Original subtitles

Oh, great.

Hey, you brought my Wayne Nitten album. You know, women love it when I lip -sync

Dr. Shane.

Kevin, you must be so lonely.

Hey, what's this?

Dad built a tool belt. He figured you could use it since you do work around

building. Oh, thanks, but I really don't need it. I've got my trusty toolbox.

Oh, too bad. I read this article. It said women find guys who wear tool belts

sexy and macho.

You're kidding.

Uh -uh.

Well, how do I look?

Why didn't he just wear his full belt?

Hi. Hey, guys.

How was the movie? Gross and disgusting.

Jeff packed the best and who recommended it?

It was all about this guy who's half man, half rat, and he comes out of the

sewer to eat people.

Actually, I kind of liked it, but then I'm always a sucker for a movie with

songs.

Oh, great.

Hey, this is that Owens genealogy thing I ordered.

You mean our family tree?

I'd like to learn about your ancestors, George.

Are they from this planet?

As a matter of fact, the Owens are a very distinguished family, right?

You bet.

According to this, they got kicked out of Wales in 1546.

Something about starting to play.

Well, Dad, didn't you tell us there was an Owens at the first Thanksgiving?

It says here they made him sit at the kids' table.

Well, look, there was a Walter Owens at the Alamo.

Yeah.

He's a tour guide.

I heard that.

I didn't say anything.

You don't have to.

I can see that look on your face. What look?

That stuck -up British look.

Like you were related to knights and kings, right?

I wouldn't say that exactly.

But then again, I wouldn't deny that I come from a notable English peerage.

Hello, Lily.

Ask me, boy.

Mr. Governor, who's that?

It looks like.

Henry the Blinken Knight.

To the dog no one

We'll be right

back.

Margaret Belvedere. Just call me Peggy. How do you do, Peggy?

So, Peggy, how did you get here?

Yes, Mother, how did you get here? I didn't even send you a ticket.

Oh, well, you know us, Rick, Lenny, we bet on anything. I won 2 ,000 pounds on

little wager I made with a certain Mr.

Smee. Oh, what did you bet on?

What Prince Charles wears under his kilt.

Well, Mother, I'm sure you're tired, and we'd better get you moved to one of

Pittsburgh's... Death Hotel.

Hey, uh, what do you mean?

Well, she doesn't get away very often. I thought she'd like room service.

Well, that's great. She can stay in Kevin's room, and you can wait on her.

It would be a pleasure to have you stay here with us. Oh, thank you, Mom.

It'll only be for a few days, Lenny. I'll try not to get near there.

Well, all right. Let's get you settled in.

That's a good lad.

This way, Mama.

Watch the orange, Lenny. Uh, hey, Mrs. Belvedere.

What does Prince Charles wear under his kilt? Keep moving, mother...

Hi,

Kenneth.

Kevin.

The door to my balcony is jammed shut. I wondered whether you could... come

up and fix it.

Yeah, no problem. I'll be there since I'm finished here.

Is there a problem?

Oh, no. Oh, it's just nice to come across a real man for a change.

A man who can work with his hands.

Nice tool belt.

I just love the way it hugs your hips.

Thanks.

You know, I've written you off as one of those college kids who died.

and studies all the time.

With?

Well, listen, maybe we could get together sometime?

Have some fun?

I don't know about you, but I'm already having fun.

How about you to court tonight?

You're on.

See you then, macho man.

So what are your plans for today?

Oh, I was hoping then he would show me the side.

Oh, Mother, I'd be happy to show you around, but I really can't take the

However, I'd be delighted to set you up in the patio, where you can sit quietly

and nick.

Nick?

That's rather oddly tasteful.

So, Peggy, as long as you're here, Mr. Belvedere can take off all the time he

wants. Yeah, I think I... Just like you always told us, family comes first.

Did I say that?

See you later. Bye.

Blimey, Lily.

Looks like... Just you and me.

Blimey.

Kevin, the door jammed again and my cab is stuck on the balcony. Could you

please come up and fix it?

Oh, sure.

Where's your tool box?

Well, I was just about to go out.

Well, weren't you going to wear your tool box?

I hadn't planned on it.

You know.

If you wear your tool belt, we might not have to go out.

Oh, the poor kitty must be cold out there.

Sort of the opposite of how I feel.

