Original subtitles

Van.

Van. Van!

Mrs.

H, what are you doing?

I made you some cookies. And look, I wrote your name on this one with some M

&Ms.

Wow.

I dreamt that it actually happened.

And this time I'm wearing pants.

Good cookie.

Good freaking cookie.

What's going on? A perfect moment. Don't ruin it.

While Van was napping, I made him some cookies.

And milk. Your mother is treating me, well, properly.

So Mom came home from work, saw you asleep on the couch, and instead of

you with a spoon, she made you cookies?

You're a freaking cookie.

Something's fishy about this. Nothing fishy around here.

Just a mother -in -law showing a little love.

Yeah, she likes me, Cheyenne.

Oh, I love him. I love him a lot.

Yeah,

not just fishy.

Sinister.

We're nice to each other.

She made me cookies. I lent her my car.

If it makes you feel better, I'm fine.

I'm terribly sorry. Get away from me, you car wrecker! Okay, Ben, okay, do not

overreact. Are you sure it's something that we could... Very easily, Vic.

Whoa, not the door.

The door's the hardest part to fix.

Oh, man.

Ben's gonna cry.

I'm not gonna cry.

No, I'm not gonna cry.

It's fine.

But I'll be damned if I let you people see me not cry.

Oh, I'd better go after him. I've seen him like this before.

He writes poetry.

That's perfect.

I need a poem for school.

Written on a fifth grade level.

Reva, did you do this to Van's car?

It wasn't all my fault. There was a pole involved.

Oh, yeah, and last week when you wrecked your car, there was a fence involved.

Now, could it be...

That you were driving without your glasses again.

You don't live here. Why am I talking to you?

Rhonda.

Rhonda.

The car I was so fond of.

I wish I could fix you with a magic wonder.

That is beautiful.

Yeah, for a second grader.

Van, again, I am so sorry about Rhonda. Yeah, well, now I'm going to have to go

rent a Honda.

Reba, if you're going to drive at night without your glasses, you're going to

have to take other steps.

She wasn't wearing her glasses.

Cheyenne, she wasn't wearing her glasses. How rich.

I mean, why should Mrs. Magoo wear her glasses?

I hate my glasses.

They make me look like a grandma.

Zip it.

Well, then why the heck don't you just get laser eye surgery?

I don't have time to do something like that.

Well, Reva, you got to do something because this family is running out of

Mom, you should really think about getting that laser thing done.

If it only takes an afternoon, I'd be happy to stay home and look after you.

I could look after her, while she's blind and defenseless.

I'm going to go read Rhonda a poem.

Will you at least think about getting it done?

I am getting it done, Cheyenne. On Tuesday, I had my consultation today.

You want to hear something ironic?

The pole that I smashed into today was in the eye doctor's parking lot.

Great. Okay, so I'll stay home and take care of you. No, no, no.

No, I don't want anybody to take care of me. I just need to ride there and back,

and then I want to be left alone.

Oh, I'm so excited.

Sir, are you just getting the eyes done, or are you going to do the bag, too?

Can I do that?

Oh, no, you're not. You're a big girl. Yes, you are.

So, how long until you can see?

A few hours.

The kind of surgery I had is where they don't cut your eyeball. They just scrape

it off, so the recovery's a little bit longer.

Good volume.

Good freaking volume.

Okay, I'm going to lead you to the couch now, all right? There's going to be a

little trust exercise. All right.

called Jennifer. He is so cute.

Okay, I'll help you to the couch. Come on. No, forget it.

Well, Mom, are you sure you're going to be okay? I feel guilty leaving you like

this. Looking forward to some long time.

Go on to the movies. I'll be fine.

Okay, but call me if you need me. I'll have my cell phone, okay?

All right.

Hello?

Oh, no, it was nothing. My mom's just blind and she fell.

I am totally, like, going in the house.

Move, please. No, no, no, you can't go in there. Why? Because you can. Why?

Because I can't tell you. Why?

Because Mom got the laser eye surgery and she doesn't want anyone fussing over

her. She's in there?

This is perfect.

I have a score to settle.

A vendetta.

No, no, man, no vendettas. Come on. Why don't you just forgive Mom and go to the

movies with me, please?

You know what? You're right.

That's what I'm going to do. Forgive her. You know why?

Because you asked me and I love you. Aw, baby.

Let me borrow your phone. I'm going to call ahead for some tickets. Okay, I'm

going to go get the car. Okay. All right.

Barbara Jean, hey.

Just want to let you know, Mrs. H is in trouble.

I know.

But she doesn't want anybody to help her. And I just wanted to call to make

that whatever you do, you don't sneak over here and make sure she's okay.

Bye now.

That was for you, Rhonda.

here just the other day. I know I put it here.

Oh, ha, ha, ha. There it is.

Okay. Good bread, good bread.

There you go.

Bologna and cheese sandwich.

