Original subtitles

Hey there, Captain Real Estate. What you doing?

Oh, more lame busy work your mom gave me.

That's a bunch of legal papers full of Latin.

It's like you gotta be from Latin America to understand this.

Why don't you tell her you already did it and then we can make out?

Oh, I'll stop it.

I'll stop it some more.

Come here. You've got to see this.

Check it out. I can see the thing in the back of his throat going up and down.

Wow. Passed out at four in the afternoon.

Next thing you know, he's going to be wearing elastic pants.

Poor guy.

He hasn't been sleeping.

Barbara Jean's taking him to a sleep doctor.

Let's put his hand in warm water.

Jake,

that's childish.

We'll write on his forehead.

Hey, Mr. H.

Ben was going to draw on you. Yeah, but in my defense, I was bored, so... Well,

at least you're only going to write on my forehead.

Barbara Jean put my hand in warm water.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, Mom. I thought you were at a big meeting.

Oh, it got pushed back.

Van, how's the proofing going? Oh, great.

Same ethics that weren't there before aren't there again.

I'd better double check.

No, Mrs. H, you're checking on me all the time. I don't check on you all the

time. Right, because that would be silly.

But I want equality.

You're not going to burn your bra, are you, Van?

One,

two, three, and sleep.

Mrs. H, I want you to give me some important stuff. I want to go to the

with you. Ben, you are doing important stuff. You're learning.

Let me put it to you this way.

I'm the mama lion, and you're the baby cub.

I can't send you off to hunt buffalo if you're not ready.

So here's your to -do list, you cute little kitty.

But Mrs. H, this stuff has nothing to do with real estate.

Well, you're supposed to learn to do what you're told without arguing.

You don't do that, Ma.

That's because I'm the mama line, so pop down, little stray goat.

Van, we have a problem. The boss asked me today if everything was all right

between us. He said that some people were complaining about our bickering.

We wouldn't be bickering if I felt like I was being respected.

That's exactly how I felt when I was with her.

One,

two, three, and leave.

Look, why don't you guys do some stuff together? Like, pick out the photos for

your new flyers. Oh, we're not going to do another flyer. Why not?

Well, because, fam, when you do your charming smile, it's a little...

frightening.

What? My charming smile is not frightening. It's warm and inviting.

are having a sleep problem.

Bags under your eyes, the puffiness. It's a good thing your daughter brought

in when she did.

She's my wife. I know. I'm kidding.

I treat sleep disorders with a sense of humor. It's a boring line of work and

all I can do not to take my own life.

I'm just grateful I'm not a dentist.

I happen to be a dentist. Once again, humor.

I read your check.

That's good.

So tell me how this all started.

Okay, about three months ago, Barbara Jean won this hamster at the school

Yeah, I was the only one who knew how many jelly beans were in the jar.

I don't know how I do it. It's just a gift.

Anyway, I named the hamster Elton because he looked like Elton John's

Yeah, so anyway, we kept Elton in the bedroom, right?

That's what you want.

Every classy bedroom has a small rodent spinning around in a wheel, an

incredibly noisy wheel.

Well, I think I have your solution.

Get rid of the hamster. We take all major credit cards.

We got rid of the hamster. Yeah.

Elton has his own room now.

Way on the other side of the house.

Where if something were to happen, nobody could hear him scream.

He's a rodent.

He doesn't scream.

And he shouldn't be wearing sequins. Anyway, I still have trouble sleeping.

Okay. Look, in situations like this, I usually like to come to your house and

watch you sleep. Unfortunately, I'm wearing an ankle bracelet and cannot

the premises.

Once again, humor.

So, I'm going to give you this video camera, and I want you guys to record

yourself sleeping.

Well, fortunately, our bedroom's already set up for the taping.

Humor.

Yeah, not so much.

Hey, Mrs. H. If I get done with all the filing you gave me, can I go to the

broker's open?

