hey, baby.

I need to talk to you.

Honey, I just got the TV.

Well, I started thinking that maybe you don't think of me as new pretty because

I don't do enough to keep your interest.

No, honey, you're way hot.

Guilty.

But anyway, I thought that maybe I should, you know, change my look every

and then just to keep things fresh.

So... I bought a wig.

Shine,

put that down.

Listen to me.

I think it's a good thing that when I look at you, I don't see the beautiful

girl with the killer bod.

I see my wife, and I'm attracted to her whether she's all dressed up, ready to

go out, or just sitting on the couch wearing those washed -up flannel

Really? Yeah.

You're beautiful to me because of who you are.

Aw.

I feel kind of stupid.

That's also who you are, and I love it.

Come on, you.

Where are we going?

Oh, we are going upstairs.

Hold on.

I thought you didn't want me to wear that.

Sometimes I want to feel new pretty.