Original subtitles

Hello, everyone.

Lynn!

Ah, hello, Ralph.

Hiya, Lynn.

Gotcha.

What's new?

Hopefully, those lemon crullers.

Well, it looks like it's feeding time at the zoo.

It must be, Lamar, and you're out of your cage.

Do you want me to put these in a box, or are you just going to stand over this

tray and graze?

Ah, lovely.

Lemon crullers from a sourpuss.

hot remarks from a limey.

You two, you're better than the roadrunner and the coyote. Here you are,

Thank you. Oh, come over here.

I want to show you something.

Oh, Ralph, it's not going to be another of those practical jokes.

No, no, no, I promise.

Oh, good. My eyebrows are still singed from the last one.

No, this is more of a tribute to my best customer, Len Belvedere.

And they say sophisticated humor is dead.

Well, come on, Luann. We're almost out of jellyfield. You want to make some? As

soon as you get me some powdered sugar, it's way up on that top shelf in back

where you know I can't reach it.

All right. I'll be back in a jiff.

Sooner or later, one of Ralph's practical jokes is going to backfire on

Maybe sooner than we think.

Never matters for who cares When you drop kick the jacket As you came through

the door No one's there But sometimes things get turned around And no

one's there All hands look out below There's a change in the

status quo Gonna need all the help that you can get

Life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

And so, Beaver Falls Donut World is a fatter place as we mourn the death of

Ralph Stelvecchio.

He will be missed by all of us here today, especially his loyal customers.

Ralph Delvecchio welcomed everyone into his humble shop until that fateful day

when he was buried in an avalanche of powdered sugar and rainbow sprinkles.

By the time I got to him, he was just laying there with a glazed look in his

eyes.

Now to say a few words in Ralph's memory is a man who loved his donuts more

than, well, more than any man ever loved donuts, Mr. Lynn Belvedere.

In honor of Ralph's memory, I have written a poem.

It is called Ode to the Donut Man.

The donut man has gone away.

Only crumbs left on the tray.

The deep fat fryer is silent and still.

No lemon crullers left to fill.

No maple logs or cinnamon buns.

No jelly -filled or powdered ones.

No bear claws pups or apple fritters.

No devil food.

Thank you, Mr. Belvedere. That was, uh... That was very sweet.

But there's more.

Save a little something for the gravesite.

Ah, indeed.

Thank you. Those of you who wish to may attend the burial, after which we will

serve coffee and, uh... You know.

Mr. Belvedere, that was lovely.

Yeah, real food for thought.

Well, then, that was some send -off you gave old Ralph.

I never knew you could speak that way.

You mean inverse?

No, with your mouth empty.

Well, at least Ralph is in a better place.

Obviously. You're not there.

Ralph made a good apple fritter. The best.

Uh, Norman Randall.

Oh, how do you do? I have been Ralph's attorney for the past 20 years.

Mr. Belvedere, I wonder if you might have time to stop by my office sometime

tomorrow. Ralph left you something in his will.

Save what?

I'm sorry you're so upset.

You bet your frosted long johns I'm upset.

Why did he leave this place to you?

Perhaps... Because I have a head for donuts.

Yeah, with a great big hole in it.

Adieu for the road on the house.

You trying to fix a ticket or just run us out of business?

You've been on my back ever since I took over.

Well, look at you. You stroll in here late, you give away half our

and you eat what's left.

I have two words for you.

Make donuts.

You don't want to hear the two words I have for you.

You are the most difficult, exasperating, contentious.

Hello.

Hello, dear Luann.

We stopped by to see how things are going.

Plus, Heather threatened to make breakfast again.

Oh, everything's just fine, fine.

Well, then why are the veins in your neck bulging out?

They're trying to keep up with the rest of him.

Yeah, you sure spent a lot of time down here. Don't you go home.

No. There are certain things I have to take care of. Take care of? Of the four

basic food groups.

Fried, glazed, powdered, and sprinkled. Here,

have some of my special double chocolate donuts.

Come on, you can eat them on the way to school.

Uh, what do I owe you?

Oh, no charge. We'll just put them on Ronald McDonald's tab.

Hey, thanks, big guy.

Now who's giving away the dough? That's different. They're my donuts.

My donut?

My donut store? My donut? My butt.

That's it.

I've had enough of your sass. You got that right. I quit.

Oh, no. You're fired.

I can run this place very well by myself. Thank you. You're welcome.

You know what Luanne did today?

She quit.

How did you know?

Word gets around.

If I never see that woman again, it'll be too soon.

be a nightmare.

Yeah. If I pinch myself, maybe I'll wake up.

This house simply isn't big enough for the two of us.

You'll just have to work around each other.

No mean feet?

No, it'll be easy.

When Mr. Belvedere's at work, Luanne will be here.

Then when he gets back, she can go home.

Well, I'm back.

Fine. You can do the dishes.

You sure made a lot of food.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Why is that?

Because I said so.

Morning.

Hi. Good morning.

Wesley, get that plastic vomit off my plate.

Those are cheese grits.

Oh, well, I just wanted a root beer.

Root beer?

Is that the kind of breakfast you let your daughter have?

You know, Heather, she's right. You should sit down and have a balanced

Well, I'll see you tonight.

Bye. And where do you think you're going? Oh, to court. I have to argue a

Not on an empty stomach, you're not.

Oh, Luann.

Don't all Luann me. You just got finished telling her to have a balanced

Now, was that a bunch of hooey or what?

That's better.

And if the judge gives you a hard time, just tell him to call me.

Okay, let's dig in.

Hold it!

Don't you want to say something first?

No belching?

Don't you want to say thank you?

Thank you, Ann.

Not to me, to him.

Okay, who wants to say grace?

Hey, I got all day.

Come on, Dracula.

Sucker veins dry.

