Original subtitles

Come on, Heather, hurry up.

What are you doing in there?

Putting on a new face.

It's about time she got rid of the old one.

I've heard that.

Listen, I've been thinking.

With the start of the new decade, we should all do more about social

like poverty.

Oh, that's a very nice thought, honey. What do you think we should do?

How about raising my allowance?

Get the job, pal.

You walked through eight feet of snow to deliver papers for two cents a week,

and you gave that to your poor old mother.

Yeah, you laugh, but that's what made me what I am today.

A guy waiting in line to use his own bathroom?

Morning,

big guy.

Greetings, pilgrims.

Thanksgiving dinner.

And I'm mild dandish.

Welcome, Pocahontas, to our feast.

It isn't Thanksgiving, it's breakfast.

What's the matter with you anyway?

What's with the turkey?

Oh, I'm sorry, George.

I must have been thinking of you.

Never matters for who cares.

When you dropkick your jacket, as you came through the door, no one's there.

But sometimes things get turned around and no one's there.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that you can get.

Sporting through all the world.

Life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

Hey, Lynn.

Oh, what are you doing here?

Mr. Belvedere sent you on a donut run?

No, actually, I'm looking for a part -time job.

Do you need any help?

Oh, that's a ten.

What skills do you have besides making license plates?

Yeah, I'm a fast learner and I'll work real hard, I promise.

Hey, Luann, do the community a favor and keep that boy off the street.

Yeah.

Well, I suppose this is a public service. Great.

I'll work the cash register.

Not in my lifetime.

Oh, no.

That's Sheila's job.

Who?

Good afternoon, Kevin. How are you?

Okay, yes.

It's just I can't think of a project for my abnormal psychology class.

Why don't you dissect Wesley's brain?

Come on, don't you have any good suggestions?

Kevin, you've got to be more of a self -starter. You've got to show some

initiative. You've got to... Mr.

Poverty, why are you singing three itty -fitties?

What are you talking about?

Hey, Belvedere.

I must

find my journal entry of exactly

seven years ago.

Oh, no.

Today I was afflicted by the dreaded Stonehenge. curse.

A disease so rare, there's not even a telethon for it.

Stop it!

Fetch me my camel.

I have a desert to conquer.

I'm Little Miss Muffet. Will you marry me?

No! I don't want to crumb in my bed.

What are you two doing now?

See, if we entertain the customers, they'll stay longer and eat more.

You've been goofing off for three days. Now get to work.

My mom never wants me to have any fun.

All moms are like that.

I think they sign a pledge.

You just have to work around it. How?

Well, come over to my house tonight. We'll say we're doing homework.

Okay, I'll tell you helping me with my French.

Bien sûr, mademoiselle.

Merci beaucoup.

Gee, it won't even be a lie.

Hello, everyone.

Hey, Belvedere.

You're not going to start singing or anything, are you?

I know I have been acting oddly, and I think you're entitled to an explanation.

Full moon?

Oh!

Actually, you're rather close, George.

It's the Stonehenge curse.

Every seven years, the natives of the town of my birth go bonkers.

A mysterious energy flows through me.

One minute I'm me, the next minute I'm someone else.

Gee, just like Shirley MacLaine.

It's the dispensation of the druids, the kookiness of the Celts, the magical,

maniacal, mischievous Merlin himself.

This is all about a raise, isn't it?

There's only one cure.

I have to go to England and spin two times under a Stonehenge monument.

While the druids chant.

Well, big guy, just how dumb do you think we are?

Somewhere between jackals and chimpanzees.

Well, I'm sorry. We just can't spare you now.

Yeah, you're just going to have to ride this thing out here.

Very well.

But don't say I didn't warn you.

Hey, this is great.

I just found my subject for my abnormal psych class. I might even get a B.

Hi, Sheila. You look nice.

So do you.

Uh, everyone, this is Sheila, the land's daughter.

Uh, Sheila, this is my mom, my dad, and my alleged sister, Heather.

Nice to meet you all.

Anyway, we're gonna be singing very much.

I think it would be more appropriate for you to study in the kitchen.

Yeah, that way, if you get the urge, you can nibble on something.

Qu 'est -ce que c 'est?

C 'est une patate?

No, patate is how they say potato in Canada.

In France, they call it a pomme de terre.

Are you sure?

Hey, Mr. Belder, have you ever been to France?

Has the Empire of Napoleon ever been to France?

Go, baby, go!

Where is my empress? I must see Josephine.

She's upstairs cleaning the jar.

Come, Jacques.

We must gather the troops and liberate her from her porcelain prison.

Mr. Belvedere's really insane, isn't he?

Yeah.

Your turn.

Hi, Lou Anne. Come on in. Is my Sheila still here?

Yeah, she and Wes are out in the kitchen doing homework.

She was supposed to be home a half an hour ago.

Oh, well, they probably got wrapped up in their study. Well, I think it's time

that we unwrap them. What?

They've been spending an awful lot of time together.

Oh, come on, Lou Anne. And they're just friends.

Anyway, Wes, your mom and I can see that you really like Sheila.

And your mom thought you and I should have a little talk.

Is this because Sheila's black?

No. It's because she's a girl.

And when boys and girls get together, stuff can happen.

Like what kind of stuff?

Guy stuff.

I know you have urges because you have all that... Tetrazini.

Tetrazini? Yeah, male hormones.

Dad, that's testosterone.

Right.

And it's because of stuff like that that guys want to do other stuff.

And if they don't do the right stuff...

Girl stuff can happen.

Do I make myself clear?

As a bell.

Thanks, Dad.

Sure, kid.

And I want you to know you can come to me with anything, anytime.

Great. Maybe next time we can talk about sex.

He's doing it. It's easy.

