Original subtitles

What's going on?

I don't know what I thought I heard.

Anyway, what can I do for you?

My kitchen faucet is going drip, drip, drip.

Makes me want to wee -wee.

Probably just needs a new washer. Come on, let's take a look.

I haven't seen Mr. Belvedere around here lately.

He's such a hunk.

Yeah, well, I'll make sure I give him your best next time I see him.

What was that?

Probably the ghost of Mr. Feinblatt.

He died right over there.

He was mixing diapers and his necktie got caught in the blender.

Let's show a little maturity.

Let's not.

As you wish.

I love it when they get like this.

All right, pal, what's going on?

Mom's making me pick out some dumb elective at school to broaden my stupid

horizons. Well, at least you've got a good attitude.

Wes needs a class to take sixth period.

Well, what were you taking before?

Detention.

about wood shop?

That's what got me into detention.

Well, there's still a metal shop. I already took that. Yeah, remember?

He made a pass to the faculty lounge.

Hey, it wasn't my fault the principal was in there making out with the

lady.

Well, when you do find a class you want, just try to stay out of trouble.

Why don't you just ask him to fly?

on the china never matters or who cares when you drop kick the jacket

as you came through the door no one bled but sometimes things get turned around

and no one's fed all hands look out below

there's a change in the status quo gonna need all the help that you

can get

According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

Hello,

Mr. Belvedere.

My, you're bright and chipper this morning.

What have you done?

Morning. Morning.

Look at that.

I made it in print shop. That's the new class I signed up for.

How flattering.

Just remember, I prepare your food.

I think it's a great piece of work.

Hi, everyone.

Hi, Mr. Beer Belly.

of a piece of work.

Um, I'm gonna drive Heather to school this morning. Is she ready? She's

dressed, Angela. You can go on up if you want. Okay.

Hey, that's just like the one in your front yard.

Take it down, mister.

I guess that goes for the one at the post office, too.

Morning.

Hey, Kev.

You're here pretty early.

Uh, yeah, I sort of spent the night.

I'll come.

Well, my apartment's got roaches again.

Yeah, and the exterminator said that it might take months to get them out.

Is he spraying them or giving them career counseling?

Hey, uh, what's going on, pal?

Well, I've been hearing these noises, especially late at night.

What kind of noises?

Footsteps, murmuring, Wayne Newton singing Donka Shane.

Come on, Kev, you're not gonna let a... A few bumps in the night get you all

rattled, aren't you?

Well, Dad... Next thing you know, you'll be telling me you've got ghosts.

Yeah,

I guess it is.

Hey,

Dad, can you do me a favor?

Sure, pal, man. Could you come over and spend the night?

Come on, Kev.

Butch up.

stay up all night and give each other facials. Guess what? You get to mix the

mud.

Do you still have that couch bed?

to everything in this world.

Except Wesley.

Shall we play some gin?

Okay, sure.

You deal.

Did you hear that?

It sounded like a rumble. A low rumble.

I beg your pardon.

Hey, I'm fine.

Really.

Okay, so I'm a little edgy.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Cicchini. Come on in.

These are the picks in my kitchen faucet.

Oh, thank you.

Cutie buns.

Fine, thanks.

Miss Chikini brought over some cookies.

You like a little treat?

A cookie will suffice.

Uh, uh, Kevin?

Mm -hmm? My kitchen window is stuck.

Would you be a dear and fix it? Oh, no problem.

Uh, it'll just take a minute.

Yeah, pretty well, except I thought I heard something creaking, and I kept

seeing a light going on and off all night long.

I made several trips to the refrigerator.

I was a tad hungry.

The light bulb's missing.

It burnt out.

So, how was your night? Anything strange to report?

Other than Mrs. Cicchini doing the hula.

No.

It figures.

The night you're here, nothing happens.

Kevin, sometimes the mind plays tricks on us.

Hey, look, I didn't just imagine all this stuff. It happened. It really,

absolutely happened.

Kevin, don't worry.

Be happy.

Where are you going?

Back to your family.

Now that's real terror.

Monster's under your bed?

No.