Watch some shots for your theater.

Get back to your room.

Come on, Luann. It's late.

It's 8 .30.

Get going.

Luann, I don't think you know who you're dealing with here.

I'm Wesley T. Owens, and I can be a lot scarier than Dracula.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Fine.

Go ahead. Watch anything you want.

That's more like it.

And in the morning, I will tell your parents about that secret Swiss bank

account of yours.

How'd you know about that?

Maybe you don't know who you're dealing with.

Okay, okay, I'm going, I'm going.

Good evening.

It was till you arrived.

Aye, it's awfully quiet.

Have you killed everyone?

No. I worked them, fed them, and put them to bed.

Oh, come now.

You expect me to believe that after one day you've managed to control this

family? Impossible.

And where do you think you're going?

I want to cook.

You've already brushed your teeth. Now get back to bed.

up that mess you made at the donut shop?

For your information, I was hiring your replacement.

Just one?

I did the work of three. Yes.

Larry, Moe, and Curly.

Kevin! Kevin!

You were supposed to be working.

I was taking a break.

The way you work, what's the difference?

Wait, look, for 75 cents an hour, I don't have to take abuse.

Customers will be pouring through that door any second.

Now, have you got the hang of that machine?

Yeah, no problem.

My first batch should be draining by now.

All right, let's have a look.

What's this?

To eat or to sit on?

You said you wanted a variety.

expected more of you, Kevin.

What about all that experience with Mr. Cluck?

That was night frying.

This is day frying. They're completely different.

I think the only thing that's fried is your brain.

Hey, will you lighten up? That was my first donut.

Later on, I got much better.

Oh, yes, much improved.

What do we do with that?

Well, we can put jelly in it.

It's easy. Look, you just take this, you stick it in the donut, and squeeze.

No problem.

Hey, I didn't want to waste the napkin.

Well, let's forget about the jelly filling.

What these donuts really need are some sprinkles.

Good idea.

But let's not forget the powdered sugar.

The whipped cream.

Or... the chocolate frosting.

You know, Kevin, you look much better than your doughnuts.

Very funny.

Good morning, officer.

Oh, hey, Mr. Belvedere.

Hello, Wesley.

What can I do for you? I'm very busy.

But there's nobody here.

Well, they're all in the bathroom.

He doesn't work here.

Why not?

Creative differences.

Oh. Can I have a donut?

Well, only one.

It's either going like...

Maybe

Spot could use this as a chew bone.

Wesley, if you come here to make my life miserable, you're succeeding.

Yeah, my life's pretty miserable, too, thanks to Luann.

Well... I suppose there's good in everyone.

Mr. Belvedere, why don't you just admit that this isn't working out for you and

hire Luanne back?

I will not admit defeat, especially not to her.

You always tell us to do the sensible thing.

Don't you think you should practice what you preach?

I will not be lectured to by a teenage psychopath.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some donut holes to glaze.

I'll take a dozen. Dad needs some new golf balls.

Okay, Luann.

I finished cleaning my room.

It's about time.

What are you eating?

Modern donut.

I'm just trying to keep up with my trade. Is that okay with you? Yeah, it's

fine. Good.

Now go sweep the patio.

Well, theoretically.

Isn't that why we're paying you?

Finish mowing the lawn.

Of course, first I had to shovel off the snow.

Did you trim the edges?

Oh, come on, Lou Anne. Don't make me work anymore.

Well, I'm going to mop. See ya. Hold it.

What's underneath that coat?

Huh? Come on. Let's see.

Ah. Just how are you supposed to sit down like a lady in something like that?

Mom. Oh, come on, Lou Anne. That's not so bad.

and it's in style now.

Let me go change.

Are you going to let her run our lives like this?

You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I wish Belvedere was back.

Me too.

Well, I just went to see him and he wants to come back, but he's too

admit it.

And I think Luann wants to go back to Donut World.

Well, maybe if we got her and Mr. Belvedere together, they could work

out. Or kill each other.

Either way, we win.

Maybe she'll just mellow out.

Deny in five minutes if you pass fingernail inspection.

Oh, nice of you to drop

by. It wasn't my idea.

They said they were taking me bowling.

They told me that once.

Then they dumped me in the country.

Too bad you found your way back.

I bet they wish they had me back now.

Oh, I'm doing the best I can. Oh, so am I. But these donuts just sit here

growing stale.

What am I doing wrong?

That's simple.

You're making them instead of eating them.

What? You lost your best customer.

Him.

Well, it was much more fun over that side of the counter.

And I'd rather fry donuts any time than to put up with those fools.

Why can't I make a donut?

Because you never learned how.

I did.

Donuts are my life.

Well, you'd think they'd be mine, too.

After all, you are what you eat.

Hi, there.

Why, hello, Mr. Randall. What brings you here?

I just came by to see how you both were doing.

Miserable.

Good.

I think someone would like to speak to you.

Oh, hi, Len.

Hi, Luanne.

Why, it's Ralph. I bet you didn't expect to see me again.

Uh, in case you were wondering, I'm still dead.

And this is my video will.

Video will?

That's right, Len, my video will.

And if my plan is working by now, you can't stand the sight of another donut.

Yes, you might say I've had my fill.

Yeah, right

I'll wait for you in the car.

Well, I suppose you might say we're partners.

Just so you understand, I'm the boss.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, can I make a kite?

Certainly, Wesley.

You see, I'm the boss in this house.

I bet I can make two with your boxer shorts.

what we do best.

Donut World is running like a well -oiled machine, and the Owens family is

which is as it should be.

I still drop by the shop every morning, and sometimes I even offer my advice,

which is when Luanne puts her foot down, usually on top of mine.

Deep down, though, I think she likes me.

Otherwise, why would she care enough to limit me to one donut per day?

Then again...