Oh, man, I don't think you've had time to... Done!

What? I finished the filing.

You do realize it has to be alphabetical.

Yes. Okay, quick.

What comes between G and I?

Trick question. Nothing.

Wrong.

A, B, C, D, A, F, G, H. H.

If you got it done that fast, you probably did it sloppy and made

want you to refile them. Oh, come on, Mrs. H.

I'm not a child. Mr.

McKenzie!

Mrs. H won't let me go to the broker's opening. I finished all the filing she

gave me and everything.

Reba, is this true?

Yeah, because there's plenty of work for him to do here that he's more suited

for. I can't believe you went over my head.

Mrs. McKenzie, she's saying I went over her head. If you do that one more

time... Okay, okay, okay, stop.

What I'm saying is it's her fault. I didn't finish all my... Please, please.

Did she just get a headache?

Knocked it off.

Now, do you want both of us to knock it off or just her?

All right, now look.

People are complaining.

I've asked a therapist to come in. I want you both to talk with him tomorrow.

Therapy? Yes, therapy. You'll go in, you'll talk it out.

Maybe I can get this little vein to go back into my forehead.

Oh, with all due respect, sir, we don't need therapy.

Let me put this another way.

you'll go see this guy, or you can both look for another job.

Well, she's not going to be here. Got it?

Yes, sir.

Good. Thank you.

I see what you've done. Your fault. It was your fault. It was not. It was, too.

It was all your fault. It was not. It was not. Oh, shut up. I don't want to

up. I can still hear you.

It's his fault.

What are you doing?

I'm arranging my emotions alphabetically.

Forget it. Look, I am very busy, so whatever this guy has to say, let's just

along with it so we can get out of here. But I have issues.

Van, please. I am not in the mood.

Very closed off.

Hello. You two must be Reba and Van. Hello. How do you do? I'm David.

Merry Christmas, Dave.

And a Merry Christmas to you, but my name is David.

My name is not Dave.

I don't know why people think they can call me Dave.

Even here, I said, hello, my name is David, and yet you call me Dave.

Please.

My name is David.

Okay.

I've been going over your file, and I've read that you have been bickering a lot

lately.

Let's talk about that.

Well, I don't know if you call it bickering. It's just that we just... We

disagree. Yeah, we disagree. For instance, I would call it bickering.

bickering. It is bickering. It's not. It is, too. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Just take this one at a time. Okay, well, I'll go first.

Van, why don't you go first? Thank you.

Now, when it comes to working with Reba, how do you feel?

Well, I feel... intimidated.

Undervalued.

I feel... I feel... Bad.

You had to write down that you feel bad?

Reba, please, go on, Ben. I feel that no matter what I do, I can't get any

respect from her. Respect?

Reba?

And I feel like I've done very well. And I'm grateful she gave me the job and

all. Gave me?

But I want a chance to shine, too.

But I can't because she gives me all the meaningless, boring stuff and keeps all

the really cool stuff for herself, like the flyers. Okay, I gotta talk now.

Okay, okay, Reed.

All right, very good, Van.

You hear that, Van? Good job.

First of all, all the stuff that Van sees as meaningless is really very

important. And as for the flyers, Van, I had to make an executive decision

because your smile is very frightening.

It is not frightening. Yes, it is.

Is this frightening to you? Look, Van, I'm not here to judge you.

Okay,

all right.

Hey, okay.

All right.

And I just feel because I married her daughter and I live at their house.

Wait,

wait, wait, wait.

You're her son -in -law?

And you live and work with her?

Yeah.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

I got shy and pregnant at 17, and my parents had told me, so where else was I

supposed to go?

Well, I'm smelling an article in Psychology Today. All right, look, the

you clearly have trust issues, and, I mean, who could blame you? So here's

we're going to do.

This afternoon, I want the two of you to switch tasks.

What? Yes!

Victory, I win therapy.

All right.

Van, Van, this isn't helping.