Let's see.

Macho man.

Come here, kitty.

There you go.

Hey,

you know something, Paula?

I think the problem's on the outside. This'll just take one sec.

Kevin, you're letting all the heat out. Oh, sorry.

Oh, no.

Let me call the fire department. I gotta get off of here.

I have a better idea.

Why don't you climb up to the roof?

What?

We're on a tall floor. Just get me up and walk down the stairs.

Paula, we're four floors up.

Oh, you little tease, you.

Look, Paula, I don't think that's such a good idea.

Kevin, I nearly lose control just thinking about you climbing up my wall.

Up we go!

This is unbelievable!

Well, first Mr. Belvedere said they were going to the art museum and then to the

University of Pittsburgh.

Something about a lecture on Thomas Hardy.

Thomas who?

That's what Mumsy said.

I've never been so humiliated in my life. Oh, sure you have. What about when

your bitch is switching school play and you bet your bobbin's in a bicker?

Hey, what's going on, big guy? They starting to give balloons away at

these days?

I don't even ask to leave the lecture.

I believe it had something to do with me snoring.

Actually, it was your popping your bubblegum that had us forcibly removed.

So where did you guys go?

Six flags over Beaver Falls.

That's the most fantastic rollercoaster they had. I almost lost me old tummy.

Mother, the whole point of the day was to absorb a little culture, to broaden

our minds, to finally do something that I wanted to do.

You said you'd been doing something you wanted to do.

Oh, was it I who wanted to go to the demolition derby? Or to the boat show?

Or to that hog -calling contest in Alsuna?

Last night we went to the Bloomin' Ballet.

That was not the ballet. That was the icecapade.

That was not Baryshnikov.

It's the Snoopy.

Fine, Jeffery.

Excuse me, I'll be in my room.

Oh, yeah, but with nothing off, Dad.

Anyone want a balloon?

Nothing.

What you doing?

I'm trying to watch the opera.

Oh, watch it with you, then.

I don't think you'll be interested.

Nobody drops their pants.

Oh, Vinnie, you always want the one.

Mother, shouldn't you be getting your sleep? I mean, you've got a very big

flight back to England tomorrow.

Vinnie, we've had our differences.

But we had our good times together, haven't we? Yeah, the day simply flew

What was us telling about and the Owens blokes being so cheery and all?

Well, it is.

Why not move to Beaver Falls?

Here.

I think you're just infatuated with things American.

The appeal wears off very quickly.

I notice you're still here.

We've been together.

Think of it.

I am.

Hey, big guy, can I see you for a minute? Yes.

What's the matter with you?

That's your mother you're trying to bounce.

Well, I have her best interest at heart.

She'd be far happier in England.

She's no spring chicken.

She's not going to be around forever.

Her mother lived to be 117.

Oh, George.

I hate to say this, but you're right.

I'm behaving abominably.

Well, what do you know?

I was finally able to give you some advice.

Big deal.

Mother, I'd be delighted if you'd stay here and be the foal.

And you're welcome to stay here with us as long as you'd like. Oh, that's the

most kind of you. And now I think we'd better be getting you up to bed.

I know the way. Up you go. Tonight I'll tuck you in.

Mother, I'm 62.

So think. I might be here when you turn 63.

64. 64.

Mother,

what are you doing?

Hello, love.

Imagine a jiffy. No, Mother, I'll prepare the family breakfast.

Now, Georgia won't accept payment from the accommodation, and I ain't no

freeloader. Now, listen, Mother. Now, go on now. Put your bum over there.

No, Mother.

Mother!

Hey, this is great.

Yeah, it's even better than midget wrestling.

Who the hell asked you?

Sir, who's that?

Homer Huffingham.

Tell me how much you like your leopard bikini underpants.

So how does that man ever see my underwear?

That's what I'd like to know.

I did a load of laundry, you know. Mother, we do not put personals on the

That's why we have a dryer.

But I always hung things out on the line back home. Well, you're not back home.

You're not in Higby Road.

And I will attend to the duties of this house in a dignified and proper manner.

Mrs. Owens, I will remove your panties.

from the leering gaze of Mr. Huffnagle, and then I will return and prepare the

meal. Any questions?

No. No.

Hey,

Mr. Governor, where's Watson?

Throw Mama from the train.

