Original subtitles

Mom, what do you want for Mother's Day?

Oh, honey, you don't have to get me anything.

But I love you, and I want to get you something really nice. Oh, honey, that

so sweet.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe some flowers?

Great.

Where's your wallet?

It's up in my bedroom.

Jake, nothing too nice. I'm broke.

Well, what is this?

Why, it's a letter addressed to Van and Cheyenne Montgomery from our bank.

Really? What does your piggy think?

Same thing he always says. Shut up, Kira.

Oh, my gosh!

Ah! This is so exciting!

We got our first interest payment on our savings account.

What's up?

A dollar and 23 cents.

Whoa.

I wouldn't have made fun of you if I'd known you were rich.

Opening the savings account was the smartest thing Van and I ever did.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

That was very responsible, Cheyenne. It was wicked responsible.

And next month, we are going to get a... And the next month. And the next month.

And the next thing you know. Old Jed's a millionaire.

Well, I better dinner with him with Scott and his parents. It gives them a

chance to stare awkwardly at me and not talk.

Hey, Reba. Hi.

Barbara Jean has great news for you.

I told her not to. She wouldn't listen.

What are you talking about?

Well, do you remember the other night when you said your love life was

I never said my love life was horrible.

Well, believe me, it is.

Anywho, once again, I have come to your rescue.

Oh, no, please tell me she's not coming to my rescue.

She did.

She set you up.

Oh, Lordy, no.

Oh, Lordy, yes.

It's the man.

your dreams, the future Mr.

Reba.

I told her this was a big mistake.

Not

that

big.

With gentle hands and the heart of a fighter, I'm a

survivor.

Reba, Terry, Terry, Reba.

Terry goes to our church.

Reba pretty much stays here.

Yeah, well, church is tomorrow. Tonight, you and I are going to worship at the

Church of Boogie.

You can't stop him. He's like a wind -up toy.

Are we going to just all stand around, or are we going to get down, get down,

get down?

Is there a third option?

Well, since we dropped him off, why don't we leave these two kids alone?

Whoa, no.

Whoa, no is right.

It's not only the perfect date, it's a double date.

Barbara Jean, can I see you in the kitchen for just a minute?

ex -wife is hot.

You should see her from up here.

So that's my perfect date?

I'd like to see the guys you eliminated.

Look, I know that Terry has his shortcomings.

Not on purpose, swear.

But you two have a lot in common. You're both divorced.

Yeah, I was wondering where the other divorced person in the world was.

You're also both smart and funny and sweet.

He reminds me of you.

In a small man's body.

I don't want to date me. I'm with me all the time.

My bad.

So it'll just be the one date and then we'll just play it by ear. No. No date.

No ears. No nothing.

We can't just kick him out.

He's in a very vulnerable... I think his divorce was very painful.

We know what that's like.

And the pain just keeps on coming.

Fine, I'll give him one hour, but these eight minutes count against it.

Sometimes when I'm really bored, I go into the big and tall store just to mess

with their heads.

Sometimes when I'm really bored.

Kind of like now.

All right, Elizabeth is asleep.

Hey, Cheyenne.

Hey. You know her? Yeah.

Van was teaching him how to play football.

Well, how'd that go for you? Good, good. Except he thought I was gay.

Get out.

misunderstanding and then i thought he was trying to hit on me so i called him

mary and blah blah blah i'm sure you know the drill sure it's nothing you

experienced before betty what's that supposed to mean oh come

on handsome guys like us are labeled all the time you got that right buddy

Did you miss me, Mary?

I'm not gay.

Okay, honey, we know, we know. You're just kidding.

I know.

What's the big surprise all about?

Oh, it's outside.

It's fabulous.

I mean, it's really cool.

old car but it's our new old car please tell me you stole this no no i bought it

cheyenne we've always dreamed of owning a sports car you know what that means we

can stop dreaming then you bought it but we just started putting money in our

savings account right and what are we saving for to buy stuff we want just

of this as us skipping a step wow a 66 bang 65

I know a little bit about cars, and this, my friend, is a 1966.

