Original subtitles

Hey, do you guys think Jake?

Yeah, he's upstairs in the bathroom looking in the mirror.

He's discovered the joy of hair care products.

So young, so vain.

Do you like my hair? Like the spiky thing?

Mom,

can we talk to you about something?

Uh -oh, Cheyenne's using her serious boy.

Man, are you pregnant?

Jenny, I got this.

Mrs. H, you seem like the kind of person who appreciates birds.

Van, you're not getting a bird. And you probably know that there comes a time

when the little birds have to leave the nest.

And as the mama bird's dead and that day comes... Van, you're not getting a

bird. We're moving out.

What? Yeah.

Van and I think it's time.

We want our independence.

And that table and those knives.

So, are you okay with us moving out?

Well, I don't know exactly how I feel.

I mean, on the one hand, I'd miss Elizabeth like crazy.

You wouldn't miss me?

Yeah, but not like crazy.

Have you guys figured out how much you can afford?

Yeah, yeah, we made a budget, and according to Van's salary, we can afford

place up to $700 a month.

Really?

Wow, you could probably get a great place for $700 a month. Well, $900 a

if we eat all our meals here.

You could probably get a great place for $700 a month.

So, Mom, what do you think?

I think it's a great idea.

Really? You're not upset?

No, I think it's time for the little birdies to leave the nest.

All right.

Mom,

where are you going?

I'm going to go measure y 'all's room.

Time for the mama birdie to go get her a treadmill.

Barbara Jean, I'm a little rushed right now. What can I do for you? Oh, nothing.

I just wanted to ask you something.

How do you like having the name Reba?

Well, I prefer Knuckles.

But I guess it's just fine. Why do you ask? Well, I just wanted to know because

if I wind up with a girl, that's what I'm going to name her. If you name a dog

Reba, I'm going to slap you silly.

Brock had a vasectomy. He's getting it reversed.

Wow, how'd you talk him into that?

He doesn't know yet.

You're completely crazy.

I've been wanting to talk to him about it, but, you know, I just never know how

to start an important conversation with Brock.

Well, I usually say, how long till halftime?

See, you know him.

You know what's funny?

You know how when you sell someone a used car, You share the little tips on

to operate it, you know, how to tune the radio, what to do if the heat won't

turn on.

And we never did that when I got Brock.

I don't think you're obligated to tell all the little tips when somebody steals

your car.

Reba, please.

No, Barbara Jean.

I'm not going to talk to my ex -husband about having a baby with the woman he

left me for.

That's weird even for our family.

It's not just talking to him about that.

It's about anything.

Oh, Reba, please.

No.

Fine.

But I'm getting a dog.

And I'm going to call it Reba.

And that way I get to do this.

You can't. Yeah. Because we already did.

Mom, it is on the 20th floor of this amazing building. 20th floor? Yeah. Does

have a Xerox machine and a water cooler? Because you may have accidentally

gotten a job.

Nope, it was an apartment. Mom, wait until you see the view.

You can see the curvature of the earth.

Ben, I told you it's impossible. You can see the curvature of the earth.

as long as I can come and hang out at your penthouse.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Penthouse? Mrs. H., do not worry. It has nothing to do with the magazine.

You found a 20th floor penthouse for $700 a month? No, we found a third floor

unit in the back of the building for $700 a month. Then we heard about the

apartment of the gods.

It's a little more than $700 a month.

I'll bet.

How much? Keep in mind... You can see the curvature of the earth. Ah, keep

in mind. How much?

$1 ,500 a month.

That's 700 times two.

Plus a little.

Mrs. H., I don't want to get in a math argument with you. We want it. We want

it, Mom. We want it bad. You can't afford it.

Yeah? Well, that's what the landlord said. So that's why we need you to co

the lease. No, no way.

Why don't you just take the apartment on the third floor?

We can't go to the third floor now.

That's the people from the American Dream.

Just tell them we're not here.

Barbara Jean, calm down.

What's the matter?

Oh, okay, I'll be right there.

We just have to face facts, Cheyenne.

Your mom's not going to help us.

How much do you think Jake's worth?

Man, I wish we were in high school and we could just... board your signature

like we did when we skipped class.

Yeah.

Van? Yeah.

No. Joanne, yes.

We can't.

But we're going to, aren't we?