But I had a nightmare about this big thing that invaded my house and wouldn't

leave.

Morning. Morning, Mrs. Owens. I'll have breakfast in five minutes. Oh, no, no

time. I've got an early deposition.

George, could you give me $20?

What happened to the $20 I gave you yesterday?

Lunch, parking, and a peppermint patty.

You know, I bet you've hit me up for two, three hundred bucks this month.

George, what difference does it make? It's our money.

Well, then how come you get it all?

I'm a lawyer.

My turn.

Good morning, Mr. Belvedere. Good morning, Leslie.

Oh, look what I found. It's your green card. Oh, thank you. I must have dropped

it somewhere.

Wait a minute.

This isn't my green card. This is a cheap forgery.

Huh?

I come from the United Kingdom, not the Kingdome.

What's going on?

Well, print shop was boring yesterday.

I needed a challenge.

Well, you couldn't have known that during the war I was in intelligence and

specialty was spotting German forgeries.

Really? I thought it would have been spotting German chocolate cake.

Listen, you little twerp. The point is, you could never have fooled...

BDI Belvedere.

Never say never.

They're back.

Who's back, Kevin?

Oh, in my apartment. These noises.

Weird sounds.

A medley of show tunes by Al Jolson.

Oh, Kevin.

You think I'm crazy, don't you?

You all think I'm crazy.

I don't.

There now, don't you feel better?

to me like you've got a poltergeist.

You know, a spirit caught between this world and the astral plane.

It's that astral turf.

Yeah, well, I don't care what it is. I'm never going back to my apartment.

But that's silly.

All you have to do is ask it nicely to leave.

I'd be happy to talk to it for you.

You? Kevin.

Just because she doesn't make sense to the living.

Let's have a seance.

We could sit in the dark around a Ouija board.

and find out if that guy in Chem Lab has the hots for me. Yeah, that'd be neat.

You're coming, aren't you, Mr. Bobbermouth?

Somehow, it all seems a little bizarre to me. Yeah, me too.

I'm moving back here, where life has order, and Mr. Belvedere cooks and does

laundry, and helps me research my term papers.

Which, by the way, are both due next week.

I'll be there at eight.

Let go of that cookie, you little rat!

Wesley, you better go and feed your dog.

For some reason, he seems rather testy.

Okay.

Hmm. What's this 50?

Oh, Dad told me to give it to you. He said it's part of your back pay.

How kind of him.

And how nice of the government to print money with my picture on it.

How could you tell? I gave you a beard. You look just like Ulysses S. Grant.

Only older.

Wesley, this is not the same as hiding Heather's underwear.

Counterfeiting is a felony.

So? So, do you have any more of these?

Just a few hundred in case I need to bribe the hall monitor.

Well, I want you to promise me that you'll burn all these and never print

more.

Okay, okay, lighten up.

Hey, you're pretty upset about this. You must think those are good, huh?

Oh, you flatter yourself.

Only a moron would be fooled by that money.

Some guy's here with a large pizza.

All right, come back, you twerp.

That's my pie.

Thanks, Marsh.

Hey,

Belvedere.

Stop eating.

Yep.

You've already got one of this?

Not this year's model. It's red.

Look at this.

It's one of those radios for the shower.

Oh, good. Maybe it'll drown out your yodeling.

Hi. What's all this?

I bought it with that 300 bucks you left me.

George, I didn't leave you any money.

Yeah, it was right there on the counter.

You mean the 50s?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ursula Wesley's.

Well, where do you get that kind of cash?

He made it.

In print shop.

You mean I spent counterfeit money all over town?

Wait till I get my hands on that kid.

George, first you'd better get the money back, then deal with Wesley. I guess

you're right.

Come on, Belvedere, give me a hand.

I want to return it. Oh, what seems to be the problem?

So there you are.

I really don't appreciate your deserting me like this.

I told you I was coming in here. Just once.

Just once. I wish you would give me an ounce of consideration.

Just once.

Yes, but I assume the problem is the size.

Why? Well, we've just opened a fat and sassy section.

That is a fact.

Uh, here's, uh, five tens.

Just give me back that 50 I paid you with.