It has a 289, not a 260.

The grille is honeycomb, not multi -barred. And I bet you money if you pop

hood, you're going to find an alternator, not a direct current

Horn works.

Oh, it was magic, Cheyenne.

I was on the bus coming back from practice.

And I looked out the window and I saw this car.

It said, you don't belong on a bus, cowboy.

I looked around. There was no cowboy on the bus. It was talking to me.

Really? And while you were having this conversation with your new little

did he bother asking you how you could make a decision like this without

to your wife first?

money without asking me if it was okay.

Well, Cheyenne, I don't need to ask your permission.

I'm gonna miss you, Mary.

Cheyenne, I'm sorry I bought the car.

I feel horrible.

Until I get behind the wheel and hit the gas.

A Mustang from 1960 -ish.

Boy, I'm glad y 'all are back. For a while there, I thought I was on a date

Betty.

He calls me that because he thinks I'm handsome.

Well, you can't actually call this a date because we're not going out.

But as long as you're here, I guess we can spend the next 52 minutes together.

Peace!

Terry, tell me a little bit about yourself.

Well, what can I say, darling? I'm a tomcat on the prowl.

Really?

And that pays well?

See, this is what I was hoping for.

You could run a waffle iron on the electricity in this room.

Boy, maybe I should go tell the kids they're about to get a new stepdaddy.

Honey, shh. That Reba and Terry talk.

Well, I'm not all talk.

I could use a waffle iron about right now.

I've been working in the dental office for the last year.

Really, that is just fascinating.

Well, it's really not all that fascinating.

Well, it is the way you tell it.

Here, let me get you a coaster.

There you go.

You do realize that these are my legs, and those are your leg.

Yeah, but my legs don't turn me on.

My gosh, that hour is just going by just like that.

What are you doing, Raymond?

I can't do this.

I'm sorry, Terry, but I'm not interested in you romantically.

I'm just not. I'm sorry.

Oh, this is so awkward.

It's all my fault. I came on too strong.

No, no. Yes, yes.

Bye -bye.

I'm so ashamed.

This isn't me.

It's not? No.

My wife dumped me for a guy that acts like this.

I thought that's what women want.

I've been acting like a pig, Reba. I apologize.

Well, that's okay.

Sorry to hear about your wife.

I got dumped for some big blonde goofball.

Hey, me too.

Really? Man,

the stories I can tell you.

You've already heard those. stories, Reba.

No, no, no. I want to hear how you did.

Hey, what's the worst thing your ex ever did? Would you settle for the top

three? Well, I think we made Reba uncomfortable enough for one night we

go. What, and wreck our fun?

Park it.

Yeah. The least you could do for leaving this peach of a woman.

Did you hear that right?

Terry here thinks I'm a peach.

I prefer to focus on the positive.

You get the bed all to yourself. You don't have to share a closet. And the

part of it is, they just ain't there.

Gosh, you make it sound so good.

I can't wait till I get divorced.

Barbara Jean.

I'm just trying to fit in. Don't wreck this for me. Oh, my God.

You know that when my ex -wife left me, she said she wanted to go find her, so I

didn't have the heart to tell her she ain't worth looking for.

Oh, boy.

It feels good to let loose.

I jazzercise.

Can you believe they ran off to Spain?

Their notes said they were never coming back.

You know, I bet you guys would love Europe.

Speaking of Europe...

Brock recently quit his dental practice to pursue other interests.

Yeah, why don't we talk about that?

What are you going to do?

Play golf.

Pro golf.

Yeah. I was talking to a young man down the street. He was doing a similar

thing. Oh, yeah? How's that?

Well, he wanted to be a baseball player, but now he wants to be a spaceman.

Who wants Scott?

To get rid of the guilt of leaving you for this one.

You little hobbit.

You know, I think if I hit him really hard on top of his head once,

I could drive him all the way into the ground.

Ah, nothing.