Okay, Barbara Jean, what's wrong? Okay, Reba, do you remember when I told you

before that I have a really hard time talking to Brock about important things?

Yes. Well, I still do.

Barbara Jean, you lied to me. No, I tricked you.

See, I know how to work you.

You need to teach me how to work Brock. Barbara Jean.

Oh, Reba, you have to help me.

Brock gets upset because I always just blurt stuff out.

I'm a blurter, Reba.

Help me not be a blurter.

You're not going to lay off this stuff until I tell you, are you?

No, and it could get worse.

You know how annoying I am.

That's the first decent argument you've made.

Okay, I'll tell you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Okay, what should I say to Brock?

Oh, would it help if I put on something sexy? Certainly wouldn't help me.

Okay.

Say you want Brock to do something. For instance, you want him to paint the

upstairs hallway.

Oh, we are.

You are what? Yeah, we are going to paint the upstairs hallway.

What do you think would be a good color?

I don't care. Mint green?

I don't care. I don't care. Oh, hey, you're the one who brought it up. Okay,

right.

Let's forget the upstairs hallway.

All right. Whatever it is, Brock's going to get you to argue about it until you

lose your cool.

And then he's going to say, oh, I can't deal with a hysterical woman.

You're right. He has done that a million times.

Oh, but if he tries it tonight, I'm going to get all up in his Kool -Aid.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, Barbara Jean, that's what he wants you to do. Oh, you're right.

You're right. Stay cool.

Stay cool.

Yeah. Cool as the cucumber.

Cucumber green.

Right, right. You don't care about the hallway.

Okay, now let's deal with this blurting problem. Uh -huh. You have to control

the flow of information. You just can't blurt stuff out.

Hey, sweetheart. Hey, Reba. What are you guys up to? I think we should have a

baby.

Way to go.

A baby?

Barbara Jean.

Can we not get into this right now?

Oh, why not?

We could have another baby and then everything would be fine.

Everything is fine.

It doesn't feel fine.

It feels like every night I hop into bed with a stranger.

And I haven't felt that way since college.

Sweetheart, I don't want to talk about this right now.

Please. Will you quit pressuring me?

Good Lord, I just walked in the door.

We haven't had dinner and you want to have a baby.

No, I really don't want to talk about this.

Don't you think I have enough to deal with in my life already? Now, please,

drop it.

Okay, you can name a dog Reba.

He makes me so angry.

Why, honey, what'd he do? He used up all my moose.

Look at my hair.

I can't go to a playground like this.

Well, honey, wear a baseball cap.

Hey, Mrs. H.

Hey there, buddy. How you doing? Ooh, you could use some more volume.

This is not over.

Hey, Mr. H.

Get out.

Well, I see where Jake gets his temper from.

You know, you could use some more volume, too. Get out!

Well, you're just yelling at everybody today, aren't you? What the heck was all

that before with the baby stuff?

I didn't know she was going to blurt it out. Well, you didn't stop her.

That's not my job.

You two people are the ones coming barging in my door.

Thought when I raised you and got you remarried, you'd be more independent.

Don't you come in here yelling at me.

I'm not Barbara Jean and this is not your house. Oh, calm down. I can't talk

a hysterical woman.

Get out of my house.

Get out.

No.

You do things to make my life miserable because you resent me. And I am not

leaving here until we straighten things out between us.

Where was that attitude three years ago?

Okay, you know what? That's what I want to talk about. Do you? Yeah. Do you

really want to do that?

Because if you open that door, I guarantee you're not going to like what

find behind it. I know I won't. You did me wrong.

Flat out wrong.

No, everything I did was wrong. I know.

What?

I'm trying to be honest, Reba.

That's where we are in my therapy now. It's forcing me to be brutally honest

with myself.

And as the person who knows me best, you can just imagine how unpleasant that

is.

Well, that's a good thing, right? I mean, that's what you're supposed to do

therapy, to be honest.

Yeah. Yeah, and that's what I was supposed to be doing when we were in

therapy, too. Only I didn't.

Oh. You know, I guess it was just easier to blame my unhappiness on everybody

else. And so because I was afraid, everyone I care about got hurt. My kids.

My best friend.

Calm down. I can't talk to a hysterical man.

I'm just so sick of hurting everybody, Reba.

That's great.

No, no, thank you.

We got the apartment?

No. What?

Why?