Hey, wait. Let me zoom in.

crazy. I'm talking to you, aren't I?

You seen Josephine lately?

How about those pilgrims? Really, I think this is quite enough.

Come on, I need you to go bonkers.

Maybe I'm not going to. Maybe I'm cured.

But you haven't danced around Stonehenge.

Well, I've been taking a lot of vitamin C.

Boy, is he grouchy. Yeah, looks like he's back to normal.

Hurry, I can head them off with the pious.

Hey, Sheila.

What? But you know we're not supposed to be talking.

You mean because of last night?

You got that right.

I got a two -hour lecture about the facts of life.

My dad had a talk with me, too.

It was either about sex or Italian food.

Jess, what are you two doing?

Nothing. Well, you better stop it.

Now, where are those donuts I asked you to frost?

Right here.

What is this?

Uh, I was trying a new idea for Valentine's Day.

Uh -huh.

And what does W .S. stand for?

William Shakespeare.

See, he wrote a lot of Valentines.

It wouldn't happen to stand for Wesley and Sheila, would it?

So what if it does? What's the big deal?

Wesley! I'm tired of being treated like criminals just because we like each

other. You're not a criminal, Wesley. You're just unemployed.

Huh? If gotten so, I can't turn my back without you two carrying on.

like Wesley.

I'll give you an extra week's pay. Now get going.

Okay. But you haven't seen the last of Wesley T. Owen.

Hi. Hi.

How's Mr. Belvedere doing?

Great. Oh, then he's feeling better?

No, he's crazier than a bed bug.

Yeah, today he thought he was Toto.

The little dog from The Wizard of Oz?

We caught him trying to jump into a picnic basket.

to keep me away from Sheila as if she could stand between me and my one true

love.

Look, honey, you are a little young to be so serious about a girl.

Yeah, pal.

I didn't start going steady till I was 29.

And if this upsets Luann so much, well, maybe you just shouldn't see Sheila for

a little while.

I can't believe this. You guys don't know anything about love.

Wes, how can you say that?

Because you're... Married?

He's got a point.

I'll talk to Mr. Belvedere. He'll understand. Where is he?

On the patio. Just follow the yellow brick road.

This is so unfair.

All Sheila and I want is to be together.

You know, in my business, I have to deal with many young couples like Sheila and

yourself.

Huh?

Whether you buy it from me or another salesman, I hope you'll take one piece

advice to heart.

What's that?

Whole life insurance.

What are you talking about?

I know term is cheaper, but whole is an investment in your future.

Let me show you some actuarial figures.

Maybe some other time.

Perhaps you're right.

I have some customers I must visit.

Let me leave these with you, and I'll be in touch.

Mr. Belvedere?

Bob.

Bob Smith.

Finally, we're alone.

I just know my mom's gonna walk in here any second.

Trust me, this is the last place she'd look for you.

What do we do now?

How about this?

Wait a minute.

What's the matter?

Don't you want to talk?

About what?

I don't know.

Our lives, our dreams.

Well, last night I had a dream that I was in English class and Mrs. Bunger was

diagramming sentences naked.

out the way I thought it would.

Oh, come on. Doesn't the danger make you feel alive?

Actually, it makes me feel nauseous.

What's the matter?

I don't know.

This isn't romantic anymore.

It's just scary.

Yeah, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

You think we just did this to get back at our parents?

Among other things.

Well, at least we'll always have Paris.

What does that mean?

I don't know.

Humphrey Bogart says Ingrid Bergman in a movie.

Then what happened?

This.

Come on. I'll take you home.

So, Sheila and I are going someplace you'll never find us. I hope you're

satisfied. P .S. Please tell Mr.

Belvedere I went with Mutual of Altoona.

Hey, don't blame Wes.

You drove them to it by saying they couldn't see each other anymore.

I was just trying to keep my daughter away from that monster.

Don't call my son a monster.

Besides, it takes two to tango.

What kind of nut house is

this?

Hey, guys.

Wes! Sheila, get away from that boy.

Young man, where have you been?

Yeah, let's have it, Wes.

Okay, fine.

We went to the Beaver Falls Motel. What?

I told you that child was a monster.

He is not.

He's kidding.

Mom, we ran away to Donut World.

Then we realized that was dumb and we came home.

Sheila and I like each other, but we're not doing all the things you think we're

doing. You're not?

No.

She wouldn't let me.

Wesley's a gentleman.

And I'm my mother's daughter.

Well, maybe I did overreact a little.

Maybe I'm just afraid my little girl is growing up.

I'm sorry, honey.

Mom. What, baby?

Can Wesley have his job back?

Well, I guess so.

Thanks.

push it.

I'm sorry. I call Wesley a monster.

That's okay.

He's used to it.

Good night, Sheila.

Good night, Wesley.

Sweet dreams.

Good night.

Look,

Wes, I know you were upset, but you had no right to scare us like that.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it.

Why?

It was my Tetrazini.

Why? It looks just like Stonehenge. We had to do something to get you back to

normal.

And there are druids in the forest, too.

There are?

Oh, druids!

Can we hurry this up?

I'm being followed by Blitzen.

So, go ahead. You're supposed to spin twice under the monument.

Yes, that's true, but what about the druid song?

No problem. I picked up the sheet music at the mall.

Yes, it's a new store called Druids and Things.

Okay, big guy.

Start spinning.

Okay, big guy.

like that.

And what are these boulders doing here?

Why are you all staring at me like a bunch of sheep?

Good to have them back, isn't it?

Wesley and Sheila continued to see each other.

They even went to a drive -in movie.

Of course, Luanne was sitting in the back seat with me.

At least she bought a dozen donuts.

I touch that the Owens went to such lengths to lift my Stonehenge curse.

Using those phony monuments, they deceived the powers that be and

an age -old affliction.