Original subtitles

Hey, come on, Marsh. It's after midnight. You gotta get some sleep.

I can't.

I guess I'm worried about going to prison tomorrow.

It's not like they're locking you up. I know.

It's just that this is all so new.

I mean, up till now, all of my legal work has been wills and divorces and

defending Wesley from the neighbors.

Who is this jailbird, anyway?

Sharon Witt. I've never met her. But she's been convicted of armed robbery,

grand theft, and felonious assault.

Oh. I think I voted for her. Oh, George.

Come in.

Oh, Mrs. Owens, I heard you pacing for several hours.

May I bring you some hot milk?

Oh, no, thank you. I can get my own hot milk.

Then may I get you a cookbook?

Good night.

Good night, Mrs. Owens.

Hey, come on, Marsh. You're not going to do anyone any good if you're dead on

your feet.

Yeah, I guess you're right, George.

Sweetie Pie?

You sleepy?

Marsh?

You're the third lawyer they assigned to this wacko. But maybe you'll stick.

I got a feeling she's gonna like you.

What do you mean?

Oh, you'll see.

That's true.

I know how to reason with these broads.

Hello. I'm Marsha Owens, your court -appointed attorney.

Yeah?

Never met a boy who cared when he dropped his jacket.

And if he came through the door, no one bled. But sometimes things get turned

around and no one sped.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

We just might live a good life, yeah.

Oh, the judge says ten years.

Hey, what are you gawking at?

I just can't get over how much we look alike.

Well, we ain't exactly the same. I bet you ain't got the queen of hell tattooed

on your butt.

Can we get on with your statement?

When I think about all the things I've been missing, it just makes me want to

cry.

I'm going to get you out of here, Sharon.

Yeah. I got a feeling you just might.

Smoke? No, thanks.

Oops. Oh,

I'll get him.

Ooh. Okay, you dames can bunk with Sleeping Beauty.

Hey, Whit, you got company.

Am I glad you're back.

Something terrible has happened.

Tell me about it. The latrine backed up in cell block D.

Meet your new roommate.

No, no, you don't understand. I'm not Sharon Whit. I'm Marsha Owen.

And I'm Sigourney Weaver.

No, Sharon hit me. She knocked me out. and she stole everything.

Even my suede boots.

Nice try, Whit.

No, I'm telling you, I don't belong here.

Oh, no, no, no, I wouldn't try to con you. I'm a lawyer. Oh,

yeah, Vic, man, this is the

perfect setup.

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna hang out till I find out where these rubes keep their

and the... Well, of course I can make them trust me.

I gotta go. Someone's coming. Yeah, bye.

Oh, thanks.

Here's some of the tools I'm gonna need.

by your usual name.

I like Kevin.

Kevin it is, Kevin.

Yeah, well, listen, Dad's gonna be home any minute, so just tell him I'm

upstairs.

big sweater, whoever he is.

Oh, and that must be the husband.

Yuck.

Here is your mail, Mrs. Owens. Oh, thank you, sport.

Are you feeling all right, Mrs. Owens? You seem a little distracted.

Misplace my jewelry box.

Mrs. Owens, you know I steer clear of your personals.

I'm sure that your jewelry is safe and sound.

Swell.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Mr. Belvedere. Wesley, you're an hour late.

I had detention.

Yeah?

I mean, shame, shame.

Uh, Mr.

Belvedere, I would like to be alone with Wesley.

You're a brave soul.

I'm sorry, Mom.

Oh, I'm sure you had a reason. Here, buy yourself a beer.

Gee, Mom, this isn't like you.

Well, I want you and me to be pals.

But you're my mother.

And a proud mother I am to have such a clever little tyke.

I'm going to stomp you into sludge.

Gotcha. It's three packs of cigarettes you owe me, sister.

The hell I do.

You moved your elbow.

You want to make something out of it?

I got a better idea.

Let's play blackjack.

No way.

Gambling is illegal.

What are they going to do, kick us out of here?

How about you, Blondie? Up for a game?

No, thanks.

Ah, come on. Look, no weapons.

What about her?

Old Lady Haverford? Nah.

She don't associate with us common criminals.

That's Doris Haverford, the restaurant heiress who chopped her husband up into

little bits and scattered him in the park?

I thought they dropped the murder charges.

Yeah, but they got her for littering.

Well, gee, she's famous.

Hey, I'm kind of famous myself.

Yeah? Oh, sure.

I spent most of my career serving... major government officials.

Yeah, at an hourly rate.

I see.

And, Grandma, what are you in for?

Five to ten.

This cop was manhandling me, and I slapped him in the face.

And they gave you five to ten for that?

Well, she was setting fire to a factory at the time.

Okay, you weren't home. Exercise period.

You know, this is outrageous.

You're holding an innocent woman while...

Brought you some flowers.

Well, thank you, my husband.

I'll go put them in water. Oh, no, here.

Let Belvedere do that.

When's the last time I brought you flowers?

Knowing you, George, after you attended your last funeral.

George!

Yeah?

Come here, baby.

Well, I got reservations for McSworley's.

Gourmet dinner, slow dancing.

Oh, no.