You see, it's sort of got sentimental value. Yes, his son gave it to him.

He's going to be in the hospital very soon.

I'm awfully sorry.

You see, today's receipts have already been locked up in here.

Oh, but do feel free to browse.

Did you hear that, Belvedere?

That phony 50's going to the bank. If we don't get it back, Wes could go to

jail. Really?

Let's go and help him back.

Come on, guy.

What are we going to do?

Well, actually, I have picked a lock or two in my day.

So I'll get the 50 and replace it with these. But you've got to distract him.

Distract him?

Distract him how?

I don't know, but I'm sure he'll think of something.

Yes, thank you for calling.

Is that for your

wife?

Maybe.

How does it look?

Stunning.

Well, do you think it would go with something like this? Well, that all

What's the occasion?

It's for my bowling team.

Um, we're thinking of getting new uniforms.

On second thought, I don't think it'll go with the shoes.

Hey, everybody.

Where have you been?

I stayed after school. I'm working on a new project at a print shop.

What? You're printing T -bills now?

Your father took that money you left on the counter and spent it all over town.

If he hadn't gotten it back, he'd be in jail now.

Really?

Boy, I am good.

Hey, you don't know what I've been through.

You didn't have to wear a big red brassiere.

You were wearing it wrong.

It was Belvedere's idea. What?

Don't worry, it wasn't my size.

Anyway, you're the one who's in trouble.

I'm sorry, it won't happen again.

Oh, and I wasn't staying after school. I was out buying you something for your

anniversary.

Tickets to a chorus line?

Well, Wes, that's sweet.

Are you sure you didn't make these in print shop, too?

Here's the receipt.

Oh.

Thanks, pal.

You're welcome. Can I go wash up?

These tickets set him back 50 bucks.

You know, Kevin, for a proper seance, we really should have the lights off.

Not a chance.

I'm tired of waiting for Mr. Belvedere. Why don't we just start the seance

without him? We can't. We need four people.

Well, I hope that's him and not Jack the Ripper.

Hello, everyone. I'm sorry I'm late.

What were you?

Watching your father try on lingerie.

Well, take off your coat and pull up a chair, Mr. Babaloo.

Spirits are about to arrive.

I hope they bring a ham. I missed dinner.

Now, we all join hands.

And we close our eyes.

Now, I'm going to speak to the presence in this room and tell it to leave.

What if it won't go?

Then it'll have to pay half the rent.

One more thing.

Don't be surprised if it starts talking through one of us.

Hey, wait a minute. I'm getting scared.

I mean, what if this thing picks me and my head starts spinning around and I

throw up? And I break out in a hideous welt and I levitate and get flung out

window? I hate it when I throw up.

Just relax.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

You finally heard it. You finally heard it, and that means

I'm not crazy.

I'm not crazy.

All right!

I said, you're out. I'm going, I'm going.

Come on, stop it. This place is spooked. Just a moment, Kevin.

There's something odd going on here. That's what I've been trying to tell

Apparently, our spirit is a little out of shape.

Gives you goosebumps, doesn't it?

You know, I don't get it. I fix your faucets, I take out your trash, I even

filled up your water bed.

Want to try it out, Lynn?

Actually, I'd rather know why you're trying to scare Kevin out of his

Because I want it.

But your place is twice the size of mine.

Yes, but your bedroom has a better view.

What view? You look across the alley to the health club and the men's shower

room. Hubba hubba!

Look, Mrs. Chikini, I'm sorry, but I'm staying where I am.

Nice try, though.

Thanks. I know I've acted foolishly, but I'm old.

So, live with it.

Well, now that we've found our ghost, shall we?

Yeah, we'll see you later, Mrs. Chikini.

Oh, Len.

Yes?

Oops, I dropped my horn.

Would you mind... Only because it's you.

Wesley has returned to Print Shop and embarked on some

new and refreshingly mundane projects.

Although I hope I won't be here long enough to use 10 ,000 address labels.

Speaking of mundane, Kevin's life has returned to normal.

after the haunting by Mrs. Cicchini.

Although he tells me she comes over every day to check out the view.

Well, whatever makes you happy.