I just eat whenever Cheyenne gets mad at me.

Whoa, pal.

That's a bad habit to get into.

I just don't see what the big deal is.

It's a cool car. I got a great deal. I even had a mechanic check it out.

I did everything right except check with her first.

You did nothing right.

I was buying a belt the other day. I called Barbara Jean and Reba.

I shouldn't have to check with my wife every time I want to spend it. I mean,

just doesn't seem fair.

Then, self, but once you're married, it's not just your money.

But the check was made out to me.

Yeah, and when Cheyenne becomes a dentist, the check will be made out to

but the money will belong to both of you. And then she'll have to check with

before she spends it?

No.

I hate this. We never used to fight about money. Well, it's because you

had any.

Now that you do, you've got to figure out some system to deal with it. System?

Really? What's yours? I hide the checkbook.

So do you think I should get rid of the car?

Well, if it were me, I'd offer to sell it and then pretend that nobody wanted

buy it.

But that's probably why I ended up divorced.

Well, I see it. It's still out in the driveway.

Look, Cheyenne.

Honey, I don't want to fight about who is right and you are wrong.

Now that we have money, we need to figure out some sort of system to deal

it. Okay, how about this?

Since I'm the one that buys everything for the family, I should be in charge of

the money.

Well, you're not in charge of buying everything.

Okay, Van.

What's the shoe that Elizabeth wears?

Small.

You know what? That's not fair. What size shoe do I wear? Twelve. Well, yeah,

you're right, but they're snug.

Look, Cheyenne, I don't want to have to come to you every time I want to spend

money. I'm an impulse buyer.

I won't get to buy anything.

Fine.

Okay, how about this?

Each of us can spend up to $100 without asking the other person anything over

that we have to agree upon.

Good. Okay.

My car will count as the first 17 times.

into our savings account.

Yeah, but a savings account doesn't go vroom vroom.

Yeah, but it does go you're safe.

Is that what this is about?

Yes.

Ever since I got pregnant, things have felt so out of control.

You know, if it hadn't been for my mom, I don't know what we would have done.

And now when I look at our savings account, it's like I know that we're

be okay.

I have not felt that way in a really long time.

Oh, Cheyenne.

Okay.

The next paycheck I get goes straight to the bank. Really?

Yes.

Minus the car payment.

Well, I guess I should ride in it before I make my decision.

Yeah, we're keeping it.

Oh, man.

It's so much simpler when we're poor.

Oh, yeah. Your mom has no idea how lucky she is.

And then the next thing you know, she's having his baby.

That's a true story.

Barbara Jean?

You didn't tell me any of this.

Woo, the tongues are going to be wagging in church on Sunday.

Buddy.

Yeah, I might not be there.

but my wrist hairs are standing up, which means it's time to go.

Thanks, Reba. Oh, and you're out of scotch.

All right.

All right, Terry, come on. Come on, it's time to go. I want to stay.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, I really think, I really think that we should go. I'm having a good time. I

will shove you in my purse!

Barbara Jean, can I talk to you out here for a second? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Get your shoes on.

Oh, gee, why are you so tense?

I thought you wanted Terry and me to get along.

Yeah, but not to be like best friends.

I mean, you never sit around with me and joke about your divorce.

Yeah, well, we joke about a lot of other things, like that guy you married.

It just made me realize that we'll never be as close as I hoped.

Yeah, well... We will never be great friends, will we? Oh, not if you keep

whining about it.

Look, I don't know what's going to happen to us, but I do know that I used

hate you.

Now you only kind of bug me.

Who knows, two years from now, I might not hide every time you come over.

But am I special to you?

Special?

Well, let's put it this way.

There are a lot of divorced people that I could joke around with.

But you are the only person who can be the other woman.

Well,

that's something I've got to write in my reaper journal.

I got my shoes on. Get in the car.

Good night, Rachel. Bye, Terry.

You know, you and I have a really weird relationship, don't we?

Boy, I could use that waffle iron right about now.