My knees hurt.

I love it when you play hard to get.

I am Marsha Owens. Why won't you believe me?

Get off it. Anyone who returns kickoffs like you ain't no sissy housewife.

I am a lawyer, and I also happen to jog a lot.

Boy, what a game. We really mold them.

Reminds me when I was with the Falcons. Yeah.

some prison gang no the atlanta falcons i was their place kicker

they let a woman play nope well then how could you i mean unless you

were you got it you were a man you want to see my scars

Just be back before the bars close.

Morning, Mark.

How's your headache?

Well, gotta go.

Mom, the garage is that way.

Well, I'm gonna let Walter.

Wesley, I gotta get some things from my room.

Toodle -oo.

Am I crazy or is your mom acting a little strange?

Yes, on both counts.

She's a pod person.

Maybe some alien snatched her body and replaced her with a replica.

Too bad. They got the wrong Owens.

Yeah, yeah, Vic. I found all the passbooks and the keys, but the bank

me make any withdrawals unless it's co -signed by George Owens.

Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'll just hang out one more night. Maybe I can sweet

-talk him into something.

Eh? Oh, I'm sorry. I must have the wrong number.

You've been getting a lot of things wrong lately.

I'm just so overworked.

Mr. Belvedere, can I ask you a question?

Go ahead, make my day.

I've been thinking about buying one of those new big screen TVs, but I have to

coax the money out of George. Now, what do you think is the best way to soften

him up?

With a rubber mallet.

Mrs. Owens, you've known him longer than I.

Yeah, yeah.

But just for argument's sake, if you were me, what would you do?

Well, I suppose I would cook him a lavish gourmet dinner.

Then hit him up for the money right afterwards.

Great idea!

I'll get right on it.

I'll start screaming. That'll bring the guard up here to see what's wrong. I'll

jump her and snap her neck like a twig.

That'll bring us up to the cell block, guard. I'll jump her and snap her neck.

Like a twig.

Next, we'll go down to the main gate where there's two guards. Take one on

arm and snap their necks like twigs.

Ladies, I don't know if this is a good idea. I mean, someone could get hurt.

Like an innocent bystander?

You know, you two have a very bad attitude.

Listen, Goldilocks.

This is prison.

There's gangs and screws and crummy food and endless work details.

And there's nothing but drudgery and squalor and desperation as hour after

day after day, week after week, slowly they squeeze the soul out of you.

My, aren't you a gloomy Gus.

What you need is a...

and no one gets hurt.

What do you want?

I want to be set free. I want her to sing.

Oh. Well, any special requests?

Yeah. Sing Do, Re, Mi.

But one false note, and Murphy's history.

Sing, lady, sing.

Do, a dear...

I feel so uncomfortable sitting here letting you serve me.

Relax. I'll eat when you're done. Now, who wants more?

I'll have another piece.

Would you like me to heat it up for you?

Sure.

Boy, Mom sure is friendly.

How about this meal she cooked?

Beef wellington?

Truffles?

Stuffed wild goose?

This is the most... most magnificent meal I have ever eaten.

That woman is not your mother.

So, how are we doing?

Oh, just fine, fine. Oh, Mrs.

Owens, I finished.

Why don't you sit here and have your meal, and I'll warm it up for you. You

talked me into it, Jeeves.

Yes, well, let's clear the...

How'd you like my goose?

I'm done.

Hey, come on, I'm her husband.

Don't you think I'd recognize her if she were a fake?

Well, I would.

Time to take a hike.

Okay, so for once in her life, she cooked a good meal.

What other evidence do we have she's not your mother?

She paid me for getting detention.

She taught me how to rob and... armored truck.

She pinched me on the tush.

She kissed me on the mouth.

Finally, safe and sound.

Well, whoever she is, she's out of her mind.

There she is.

Oh, George.

Freeze, lady. You got some explaining to do.

What's going on?

All right, who are you and what have you done with my mother?

Kevin, I am your mother. Don't touch me, you tramp.

You should never have cooked us a gourmet dinner.

But I didn't cook any... She must have come here.

Who?

Sharon Witt, my client. She looks just like me. She knocked me out. She stole

all my things and she must have used my keys to come in here.

You expect us to believe that?

It's impossible.

Not really.

There are five billion people in this world.

It's quite possible that... one of us has a double somewhere.

Right. And mine just happens to be a psychopath.

You know what I think?

I think you're the psychopath.

Yeah. You're not our mom.

You're not my wife.

Your first venture as a criminal lawyer.

We got you something to commemorate it.

An attache case.

You deserve it, Marsh.

It's lovely, but where did it get that dent?

Nothing too unusual to report today, other than a very odd dream Mrs. Owens

that left her a bit rattled.

The idea of a person having a double is most intriguing.

It has been the... of such great works as The Prisoner of Zender, The Comedy of

Errors, and The Petty Duke Show.

Every Sunday, relax and bring your whole family together with award -winning

movies that will entertain and inspire.

This week, to save her farm and family, a woman must tame a wild horse and ride

him to victory in the Family Net presentation of The Dark Horse, Sunday

.m. Eastern on Family Net Blitz.