Original subtitles

Come on, Marsh. We've got to get to Lumberama.

What's the rush?

They're having a sale on garden weasels.

We don't need a garden weasel.

Well, we don't need Belvedere, but we got him.

Oh, hey, Kev. Hi, Dad. Hi, Mom.

What's the matter?

My car.

I turned on the heater and the transmission fell out.

Is it under warranty?

No, it's under an overpass on Fifth Street.

Here comes the squeeze.

Look, all I need is a little advance to buy some wheels. I'll pay you back, I

promise. Sorry, buddy. You're going to have to work this one out yourself.

Hey, can we give you a lift anywhere?

No, that's okay.

I'll just stand out in the cold and hitch.

Make sure you wear gloves.

Hi, Mr. Owens. Hey, Carl.

Mrs. Owens.

Hi, Carl.

What's the matter with you?

My car bit the dust. Now I can say goodbye to my social life. Why not?

Everyone else has.

Very funny.

You're still working at your uncle's used car lot, right? Sure.

Well, listen, I've got about 400 bucks stashed for an emergency.

What kind of car do you think I could get for that?

Does the word talka mean anything to you?

Look, Kev, if you're serious, I think I can help you out.

How? Well, my uncle's always looking for new salesmen.

Me? Sell used cars?

Yeah, it's a great way to make some cash. And the top salesman gets to drive

best car on the lot.

Really? Yeah, how do you think I got my matador?

There.

Heather, I have to challenge you.

There is no such word as bimbet.

For Mrs.

Lynn Belvedere?

It's Mr.

It's my turn, I believe.

Well, what does it say, Mr. Belvedere? Nothing important.

Well, then why would they send a telegram? Yeah, nobody sends a telegram

it's important.

Yeah. Listen, you little snoops. If I say it's not important, it's not.

Yeah, he's probably right. If they really wanted to get his attention, they

would have sent a candy gram.

Sometimes things get turned around and no one's fed.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that you can get.

According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival.

We just might live a good life yet.

Well, this is it.

Pretty snazzy, huh?

Yeah, dazzling.

I'll introduce you to my uncle.

Uncle Phil?

Yeah, what is it, Kent? This is my friend Kent that I was telling you

Kevin Owens.

You ever sell anything before?

Well, I sold greeting cards once. I was trying to win a new sled.

Just remember, the key to this business is honesty.

Fake that and you'll do fine.

What? Look.

Follow Carl around for a couple of days. He'll show you the ropes.

All right, thanks.

All right.

See you guys later. I, uh, got some odometers to turn back.

Gotcha.

Hey, Belvedere, this is great cake.

What's your secret?

I bought this at a bakery.

Hi, everybody.

Hi. So have you solved your car problem?

Well, sort of. I got a job.

Oh, yeah? What kind of job?

Well, I'm in sales.

Really? What are you selling?

I'm involved with previously on transportation.

You're selling used cars?

Yeah, but I can't help feeling kind of shady.

Oh, come now, Kevin.

Some used cars salesman may be unsavory, but they perform a very good function.

What's that?

They make lawyers look good.

Jacob,

I don't see your... problem. There's nothing wrong with selling used cars.

It's the way Friendly Phil wants me to sell them.

Well, Kevin, we've tried to raise you with certain values, but you're an adult

now, so you have to make your own moral and ethical choices.

The pay is good. Well, then go for it.

Would you inform her? I consider that there's no greater honor than to serve

queen, but...

No, no, no, no. I'm not interested in a career as a high fashion model.

Call Guinness. That was the world's wrongest number.

Very amusing, Wesley.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be in my room.

Doing what?

Hiding from you.

Something funny's happening around here.

Yeah, got any hunches?

planning some incredibly romantic rendezvous with some dark, mysterious

do something really passionate and disgusting.

Nah.

The guy down the street said he could beat your prices, so why shouldn't I buy

from him?

This is a good car.

The odometer has 185 ,000 miles on it.

But that just shows how reliable this car is. I mean, the previous owner

used it a lot.

Yeah, right.

Uh, did you blow another sale?

He might come back.

Yeah, and Lee Iacocca might come work here.

But, Kemp, I'm going to give you a freebie.

That's Mrs. Bauman over there.

She's got a purse full of insurance money she wants to buy today, and she

this lot because Phil was her late husband's cousin's brother's nickname.

Now go get her, animal.

Hi,

Mrs. Bowman.