But I have a full schedule full of very important things. This is not a victory

for Van. This is just an exercise in trust and compassion.

Exercise in trust? Trust me, he's an idiot.

Leva, relax.

Okay? You go out this afternoon, you come back tomorrow, and we'll talk about

this. It's going to go a long way to fixing your problems.

All right?

Good luck.

Well.

Switching roles.

Interesting.

So I get to be irritable and hot -headed.

And I get to mess things up.

And be a big pain in the butt.

You know, that's just mean.

I'm going to tell Dave. Last time, it's David.

Do I call you that, huh?

He needs therapy.

Hey, sorry I'm late. I was just finishing going over the tape.

Oh, can we get on with it? I'm exhausted.

Brock had another bad night. Yeah, and I think I know why.

First off, do you always wear that to bed?

Oh, that old thing. I just threw it on. But thank you, doctor.

Dear Lord, please bless Henry and Brock and Reba and Dr.

Beck.

And all the poor people in the whole world.

and all the people in jail.

Yeah, this goes on for quite a while.

Can I keep my head down there, Doc? Do you play golf?

No, give me my remote.

Okay, let's get to the sleep.

Okay, so here we've achieved rapid eye movement, or as we call it, the REM

state.

Breathing is regular.

Rockets rolling. All is well.

Until... Hello!

Huh.

That's funny.

Yeah, I bet that's how I got this bruise.

But wait, there's more.

Yeah, whatever.

The girls in the office loved it. Next part.

You know what would be funny during this?

Cartoon music.

sleep rage.

Seriously, Doctor, why is she doing this to me? Well, she must have some hidden

resentment, something her conscious mind won't let her express.

Oh, no, no, I love Brock.

Well, on the tape, between blows, it sounded like you were saying something.

we isolated the audio and increased the volume, and this is what we heard.

Are you kidding me?

She's beating me in my sleep because of a stupid hamster? Oh, my God.

Oh, my love for my hamster has turned me into a monster.

So, there it is.

She's beating you in her sleep because she's mad at you.

That's it?

Again, we take all major credit cards.

Well, Doctor, what are we supposed to do about it?

Oh, this isn't a sleep issue. There's a marriage counselor across the hall.

Well, the first thing I'm going to tell that marriage counselor is how my big,

strong man can take a punch.

And

as

you can see, we have a lovely wood -burning fireplace.

Great for stretching.

Thank you, Mr. Montgomery. I'll take over from here.

Hi, I'm Reba Hart. I'm the realtor for this property.

Cheater. I'm going to tell Dave, Ed.

I don't care. And you're blowing it. First of all, there's a big truck out

front. You're ruining your open house.

Excuse us. She's in therapy.

What are you doing here? How are we supposed to handle this? I want therapy

and square.

Look, Finn, I'm sorry you're having issues, but this is a business, and I

have time to play silly games when I'm responsible for this client's home. For

your information, these buyers are really interested. They've been checking

the house for over an hour. Hey, we'll be right there. Sorry.

Well, then you should be even more happy that I'm here to help you.

But I don't need your help.

I need you to back off. I've been nothing but responsible from day one.

Really? How about getting my daughter pregnant? I already did.

Oh, I see what you mean.

Good.

Because you're young, you make mistakes.

Yeah, but I correct them. I married Cheyenne, didn't I? I've been a great

and a great husband.

Yes, Dan, you are. In part because I was helping you. I was watching you.

I don't need you watching me. Mrs. H, I'm not that kid that moved in four

ago. I'm a little bit more on the ball.

Van, this is different. We're starting a new business.

We can't afford any screw -ups.

Our reputation is everything.

We can't afford to let anything get past us.

But why do you think that I'm going to screw up? Because you're new.

There are so many tricks in the business that you haven't learned yet.

I'm the experienced one.

So the buck stops here.

Okay? Okay.

Good

luck

with your open house, fan.