Good.

No, peanut butter.

I love peanut butter.

Jake hid the peanut butter on me. I know.

Darn it.

What's right here?

Right by the bread.

Where's the other piece of bread?

Here are carbs this way.

Barbecue, what are you doing here?

I was here. I didn't want anybody to know.

He made me promise I wouldn't say.

Brock, no van.

No!

Barbara Jean, I'm going to say this as nice as I possibly can.

Please leave me alone.

Reba, I can't.

I saw you in here fumbling around. It was pathetic.

Drinking a plant.

Reba, let me be your eyes.

I'll read to you and I'll cut up your food and... And I'll teach you how to

your makeup on.

The right way.

Okay, that's it.

I didn't ask you to be here. I don't want you here. Now get out.

Fine. If that's the way you feel about it, I'm leaving.

Goodbye, Reba.

And good luck.

Barbara Jean, I know you're still here.

Read? Why? Just to prove you can?

I chose a classic, Oliver Twist.

Okay.

Boring, boring, boring, blah, blah, orphan, orphan. Okay, here we go.

Please, sir, I want some more.

More?

Are you still reading? or did you just pass gas?

Hey, we're back.

Oh, look, it's Barbara Jean.

Ah, I guess we're even.

Right, Mrs. H?

Really?

Go check the other door.

No, no, no. I can't leave yet, Cheyenne. I haven't taught Reba to catch the

little ball with a bell in it.

Reba! Can you hear it? Reba!

All

right, you

stay here.

I'm going to go get my cell phone from the car.

So, Mom didn't want your help. I'm sure you were a very good nurse. Yeah.

You know, as a kid, I always wanted to be a nurse.

In the high school talent show, I juggled bedpans.

Oh, my books.

I left my little dickens in the house.

Oh, Cheyenne, I'm glad you're back.

I couldn't wait to tell you about my day with Barbara Jean.

You know, you'd think that having a laser shot in my eye would be the worst

of my day, but it wasn't.

what she did no

well she sang to me and then she read to

me oh my god yeah and this really bad accent now i usually don't

make fun of people's accents but hers was like please

I was thinking to myself while she was here, why couldn't I have been deaf,

Mom, what did you say to Barbara Jean to make her cry?

Barbara Jean?

Oh, crap.

Oh, honey, maybe she was just kidding around.

She does not have a sense of humor, Brock.

Get rid of her. I do not want to talk to her.

Barbara Jean?

No. No, it's me.

Boy, you really can't see anything, can you? No.

So, listen, Barbara Jean told me what happened between the two of you, and I

to say, Reba, it sounds like you were a little mean.

Oh, I knew that's what she was going to say.

That's why I came over here, because I just had to give you my side of the

story. Okay, great, great. What's your side?

Well, for one thing, I made it clear that I wanted to be left alone.

But she insisted on staying.

You know how annoying she can be.

I, um... Oh, Brock, don't play dumb with me. You said it just the other day,

man, sometimes.

Barbara Jean really gets old people's nerves.

No.

No. I never said that. What I said was... You know, that's not the point.

look, Reba, if you had seen Barbara Jean's face, I don't think you'd be

defending yourself. In fact, I think you'd be apologizing right now.

Nah.

On the other hand, nah, nothing.

No, wait, wait, wait. What were you going to say?

Look, Reba, just pretend that I'm her.

What would you say?

Oh, you just tell her.

No, I swear I won't.

Well, I guess I would say to her, I got mad when you tried to help me.

Because I hate thinking I might need help. It scares me.

Go on.

Mostly because of the way my life has turned out makes me worry.

That there won't be anybody around to help me when I really need it.

But the truth is, I don't need to worry about that because it looks like I'm

always going to have someone there for me.

I know you're there, Barbara Jean, so you can hug me now.

Was it because we're just so close you could sense my presence?

No, I can still smell the peanut butter on you.

ever forget what you just said. Ever.

Oh, honey, I gotta go write this in my diary while it is still fresh in my

And then she turned to me and she said, Barbara Jean, I apologize.

You have made my life a garden of orchids.

That was very nice, Reba.

Yeah, I regret it already.

Okay, I get it. You don't want to talk about it. Fine.

So how's your eyesight?

Actually, it's pretty amazing.

Whoa! Yeah.

You have gotten old.

Van.

Van!

Wake up.

Made you some more cookies.

Really?

You're not mad about the whole Barbara Jean thing?

No.

Actually, I made these cookies as a peace offering.

Forgive and forget. That's me.

Wait a minute.

Forgive and forget isn't you.

You're hell half no fury.

You put something in these. Just double chips. Come on, Van. Either you're going

to eat the cookies or you're not.

Sooner or later, we have to learn to trust each other again.

Jake, have a cookie.

How is it?

Really good.

How'd it go?

Great. I took the cookie you told me to.

A fresh episode of the WB Comedy Hit Month.