Listen, I'm sorry to hear about that dead husband of yours.

So, what are you in the market for today? I need a nice, safe car I can

church. Certainly.

Well, how about something like this?

Easy to handle and safe as a baby's crib.

I'll take it.

You will?

I mean, that's great.

By the way, does the radio work?

Uh, no.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Well, what I mean is the radio did work at one time, but sometimes it works

better than others.

Oh, phooey.

It's just that my favorite religious program is coming on, and I wanted to

listen to it.

Well, I'll tell you what. I'll draw... up the paperwork, and you can listen to

your radio program from my office.

Oh, I don't know. It's such a nice day out.

How about that cute red one over there? Does its radio work?

You mean the Corvette?

Is that what it's called?

Yeah, sure.

Listen, I'll go unlock it for you. Oh, no need. You are a very sweet boy.

And I didn't have to lie or cheat or...

Steal?

People stink.

Did you take the bus home?

Going into big lesson today, never give a sucker an even break.

Who was a sucker?

Me. An old lady just ripped me off.

And she really turned my head around. From now on...

and nobody walks.

The kid learns fast.

Hey, look what came for Mr.

Belvedere. Yeah, all his favorites.

English toffees, English chocolates, Froot Loops. I wonder who sent it.

Maybe his dentist needed the business.

Hey, Belvedere.

What is it, George?

Look what you got.

Oh, how nice.

I ordered for myself.

My dear Lynn.

Honestly.

I cook for you, I wash your clothes, and I solve all your idiotic little

problems.

The least you can do is to respect my privacy.

Where are you going?

Why don't you hire a detective?

Ooh, I bet it's from that woman.

She probably figures the way to his heart is through his stomach.

the long way.

You know, he's right.

He's entitled to his privacy and we should give it to him.

I don't think she meant us.

Leslie, I'm really nervous. Mr. Belvedere could come back any minute. He

be coming upstairs right now.

Nah, everything on the walls would be rattling.

And a bag of Oreo crumbs.

Hey, check this out.

It's from the Queen.

What's it say?

They want him back at Buckingham Palace right away.

letter from the Queen of England out in the trash.

Me neither.

Well, what are we going to do if Mr. Belvedere goes back to England?

Sob it.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Well, we can't just let him go away and leave us.

But you know how much he loves the royal family. If they want him back, he'll

probably go.

No, he won't. He likes us better.

I haven't smelled clothing like this.

since I spent eight days in a trench at Anzio.

You know, if Mr. Belvedere wants to leave, we shouldn't stand in his way.

But we're still a bunch of screw -ups. He can't leave. He just isn't done with

us yet.

He'll probably be here for years and years and years.

Oh, boy.

Unless we show him that we can handle everything around here ourselves.

We owe that to him.

Mom's right.

If you love something, let it go free. If it returns, it's yours.

And if it doesn't, it never was.

Who said that?

The guy who invented boomerangs.

Oh, I'm sorry about snapping just now and for leaving so abruptly last night.

Hey, it's no problem, big guy. You can leave abruptly any time you want.

I'll get breakfast.

No.

I'll be down.

Hi, there.

I'm Kevin Owens.

Talk about it.

And I take it this handsome group of people is your family?

I'm looking for a car.

Well, we've got a lot full of them. It's just I've been out of work for a year,

but I'm finally going back to the plant next week, so I've got to have something

dependable. I hear you.

And I have to take our little girl to the hospital for allergy shots every

So we really need something reliable and safe.

How much did you want to spend?

I've only got $1 ,500 in the bank. How about this station wagon?

You mean the Dolmobile?

Hey, tell me. Come on, sport.

You sound like a guy with a high -powered job. You need something with a

more pizzazz. You know what I mean?

Tom Kabowski drives me because Tom Kabowski and his family are one hip

But it's got a skull on it.

And it's yours, free of charge.

I don't know.

Where would I get that kind of money?

Hey, now, that's what our no -questions -asked credit department is for.

What are your finance rates?

Uh -uh -uh.

No questions asked.

Honey, this doesn't look like it has enough room for Grandma's wheelchair.

That's because it's streamlined.

It's an optical illusion.

Hey, trust me. This car was made for the Kaboskis, or my name isn't Honest

Kevin Owens.

It is.

Hip. Well, okay.

Oh, there you go. If you say so. All right.

Listen, our credit manager will take care of everything right through that

and take a left.

Enjoy.