Your mum's been getting to you, huh?

Well, let me put it this way.

I'm actually beginning to appreciate you.

But who's your mum?

Wesley.

I'm not very proud to say this, but my mother embarrasses me.

Why? I'm not embarrassed by Dad, and look at him.

He got me there.

Look. We think she's really neat, even if you don't. And I don't think you

should keep chasing her around and making excuses for her. Now I'm really

embarrassed.

Why?

Because you're right.

Well, where are you going?

Did I ever tell you that my mom loves Dr.

Coveteri?

Who is it?

Mama!

Hi, Kevin.

Ooh, you have a new tattoo.

Uh, yeah, I put it on myself.

You know, I haven't seen you for a couple of days.

I've missed my macho man.

Yeah, well, I've been recuperating.

From what?

Well, from getting thrown off that mechanical bull in the country western

That was so sexy.

Yeah, and from us getting killed at the motorcycle rally.

Well, honey, I thought you said you could ride a motorcycle.

Yeah, I can.

but I've never done it through a funnel of flames.

Look, Paula, I'm really not sure where this relationship is going except maybe

to the hospital.

Don't you want to be my man anymore?

Well... Am I still vested so long now Gibson and Harrison Ford all rolled up

into one kebby webby?

Well, I think that...

Okay. Good.

Because my old boyfriend said he's coming for me, and I want you to kick

butt all the way back to the stinky old Marines.

Wow, is that really where Mr. Belvedere grew up? Mm -hmm.

What's going on?

Mommy's giving us a picture show.

And that's Iggy Rose.

Look familiar, Lenny?

Uh, yes, Mommy.

And that was our happy home. Wow.

This is a mansion, Mr. Belvedere. Of course, we only had one room in the

basement. Things being what they were.

See, that must have been awfully crowded.

Of course, it was the least of it. To get to the loo, we had to go outside and

clear down the alley.

Remember you running through the snow at night?

Yeah, I suppose.

Now, anyone here look familiar then?

You mean Mr.

Belvedere's mansion?

Well, no one called him Mr.

Belvedere then. Well, which one is he?

Well, we know it's not the little guy in front.

Oh, there he is. Oh, don't you get surprised there.

That's me, Vinnie, all right. And with all the work and hair we've lost, too,

are you enough to make it easy?

Excuse me. I've got to get to that.

Oh, hello, Kevin.

Man, I really blew up, Mr. Belvedere.

I mean, I put on this stupid tool belt and got all machoed up for this girl,

Paula. And now a boyfriend who's a Marine is going to grind my face into

hamburger.

I should have talked to you.

Why?

Because. You would have said, Kevin, you're acting dumb.

You would have told me, hey, look, you're not a macho guy, but that's okay.

Be yourself.

Don't run away from who you are.

That's what you would have told me, right?

Yes, I would.

Mr. Felvedere.

I've got to go straighten a few things out.

Hello, Danny.

Oh, hello, Mother.

You okay?

I'm fine, Mother.

So what's he standing out there for?

Well, I'm trying to limit my exposure to Wesley.

It wasn't him that drove you out of the room. It was me.

Suppose if I stayed around here long enough, I'd drive you out of the whole

blooming town.

You were just being yourself, Mother.

I get the feeling you're not too proud of what that is.

No, Mother.

What I'm not very proud of is me.

You, those photographs, that's what I really am.

It seems that I've spent a lifetime trying to deny them.

Do you remember what you used to say to me when you'd come running home carrying

all them big books from school?

You'd say, Mumsy, someday I want to be a fine Englishman. That seems

a long time ago.

When I see your picture in the paper with Churchill or Gandhi or even that

Robert Goulet.

All elders up in the pub and I say, that's me, isn't it?

And we'd all raise a pint to me, boys.

Sometimes I'd even raise two.

I'm sorry if I behave badly to you, Mother.

I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing some of your friends.

I love you, Mumsy.

I love you, Lenny.

It's a fine young world over.

It's the poor one and sublime.

It's the rich one and the pleasure.

Her plans are not yet finalized. But whether she decides to stay or go, the

important thing is, I'm proud to say, she's me mum.

Come in.

Vinnie, I appreciate the chocolate -covered chairs, but they never was me

favorite. Sweet, they was yours.

So have a go at them, son.

Mum's in her bed.