They turned us down because your mom has lousy credit.

You know, she could have told us that before we went to the trouble of forging

her signature.

God, Sam, this is so embarrassing.

Oh, yeah.

And first of all, do you know your mom makes, like, nothing?

And she makes it every year.

But she is Mom.

Don't they know that?

She's not penthouse material.

Think about it. I mean, we were about to leave her. I mean, it's bad enough that

she's broke, but to leave her alone, too?

Oh, man, I think I'm going to cry.

No, don't cry.

Okay.

I just wish I knew there was something that we could do to help.

We could pay her some rent.

Yeah, and we could buy her own food.

Why not both?

We don't want to rub her nose in it.

Hey there.

You guys come down off the mountaintop yet?

There will be no new apartment.

What? That's right.

No new apartment. From now on, if I want to see the curvature of the Earth, I'll

just have to become an astronaut.

Well, that's something. Who's space program to look forward to?

Here.

What's this?

It's a blank check for rent.

Fill it in for $100.

Oh, honey, you didn't have to do that. Oh, take the money, you proud, brave

woman.

But you guys were so excited about moving out. What happened?

What happened?

What happened?

This.

You put food on the table. You put a roof over our heads.

Mrs. H., we owe you.

Well,

thanks.

Mind signing your name there at the bottom? Sure.

Now that you're paying rent, I guess you want the good parking spot.

Nah, the parking situation's fine. It's the menu I'm having a problem with,

Reba.

What did you call me?

Reba.

See, now that we're renters, I don't think it's right for me to be calling

Mrs. H.

Oh, and I'm cutting down on my carbs, so keep that in mind, okay, Reba?

Sure thing.

I just have one little bitty question for Cheyenne.

Yeah, sure, what is it?

Do you have a life insurance policy on your husband?

I think so. I think so. Why?

Because he's not going to like it.

Mom. Hey.

I know you admire directness, so I'm just going to get to it.

Barbara Jean said she saw you in bed with Dad.

What?

She's crazy, Carrie. You know that's not true.

Of course I do. But she swears something happened this afternoon.

At exactly 4 .17.

Exactly 4 .17?

She swears after seeing it her watch stopped.

Oh, Lord.

Honey, I was just hugging your dad. It was nothing.

Well, it wasn't nothing to Barbara Jean.

Look, I know it seems like I'm mean to her all the time, but I'm really not,

because most of it just goes over her head.

She thinks I like her, and I kind of do.

I don't want to see her like this. Well, then just go tell her what really

happened. I don't think she's going to believe it from me.

Fine.

I'll tell you one thing.

I will never hug again.

Hey, Reba.

Just thought I'd come over and tell you what a wonderful friend you are.

Oh, what's Brock doing here?

dolls in your skillet?

No.

No, I was just cleaning up some trash.

Hey, let me guess. You're looking for Brock.

No, actually, I was coming over looking for you.

As in seeing if the coast is clear so you and your boyfriend could make out?

gross.

Look, Barbara Jean, I know what you think you saw Brock and me doing, but it

wasn't what you think. You were touching.

You were stuck together like two gummy worms on a hot summer day.

Brock and I are divorced.

It's the perfect cover for an affair.

Everybody worries about the other woman.

Nobody worries about the original.

Robin is way out of proportion.

I was just hugging Brock because he was talking to me about what he's going

through and his therapy. He tells you about therapy?

is wrong, Reba.

I can feel it.

You know, it's not just the two of you pawing each other like Sonny and Cher.

It's him being unhappy, the therapy, the pills.

It's like he thinks everything with me was a mistake.

Barbara Jean, it'll be fine.

He just needs time to figure things out.

You know, I don't know, Reba.

I'd like to believe you, but I don't know if I should.

Why can't God just... Give me a sign.

Barbara Jean, I'm back. See, there's your sign.

He's come home to the one he loves.

Hey, Barbara Jean.

I think we should talk.

Yeah,

I think so, too.

But could you give me a minute with Reba first?

You want me to leave?

Okay, I'll leave.

But make it a good minute, Brock.

Make sure that at the end of that minute, you figured out whatever it is

need to figure out, because I can't keep living like this.

Brock, go after her.

She thinks that you think you made a mistake by leaving me and marrying her

everything. Go tell her she was wrong.

I don't think I can do that. And why the heck not?

Because... I do think I made a mistake.