Hey, Owens, you're terrific.

Thanks. That's your fifth sale in three days. Yeah, you know, I'm finally

getting the hang of this.

Yeah. In fact, you remind me of, uh, me.

Hey, listen, Phil, I've been thinking about something. They say it pays to

advertise. Yeah?

What do you have in mind?

Something with dignity.

Something with class.

Pushed in a beard.

Carl looks like a dork.

Oh, there's Mr. Belvedere. Now, remember the plan. We don't need him.

Good afternoon, all.

I'll have lunch ready in a jiffy.

No need. I already made it.

I'll alert the health department.

Hey, you know something, big guy?

It was real tasty.

Oh.

Well, then I'll get to the dishes.

I already did them.

Hey, Mom, you know what would be fun?

Let's line the shelves. Oh, great idea.

Then afterwards we can alphabetize the spices.

Oh, there you are, Dad.

Ah, what's going on, pal?

I got a problem. Oh, don't worry about it. I'll take care of it. It's okay, big

guy. I'll handle this one.

Well, I was trying to break into the teacher's lounge, but my drill threw off

some sparks, the door caught on fire, set off the sprinklers, and flooded the

whole school.

Now, no one knows it was me. What should I do?

There's always had a caddy.

Well, you see, son, it's every person's duty to take responsibility for their

own actions. And if I teach you nothing else during this great merry -go -round

call life, it's, well, in the words of the wise man, a clear conscience is

able to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

If anybody needs me, I'll be in my room.

The Owens family has been motoring along like a finely tuned jaguar.

Has the impossible happened?

Can this family of rubes actually survive without me?

Have I outlived my usefulness here?

Mr. Belvedere?

He needs something.

Come in, Wesley. I'm at your service.

I made you some cookies.

White chocolate chip, your favorite.

How very thoughtful.

What's going on?

Oh, nothing, nothing at all. Well, good night.

Just a moment.

What about that flood you caused at school?

Oh, Dad straightened out the whole thing. You know, he's really a very wise

Hey, happy motoring. And remember, we don't make sales.

We make friends.

You big lug, get out of here.

Hey, Kevin, Kevin.

This fun sale's a great idea. We're moving cars like crazy.

You all set for your commercial?

All set.

Great. I better go check on Carl. Last time he slammed the trunk down on his

bunny tail.

Remember us?

Oh, yeah, yeah, my old friends, the, uh... Kaboskis.

Gesundheit.

I need to talk to you.

Oh, sure, you looking for a second car? Come. The car you sold me broke down

three times last week. It made me late for work.

My boss said if it happened again, I'd lose my job.

Well, try using a higher octane gas. The mechanic I took it to said the engine

was shot.

Hey, sounds like you need a new mechanic.

He said it was driven into the ground before we bought it.

But I told him I bought that car from honest Kevin Owen.

You would have told me if anything was wrong, right?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Thank goodness we bought from a man we can trust.

Hey, hey, come on, kid. You go on here in two minutes.

Hey, I'm a big fan of families.

Now, come on, kid. Forget about them. Shake it off.

Remember your adoring public.

Now, I want you to use all the charm you've got and shove it down their

You turned all my boxer shorts pink.

Well, at least you got clothes.

I've been wearing the same socks for three days. Hey, don't yell at me. I'm

your servant. Everybody stop yelling. All we have around here is fights

family there who's just as demented as you are.

And they'll even pay me.

Well, I don't like long goodbyes, so Godspeed.

But that letter said the Queen wanted you back.

What letter?

You know, the one in your desk.

What were you doing in my room?

Taking out the trash?

It's just we thought you wanted to go back to England, you know, to serve the

Queen and be a good royal subject and all that other British junk.

on you.

I never had any intention of going back to work at Buckingham Palace.

All that bowing is hell on my back.

Oh, Mr. Balvinier, then don't go to Altoona or anyplace else. Stay here with

I don't know what we'd do without you.

Oh, I could come up with a couple of ideas.

I don't think anybody wants to hear them, George.

Well, maybe I'll send them to those people in Altoona.

be right back these days everyone's going back to the future where people

looking at kevin's career as a used car salesman has come to an abrupt if

colorful end his choice of honesty over the almighty dollar was gratifying and

rather hilarious to behold now that the question of my leaving has been settled

the owens have gone back to taking me for granted i never thought i'd say this

but i I'd rather enjoy being treated like an old shoe.

I guess they get a kick out of me.